Topic : Is This Normal?

Hello again my friend.  Before I address the question you ask about your husband and divorce, I feel I should first give some advice about your daughter.  I know you know you should NEVER argue in front of your children.  I also understand how it does happen sometimes.  My husband and I had never once done it in 12 years of marriage, until the situation I already mentioned arose last Sept.  Then they did hear us argue a few times, to my everlasting shame.  Something we had to do, and that you really need to consider doing - is make an ABSOLUTE life decision that it will never happen again.  If that means he starts an argument and you simply have to grab your car keys and walk out the door to prevent her witnessing y'all fighting - then do it.  Tell him now that you feel awful about it happening and that you will never participate in that again.  Let him know that if he won't stop when your daughter is there, that you will indeed just remove yourself from the premises until he is ready to have a rational discussion.  You cannot control him and his decision on the matter - but you can control yourself - and for your daughter's sake, you really need to.  Secondly - something else that won't be easy to do, but I really recommend it.   Have an honest discussion with your daughter about it.  Tell her about the life decision you have made, because you know it isn't fair to her to have to see y'all fighting.  Apologize for that fight and any others she has seen.  She may not react much (my oldest didn't), but later she has told me she was glad I talked to her and felt reassured.  Even though she was mostly upset with her dad, she still didn't want to have to see us argue - and I would guess your daughter feels the same.  I'm not trying to beat you up about this Brook.  I'm only saying all this out of concern for your daughter and I hope you will see I am not trying to be superior to you - since I have admitted I have also been guilty of it.  But I never will be again.  I hope I haven't hurt your feelings.

Okay, so on to the questions you asked.  I am very uncomfortable with him telling you he will be loving and caring IF you lose weight.  You may in fact need to lose some weight for your health or if you are at a weight YOU are not comfortable with, but for him to offer his emotions conditionally on you losing the amount HE deems necessary seems almost like emotional abuse to me Brook.  It feels really wrong.   I also remember this is a man who has withheld sexual intimacy for 5 dang years because he is unwilling to forgive your transgression.  It to me seems like he is controlling and manipulative. 

I'm not exactly sure how to answer your question.  From your previous posts, I got the impression that you already have one foot out the door, and that as soon as you are able to find affordable housing for yourself and your daughter, you are outta there.  Is it possible he senses your new resolve and is holding out this bait of love and care to keep you there so he can continue to punish you for your emotional affair?  You say you're not prepared to go it alone with your daughter yet, but that you could make it.  Would you have somewhere to go if he does in fact file for divorce?  If so, then it might be best to go ahead and make the break now, since you know it is something you want to have happen eventually.  If not, then maybe you just go along for now and let him be loving and caring - that will at least make your time remaining with him more bearable.  Also - I suppose there is always also the outside possibility that he will realize why he needs to find true forgiveness for you and reconnect to you on every level.  I imagine that would be the optimum. 

Well not sure how helpful I have been this time.  I did my best.  :)  Let us know how you are doing when you have time.  Hugs, Roxy

I have been raped several time in my past, and I have moved foward in my life.

Well now I am in a relationship with someone I have known since I was in Jr. High school. I felt the need to tell him all about my past....I felt that he should have the choice to deal with me and all of my emotional bagage. We have had several conversations about my lack of wanting sex and his need to have sex....or he will just die! Don't get me wrong I do have a sex drive, but he makes sex feel so nasty and that its all about him and his needs! and its crazy that the things he does when it comes to sex are for me and that I should love it! or even like it......... I feel that he just doesnt get it! We have talked about the way he talks and acts when it comes to sex! We have talked about how I feel and think about sex! He still doesnt understand how hard it is for me to have sex! And I dont know how to tell him that I still have not had an orgasm before....well he know that I never had one before him, but he thinks he has made me have one. I want him to try harder to understand and to stop making me feel worst than I already do! I dont need him reminding me OH WE HAVEN HAD SEX THIS WEEK?! OH DO YOU FEEL SEXY THINS WEEK?! OH EVERYTHING I TRY TO DO DOESNT TURN YOU ON.....I NEED SOME BAD! OH IAM A BETTER PERSON AFTER I HAVE HAD SOME! What kind of person thinks that saying those type of things to a women she will want to have sex with him at all? What make matters worst he doen't see the problem with the things he says or does!

Hi everyone,

I'm a 24 yr old soon mother to be i will be giving birth to a boy in about two months (I'm extremely excited about having my baby).  There is only one problem i have, which i cant seem to understand, well I've been with my husband since we were both eighteen.  We've always had a very active sex life, but since i told him i was pregnant which was over five months ago he wont even let me touch him, his only explanation is "its strange" he wont even allow me to get near him (sexually).  I find this very frustrating, even though i do understand that its a life changing event, but he takes my advances as if i was going to hurt him and actually would rather have me feeling upset than to have a little fun together..   This is my first pregnancy and i was just wondering if many women go through this.  Well i hope i can get some advise from anyone who is willing to help. 

Hi, I am a 38 year old male with 4 kids & been happily married for 14 years - when we were 1st married I spent all of the summer naked around the house with no protest from my wife & she was well aware of my naturist nature as when ever we went to a secluded swimming hole I always was nude - she even did it too! 

Even when our first child was born she did not mind me being naked, she would video me playing with our child naked (camera angle above waist) 

Then as the children grew up she started to get more & more prudish & started to ask me to cover up in front of the kids, (which I did to keep the peace) 

Last summer we lived at house with a pool & she tolerated me swimming nude at night, but this year (I am in Australia - hot days of spring started already)  she is freaking out if I lay in bed nude! 

Now the children are 8 (boy) 6 (boy) 4 (girl) & 2 (boy) & she has got it into her head that I am some sort of pervert who gets off on cavorting around naked to give myself pleasure, I have pointed out to her if this was the case why don't I have a erection & she brushes this off - she says I must love myself - I reply that I am more comfortable nude - she will then say I am no stud either which I find a put down, I asked her if I toned up & lost a bit of weight could I walk around nude? she didn't have an answer for that one! 

I want other womens opinion's about this issue, am I normal? if so what can I do to convince her? I think she is being overprotective of the kids, I belive they should be exposed to nudity so when they grow up it is not a big taboo/obssesion etc 

Hi everyone,

I'm a 24 yr old soon mother to be i will be giving birth to a boy in about two months (I'm extremely excited about having my baby).  There is only one problem i have, which i cant seem to understand, well I've been with my husband since we were both eighteen.  We've always had a very active sex life, but since i told him i was pregnant which was over five months ago he wont even let me touch him, his only explanation is "its strange" he wont even allow me to get near him (sexually).  I find this very frustrating, even though i do understand that its a life changing event, but he takes my advances as if i was going to hurt him and actually would rather have me feeling upset than to have a little fun together..   This is my first pregnancy and i was just wondering if many women go through this.  Well i hope i can get some advise from anyone who is willing to help.