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Topic : Is This Normal?

Number of Replies: 1127
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:19:40 pm
Author : dataimport
Your partner asked you to do WHAT? Some things are taboo. Some things are common but just not discussed. Where does your sex life fit in?

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September 29, 2005, 6:39 am CDT

You're normal

Quote From: eowens24

HI MY NAME IS ELISIA, I AM A LITTLE SHY ABOUT THIS. SINCE I HAD MY BABY I DONT CARE ABOUT HAVING RELATIONS WITH MY HUSBAND. IT HURTS. AND MY HUSBAND DOES NOT EVER ACT LIKE HE WANTS IT EITHER. I HAVENT LOST ALL OF THE BABY WEIGHT AND IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE THATS WHY HES REALLY NOT INTERESTED. BEFORE I HAD THE BABY BEFORE I GOT PREGNANT I ONLY WEIGHED 125 - 130. NOW I WEIGH 175. I KNOW I AM UNCOMFORTABLE  WITH MY WEIGHT,BUT IM WORKING ON THAT I WALK EVERY DAY AND I TRY TO EXERCISE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. ITS HARD TO DO WITH A 11 MONTH OLD. ME AND MY HUSBAND LOVE EACH OTHER. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 8 YEARS AND MARRIED FOR 3. I DONT KNOW IF IM UNATTRACTIVE TO HIM OR WHAT? IS ANY OF THIS NORMAL. I NEED YOURE ADVICE. PLEASE HELP ME.  

It's normal to want to turn away from your husband.  Life with a child is something to get used to.  My son is now four years old, but when he was a baby, I wanted nothing to do with my husband because I was so focused on my son.  And I didn't feel attractive because I too am normally 130 pounds and I hadn't lost the baby weight yet.  This eventually did pass and I eventually lost the weight.  It's hard to lose weight and keep up with a baby and a house.  Soon your baby will be eating snack foods if he/she doesn't already.  Just make sure you don't snack with him/her.  Once I stopped doing that and got "healthy" snacks for myself, it was a lot easier to lose the weight.  And too, once your baby gets a little older, it's a lot easier to take better care of yourself because your baby is getting out of the "high maintenance" phase.  I think my son was about 18-24 months before I really started losing the weight and took better care of myself.  And my son was there by my side the entire time having fun.  So, relax, it will get better. 
 
September 29, 2005, 1:27 pm CDT

Have you ever...

had a boyfriend/girlfriend admit to you that they had a particular fetish or prefrence?  My boyfriend did, and now sometimes I feel really insucre, like if it isn't invloved he won't be happy.  Just curious if anyone had any input.
 
October 4, 2005, 2:31 pm CDT

worried about oral sex

My husband and I have a healthy relationship, and we could never imagine ourselves with anyone else.  We dated for 7 years before getting married, and are going to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary at the end of this month.  Here's the thing: we never had a sexual relationship until 6 months before our wedding, and just about 2 months into our marriage I became pregnant and did not feel in the mood for sex and in general did not feel good.  Somehow we got through all of that, maintained a sexual relationship--but one in which I was frustrated because he just wouldn't leave me alone and would molest me (in my opinion) in hopes to magically get me turned on.  I would just break down and give in to him to get him to leave me alone afterward.  I was also upset that he worked so much to where he mostly did not have any days off from work after we returned from our honeymoon, so there were times that in my pregnancy I was sick and he wasn't there to help me out.  I guess at times I resented him for putting his job before our relationship, yet expected me to be a sex goddess when he was around! 

  

After I gave birth to our daughter, things were not too bad, and he actually started trying to be more sensitive and listen to what I told him would help me get in the mood.  But lately I am dreading sex again for another reason: oral sex.  For months he went on and on talking about it, how much he wanted it, etc.  But I always was grossed out--maybe because of some hygiene issues I have about bodily fluids and germs--and he couldn't understand that.  But one day to show him how much I do appreciate him in my life, I surprised him by giving him oral sex--with plastic wrap!  I know that sounds weird, but I didn't know what else to do because I didn't want to actually put his penis in my mouth.  I also have a thing against swallowing hair, and I would really freak out if I swallowed a pubic hair. 

  

So now I created a monster and my husband wants oral sex every time we make love.  For a while, he started having edd to where he'd ejaculate prematurely, and he was really embarrassed about being in bed with me.  He wanted me to perform oral sex instead.  Feeling frustrated rather than glad, I gave in.  I understand the whole plastic wrap thing is not even attractive, but I couldn't think of what else to do to combat my issues.  Finally I told him I'd consider using flavored condoms if he still wanted me to do that for him--so he bought some and we tried them out.  I really have no incentive to even give him a blow job, and when I do it I can't wait until I can be done with it!  I know that sounds horrible, and I don't know what to do about feeling that way.  I know that I would NEVER want him to give me oral sex, because that too grosses me out.  But what has been really bothering me lately is that he is trying to get me to put more of his penis in my mouth at a time, and as it is I feel like I want to gag, but I don't want to tell him that and offend him.  What should I do?  I'm so afraid that everything is falling apart and I just want to have fun in the bedroom but not have it to be just oral sex and having intercourse.  Could someone give me some advice? 

 
October 4, 2005, 7:53 pm CDT

can anyone relate?

I have been married to my husband for 9 years...we have 2 daughters...3 yr old and 13 month old.  I am a christian and i believe that once you get married you stay married and that God will sustain our marriage regardless of what we go through.  All that said, we did separate a couple years ago (my choosing) and during the separation i dated and was also sexually active...my sex drive which i thought didnt exist  "ran away" with me.   I enjoyed sex like i had never enjoyed it before...it always felt so awkward and unnatural with my husband.   I had totally lost desire to have sex with my husband and now that we are back together i still have no desire to have sex with him or be intimate in any way with him.  I care about him...i dont mind doing all the other "wife and mother" things (cooking, cleaning..etc) but when he touches me i draw up like a prune.  I desire intimacy soooo bad and i feel i have an enormous sex drive, but when he touches me it disappears....i feel as though id rather pleasure myself (and i do quite often) than be intimate with him.  .  I hate living this way...is there anybody out there who is having the same problem or anything remotely similar??  Thank you
 
October 4, 2005, 8:23 pm CDT

help!!

Quote From: natagirl

My husband and I have a healthy relationship, and we could never imagine ourselves with anyone else.  We dated for 7 years before getting married, and are going to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary at the end of this month.  Here's the thing: we never had a sexual relationship until 6 months before our wedding, and just about 2 months into our marriage I became pregnant and did not feel in the mood for sex and in general did not feel good.  Somehow we got through all of that, maintained a sexual relationship--but one in which I was frustrated because he just wouldn't leave me alone and would molest me (in my opinion) in hopes to magically get me turned on.  I would just break down and give in to him to get him to leave me alone afterward.  I was also upset that he worked so much to where he mostly did not have any days off from work after we returned from our honeymoon, so there were times that in my pregnancy I was sick and he wasn't there to help me out.  I guess at times I resented him for putting his job before our relationship, yet expected me to be a sex goddess when he was around! 

  

After I gave birth to our daughter, things were not too bad, and he actually started trying to be more sensitive and listen to what I told him would help me get in the mood.  But lately I am dreading sex again for another reason: oral sex.  For months he went on and on talking about it, how much he wanted it, etc.  But I always was grossed out--maybe because of some hygiene issues I have about bodily fluids and germs--and he couldn't understand that.  But one day to show him how much I do appreciate him in my life, I surprised him by giving him oral sex--with plastic wrap!  I know that sounds weird, but I didn't know what else to do because I didn't want to actually put his penis in my mouth.  I also have a thing against swallowing hair, and I would really freak out if I swallowed a pubic hair. 

  

So now I created a monster and my husband wants oral sex every time we make love.  For a while, he started having edd to where he'd ejaculate prematurely, and he was really embarrassed about being in bed with me.  He wanted me to perform oral sex instead.  Feeling frustrated rather than glad, I gave in.  I understand the whole plastic wrap thing is not even attractive, but I couldn't think of what else to do to combat my issues.  Finally I told him I'd consider using flavored condoms if he still wanted me to do that for him--so he bought some and we tried them out.  I really have no incentive to even give him a blow job, and when I do it I can't wait until I can be done with it!  I know that sounds horrible, and I don't know what to do about feeling that way.  I know that I would NEVER want him to give me oral sex, because that too grosses me out.  But what has been really bothering me lately is that he is trying to get me to put more of his penis in my mouth at a time, and as it is I feel like I want to gag, but I don't want to tell him that and offend him.  What should I do?  I'm so afraid that everything is falling apart and I just want to have fun in the bedroom but not have it to be just oral sex and having intercourse.  Could someone give me some advice? 

I am so sorry, but i dont have any advice for you about the oral sex problem, but i was hoping you could help me.  Me and my husband didnt have children until the 6th year of our marriage, but other than that detail, i can TOTALLY relate to everything you said in your first paragraph.  Feeling molested, giving in, and resentment....i have soooooo been there and to be honest, i am still there.  We have now been married for 9 years and have had our second child and i cannot get past how he made me feel during times when i just didnt feel like or want to have sex...it made me so angry that he pushed and pushed until i gave in and i hold so much resentment towards him that i dont know how to get past it.  I am just curious, how did you cope with those feelings and get to the point of enjoying intimacy with your husband again (of course before the "oral" thing became a problem)?  I would appreciate any tidbit of advice you could give me...and again im sorry i couldnt help you with your problem.  Good luck to you!
 
October 4, 2005, 11:42 pm CDT

My wife thinks I am a pervert

Hi, I am a 38 year old male with 4 kids & been happily married for 14 years - when we were 1st married I spent all of the summer naked around the house with no protest from my wife & she was well aware of my naturist nature as when ever we went to a secluded swimming hole I always was nude - she even did it too! 

Even when our first child was born she did not mind me being naked, she would video me playing with our child naked (camera angle above waist) 

Then as the children grew up she started to get more & more prudish & started to ask me to cover up in front of the kids, (which I did to keep the peace) 

Last summer we lived at house with a pool & she tolerated me swimming nude at night, but this year (I am in Australia - hot days of spring started already)  she is freaking out if I lay in bed nude! 

Now the children are 8 (boy) 6 (boy) 4 (girl) & 2 (boy) & she has got it into her head that I am some sort of pervert who gets off on cavorting around naked to give myself pleasure, I have pointed out to her if this was the case why don't I have a erection & she brushes this off - she says I must love myself - I reply that I am more comfortable nude - she will then say I am no stud either which I find a put down, I asked her if I toned up & lost a bit of weight could I walk around nude? she didn't have an answer for that one! 

  

I want other womens opinion's about this issue, am I normal? if so what can I do to convince her? I think she is being overprotective of the kids, I belive they should be exposed to nudity so when they grow up it is not a big taboo/obssesion etc 

  

 
October 5, 2005, 5:36 am CDT

it is all relative

Quote From: samrmm

I am so sorry, but i dont have any advice for you about the oral sex problem, but i was hoping you could help me.  Me and my husband didnt have children until the 6th year of our marriage, but other than that detail, i can TOTALLY relate to everything you said in your first paragraph.  Feeling molested, giving in, and resentment....i have soooooo been there and to be honest, i am still there.  We have now been married for 9 years and have had our second child and i cannot get past how he made me feel during times when i just didnt feel like or want to have sex...it made me so angry that he pushed and pushed until i gave in and i hold so much resentment towards him that i dont know how to get past it.  I am just curious, how did you cope with those feelings and get to the point of enjoying intimacy with your husband again (of course before the "oral" thing became a problem)?  I would appreciate any tidbit of advice you could give me...and again im sorry i couldnt help you with your problem.  Good luck to you!

Hey there, and thanks for replying, even if you were unsure of helping me!  I have to say that I had to think about what I wanted to respond to your question, because I am not entirely sure I've let all that go completely.  That said, I should mention that initially, I knew my hormones were all across the board after having our daughter.  That alone makes for an emotional meltdown.  In fact, I have varied in my hormones so badly since having the baby that it sometimes has affected my monthly cycles.  I did talk to the doctor about that, and he said that birth control would help.  I was going to look into an IUD, but then found our insurance wouldn't cover the procedure at all and I figured we would just use alternate methods.  For the hormones, I've simply adjusted my lifestyle a bit to boost my moods.  But it also took a lot of soul-searching with what I wanted out of the marriage, what I wanted him to do to get me in the mood, what I loved about our relationship, and how I needed more help with our child.  It was hard at first, because even now he still can get too excited and forget to be more sensitive, but I have to say we've come a long way.  When I thought back to how much I loved him back when we were dating, or even when we got married, I kept those thoughts in mind more often, and forced myself to change my habits around him--i.e. taking the initiative to kiss him first, surprise him with bear hugs, stuff like that.  The non-sexual things that still show affection.  Because I still had feelings for him even with all the hormonal imbalances, but not to where I wanted to jump his bones!  So to me it helps to still do the small things so that it gets me moving. 

  

You might also want to see about changing your lifestyle with your husband so that you are able to go out alone one night a week to reconnect.  Plus, do one weekend activity together as a family.  We've tried to do that and see a world of difference in the way we treat each other--we simply can't help it!  I strongly believe in maintaining a balanced diet as well, because what we eat really does have the power to influence our mood.  Graham crackers with milk as a bedtime snack helps you unwind (I really am serious about that!) rather than alcohol that gives you a high and then a low.  Pasta can also boost your mood, as would protein.  But keep everything in balance to avoid unhealthy habits.  At one time, I wanted to be a nutritionist, so I had researched on this topic.  Now I'm more of a health writer instead.  Hope I was able to assist you in some small way--I know that everyone is sure different, so different things work for others.  This is just what worked for me.  And it's still a work in progress! 

 
October 5, 2005, 8:53 pm CDT

What is going on...

I am not sure what is going on with my boyfriend....we have been together for 5 years had a great sex life for about the first year then is went down to about on average 5 times a month. Then last year we found out we were expecting twins....good news to the both of us (I also have a 5 year old, this was "his first pregnancy) then all the sudden the sex stopped. I thought it was because he had his reasons, no big deal. I by luck, lost all my weight from the babies right away am back down to my normal size and still no sex!!! It's been almost a year!!!! I don't think he is cheating on me and I have tried to approach him about it but he doesn't really have a set answer it's like he is almost embarrassed. Any advise????
 
October 6, 2005, 11:25 pm CDT

you need to work this out

Quote From: natagirl

My husband and I have a healthy relationship, and we could never imagine ourselves with anyone else.  We dated for 7 years before getting married, and are going to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary at the end of this month.  Here's the thing: we never had a sexual relationship until 6 months before our wedding, and just about 2 months into our marriage I became pregnant and did not feel in the mood for sex and in general did not feel good.  Somehow we got through all of that, maintained a sexual relationship--but one in which I was frustrated because he just wouldn't leave me alone and would molest me (in my opinion) in hopes to magically get me turned on.  I would just break down and give in to him to get him to leave me alone afterward.  I was also upset that he worked so much to where he mostly did not have any days off from work after we returned from our honeymoon, so there were times that in my pregnancy I was sick and he wasn't there to help me out.  I guess at times I resented him for putting his job before our relationship, yet expected me to be a sex goddess when he was around! 

  

After I gave birth to our daughter, things were not too bad, and he actually started trying to be more sensitive and listen to what I told him would help me get in the mood.  But lately I am dreading sex again for another reason: oral sex.  For months he went on and on talking about it, how much he wanted it, etc.  But I always was grossed out--maybe because of some hygiene issues I have about bodily fluids and germs--and he couldn't understand that.  But one day to show him how much I do appreciate him in my life, I surprised him by giving him oral sex--with plastic wrap!  I know that sounds weird, but I didn't know what else to do because I didn't want to actually put his penis in my mouth.  I also have a thing against swallowing hair, and I would really freak out if I swallowed a pubic hair. 

  

So now I created a monster and my husband wants oral sex every time we make love.  For a while, he started having edd to where he'd ejaculate prematurely, and he was really embarrassed about being in bed with me.  He wanted me to perform oral sex instead.  Feeling frustrated rather than glad, I gave in.  I understand the whole plastic wrap thing is not even attractive, but I couldn't think of what else to do to combat my issues.  Finally I told him I'd consider using flavored condoms if he still wanted me to do that for him--so he bought some and we tried them out.  I really have no incentive to even give him a blow job, and when I do it I can't wait until I can be done with it!  I know that sounds horrible, and I don't know what to do about feeling that way.  I know that I would NEVER want him to give me oral sex, because that too grosses me out.  But what has been really bothering me lately is that he is trying to get me to put more of his penis in my mouth at a time, and as it is I feel like I want to gag, but I don't want to tell him that and offend him.  What should I do?  I'm so afraid that everything is falling apart and I just want to have fun in the bedroom but not have it to be just oral sex and having intercourse.  Could someone give me some advice? 

I am not sure what you issue is with oral sex or sex in general.  But you need to maybe see a Sex Doc, by yourself.  He is wanting his wife to please him, that is normal?  He is only wanting what all men want and it;s actually nothing kinky, just hard for you for some reason.  You need to find ways that work for you. BUT you have to open up and let go.  YOU are really missing out on the oral sex thing.  I have never had the big "O" that way before until my recent b\f and WOW,,,,,, you need to sit back and relax and love loving you husband and let him please you, you please him and make love like you mean it!  add some wild life into it, in a way you can handle it. 

 
October 7, 2005, 1:51 pm CDT

Try This

Quote From: latingirl

I am not sure what you issue is with oral sex or sex in general.  But you need to maybe see a Sex Doc, by yourself.  He is wanting his wife to please him, that is normal?  He is only wanting what all men want and it;s actually nothing kinky, just hard for you for some reason.  You need to find ways that work for you. BUT you have to open up and let go.  YOU are really missing out on the oral sex thing.  I have never had the big "O" that way before until my recent b\f and WOW,,,,,, you need to sit back and relax and love loving you husband and let him please you, you please him and make love like you mean it!  add some wild life into it, in a way you can handle it. 

Why don't you try to make oral sex more palatable. Use whipped cream or flavored lubricant. Make sure he showers right before and ask him to shave. If you love him and want to be his only source for oral pleasure, give it a try. He will love you for trying! One more thing, try reading sexy stories before you make love to get you in the mood. There are some great feminine directed soft porn books out there that are hot!
 
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