Topic : Is This Normal?

Im torn,I love him but I dont think he loves me.

I have been married for 7 years and 5 months. We have 2 children, 6 and 5.

We met in Cali and he moved me out to the East coast (where he grew up) 3 years ago. Since being here he has pulled away from me this last year was one of the worst years with him. I am a stay at home wife/mother when he comes home from work the food is ready we eat and he spills out everything about his co-workers/freinds. He doesnt ask how my day was or anything. I have to stand infront of him and jump up and down just to get his attention.

 

When I speak to him his answers are very short or one word. Sometimes he does not even answer he just gives me a smerk, not to mention I have caught him in so many little lies. After we eat he goes to the computer and stays there until he goes to bed. I hold it all in till I can't take anymore. Yes I tell him how his actions make me feel and ask what can I do to help "us" Can we spend time together, go on a vacation together. He does not do or say anything. I have asked him to set up an apt for us to speak with someone and he doesnt.

He gets up-set that we dont have sex.

I DON"T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE THAT TREATS ME LIKE THIS!.

When ever we have a "talk" we have sex because I think ok this is all going to change, but it doesnt it all stays the same.  When we have sex he doesnt do anything, No kissing, holding 4play nothing, he just sticks it in and goes, It is so nasty.... I feel he is doing this all to make me leave. He was NOT like this before he was kind,caring,thoughtful. He leaves on business trips alot, I think he could be cheating on me.

He is not the man I married, we both have changed but I still love him, I love him for who he was,What a great father he is, I couldnt ask for a better father for my children. he's a great provider. Maybe he is just staying with me till the kids are old enough? Weused to be so happy, He would go out of his way to make me feel loved. Send me e-mails, cards, flowers. For my 21 birthday he got up before work to make me 21 cupcakes each one had a letter that  spelt out happy birthday with my nickname. We have now come to he forgot our aniv. When I ask him why doesnt he do all those sweet things anymore or can he send me flowers every once in awhile to show me that he thinks of me, he tells me that it would not be true, He see's no reason to go out of his way to make me feel loved. Why do I want to change him? I say you used to do it, he never responds.

I have lost all confidents in myself. He says his hes not responsable for making me feel secure, confident, attractive. He is right to a point, but I feel a partner helps alot in that area. I dont want approval from anyone but him, I want him to say I look beautiful again and mean it. So now while looking at the computer screen he says your looking beautiful or hot today. He doesnt look at me while saying it, Ill be wearing my pJ's something that makes you stop and say what! Are you insulting me? Im 29 5'3 107pounds. I take care of my self. I dont know what to do? I feel he does not love me....Help!

I don't have a clear cut answer for you I'm sorry. But I think he is responsible for making you feel loved etc. If he is cold you feel cold, if he gives warmth you will be warm. But still try not to let your selfworth suffer from it I'm sure you are a good person.

 

But I want to ask does all his behaviour seem negative not only towards you but also about work his outlook on life etc...?  Is he tired a lot? did he gain or loose weight considderebly since last year? (I'm trying to rule out something here...)

I am about to turn 23, in a relationship with my 25 year old boyfriend who I have been with for over three years.  My issue is that he is only interested in hearing about my sexual experiences with other males.  I have to tell him stories about me having sex and what not with other guys to get him off.  This includes while we have sex, during handjobs and over the phone.  I don't understand this at all.  We fight constantly about it and he won't compromise with other methods of feeling sexually satisfied.  He constantly tells me to have sex with other people all the time and I don't find this to be normal.  We do not live together so we don't have regular sex, pretty much only on weekends and I'm to the point where I am not into it anymore because I dislike having to talk so much, especially about my past sexual experiences.  Why can't he be normal? Anyone with similar experiences? Any advice..please...

sounds like he might have a voyeur fetish or something... (he can only get off by (the idea of) watching someone else having sex.

 

Don't know if it would work or if you would feel better by it but maybe you could watch porn together or he should read erotic liturature before starting.

 

He might also considder visiting a sex therapist since it is beginning to hinder/hindering your relationship. If he is addicted there might be a way to desensitise him to this stimulation so he can have a normal sex life....

Thank you for your response. No he is a pretty happy guy about everything and everyone, very mild temper.

He loves work and all his co-workers (he treats them better than me) He is not depressed. He has lost weight (about 10 pounds) by choice. He has another trip  he's about to go on and he invited me a few weeks ago but now he seems irritated that I might go. Most of the time he will buy his ticket 2 days before the trip. The next trip is 2 weeks out and he wants my answer tonight. He says it will save us money.

I dont know, Im confused. Ill have to have another chat with him. I Pray that I get some answers, even if they are not what I want. Thanks again! -Jamie

 

 

 

I don't have a clear cut answer for you I'm sorry. But I think he is responsible for making you feel loved etc. If he is cold you feel cold, if he gives warmth you will be warm. But still try not to let your selfworth suffer from it I'm sure you are a good person.

 

But I want to ask does all his behaviour seem negative not only towards you but also about work his outlook on life etc...?  Is he tired a lot? did he gain or loose weight considderebly since last year? (I'm trying to rule out something here...)

     I would say you are definetly cheating.

     You may want to explain it you husband and ask him if he thinks you're cheating.

My fiance and i are getting married in July.  He has never had sex before, but I have.  We are currently sexually active, but using the pill and a condom to really help prevent an unwanted pregnancy.  He has said that we need to continue using a condom after getting married, even when i am going to continue to remain on the pill.  Does any one really feel this is necessary?  Any words of advice to explaining to him the purpose of a monogamous relationship, and how effective the pill is? 

Well it is not nessecary but if he is afraid for STD's due to a previous sexual relationship you can get tested.

 

The pill is, when correctly used, effective in 98% of the time I believe. But when you have been sick you need to be carefull and you can better use a condom to be safe. there are a lot of sites that provide information on this subject. here you can find factsheets: http://durex.com/cm/education.asp?intMenuOpen=10  and this dutch institution also has info on it (seccond hyperlink in the main frame) http://www.rutgersnissogroep.nl/rutgersnisso_groep/rng/digitaal/BrochuresPDF

 

I hope this will help you,

xx Oet Gäöl

Hey my ex of 15 yrs, use to ask me all kinds of questions to. But later He would hurt me with the information I provide. So when he would ask I 'd tell him lies. just to shut him up and if he used it against me I wouldn't get upset cause I know it's a lie and I didn't do anything wrong. There was a time when he asked something and I gave him an off the wall answer, he stopped right in the middle and couldn't finish. Then he blamed me for his frustration. I told him what did I do you asked a question, I answered. why is it my fault? He was just an ass. I found that out 15 years to late.

Hello

 

     It depends really on his reason for wanting to stick with the condom/pill combo. Maybe he is worried the pill wont work and just needs some education.  Before I got married I told my husband we were going to use both, but I found my attitude on it eventually changed once I understood the facts. Some men may also worry the heightened sensitivity may cause performance problems. That tends to work itself out pretty quick though. The key really is to find out what his issue is. It doesnt matter if its normal, it just matters you are both happy , healthy, and comfortable.