I met my partner online, he was everything I was looking for in a man, the first time we met after talking online and on the phone for about 1 year, we were smitten with each other. Got along great sexually. His wife had left for another man 2 years before and he told me he had been with 2 women sexually since that time. Not long term, just fleeting. We travelled back and forth (2 hours by plane) between his state and mine for 3-4 days at a time, usually every month. After 6 months of this we decided we wanted to live together. He asked me to move to his state cause it woud be easier for me to get a job there than him to get one in my state. That was true and so I relocated, left my 2 adult (married) children, 4 grandchildren and my extended family and moved here. I got a great job almost immediately. We had decided to stay in his family home because it was big and close to the city where we both work. (He had also offered to sell it and get a brand new house together). He said we could change it anyway I liked to make it ours, so we totally renovated, bought new furniture etc and I was happy with that. He had nice friends that became mine too.
However, after a couple of months I was looking thru his computer and found an email account he and his wife had, the address was something like "couples4fun" and I called him on it, he admitted he and his wife were into swinging with other couples and the friends of his that were now mine, were involved in it as well. I went absolutely ballistic and threatened to move back to my home state, I felt betrayed and made a fool of because we socialised with these other people and they all knew about the past. He assured me it was all over long before his wife left, and his friends assured me of the same. However, I couldn't accept them anymore, particularly the women cause he had slept with them and they became my friends and never told me what had gone on, I felt deceived by them and persuaded to move here under false pretences. We gradually saw them less and less and he told them all that I wasn't comfortable with them anymore and no longer wished to see them and he wouldn't either as his commitment was to me not them. They weren't happy, but agreed that for our relationship to work, it was best for us.
Some months went by and I was seeing a counsellor to deal with this problem and my feeling of mistrust of him because he hadn't told me up front. He said if he had told me about it from the start, I never would have moved here and he would have lost me. He was right, I would have ended it immediately.
I've since found out (from his computer) that even after his wife left, he was involved in threesomes with these other people, in this house ..... the house that we have renovated beautifully. He offered to get rid of any furniture of his that we still had and I agreed, it all went and we chose together and bought all new stuff, beds, sofas etc, so there is no trace from his previous life here, its all just us, starting over brand new.
The problem is that because he lied to me, I just don't feel that I can trust him, I question everywhere he goes, what he does etc. Because he met a lot of these people in the course of his working days, he's a sales manager, I question him on where he goes thru the day, who he sees etc. He says this hurts him as he hasn't done anything wrong since I've moved here and it hurts that I don't trust him. I believe that he is totally faithful and truthful to me now and for the most part we are truly happy, but I can't forget his past and how I was lied to. I go home to see my kids every 6-8 weeks, sometimes he comes with me, and they love him, but when I go alone, I worry that he will cheat on me and I check on him all the time. He says this is ruining our happiness and I should put the past behind us as he did nothing to betray ME, it was a mutual thing that he and his wife did and it was all over by the time I came here, but he lied to me so easily before. His friends told me they urged him to tell me before I came but he was scared of losing me and that I wouldn't come here.
I truly love him and I know he loves me, he's attentive, loving considerate and devoted to me, I know that, and he's never given me any cause to suspect him of anything wrong, he never goes out at nights or weekends without me unless it to football games with male friends (friends that he's made thru my workplace). We have totally new friends now and they're all happy and normal married couples.
I just can't get the past out of my mind tho, the thought of what they did disgusts me and abhorrs me, I don't know how he can say he loved his wife and yet watch her have sex with other men while he had sex with their wives, that tells me they have no respect for themselves, each other or their relationships, so how can they profess to love each other ? I know I probably sound naive, but to me, true love is a relationship with 2 people, not a crowd. We have a great innovative sex life and we work at it to keep it fresh and spontaneous, every part of our lives is great, good jobs, great independent kids, lovely house and an affectionate and loving relationship, we laugh a lot and are totally comfortable with each other and our lives. Except for the nagging doubts that are always in my mind, am I enough for him ? will he look for more excitng situations like he had in tha past ?
I'd be really interested to hear what other people think as there's no-one I can talk to here, I'm too ashamed to reveal this to my friends or my family, they'd be horrified.
