Topic : Is This Normal?

Thank you for a really refreshing out look
I like how you think.
and by reading what you said I now see that I have been overly stressed about sex.
you know no one said that to me up until now, and i guess you can't notice some stuff until some one takes you by the hand and points at that big picture
ahahhahahhaha
;)
I guess It can be more connected to my overly strict up bringing ( that thank god has change in my head) and the fear of trusting people.( since i started to live alone at 14)
But thanks for your very positive words...
and i will keep in mind what you said
;)
Take it as slow or as fast as you like one step at a time
;)
you know those words believe it or not I have not heard from anyone so far
ciao

Well, that is great:)

 

Good luck!

Is bdsm normal?

I don't really know where to start, but I just feel I am going a bit crazy lately and I would love to hear from anyone who can relate.  I love my husband to pieces in every way, but I am not sexually attracted to him.  Even from the beginning it was never a real lust thing, I got together with him because we were such great friends and shared the same sense of humour.  He is such a great husband, he looks after me, is good to our son... i really can not complain about anything.  and that's why it kills me that i just don't find him sexually attractive.  I find myself making excuses to not have sex lately.  We do have other problems, like he has erection difficulties sometimes.  The thing is, I want sex.  I am turned on at the thought of doing it with other men that I find attractive just not my husband and it's really starting to make me feel awful.  I don't want to hurt him, but our sex is just not really that good, I never know if it's going to end in him losing his erection.  It's hard for him and I want to be supportive but after 6 years I just want to have good, uncomplicated sex that turns me on.  Is there anyone else in the same boat?  Is it something that I'm doing wrong??  Sometimes I wonder if it's because we ARE such good friends.  I feel sometimes like I'm going to bed with someone I know too well at times.

Would love some advice!!!!

You're not alone.  I have been married for over 20 years and have avoided any kind of sexual intimacy my whole marriage.  It's become almost like an aversion.  I can't even stand the thought of kissing him.  We have sex periodically--by that I mean once a year.  The entire time we are having sex I try to mentally remove myself from that act itself.  It's like trying to hang on until it's over.  Sex also feels shameful, humiliating, as we as disgusting.  The roommate life is pretty much what we have.  Separate bedrooms and everything.  I have to be honest at this point I would just prefer to live by myself, because there is no connection at all with my husband.  I have suggested divorce, however he says he took our vows seriously and marriage is forever.

At least you have a connection outside of sex.  I would certainly channel those happy moments and work toward intimacy----it doesn't have to be physical at first---just make an emotional connection.

Trust me, this is no way to live in a marriage.  It drains joy from everything after awhile.  Obviously my relationship history provides no credibility in my recommendation to seek professional help.  However, if nothing else it can be a revealing snapshot which reveals how you truly don't want to live the rest of your life.  

I hope for better things in your future.

I was married for almost 20 years but we never consumated our marriage.....he had problems but never wanted to see anyone to overcome them.  i have one child through IVF and others adopted.  I married a virgin and still am.  Now that i am divorced i am petrified of finding someone and not being able to make love with him.  DOn't know where to turn, no one knows about my problem.

 

please, can anyone help?

Hi tnt1964, first of all: Congratulations on getting divorced! Some people might choose to live this way, but most don't, I'm glad you realized that it was not healthy for you to live this way. I wouldn't worry so much about the fact that you've never made love before. The more you worry, the more it will create a problem where there isn't one. Youre perfectly fine and normal, the only thing is that you haven't made love yet! no big deal!. You will find the right man, and when you do you'll know it, because he'll make you feel safe and loved. No one needs to know about this, because it's not anyone else's business, you will of course have to tell your future love when you meet him so that he understands you are a little anxious.  I wouldn't wait until youre in the bedroom either! You need to make sure this person is someone you can confide in well before the 'bedroom part'. 

 

So no, you don't have anything to worry about, and worrying will only make a problem where there isn't one. I hope this helps

     

Hi iluvtochat, after reading your post, I felt I needed to respond, I hope this helps.

 

First of all, you need to be honest and discuss this with him, the fact that he has trouble getting erections sometimes, proves that he's already knows what you are feeling. He's in tune with how you feel about him, don't think that he isn't . The best thing you can do to begin with is to open up and have a chat with him about how you feel,  you have a super advantage of being best friends, use it, but don't just go and say "I'm just not attracted to you that way", most men would be really upset if you said it that way, have a really good think about what is happening, take a few days to think about it if you have to , write things down, make a plan so that when you aproach him, youre prepared to encourage him to join into the conversation, not chase him away. Say something more like " I need to chat with you about something that I know is bothering both of us, I want to try and make it better, it's about how we make love.." I'm sure if you both helped each other out to make things a little more exciting in the bedroom, you'd find it wouldn't be so bad. for example, you can make it fun!   dress up in a french maid outfit or something! tell you him have a little surprise for him and I don't mean get down and dirty, just be playful and have fun, tickle him, have a laugh, heck get the whipped cream out, be teenagers again, touching is such a huge thing when you are both close, so don't forget to touch and kiss him - everywhere!.   Its true for most of us that when we get into the marriage rut, we forget to have fun, there are so many responsibilities in life it's easy to forget that the smallest things like touch, holding hands, a kiss or a hug can bring us closer and make a huge difference in how we feel about each other.  I think you'll find if you aren't so serious about it and stop thinking of it as a chore,  and play with it a little more you'll forget about the fact that you don't think you find him attractive, don't forget he's just as conscious about it as you are and that affects the way he is towards you when you make love.

    

 

now as some of you know i am 28 and a virgin!

I really could careless for being a virgin I had many issuses that kept pushing me away from sex!

mainly fear of intimacy and fear of trusthing people and I

Don't like to be touched cause when i was a child my mom use to beat me with a belt when ever i did something wrong! I mena there were days when i was really black and blue!!!

mainly i met this guy so i want to have sex with him but there is a but !

1. he probably doesn't know i'm a virgin!

2. he said no strings I'm fine with that

3 I love how he touches my body it never felt more natural and good !!! men have touched me but i have always refused their touch cause I didn't like it!

4. he sexually turns me on like no one before. :)

 

now the problem is I really want to have sex with him but he is very sexually agressive, I have told him that and he has calmed down a bit! I am also to a point worried how is he going to react when i tell him i'm a virgin I mean I really hope he won't be running for the hills! I have had men leave men when i told them this!

He has called me a tease and I really am not teasing him! I told him i'm not teasing you at all! I really don't feel like teasing someone if i ain't doing anythign about it!

How do i tell the man i'm a virgin!

just blur it out ?

is there an approch ?!

I mean i'm going to tell him the next time i see him i just need to know is there a way to say something like that with out maybe scaring the guy away?!

IS there a sensative approch

knowing me I just blur things out and hope for the best!

;)

 

I have been talking to this guy online for 3yrs now and he will be moving down by me to go to school. The things that we chat about 99.9% of the time is anything that has to do with sex, what he likes for example: me in thongs, what he wants me to do example: a threesome. . The other things that i dont know how to explain are that now and then he whines and complains if i dont do what he wants sexually while we are chatting online messenger.

 

He has gotten mad at me for things just cause i didnt wanna do what he wanted, months ago of this year he has told me that he wanted me to wear a thong everyday except for when i have my monthly thing. If he caught me wearing any panty that isn't a thong he was goin to cut up all my regular panties and throw them in the trash, now i brought it up again like weeks or so afterwards to him he ended up dissing it like he was only joking about it. He has told me wanted me to sleep naked everynight,  wear a thong when im told to call him on his cell to ask him if i can wear pj's to bed or wear regular panties instead of a thong which i never did and when he has asked about it i just lied. If he found otherwise i have to face the consequences like smacking me on my ass, pinching and smacking my breasts this went on for a couple of weeks to a month then just of of blue he stopped the behavior. It has been months since he acted like that and just the other day he acted so excited just cause i was wearing boyshorts, but always before he acted like take those off right now and put on a thong.

He has even asked me about if i would or told me that he want me to flash myself in public, wear a miniskirt without any panties in public, has said in past that he would like to wear womens lingerie

 

He doesnt like to be asked alot of questions about non-sex questions and if i do ask questions that dont have anything to do with sex he gives short answers and doesnt seem interested in talking about anything else inless its related to sex except when he's in a bad mood or i have made him mad and or upset like in the past. We have argued or had disaggrements he has stopped talking to me for like a week cause he said i made him mad. One time he were talking on messenger he replied to something i said or I asked him a question well I didnt understand what his reply was at first cause he misspelled a word so i asked him to repeat it and it made him mad, but before that all started he was fine. So far he has called me a bitch once which was unneccessary and over something that i thought was stupid to get mad over. He calls me his slut which i dont particularly like, but i ignore it. He has also buzzed me on messenger lots of time, but this one time he buzzed to get my attention whell i told him to stop and continued to buzz me each time i told him to stop which probaly like 3-5 times. I asked him why you doing that for and his reply was i dont like being told what to do. He goes back and forth with things like there be a time he say doesnt like something then sometime later he will say was only joking just to see what i say. He will get mad about certain things then i ask him about it later and he will be ok not acting mad at all.

 

I am sure there is more, but i cant remember it all. We have never met yet though he is a young guy of 23 has had a g/f that was an on and off relationship that i know didnt go well at all. They finally stopped dating cause she didnt wanna be with him again.

 

thanks, i hope i get some replies cause he's moving in like 3weeks