Topic : Is This Normal?

Ok first off you really need to go see a therapist. It is not good when you have suicidal thoughts. Now they are just that thoughts but if you don't get treated they will one day become actions and really you don't want to die even if nothing seems right at the moment.

There is a good chance that you are clinically depressed, meaning that you feel down for most of the day. These feelings are partly due to your life as it is and partly because of a neurone deficiency in your brain. It is treatable however, suicide is not the answer.

The therapist will also help you with other parts of your life and your relationship with your husband. In a later stage you might try getting help from your priest as well. I have heard that some priests say that if you don't love him anymore it probably wasn't meant to be and therefor the marriage wasn't valid in the eyes of god. I don't know if that is enough for you but with guidance you might be able to work out a satisfactory answer for yourself.

I hope you will refind your life once again soon,

Oet Gäöl

Btw keep writing poetry , it's good :-D

I feel so alone in this, and I wonder if anyone else struggles guilt of loosing virginity at a young age.  I was 14 when I was pressured into sex by my best friend's 18 yr old brother.  We ended up in a relationship (if you can call it that) for 9 mths until I broke things off.  Soon afterwards I began dating the man who would become my husband. 

It has been 15 years since I lost my virginity and I still think about it..... probably because I see and talk to the man I lost my virginity to almost everyday.  (Yes, my husband knows.  He talks to him more than I do.)

My question is how do other people feel when they talk to their first?

Do you constantly wonder, "Is he thinking of what we did"?

Is it okay for me to still have some fond memories?

Don't get me wrong... I love my husband and I do NOT regret my choice to commit my life to him.  He is the greatest man I could ever imagine being married to.  My husband loves me and respects me and he is my very best friend.  He know everything about me. 

Still if I had to do it over again... I must admit that I did enjoy my short relationship befor I began dating my husband.  The man I lost my virginity to is a nice and happy, fun guy.  I may regret how things began between us and that I was so young when we were together, but I don't regret that he was a part of my history.  Is this wrong?

No not at all. It is great you accept your history and feel good about it. That relationship helped in making who you are now. Even though it didn't work out it was nice at that time that is good and there is no shame in remembering that.

 ok. so im a 17 yr. old female, proud to say im a virgin!

i do occasionally "pleasure myself"  and i enjoy it greatLY!!!

I'VE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND , NEVER BEEN KISSED

LITTLE ON THE HEAVY SIDE.

 when i go to the docter and they ask if im sexually active i say no because ive never engaged in intercourse or oral. whatever... is what i do wrong? is masurbating technically sex?

Well yes and no.

Masturbation is part of your sexual experience and sex life. But it's not sex in the traditional way.

Maybe this is a good way to look at it. Masturbation helps you keep your virginity. You can let the pressure off every now and again but you keep away from boys for now. Maybe it helps to know that over 90% of men and at least over 60% of women masturbate. There have to be devoted Christians, Muslims, Jews or whatever your religion is among them.  

I need some advice, i'm in quite the situation and not sure what to do.

My partner and I  split 6 months ago and are still in a sexual relationship, better than ever I might add, anyhow, we've been talking about getting back together and it hinges on one thing.  I must have sex with multiple strange partners while he watches, and I MUST enjoy myself to prove to him how much i still care for him.  He says he wants me to enjoy myself even though he knows I was against this sexaul act when he first mentioned it years ago.  He says he is not willing to compromise or he will not come home. 

I've always believed that sex is something special that couples share in a relationship, this act that he wants me to do will feel like cheating even though he will be watching.  It goes against my beliefs and i want him and him only, not some stranger in my bed

We have had the stormiest and sometimes violent relationship and I do still care but i question if he wants me to do this.. Can he really care about me?  Will he even come home?  Can I live with myself after?  I don't know anymore.

There are all kinds of alarm bells going off here!!! Who does he think he is? He does not have the right to force you into doing something you do not want! You said it yourself he manipulates you into doing something you don't want. Don't do it! He might have a fantasy but if you don't want to do it it should stay a fantasy. If he tries to force you this way then you are better off without him.

Then about the getting back together. Why did it go out last time? Try to remember, has it changed since then or would it just end like it did the first time? I mean your relationship is based on sex now which is less complicated then when you have a romantic relationship and might even life together. Are you shure you want to get back together?

I wish I had great advice, unfortunately I'm in a similar situation - not to that extreme though.  This is my first post.  I signed up to respond to your post.  All I can say is WATCH OUT!  There's so many problems I see here and things that could backfire.  It's a can of worms that can get out of hand in a hurry.  The biggest issue I see if that this is a must and it's an extreme must that suggests other issues your partner has.  If he loves you than he loves YOU and needs to keep his fantasies in check.  Has he said why this is such a big deal?  Is he prepared for the aftermath - what if you find someone else in the process, what if it's not as great to watch you do this as he thinks it is, etc... 

My DH had been strongly suggesting for me to sleep with other men for a couple of years.  I was like you and found it wrong on multiple levels.  He didn't say he wanted to watch, he didn't have any 'rules' for it other than I couldn't love that person.  He swore that he didn't want to sleep with other women.  He thought it was rev up my libido.

I shrugged it off for a long time.  And even felt a little put off that he would be okay with sahring me that way. Then last fall I finally thought I'd keep an open mind.  We'd been having some issues and were getting better so I thought maybe it would be okay - even though I still really struggled with it.  To buy some time and make sure that I would stay in control of the situation I said that I wasn't ok w/him sleeping around, I would have to know and feel comfortable with this person & they'd have to be safe (meaning clean, nice, and w/little risk of the word getting out).

Several weeks later I mentioned one of my male friends as a 'possiblity', but I was still very iffy about it for a number of reasons.  DH kept pushing for me to tell this friend how he felt and see if there was an option for that.  I did, but was clear with my friend that I wasn't sure that I was okay even though DH was.  As we started talking about the possibilty and getting to know each other better we realized that we had feelings & that this wouldn't just be sex.  We decided to stop going down that slippery slope.  I didn't tell DH, b/c i didn't want to hurt him and I wanted to keep my marriage and not persue other routes.  DH confronted me and I admitted to having a crush.  All hell broke loose.  He threatened to leave.  I broke the only rule - even though it wasn't on purpose and I was against the idea to begin with.  Even though I didn't act on those feelings I broke his heart.  On top of other issues we were already dealing with this has been horrendous. 

Now on top of having a crumbling marriage I have to distance myself from a friend who didn't choose this.   DH and I put him in an akward position.

After the blow-up I found that DH had signed up for a swinger/hook-up sex site.  He had e-mail accounts that I didn't know about.  He was taking MBA classes and going to the same bar to have a beer to 'unwind' after every class.  He still wanted to go 'check out' a night club that catered to swingers.  He even suggested that we have a shell marriage and date/have sex with other people.  He went nuts secretly spying on me - searching through my stuff, SIM card Reader, Keylogger, trying to hack into my acounts trying to find out 'how I really felt about him'.  Meanwhile I keep thinking what is he hiding?

My life is pitiful and I wouldn't be in this place if I had stuck to my guns.  Even if it doesn't go this bad for you is this how you want to start over in your relationship - him forcing you to do something you don't want to?  What will it lead to down the line sexually or in everyday events?

I am interested to see what happens as time passes.  I agree with the other responder that you should seek couseling and work on YOU.  Need learn to be happy with yourself no matter what youd DH says/thinks.  In fact he may just change gears as the positive changes take over in you from you learning that you are worthly just for being you.  Your poetry is great for therapy - you should make the line "Take back myself that is my right." for your motto!  In any decision you make you have to find YOU.  The man doesn't the woman make.

That being said I completely understand staying b/c of your faith.  The biggest reason I am with my husband right now is becasue of my faith based viewpoint.  I'm not in an abusive sitaution and my child is happy and safe therefore I can't bring myself to divorce - even when my DH brought it up.  We are in a very bad place right now and a big part of that was that I found myself in a similar situation as you with a 'friend' I never acted nor did I want to act on those feelings, but DH found out and it was horrible.

Another huge reason for me to stay it that I realize that I need to fix what I am doing wrong.  Even if our relationship fails if I don't learn the lessons of what I am doing to contribute to it then I will just carry that into another relationship.  The divorce rate for second marriages is bleak.

It's hard and I just keep praying for strength.   There of course is more to the story that would take too long in a post, but I'd be happy to keep in touch with you through posting or e-mailing.

You are NOT abnormal.  Though the swinger life is defintely out there I don't think it's more popular than keeping sex between two people in a committed relationship.  He should respect & love you enough to respect your feelings about this.  Out of curiousity would you be okay with him continuing and you not?  I'm just thinking that might be a compromise.

Why is it so important to him?  You say that you never wanted to - what was it that made you say ok?  I ask b/c for 2 yrs my DH wanted me to sleep with other people and I brushed it off.  I couldn't understand why he'd be okay with that.  He said that he didn't want to sleep w/other gals, but he did want to visit a swingers club "just to see".  I thought strongly about doing what he asked, but in teh meantime developed feelings for the person that was a possibility and decided to not do anything.  DH found out about the feelings and was devestated.  He was willing to share my body but not my heart. 

After the fallout I discovered that he had a profile on a swinger/hook-up site.  We are now in this horrible cycle of mis-trust and hurt.  We'd had issues for several years, but were getting a little better before this.