Topic : Is This Normal?

Hi i am  a married women  and  even doe i have been trough a lot my husbend we have lasted 20 years , does any one know anything that can give me a sex drive i am only 41 and i never really had one my doc says my hormons are ok i just want to be excited like my husbent does be .

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Well I hope that you both keep clean to start with. maybe you and he could take a shower or bath together and that would clear up that question altogether. i hope so anyway. Sorry but soap and a clean man is a turn on,k and damp hair!!!!!!!!!!!

That should read soap and damp hair hair is a turn on, at least for me it is. I want a clean man.

My wife and I are active swingers for the past couple years and have been to a number of swinger clubs so I do have some experience in this area.  For starters tread very carefully in this matter and keep your eyes wide open and keep the channels of communication open at all times.   All men are titilated with the idea of swinging and  for the right couples doing it for the right reasons and in the right manner it can really enhance the level of trust, intimacy and communication between a couple.  HOWEVER it is not for most couples.  there is a good reason that the vast majority of the earth's population practices monogamy as it's official form of sexual expression.

 

Swinging may enhance a satisfying, stable and healthy relationship that already has a satisfying romantic and sexual relationship but it will quickly DESTROY a relationship that has any cracks in it at all.  My advice at this point is to think of it as a sexy fantasy and discuss it more and open up your communication with a lot of "what if?" questions.   Find some swinger message boards and read as much information there as you can from current active swingers.  I would also suggest looking into some actual homemade swinger videos and watching those together and discussing them.  Do NOT get commercial porn videos from Hollywood porn studios.  Real swingers are not young hardbodied porn models.  Real swingers are your middle aged next door neighbors with familys and strethmarks and receding hairlines and potbellys.

 

Don't jump into anything and don't let your SO talk you into anything just because he has a fantasy.  In order for your relationship to survive this has to be something  that you two do together as full equals and it has to be for both of your benifits.  Do lots of talking and research and make sure it is really something that both of you want to explore.

My Boyfriend (he is 32 y.o) of 2 years went to his bestfriend's stag do in barcelona two months ago. He told me it would involve a lot of drinking and visiting strip clubs as to be expected of a stag do. I didnt have a problem with that as we were very much in love and a week before he left for barcelona we had an amazing holiday in the maldives which we both thought was the best time of our lives. However when he came back from the the stag-do and wedding 2 weeks later, he was acting distant. He told me he was jet-lagged and tired etc. We didnt seem to as happy as when he left and this lack of satisfaction on my part deepened. I shake the feeling he slept with someone, so yesterday i checked his emails, he forgot to delete his sent messages which revealed through 8 emails he replied to one the one day to the groom to be. The groom was worried be might have contracted cold sores as he went for "option B" with did not require barrier protection like "option A" which my boyfriend went for. My boyfriend did not seem to feel and remorse or guilt like the groom reassuring him that he didnt have anything to worry about and bragged that he was" in there longer". The groom was also worried about his credit card being charged and asked my boyfriend how he paid. My boyfriend said he used the cash point 3 times then charged his card once- thats to me me sounds as if he made a lot of purchases. Previous to checking his email i asked him if anything happened when he was overseas, he swore on his life that he didnt sleep with anyone, not even a hooker. My boyfriend is very affectionate, generous and loving. I feel that when he drinks to to much with his friends he has something to prove. I am 27, I don't know whether I should leave him. I havent confronted him yet. What should I do?

 I think there is nothing wrong for you and your wife to expose your bodies to each other but to expose your bodies in front of children I think is wrong. I would not like to see my father having his penis hanging around. I think that you have to consider the children. You can teach them their body is okay without parading around in the buff.  I tell your wife dont allow this. What are you teaching your children when they have to go to school around their friends. It is okay for you to take your clothes off and parade around.. Not.. To me that is a form of child abuse.  I think it sounds a little perverted.

Well I'n many cultures it is normal for children to view their parrents in the nude. Both in europe (at least Geramany, france and the Netherlands) and in Asia (at least in japan) It is normal for children to view their parrents naked. It is helpfull in their education as they  learn the difference between men and women and between boys and men and girls and women.

 

I also know that in the netherlands it isn't wierd for whole famelies to go to the nude beach either (though it hasn't got my personal pref)

 

Nudism is accepted and has as far as I know nothing to do with sex in any way or form. (I have never heard about it being sexual) I still would keep into considderation what your wife wants you to do but still it is nothing to be ashamed of or to feel wierd about. And I would talk to her about this your feelings and hers and why she is afraid of you being naked.

 

 

I'm a 29 year old newlywed and have been married for just over a month. My husband and I were together for a year before we got married. I am very happy for the most part in our marriage, except I don't think we have enough sex. We had it alot when we first started dating, and then after the first few month, it started to taper down to sometimes once a week, or once every two weeks.

 

Since we've been home from our honeymoon, we have had sex 3 times. Is that normal for newlyweds? I didn't think it was. Every time, it was me who initiated it. (I can't even remember the last time he did) Also since then, there have been several times where I made advances, only to be be rejected by him, becuase he was either too drunk, too tired, or too full. Most of those times have been pretty humiliating, to say the least. I have gotten to the point in the past couple of weeks that I don't even try to have sex unless I feel completely desperate for it, and that's not doing anything for my self respect.

 

I don't understand why this is happening. We have a great relationship. We have so many things in common- we love to do the same things for fun, we love the same kind of music, we are financially stable, and have a happy home. We both work full time jobs, but it doesn't consume our entire lives. We don't even have kids yet, so how is our sex life going to be when and if we do?

 

I feel like we have great sex when we do, we just never do, becuase he never wants to. I can see this putting a serious strain on our marriage if it keeps up. I have tried to blow things off, but at this point, I'm getting very frustrated and I'm afraid I'm going to start taking it out on him very soon. I feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore. I keep telling myself in my head that it's pretty bad when your husband doesn't want to have sex with you. I know that I shouldn't hold him repsponsible for that, but what else am I supposed to think?

 

I am just so confused. I hear married men complaining all of the time that their wives never want to have sex. Now I have a husband that doesn't want to have sex.

 

He doesn't have erectile disfunction, and I really don't think he is cheating on me. So what could be going on? I have tried to talk about it to him before, but every time I do, he accuses me of being selfish and thinking it's ALL about sex. I don't think that at all, but I do think that it is an important part of a relationship and/ or marriage, and I am not satisfied with being the one to always make the advances only to get rejected most of the time. It's not like I want to have it every day, but at least once or twice a week would be nice. It's starting to make me angry that this is happening, and I'm afraid it's going to blow up at the wrong time. It also makes me feel guilty for being angry.

 

Am I being selfish? Am I unreasonable to think that there may be a problem? Do I just want TOO much sex? I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I don't want to talk to my friends, becuase I don't want to embarrass my husband. To me, it's definately a matter to keep private, but I can't figure this thing out by myself and I'm already worried that this may eventually lead to a divorce if it doesn't get worked out. The last thing I want is for our marriage to end because of our sex lives, but the hostility is starting to set in.

 

Anyone's opinion would be greatly appreciated, because I just don't know how to approach this whole thing.  

 

 

I just wrote a message about that in another thread. Maybe you feel it apllies to you otherwise I'm happy to give advice more tailored to you (as far as possible.)
http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/topic/199/