Topic : Is This Normal?

I have been married eight years and our sex life is only when she allows it. She holds out on me because I do not provide her enough. The only time she wants to have sex is if she is drinking and not just a glass of wine. We live a very upscale neighborhood, she gets a very fair clothing and whatever allowance, a credit card for shopping, gas, grocery, target and always an additional shoe or clothing charge monthly. She is a good person but the "keep up with the jones" nor the appreciation for the value of money drives me crazy especially when she says it is not enough so she holds sex out. I am willing to have sex with her anytime just give me a 15 second heads up. We are both college educated and I just sold a business to a hedge fund. I tell you this to get a fair opinion on if she should be able to hold this over my head in the bedroom.

It makes me want to not give her money but then we would end up with prostitution in our own marriage and I am sure that is not healthy but lack of sex isn't either.

We are good friends and parents but we cannot get past this issue. She is a homemaker and we have two beautiful children. We have a maid, a beach condo, and a country club membership. 

Maybe I think too much of myself and what I provide to be halted every time. 2 times sober in the last two years. I know my way around the bedroom and I in good shape. What am I missing and should I assume this is doomed?

Who i am to said it is normal or not normal ? Dear Ron i am 53 yrs , married for 3 yrs and no children We did have a good sex live until 1 or 2 year agos.He sleep on the cough , and i am in the bedroom .Life is to short, and i am very attrative lady .Your spouse is very lucky lady and i think she is using you . you said you been sober 2 times in the last 2 year? I been sober 18 year ,my husband do not drink thank God.You ned to this program for yourself .Do you have a sponser ? Do you go to lot of meeting ? I do not known if she having a drinking problems? What about counseling ? I do not think you take to much of yourself . Good luck to you .I do not known if i help /

Tanwoman_Fl

Hi everyone,

I am a first timer here on this message board. I hope it will help me a lot, because I really don't know who I would talk to.

Me and my husband have been married for 1.5 years now, and to get straight to the point, he is somewhat addicted to pornography. Now I have read some of the messages about this, and generally people agree on that it is not real, and just fantasies.

If you read my profile then you see the situation here a little bit. We once had a huge argument up to a point where we almost left each other, because my husband did not want to be married anymore because he just wanted to sleep with different women. When he calmed down he realized that is was not what he wanted in life, he wants a family and children, so we forgave each other for the fighting and moved on.

He still looks at a lot of pornography, and I tell him that if it's the way he wants to cope with things, it's fine.

It's not actually. I know my way around with computers very well, and I can track down everything that went on. I don't know why I look at the things he's been looking at, but I can't help it, I wish I could just ignore it. It makes me feel very upset, sad, miserable, and angry, up to a point that I can't stop shaking.

Is this something strange? Why am I so darn upset about it? I really don't understand what's going on and I need an outsider to help me before I do something really stupid.

Mabe its a show idea. While browsing through another forum I saw the word "domestic discipline".I thought okay now ,whats this. I look it up.Apparently grown women like to be spanked by their husbands for breaking the rules.They have submitted to their husbands to the point that they are willing to be spanked.All of them have said that it saved their marriage.The site is called "taken in hand".  Even feminists and women in positions of power have given in to this.They swear its not abuse but loving discipline. I knew women were getting back to staying home with their kids but I didnt think they were going this far back.Has anyone else heard of this.

IS THIS NORMAL.????I would really like to hear what Dr.Phil has to say about this one.I think after this he really can say hes heard it all.

I'm not sure I'm able to give you any solid advice, but if you'll listen to my rantings, maybe I'll be able to break it down a bit, if nothing else. Please also disregard any typos, as English is my second language, and I don't use it that much.

To me personally, it's natural to be friends with exes. Granted, my exes(and I'm 26, so that's honestly not that many) used to be friends before entering any relationship. We parted on good terms, and stayed friends after we broke up. I really woulnd't want it any other way. We had almost all our friends in common, and would have had to meet a lot in any case.

Whenever I have a problem I need to discuss with someone, I need them to challenge the problems, and I'ev found the easiest way people can do that is not telling me what is right, but asking me questions that makes me think, and discover what is right. In that spirit, I have a couple of questions for you.

• Can you trust him? As far as I can tell, there's really not any reason to believe he's comitting adultery or doing anything else he shouldn't be doing.
• If he still has feelings for her, does it matter? I guess this one is not so self-explanatory. Not being over the person isn't neccessarily a bad thing, it's what you make of it that decides how it will be perceived. For example, I will always have very strong feelings for the women I have loved, it's only natural, but I would never let that jeopardize anything. Maybe they actually are nothing but really close friends. In that case, you need to be fine with it
• What do you mean with "past scenarios?" I'm a bit curious about what type of scenarios these are.

In my opinion, they may be overdoing it. Not because I think what they're doing is wrong, but because you're not comfortable with it. That's something he should be understanding about. But you should also be understanding about he wanting to have contact with his longterm friend.

Honestly, when you ask if it's unnatural, disrespectful, intrusive and unnecessary, I'm afraid my answer to all of the above, is simply no, it's not.

Remember, an ex is just a bad thing if the ex is bad. What I think, is that they have a relationship you don't feel you can compete with. They have known eachother for years, and you don't want to come between the friendship. The good news is, you don't have to. Who does he come home to every night? For whom does he make breakfast in bed?(I hope he does! :O) Who does he buy flowers and take out to dinners? Who does he love?What I'm saying is, she is the friend, you are the girlfriend. She can't fill those shoes anymore, but you can.

I dont know if this is normal or not. I dont see all guys do it sometimes as a justified answer. What I am curious about is to why he would tell you such a thing. If he was doing this, telling you could do nothing more than hurt your feelings, or make you feel bad. I know I would be upset if my husband told me he was thinking of other women when he is with me. Sex is a gift from God to a husband and wife. It is not ok to think of someone else while making love with your spouse.

I dont know if this is normal or not. I dont see all guys do it sometimes as a justified answer. What I am curious about is to why he would tell you such a thing. If he was doing this, telling you could do nothing more than hurt your feelings, or make you feel bad. I know I would be upset if my husband told me he was thinking of other women when he is with me. Sex is a gift from God to a husband and wife. It is not ok to think of someone else while making love with your spouse.