Topic : Is This Normal?

Well it is normal that when a relationship grows the times you have sex goes down. If you are both happy with it then there is no problem but in this case it doesn't satisfy you so you need to work on it together. Don't compare your sexlife now to the way it was in the beginning of the relationship since that was unusually high (all relationships start out that way, but it is unrealistic that anyone can keep it up very long.)

You say you sometimes want to get even with him and say no yourself, but that is not a good idea. It will create an atmosphere in your relationship of negativity and getting even. It won't do any good to your sexlife in any case. Besides as you pointed out it will leave you unsatisfied.

So what to do? well relationship are communication which is also true for the sexual level of the relationship. Ofcourse you shouldn't bring it up right before you are going to do something or after you are rejected. Try it in a more neuteral time of day after dinner maybe. Talk about each others fantasies, turn-ons etc. Maybe he just wants to do something new but is afraid to ask or you might find out about something else that is bugging him.

Then there may be something in the way you offer the sex. You might go to fast for him. try doing it a bit slower seduce him. Start of by setting the mood in the room, feeding each other food and or giving him a massage.

Then it may be that your sex drive indeed is just higher at the moment then there is a solution that always helps. You have two hands and there are a lot of toys out there, I'd suggest you try them sometime...

My husband and I knew each other for about 5 months before we were married and have been married for 6 yrs now.  My husband and I haven't had sex in about a year and a half and prior to that I was lucky if it was once in a 6 month period. I would try to initiate it but there was always a reason for not being intimate (he was tired, had to be up early etc...) I gave up finally thinking it was all my fault. I have been sleeping on the couch for about a year. Within that year I have told him how I felt on several occasions only for it to end up the same again. I have a medical condition that for the first couple of years was very trying on my body (I was always ready and willing to be intimate however) and I gained weight. I was also in a very stressful job for about 5 yrs and gained additional weight. I am not happy with that fact but I have tried more than once to lose weight and did only to gain it back. During this time my husband also gained a lot of weight. However I have never with held sex from him for it. We recently had a huge fight about something and he ended up telling me that he hates me with a few other choice words. This hurt really, really bad. So bad I didn't talk to him for a week except quick yes and no answers. He apologized but it doesn't feel the same anymore. He had even said he forgot how to ask for sex. I wanted to laugh cus you don't ask your spouse for sex. It is something that should just happen naturally. His neglect of being an appreciative husband in other areas (cooking, cleaning etc.) has left me very bitter as well.  We do struggle financially as well because of unnecessary expenses (his boy toys). Now after this blow up when he tries to make a flirtatious pass at me it feels awkward and not natural.  Over the last several months I have discussed this with a friend via the internet. That friend has been more encouraging to me than my own husband. He tells me I am beautiful and is excited when I lose weight (a total of 16lbs now).  This friend is also not happy that my own husband would treat his wife in such a manner. I have needed so badly to hear loving words from my own husband and have told him this several times. I now am torn as to what to do. I am drowning in sorrow over this and its keeps me depressed. The only time I am not depressed is when I talk to my friend.  I would never think of an affair before but lately that has crossed my mind and now my heart is torn between my love of another man and my commitment for religious reasons to my husband because the love just isn’t there anymore and I think he knows that. He said to me the other day “you don’t love me anymore do you?” I said yes I do for sake of argument and so I didn’t have rehash out everything once again only for the result to be the same. That would be insanity.  I just don’t know what to do because nothing feels right anymore. I mean he has left me to wander with my eyes and now my heart.  I don’t want to betray him or God or my religion but the pain has been so unbearable.  I just long to be loved the way a wife should be. I have been so depressed over this at times that suicidal thoughts have entered my mind so I don’t have to face the problem but I know I can’t do that to all my family.  I used to right poetry and my friend and his encouragement I started to do so again. Here is a sample and any help with my situation is appreciated. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

Ok first off you really need to go see a therapist. It is not good when you have suicidal thoughts. Now they are just that thoughts but if you don't get treated they will one day become actions and really you don't want to die even if nothing seems right at the moment.

There is a good chance that you are clinically depressed, meaning that you feel down for most of the day. These feelings are partly due to your life as it is and partly because of a neurone deficiency in your brain. It is treatable however, suicide is not the answer.

The therapist will also help you with other parts of your life and your relationship with your husband. In a later stage you might try getting help from your priest as well. I have heard that some priests say that if you don't love him anymore it probably wasn't meant to be and therefor the marriage wasn't valid in the eyes of god. I don't know if that is enough for you but with guidance you might be able to work out a satisfactory answer for yourself.

I hope you will refind your life once again soon,

Oet Gäöl

Btw keep writing poetry , it's good :-D

I feel so alone in this, and I wonder if anyone else struggles guilt of loosing virginity at a young age.  I was 14 when I was pressured into sex by my best friend's 18 yr old brother.  We ended up in a relationship (if you can call it that) for 9 mths until I broke things off.  Soon afterwards I began dating the man who would become my husband. 

It has been 15 years since I lost my virginity and I still think about it..... probably because I see and talk to the man I lost my virginity to almost everyday.  (Yes, my husband knows.  He talks to him more than I do.)

My question is how do other people feel when they talk to their first?

Do you constantly wonder, "Is he thinking of what we did"?

Is it okay for me to still have some fond memories?

Don't get me wrong... I love my husband and I do NOT regret my choice to commit my life to him.  He is the greatest man I could ever imagine being married to.  My husband loves me and respects me and he is my very best friend.  He know everything about me. 

Still if I had to do it over again... I must admit that I did enjoy my short relationship befor I began dating my husband.  The man I lost my virginity to is a nice and happy, fun guy.  I may regret how things began between us and that I was so young when we were together, but I don't regret that he was a part of my history.  Is this wrong?

No not at all. It is great you accept your history and feel good about it. That relationship helped in making who you are now. Even though it didn't work out it was nice at that time that is good and there is no shame in remembering that.

 ok. so im a 17 yr. old female, proud to say im a virgin!

i do occasionally "pleasure myself"  and i enjoy it greatLY!!!

I'VE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND , NEVER BEEN KISSED

LITTLE ON THE HEAVY SIDE.

 when i go to the docter and they ask if im sexually active i say no because ive never engaged in intercourse or oral. whatever... is what i do wrong? is masurbating technically sex?

Well yes and no.

Masturbation is part of your sexual experience and sex life. But it's not sex in the traditional way.

Maybe this is a good way to look at it. Masturbation helps you keep your virginity. You can let the pressure off every now and again but you keep away from boys for now. Maybe it helps to know that over 90% of men and at least over 60% of women masturbate. There have to be devoted Christians, Muslims, Jews or whatever your religion is among them.  

I need some advice, i'm in quite the situation and not sure what to do.

My partner and I  split 6 months ago and are still in a sexual relationship, better than ever I might add, anyhow, we've been talking about getting back together and it hinges on one thing.  I must have sex with multiple strange partners while he watches, and I MUST enjoy myself to prove to him how much i still care for him.  He says he wants me to enjoy myself even though he knows I was against this sexaul act when he first mentioned it years ago.  He says he is not willing to compromise or he will not come home. 

I've always believed that sex is something special that couples share in a relationship, this act that he wants me to do will feel like cheating even though he will be watching.  It goes against my beliefs and i want him and him only, not some stranger in my bed

We have had the stormiest and sometimes violent relationship and I do still care but i question if he wants me to do this.. Can he really care about me?  Will he even come home?  Can I live with myself after?  I don't know anymore.

There are all kinds of alarm bells going off here!!! Who does he think he is? He does not have the right to force you into doing something you do not want! You said it yourself he manipulates you into doing something you don't want. Don't do it! He might have a fantasy but if you don't want to do it it should stay a fantasy. If he tries to force you this way then you are better off without him.

Then about the getting back together. Why did it go out last time? Try to remember, has it changed since then or would it just end like it did the first time? I mean your relationship is based on sex now which is less complicated then when you have a romantic relationship and might even life together. Are you shure you want to get back together?