Topic : Is This Normal?

What Should I Do?

Okay first let me tell you all my story. Jan 13th of 2005 I was sitting in my high school class. Business Communications. My friend suggested in front of me to this football player, Josh who is my age that he should be my date for prom. He said no. The next day in the class he asks me to be his gf. I for some reason said yes. However, I thought a boyfriend was the last thing I needed. I had rape counseling, a court case (I was raped when 16), my dad battling cancer, and my church splitting all going on.  That weekend when Josh called, he could tell something was wrong. I told him everything that was going on and told him I hadn't had a boyfriend since before the rape. He understood. And I found out I was his first ever girlfriend.The relationship started out slow.  The more I got to know about him the more I started to care. He was there for me when I lost the court case. I quit going to my home church, First Baptist of Carlisle because they spilt and was fighting. I started going to Josh's church, Carlisle Assembly of God. My dad passed away Feb 13th at 3am. that was a sunday morning. I went to church with Josh that morning. But I called his mom before I left. When I walked in the church, Josh's mom was there waiting on me. SHe gave me a hug. Church was packed that day. But I found Josh and he hugged me and let me in the pew so I oculd sit beside him. He was there for me. Not only for that day but the days to come.  We loved each other more and more. Then 2 weeks after prom, I broke his trust. We had left prom 30 minutes early so we could do "fool around" is the nice way to put it before we had to be at the school for project prom. A week later I wrote a note to a friend telling her what had happened. When she threw it away, it landed on teh floor without us knowing. Josh's football couch found it, handed it to another couch who then gave it to Josh. I broke his trust and it was over a few days later. June 3rd I had a horriable car wreck. Flipped my car three times. They released me from the hosptal that night because thanks to God, I wasn't injured as bad as I should have been. Josh came over with his parents. Then he called later on. He told me he still loved me and forgave me. Since then we have been close friends. But both of us don't date or "talk/flirt" with anyone but each other.  If you saw us together and didn't know we were just friends, you would think we are a couple. We go to movies when I am home from college, when I am at college we talk on the phone, and we well we have a personal life together too. He told me the other night that he is falling in love with me. He basically told me he is waiting until the right timing for us to get back together again.    

The thing is my mom and friends want me to be with someone who has money and is going to be in the ministry. Since I am going to bible college to become a youth leader and youth counselor. Also they don't understand why I don't move on from Josh. I have no desire to date anyone but Josh. I am also afarid even if I did date, then I wouldn't be able to let Josh go and just end up cheating on the guy with Josh.  What do you think I should do? What do you think of this?  

Is anyone out there married and bisexual?  I have always been attracted to women, but I have always had very meaningful relationships with men, so I truly do believe I'm bisexual and not a "closet gay".  I do not want to live a gay lifestyle because it truly is a lifestyle and I do not want to grow old with a woman.  Sometimes I'm scared that one day I'll leave my husband for a woman and I just want reassurance from someone out there that they know what I'm going through.  I love my husband and I don't ever want to leave him for anyone! He knows I'm bi and accepts it and fully understands and would even allow me to have sex with another woman.  Is it possible, if you are bisexual to be married and not have sex with another woman ever again?  Thanks so much.

 I am :)

I realised about 4 years ago that I was attracted to some women, aswell as some men. By then I was already married. I am fortunate that my husband has a very open mind about sexuality, and has no issues if I should have sex with a woman. I am not sure if I could go through life without being with a woman again.

Does anyone else have problems with their husbands insisting on having anal sex when you tell him it hurts and not to do it..He does it about every 3 to 6 months and I begg him to stop before he even gets in the backdoor but he says he is just teasing me...I don't like him teasing me on my anus I want him to stop but he keeps doing it and has kept doing it so long my but has scars inside hemoriods, constipation, it physically makes me sick at my stomach and ill and hurt all over, I hate it. How can I make him stop and how can I trust that he will. He did it when my tailbone got broken in 1997 and he did it so long and so often the bone got pushed out to a 90 degree angle and had to be surgically removed...my scar still hurts so much I have problems day to day every day sitting at all even on special cushions and on ice packs..I cannot travel and have no way to run away from him that he won't find me. What can I do to ensure he won't force himself on me sexually analy any more? I want him to keep his wanny away from my pooopy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HELP!

He needs to back off..............HE needs to respect your body and your wishes.  Tell him you are going to stick a q-tip into the tip of his penis everytime he tried to stick his "q-tip" into you back end.  And see if that MAKES him understand the discomfort!

This is called rape, whether it is your husband or not, that is what he is doing to you and you can call the police and have him charged for domestic abuse, you can leave or he can go and get somem help.  But you need to take care of yourself, this is not healthy.

to scared to run what now!  

As for escaping it would have to be somethink like
> what mobsters go
> through to get out of the mob..and I cannot work the
> way I am now. I
> cannot sit for more than 2 hours without being
> totally
> horizontal...I get pain in my knees and back so I
> would have to
> relocate to another state a little at a time and he
> might be able to
> catch up with me..(where's the underground railroad
> when you need it
> huh) anyway...I'm tired of the total disrespect for
> women he has and
> how he thinks of me as some toy he can just stuff
> away in his closet
> until he wants or needs me without taking me to the
> proper doctors
> and he even refuses to let me go see a
> psychiatrist..well I called
> the doctor today and asked them to get me an
> appointment with a
> psychiatrist and to make it close to home since I am
> afraid of big
> cities like downtown KC,MO. I also called the
> National Spouce abuse
> hotline and talked to a lady on that line and got
> some names of
> shelters locally two of which I have already been to
> because of my
> parents and previous boyfriends...(either something
> is really wrong
> with me or I really have had some bad parents and
> x-boyfriends) and
> my parents fought all the time until my mom died
> when she was 61yrs
> old after a stroke and my dad got remaired on year
> later to a near
> total stranger...I think he sexually abuses her too
> though! I don't
> want to leave my 8yr old daughter and I don't want
> this to ruin her
> little life, I don't want him to hurt her on the
> other hand and I am
> afraid of that always was in the back of my mind
> too. 

I am currently in a similiar situation. I have been going out with this guy for two years. 

He was romantic, loving, caring, outgoing, spontaneous, and incredible in bed. My friends were very impressed by the way he seemed so interested in me and attentive. 

Then, one day, his attitude changed. All he does is sit on the couch and watch TV. He doesn't want to go anywhere. He says he isn't a sociable person. He doesn't want to go out with me and my friends. I told him I am sick of sitting at home doing nothing. He says go ahead, go out and have fun with your friends, go out without me.  

The sex was good for about eight months, then absolutely nothing for about three months! And the sex hasn't been the same since! No foreplay - he says he used to do that in the beginning but it's too much work - he says you know how much work that is? Sometimes he says I am too clingy if I try to get sex. 

His idea of turning me on (when that does happen - which is about once a month) is getting naked, lying on the  bed, starting to touch himself, and then he expects me to finish arousing him and hop on top! He doesn't even kiss me or anything!  

He even says he's too tired. Is it me - is it an excuse? The relationship has really gone down hill. I am starting to look else where. He's not the same guy I met. I also can't even imagine marrying him - the sex is horrible.  

I have tried to talk to him about it. He sometimes says he's too tired. Other times, that foreplay is too much work. Sometimes he says he gets me aroused by his organ. I told him I need foreplay. 

When he just lies there and expects me to arouse him now, I get angry. I ask him why he doesn't give me any foreplay. He says he doesn't know how to arouse me. He sure did in the beginning of the relationship! What could be really going on here? He won't even touch me! All he does is touch himself and expect me to touch him and that's it. He was great in the beginning.  

He also said why don't I give him more foreplay and he's tired of always initiating and that he wants me to initiate. But, when I do, I either end up giving him oral with nothing in return, or, I arouse him and he expects me to jump on top. No kissing nothing. 

All I want is some intimacy, some romance. A foot rub. A back rub. A hot bath with candles. All I want is to be touched! Kissed! What happened? 

I am going to end up leaving him if things don't change. 

I go out without him because all he wants to do is sit around the house and watch TV. I go to the movies alone, go out with friends without him. He won't even go to the movie rental place with me. He wants me to go, pick the movie, and then he falls asleep watching it. We don't have meaningful conversations because all he does is come home, sit in front of the TV. I can't even talk to him because all he ever does is sleep or watch TV!!!! 

One day his cat went missing for a day and a half. I realized I take care of his cat and spend more time with his cat, and that his cat is actually filling a void that I don't get from him - companionship! 

I feel alone even though I am in a so called 'relationship'. He didn't buy me anything for my birthday or Valentine's Day. Christmas was only because he knew if he didn't he'd really dissappoint me for all the other times he didn't get me anything. 

I told him how I feel. He said if it's that bad then break up with me. 

He's right - I should. But it's so hard. 

Could it be that that is what he wants? Is he trying to get me to break up with him or is he depressed? 

I am starting to look - on line and when I go out. 

If I met someone else, I think he would be out of the picture. 

The trouble is, I thought I met MR. Right - Mr. Incredible when I met him. Now, I don't trust myself anymore - my judgement. I don't trust men anymore. I am afraid they will all just end up dissappointing me after I fall in love with them because they were being something they are not, and then the true colors show later. I thought I knew this guy. I am scared of making the same mistakes again. 

I want to get married. I am 33. I don't have much time to waste. He told me he wanted kids and marriage when we first met. Now, all of a sudden he doesn't want kids and he is afraid to get married because his parents divorced when he was young. 

I really just want to be happy in a relationship and find a genuine guy who won't lie to me. 

I want trust and intimacy.  

I am so scared because this seems to be a pattern. I've had similiar experiences before - they seem great then turn into something else. 

This time, I was really fooled. He seemed terrific. I am still starting to realize he was a fake.  

How do you know you met the right guy and he isn't going to turn into a frog later? 

HELP! 

  

  

I am now very
> delicate because  he hurts my anus about every 3 to 6 months (more around parent type holidays with his mom involved...she must mess his mind up bad) she was just hospitalized last year with anerexia neurvosa? 

now I'm scared to try to starto over by myself I know what battered womens shelters do to help...it's like a secret hotel to run away to that no one can trace and they expect you to work and pay rent after a while and then they expect you to find or contace family members that can help you and help them keep costs down. well I don't have any family or friends to contact and I've been in two kcmo shelters they didn't help me at all and he followed me to the News house and stabbed my tires but I cannot prove it was him there is a police report from 1989 for my all 4 tires slashed there in their parkinglot....check if you don't believe me. I'm sick and tired of the lax system in the KC,Mo area...sounds like some of the other states have their acts together when it comes to sexual abuse centers...not just battered bruised women...but sexual abuse centers and family crisis centers...not the old fashioned stereotypical black eyed wife, with broken teeth, and broken bones and broken heart....well I do have broken bones...tailbones! but you wouldn't know it looking at me from the outside except the fact that I let myself put on 115 pounds since my marrage to I guess protect myself with fat..to hide behind the outer fat shell hopefully turning off the opposite sex..well that didn'work darn it....HELP ME! or am I HOpeless in MO. 

Im afraid to run because
> of my spinal injuries..I have had a coccyxectomy in
> 1998 and I had a
> an emergency c-section in 1997 and I had a torn
> muscle in my neck in
> 1999, and I had a whiplash car accident right before
> my wedding in
> 1993 and I had a sailboat boom from a 25 foot
> sailboat dropped on my
> head in 1975 when I was a kid and my family didn't
> take me to a
> doctor and I have several problems with buldging
> disks in my neck an
> MRI showed in 2000 when i went to the headache and
> pain center
> for 5 cortizone
> injections to the spine colom) try running away like
> that...I also
> have Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid arthritis,
> PMS(depression) and fear of
> crowds (being trampled) I can barely stand to go
> shopping in wal-
> marts or stores big like that anymore I'm so afraid
> of being mugged
> or purse snatched or having my daughter stollen or
> having my tires
> flattened while I am out shopping. I compulsively
> lock my doors in
> my house and car from fear. I don't care if I leave
> everyone else
> behind I just want to have my dog and my daughter
> and somekind of
> support group to get together with and someone who
> likes hobbies to
> do them with me since I was an art teacher student
> in college when I
> met my husband I like to try to express myself a
> little but lately
> all I can paint is blood and guts...or a few
> abstract flowers and
> that is painful for me. I love angels really really
> love angels and
> I could probably learn to be a fortune teller (taro
> card reader if I
> could sit down long enough to) I have had dreams
> predicting some of
> the huricanes we've had in the past 3 years and some
> of the
> terrorists acts against USA too and have written
> e-mails to our
> president Bush warning him...I was only right about
> 89% of the
> time...I saw places like a bird would  

I'd break up with him in seconds....go online and do the matchmakers.com people or something maybe you can find someone that has been treated the same way and will appreciate what you are going through and appreciate you...but who am I to talk...I'm sitting here in pain because my husband  insists lately on backdooring me...I once had a loving carressing, intamanet forplay relationship with him but he soon turned into your frog...insisting on anal sex...oral sex, making me lick his testicles, and his poopy anus hole....I cannot tell you how degrading it is to have someone grabb your hair and force you to do that to jam your nose into their poopy filthy swetty ass!  Get out now honey if I could I would....do it before he starts the abuse...PLEASE AND TAKE THE CAT WITH YOU!   GOD BLESS YOU FOR SHARING THE TRUTH. JEEW