Topic : Is This Normal?

How can I change my user name back to what it was before this board changed??? 

I want it to read "Tammy Jo"  

Is this possible to change???? 

I tried this myself, however, it said that my old user name was already in use... Ok... 

But it really isn't.   

Please check your e-mail for a reply.   

DrPhilBoard3 

I was very clear with my husband when we were still dating that I was not a fan of porn, in any form. So, when we were only together a short time, he threw away his magazines and tapes. I thought that was the end of it.      

When I was 7 months pregnant with our 2nd child, I overheard him watching a dirty movie on cinemax. I was very upset but I didn't say anything, I just refrained from having sex with him. One night when I was nine months along, I told him I didn't want him to sleep in the same bed with me anymore; he should take the couch. I had heard him watching another movie. I still didn't explain myself, which I know was a bad move.     

I recently found that he has been looking at Internet porn. I feel betrayed, unattractive, embarrassed, angry, - I could go on and on.      

What do I do now? Am I right to be upset? We have had sex a hand full of times in the past month. I feel like I do all I can to please him sexually. I was more adventurous before I got pregnant but shouldn't I get a little time to recover from having a child!?      

We have been married for a little over a year and been together for over 2 years. We have 2 kids and the baby is just 2 months old.  I still am suffering from the baby blues and I feel uncomfortable with my body right now. I just found some disgusting websites he visited today while I went to show off our baby to some friends. Am I right to be crying while typing this message? HELP!     

First of all, you really need to open up to your husband and tell him why you do not like the porn and tell him how it makes you feel when he watches the movies, checks the sites, and so on.  Cutting him off is not the answer, you're just giving him more reason to do this.  It kinda sounds like you're treating him like a child when it comes to the "forbidden entertainment". 

Also, ask yourself, how much of this dislike is because of your feelings against porn or insecurities about your relationship with him or about yourself?   

Most men and porn just go hand in hand.  I do not care for it either, but I don't scold my husband when I find a Playboy.  I just ask him to keep it hidden so our 4 year old doesn't find it.   

Your husband should also be giving you the respect to feel comfortable with yourself after having the baby and reassuring you that you ARE beautiful.  If he still feels the need for porn, ask him to respect you and have the decency to at least watch it when you are not home.   

I am not defending porn whatsoever, I do not care for it, but I don't despise anyone who does find entertainment in it (as long as it's not child porn-those kind of people just need to be shot!). 

What the?!?  Lost my post...  Posting again...  

Here is a link to Dr. P's Abuse board.  After you've logged in. click this link it should take you there:  http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/topic/181/
 
If it doesn't, let me know and we'll figure out another way -- there is always another way.
 
You are confused.  I agree with you.  I have some things to say about confusion -- if we get the chance.
 
Counselors call it depression.  You are in a place that I call "the pit".  If you aren't deep in it, then you are on the edge or dancing in and out of the edge.  I've been there and it took me a long time to get out.   But I GOT OUT and so can you!
 
(Warning these are triggering thoughts...)
I remember just sitting, rocking back and forth crying til I was numb.  I remember screaming in the car -- thinking I could just drive this car into that tree and all my pain would be over! 
 
But I couldn't do it.  Do you know why, dear glenn? 
 
Because I have people who love me and if I took myself away from them, what would that do to THEM?  They RELIED on me.  They NEEDED me.  How selfish would it be to take me away from those who love me MOST?  I cared enough about THEM not to do it.  That's what kept me alive -- I was a pitiful soul back then but I'm better now.
 
I know you want your bro back and I'm fairly sure I know why.  At least I know how I felt.
 
You want closure, you may even want revenge, you want forgiveness -- to give it and to get it.  You want back what he took from you.
 
I can tell you that closure would be very good for you.
 
I can tell you that revenge will not and would not give you the satisfaction you seek.  It might temporarily, but it won't last.
 
I can tell you that forgiveness doesn't take two peope -- it can take just one.  I will (probably) never forgive my abuser.  He is incapable of acknowledging the hurt he caused me -- simply incapable. 
 
BUT I DID work through forgiveness ENOUGH and was able to grieve ENOUGH to be able to PUT DOWN MY BURDENS.  I don't have to be ashamed anymore.  I don't have to feel guilty because I never was.
 
The first step was a conscious choice.  The next step(s) were recognizing that I couldn't fix me alone -- I needed help.  I was stunted.  I was filled recordings that could hurt me and cause me to spiral down (still can if I let them).   I needed to understand WHY I was the way I was and what I could do about it.
 
Within you is a terribly, terribly wounded child.  He needed someone to protect him, stand up for him, to care for and love him no matter what.  The person to do that NOW is WITHIN YOU.  What happened to you changed you permanently.  There will be no taking that back (I'm sorry if I am blunt but I you need the truth in order to heal).  BUT you CAN gather that hurt little boy and comfort and care and protect and love him through this!!  You CAN!  And you should.  He NEEDS YOU!  All he has is YOU and you are good enough, in fact, you are the ONLY person who can do it.
 
You CAN recover and you CAN heal!  If can I do it, you can do it.  If the others I know can confront their abusers, even metaphorically, and get enough closure and enough forgiveness, to do it, you can do it.  It is NOT impossible.  Actually it is simple, but it is NOT easy not by ANY stretch.  You already know this, right?
 
It took me a long time and I gave my self what I needed -- I needed help.  I reached out for it, I made it happen and it was there.  I took that help.  I learned.  I grew, not a comfortable, easy growth, but a painful trial by error growth.  I walked over the bad road.  I grew more, got more help, reality checks, support, strength, wisdom even when I didn't want it.  Over the bad road.
 
I figured out.... As imperfect and stunted as I am, I am PERFECT --- JUST as I am.
 
With all the sorrow, hurt and pain that's come my way, I can not relay to you how wonderful it was one day to look in the elevator (polished like a mirror) and have that woman smile back at me and think, "I'm happy!"
 
Even if it was fleeting, the feeling came BACK and it stayed LONGER.  And it kept coming BACK and staying LONGER.
 
And one day when I was working on my garden, all by myself, I stopped a minute and sweet breeze blew by and I felt JOY.  Not just happiness, but JOY!
 
These things coming from a person who only wanted PEACE in her life.
 
Happines and JOY, my dear Glenn.  You have the capacity to get there.  It is up to you.
 
Q 

HI MY NAME IS ELISIA, I AM A LITTLE SHY ABOUT THIS. SINCE I HAD MY BABY I DONT CARE ABOUT HAVING RELATIONS WITH MY HUSBAND. IT HURTS. AND MY HUSBAND DOES NOT EVER ACT LIKE HE WANTS IT EITHER. I HAVENT LOST ALL OF THE BABY WEIGHT AND IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE THATS WHY HES REALLY NOT INTERESTED. BEFORE I HAD THE BABY BEFORE I GOT PREGNANT I ONLY WEIGHED 125 - 130. NOW I WEIGH 175. I KNOW I AM UNCOMFORTABLE  WITH MY WEIGHT,BUT IM WORKING ON THAT I WALK EVERY DAY AND I TRY TO EXERCISE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. ITS HARD TO DO WITH A 11 MONTH OLD. ME AND MY HUSBAND LOVE EACH OTHER. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 8 YEARS AND MARRIED FOR 3. I DONT KNOW IF IM UNATTRACTIVE TO HIM OR WHAT? IS ANY OF THIS NORMAL. I NEED YOURE ADVICE. PLEASE HELP ME.