Topic : Is This Normal?

Thank you so much for writing back. It feels comforting to know that I'm not the only one going through this.  It's just really confusing, you know?

I always thought that was one of the things a man's always wanted in a a wife. Not a major thing, but at least one of the things. He always says it isn't about sex, it's about other things, which I completely agree with, but that doesn't mean that NO sex is the right way to be in marraige.

I got some really good advise from my mother (of all people) that I shouldn't let it bother me or make me feel un-attractive, that he loves me very much, or he wouldn't have married me if he wasn't attracted to me. Whatever his reason may be, sex just probably isn't that important to him. He has given me no signs of cheating, and the sex aside, he is everything in a man that I could ever ask for.

My mother told me that in her second marriage, she had the same situation with her husband, except it was the other way around. He wanted to have sex all of the time, and once they got married, she really didn't think sex was all that important. He used to want it all the time, and when she didn't feel like doing it he would start to get angry. When that happened, she REALLY didn't want to have it and it just pushed her farther away. Well, he became almost obsessed, to the point where he actually did a survey with his co-workers on how many times a week them and their partners had sex. She was furious when he told her he did this, but out of curiosity, wanted to see the results he had come up with. Some couples said they had sex, 2 or 3 times a week, some said they had it once or twice a month, and all were okay with it.

My mother later came to find out that he was addicted to sex and she found out he was cheating on her, too. Well, I know that this isn't the same as my situation. I don't want to have sex with anyone but my husband, and the thought of cheating on him literally makes me sick. We have a great relationship and love each other very much, but I have to remember that the more of a big deal I make of this, whether he's emarrased or just doesn't think it's that important, it will probably just push him further away. Every time I bring it up, especially when I'm angry about it, it just makes it look like sex is all I care about, and that just isn't true.

So what I'm going to try now is to probably go and buy a toy, use it when I'm feeling the most frustrated (and not rub it in his face) and I'm going to just wait and try my best to not let it bother me. And hopefully he will come around. I'm not going to be mean about it, but I'm tired of it being an issue in our marriage. I can't let this ruin our relationship. It isn't worth it.

Hopefully that is the best way to handle it. It's the best way I can think of now, so it's worth a try. We'll see what happens. A guy loves a girl who doesn't let thibngs bother her, so I'm not going to let it bother me anymore, and I'll just let him come around when he wants to. I'm sure he will.

Hopefully that helps!

I'm a 29 year old newlywed and have been married for just over a month. My husband and I were together for a year before we got married. I am very happy for the most part in our marriage, except I don't think we have enough sex. We had it alot when we first started dating, and then after the first few month, it started to taper down to sometimes once a week, or once every two weeks.

Since we've been home from our honeymoon, we have had sex 3 times. Is that normal for newlyweds? I didn't think it was. Every time, it was me who initiated it. (I can't even remember the last time he did) Also since then, there have been several times where I made advances, only to be be rejected by him, becuase he was either too drunk, too tired, or too full. Most of those times have been pretty humiliating, to say the least. I have gotten to the point in the past couple of weeks that I don't even try to have sex unless I feel completely desperate for it, and that's not doing anything for my self respect.

I don't understand why this is happening. We have a great relationship. We have so many things in common- we love to do the same things for fun, we love the same kind of music, we are financially stable, and have a happy home. We both work full time jobs, but it doesn't consume our entire lives. We don't even have kids yet, so how is our sex life going to be when and if we do?

I feel like we have great sex when we do, we just never do, becuase he never wants to. I can see this putting a serious strain on our marriage if it keeps up. I have tried to blow things off, but at this point, I'm getting very frustrated and I'm afraid I'm going to start taking it out on him very soon. I feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore. I keep telling myself in my head that it's pretty bad when your husband doesn't want to have sex with you. I know that I shouldn't hold him repsponsible for that, but what else am I supposed to think?

I am just so confused. I hear married men complaining all of the time that their wives never want to have sex. Now I have a husband that doesn't want to have sex.

He doesn't have erectile disfunction, and I really don't think he is cheating on me. So what could be going on? I have tried to talk about it to him before, but every time I do, he accuses me of being selfish and thinking it's ALL about sex. I don't think that at all, but I do think that it is an important part of a relationship and/ or marriage, and I am not satisfied with being the one to always make the advances only to get rejected most of the time. It's not like I want to have it every day, but at least once or twice a week would be nice. It's starting to make me angry that this is happening, and I'm afraid it's going to blow up at the wrong time. It also makes me feel guilty for being angry.

Am I being selfish? Am I unreasonable to think that there may be a problem? Do I just want TOO much sex? I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I don't want to talk to my friends, becuase I don't want to embarrass my husband. To me, it's definately a matter to keep private, but I can't figure this thing out by myself and I'm already worried that this may eventually lead to a divorce if it doesn't get worked out. The last thing I want is for our marriage to end because of our sex lives, but the hostility is starting to set in.

Anyone's opinion would be greatly appreciated, because I just don't know how to approach this whole thing.  

I have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years. I am not allowed to initiate sex., not to mention I almost have to beg for sex. Yet this man is soliciting himself as a man with a HIGH sex drive on these nasty x-rated yahoo groups, giving out his cell number to random whores who frequent the "gloryhole" bookstore/theaters.

I am not an over weight unattractive woman, I am a faithful. devoted partner who is up for any kinkyness to keep the spark alive. I am lucky to get sex once a month.

Why is it that he insists he has a high sex drive and he is not satisfying me?

My fiance and I have an absolutely wonderful relationship. We started out as best friends, and it only grew from there. Emotionally, things have been perfect. After we got engaged and started to get physical, it proved to be just as wonderful.

A few months later I ended up getting pregnant due to failed birth control, and became extremely ill. I miscarried a few weeks after finding out, but the illness stayed. I thought it was stress from moving or my family life, but I found out it was actually HG, a not very common, very severe form of morning sickness. The effects can last a really long time.

Needless to say, even though I was so sick I still felt the same attraction and longing with my fiance, and he's extremely loving and affectionate, but anytime he ever tried to initiate something I'd immediately get sick to my stomach, or feel ill. I felt really really bad, because we both wanted things so badly but I'd just get so suddenly and inexplicably sick. Despite how I felt, the reality of my sex drive was 0.

The effects of the illness are finally starting to wear down, but I still get this nausea on occasion when we start getting intimate. Not too much is known about HG, but if anyone else here has it, did you go through something similar? I have a high chance of getting it again in the future, and I'd like to know for then and the dwindling effects now, what I can do so I'm not so nauseated or sex-drive deprived. Me and my fiance have an extremely healthy relationship emotionally and physically, and I'd like to keep that up!

I'm right there with all of you!!! What is with our men?! When my ex and I first started going out we were having sex 3-4 times a day but when we decided to move-in together it became maybe once a day...I have never understood it! But it's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this!

I don't think that men begin to see us as less sexy or less desirable - I think it's more that they know they can get "it" whenever they want to so the "need" isn't as pressing.

...whomever told men women don't like sex is dead wrong...gawd....

Aside from that though, I have a very embarrassing question/statement:: I have never had an orgasm! What am I doing wrong?! Also...I've never been on birth-control yet I've never gotten pregnant. Not that I want to [gosh no! but I do find it concerning!!

Perhaps this question is to personal for the board [idk but it really has been bothering me! I'm at my wits end...

don't worry no question is to personal (don't you just love anonimity...)

But as for your questions: It is not unusual for a woman not to have an orgasm during sex. It is just biology and a little math: Men take about 10-15 minutes on average to orgasm women take 30 minutes up to more then an hour.

Penetration alone is for most women not enough and they must have their clitores stimulated. So it is important for you and your partner to know where it is. if you don't know see the internet and try masturbating, masturbation is also good for you to find out what you like and how you like it.

It is also imperative for you not to be stressed since that can make orgasm a lot harder (men use this trick to postpone there orgasm and think about math for instance)

But in the end a man's/womens tongue/hand might just not keep up to what a lot of women need to orgasm.

What you can do is use a small vibrator during sex with your partner or when masturbating. You now a days have vibrators that are small enough but still have strong vibrations.

As for the other question that is something only a dokter can tell you I'm afraid.