I think you are acting out on your pain in a lot of inappropriate ways, and it would not hurt for you to get back into counseling. We all deal with pain in different ways, and even though I don't understand the cutting thing, I know that is a way people of your generation does these things. Just because many of your age do these things, it doesn't make it a good thing or a right thing.
I too have a tattoo, ONE, and I got mine in a place that doesn't show, many years ago. What you need to realize is that you are going to be older one day, and may find you are not as happy with them as you now are. You are only seventeen, and way too young to be getting piercing and tattoos. I know that is not something you want to hear, but realize I was 17 once as well, and I thought I knew everything then. Many of the ways of my personality are still the way I was then, but as one grows, their ideas of what is important changes, and through life lessons, you will have different ideas of what is important and what is right.
I think you need to slow down. Many of the things you mention are self destructive. You right now are hurting and not knowing how to emotionally deal with the problems you are now facing. You don't mention what kind of problems you are having with your family, but try to listen to what I am about to tell you. You only have one family. Your friends will come and go over time, but your family will always be your family. The disagreements you are having with your family may be their lack of understanding of what you are going through, or their not understanding on how you are dealing/coping with the pain you are going through. They may be attempting to show their concerns, and not relating them to you in a way that you realize that they love you and are wanting the best for you. I don't know, but unless some kind of abuse from them is occurring, please try to mend the fences with your family. More than likely they will be there for you, when no one else will be.
I would think you are too young to be dating a person that is old enough to be a soldier, or police officer. I know you feel that this is the end of the world, but at your age, it is just the beginning. I know you think that you will never love someone to the degree that you have loved this man, but trust me, you are wrong. You have to look at the time you spent with this man, and the break up as a life lesson. This is only preparing you for greater things to come. There is going to be someone out there for you that will love you with the strength and intensity that you have loved this man, and you, whether you believe me or not, will love them back with such intensity that you will laugh at how you thought the love you feel for the man you just broke up with, was real. This is again, a life lesson preparing you for the next journey you are going to partake in, and this guy is only a part of your growing up and maturing. It is not the end, it is only the beginning.
You are going to be happy, but you have to stop focusing on the past and look towards the future. There really is someone out there for you, someone that will love you, and care for you, and will understand you more than you can imagine at this point, because of the pain you are going through. It will just take time. Healing is a process, and you will make it through this. You will become a stronger lady for it. There will come a time when this will seem trivial, but now it is impossible to realize. It is part of growing.
When I stop and think of my first love, and I do think of her with fondness now, I have to laugh to how much I thought my life without her would be meaningless. I now realize that she was merely a stepping stone in my life. She was like I said a life lesson preparing me for the next step in my emotional growing. When we broke up I was devastated, and I, like you, thought I would never love someone with the intensity of what we shared. I was wrong. I only thought I would never experience something like that, because at the time, I had never felt something stronger than that. Later I came to realize that there was greater things out there, women I would love more and stronger than she, but it was just that at that time, I had not experienced anything greater.
You too will find that. Realize that you are still a young lady, and have an entire life time to experience things greater than you can even imagine yet. Stop hurting yourself, there is an entire cruel world out there standing in line that would do that for you. You need to stand strong, firm, and grow and draw strength from your experience with this man. You need to stop focusing on how much this man hurt you, and begin loving you once again. You need to focus on how much you have to offer not only the next love of your life, and there may be many before you find the MR RIGHT, but each time that will be a learning experience making your stronger, better, and I am sure you have plenty to offer the world, not just a man.
You need to focus on what you can do to make you a better person. You need to focus on what you need to do to prepare yourself to face the cruel world, and what you need to do to prepare yourself to overcome the obstacles the world throws at you. You CAN be that strong lady, that in the midst of adversary, can overcome and like fire tempers steel, the fires of life that you will go through, will make you stronger, better, and you will on day become a prize that others will look up to.
I hope you will take time to digest what I am saying to you, and please don't become offended by some of the things I have said. I am not saying because of your age, you don't feel what you feel. What I am saying is that you have so much more to offer, and so much more to experience in life, that right now, it is difficult for you to see that, because age is a handicap ONLY because of experiences you will have in life, that will make you the wonder woman, you will one day become.
I hope this helps. Good luck, and feel free to post anytime. These boards are a great place to vent, and express the feelings that you are TRULY feeling right now. I am on your side, and I do believe in time, you will develop into a woman to be reckoned with.
