Topic : Is This Normal?

I'm a 35 yr old woman, never married but have been in a few relationships.  For some reason I'm having problems when it comes to touching intimately (or anything else for that matter) my current boyfriend who I've been with for 4 months, I'm absolutely crazy about him and definitely attracted to him and I think about doing all of those great fun things but when it comes down to it, I can't.  He's  really a great guy, treats me wonderfully, we get along incredibly well and I have no doubt that he is absolutely devoted to me, even though neither of us have said the "L" word, which I have almost let slip quite a few times but due to past experiences I've learned to let the guy say it first, otherwise he'll get scared away, and since he has been in relationships that have gone bad he's a bit gun-shy too about saying it.  Because we have both been hurt before, we have been taking things slowly.  I think that my main problem is that he has 5 kids with 5 different women, I know I know, that sounds really bad and caution flags were there in the beginning, I don't know what happened between him and all of them but he's not a player or anything of the like but actually very shy when it comes to women, shoot, I had to approach him to get him to start talking to me after working at the same mall for a year and half, he did security so I saw him walking around all of the time.  Anyway, I guess I feel like I'm competing with all of the other women he has been with and not sure if I would please him, so I feel a bit intimidated.  I've had a few boyfriends but I don't have any children by any of them as constant reminders.  I've never really been all that comfortable touching a guy in certain ways anyway, I supposed it stems from growing up being taught that only naughty girls do those kinds of things.  He says that it doesn't bother him but I know it does and he thinks that he is doing something wrong, which I keep telling him that it's not him, but me, he by the way has no problem pleasing me and I very much so want to please him back.  Between feeling like I'm competing with his exes and building my own little wall around my emotions from being hurt too many times before, I'm having a hard time dealing with this, it's been 4 months after all and I shouldn't have any problem with touching him.  On today's show, Dr Phil told that one girl to stop hiding behind the wall and take risks, I don't know how far or how long this relationship is going but I definitely what to give him my heart, mind, body & soul.  I'm just having a hard time getting past this issue and it's unfair to him for me to make him pay for his exes or my exes mistakes.   

I am in a new relationship(8 months) with a 46 year old man. He has some ED symptoms, but more on the maintaining end than the getting stimulated part. He is very visually stimulated and easily aroused, but what has surprised me the most is that when I cook for him, or even offer to, he gets really turned on. Once, I brought him an omlet. Just the act of eating it almost brought him to orgasm. He loves my cooking and I of course, love that he does. This isn't a problem for us, it's just that he's never experienced this before either, and we are both wondering if this happens to other men? 

Thanks if you answer 

Kate 

I have a huge problem! My fiancee and I have been together for the past 4 years now. The first couple of years we had a great sex life. But now for the past 9 months...we haven't did anything. I mean NOTHING! I try and make moves on him but he always makes excuses. I don't know what to do. He tells me he is stressed and he never feels like doing anything. I believed him at first but could a man last without sex for 9 months?? Or is he cheating on me? I need opinions! Please HELP!

up until my current boyfriend, i have had the big "o" but a few months ageo i had an "O" that was gushing. (how embarrassing).  i asked my best friend about this and she said that there are aorgasms and then there are "those".  ok call me stupid, but huh? the only time i have "those" are with a certain toy that i have.  any other similar experiences?

I have a problem with the thought of marriage and having to sleep with the same person for the rest of my life. I am a christian and am devoted to my christian walk but the only thing i can't get around is the fact that one day i will get married and only be able to sleep with that person, also i'll have to see that person everyday. i don't know why but it freaks me out!! 

I've only ever once slept with a person that i was in a relationship, with all the others were one night stands or just special friends with privilages. I don't know how to stop myself from being like this and i don't want to not deal with it because if i get to the 'honeymoon' night and can't sleep with my 'husband' it will reck the relationship. Please somebody help me figure this one out. 

( I can't talk to anybody i know about it because they all look at me sideways) 

See if you can talk to him about maybe seeing a doctor.  Tell him how worried you are.  He Might be having a sexual problem, and he is embarrassed.  If he won't go to the doctor, tell him, the only other thing you Can think is he is no longer interested in you, and must have another interest, sexually.  Hopefully that will help get the ball rolling. 

bronze 

  

I dont mean to sound condescending, but are you crazy dating a man with 5, count them 5 kids!!!????  I mean he may be very sweet and all, but obviously the man has committment issues, and has he never heard of birth control??!! If I were you I would back off a little and try to gain some perspective on the whole situation before you end up being number 6.  I really dont mean to sound hateful, but girl, I really wish you would spend some more time thinking about this. 

Gawd, how do I explain this? 

My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for about 3 years. The first time we broke up was because I found out he used a fraudulent name and cc number to make sex line calls to "chicks with dicks" lines. He said he wasn't gay and that it was a fetish of his. He said his ex used a strap on with him. This was shocking news, but we worked it out and stayed together, I never used one on him, we just kind of dropped it.  

Then I found out he was making calls to chat lines, local "grapevines" etc. So I broke up with him and moved home (3000 miles away). We still talked every weekend and were talking about getting back together, but I didn't want to move way out there again.  

I was seeing someone else while we were separated (mostly for sex), and I ended up getting pregnant. I called up my ex and told him, thinking it would be over. After a week of contemplation, he called me saying he loved me and wanted to be with me regardless. So he left his good paying job and moved across the country to be with me.  

 After I had the baby, his boss called trying to get him back out West, and offering him a raise. The job market where I'm from is bad, so we decided to move. He promised me security and protection and financial stability. I was happy out here for awhile, we even went home for Christmas, but when I got a computer, I found out that he had a secret email. I figured out the password and it turns out he joined A LOT of "friend finder" sites wanting"discreet"  experiences with a man. I confronted him about the email and he denied it. I even typed it in to the computer and he STILL denied it. He's the type of guy who will only admit something when he has no way out of it, and I have absolute proof. So now I can't tell when he's lying, he would rather live with his lie and lose me than admit the truth.  

 Our last bit of drama started when we got a little kinky, and I found out he had a problem with his butthole...turns out he has warts. I looked it up online, and it's an STD. He STILL wont admit that he cheated and wont offer any explanation to how he got the warts. His only pathetic excuse is that he got them from his ex who used the strap on....but if he got it from her he would also have them on his penis/ scrotum would he not? And he only got them when he moved to my hometown. SO he kept that from me for almost a year. I had to notice them myself. I can't stand this lying, I still love him, but I'm tired of playing detective and having to dig up the dirt and find out everything on my own. I just want him to be honest with me. He didn't seem to care that he could be putting my health at risk, warts are a leading cause of cervical cancer....I didn't ask for this, I'm going to get tested tomorrow to see if he gave them to me or not. I don't think so, but the virus could be dormant. I don't know what to do, maybe see a counsellor, find out if he's gay, though he says he's not.....I'm so confused. And I have been dependant on him, it's hard to leave and worry about supporting my child all by myself...another big move across the country too. Any advice at all would be a great help. 

I have been married to my current husbad for 10 years. We lived together for 3 months  before getting married. We had sex a few times then. I always thought he was different from any man I had ever met. We didn't have sex on our honeymoon. It went from 2 times a week to 2 times a month then nothing for the last 5 years and 4 months. I quit offering my self along time ago because he kept turning me down. You can only take so much rejection. When I undress in front of him he turns his head or leaves the room. I sleep in the nude. He takes the top cover and rolls it up between the two of us. So there is no touching. There are no passionate kisses. When I try to give him more than a peck, he pulls away. When you ask him about it he want talk to you he says it just don't work. (his penis) How do you know it doesn't work if you don't try? Sex isn't talked about , or done. There are no touching me in any kind of way other than to give me a quick peck on the lips or a short hug good by or goodnight. He says he loves me. He is 10 years older than me. He is in his 50"s. You might say blood pressure meds, but he has never been what I would call normal when it comes to sex. He says there is no one else. It makes me feel bad about myself. I am 46 years of age and have a pretty good body. I work out. I never get any compliments from him. He will bring me a single rose every week. This is driving me crazy.  I have desires,needs. I just don't know if I want to live this way forever. I have even wondered if he might be gay. Please help.

wow.  what a story.  i know for you it must be incredibly complicated, frustrating, etc-- but for me to read all that in black and white, you have to understand it seems very obvious:  run!!  run far away!  you have to trust your instincts.  we girls have pretty strong intuitions and your's is really pleading with you right now.  lest he has a poltergeist putting things on his computer and contamidating him with a VD-- well, those things are pretty darn black and white, huh.  i think that venereal warts are like herpes in that you always have them- so it COULD be that he got them a while ago and for some unknown reason are just now flaring up.  ???  you would have to research that one.   but the emails on his computer??  jeez.  how dumb does he think you are??  what on earth, if any, excuse did he have for them?   

  

i dunno- i just don't think love should be so freakin complicated.  i know that many couples have broken up and gotten back together and it all worked out hunky dorey, but in your case... it just seems like TOO much.  too much for you to have to deal with!!  RUN!!