Topic : 12/04 Heroin Twins: The Intervention, Part 3

Amen!!!!!

I don't believe that I mentioned hard times in my past, if you are referring to me.  I also do not recall mentioning having 'good coping mechanisms'.  However, you may not be referiring to me.  I am not certain.

If the twins refused to live by the rules of the Stepfather & his new wife...I do not find fault w/his decision, especially in light of the fact that he had a very young, impressionable daughter in the household at the time.  I am fully aware of the 'antics', as well as the dangers of a drug addict & would not welcome one in my home...with or w/o a child already present in my home.

That being said...the whole point to my reply to the original poster was that I completely agreed w/her regarding the position that our society seems to have taken when it comes to accepting responsibilty for one's actions.  Being held accountable is something that is quickly becoming foreign to our culture.  The original poster pointed out that the twins were not accepting responsibility for their behavior; however, she thought nothing of society paying the price for her daughter's very poor choices in regard to bearing 5 children to an abusive, drug-addicted dolt!

If you are referring to me 'blaming the victim'...let me assure you that you must have misunderstood.  The 5 children are the innocent 'prisoners' of this woman & her idiot husband.  However...this woman repeatedly made the CHOICE to bring 5 INNOCENT children into a very toxic, unhealthy environment.  Then she turns around & expects that the good citizens of California pay for her actions!  The original poster was speaking w/a forked tongue, as it were.

Again...if you are referring to me in regard to college psychology...my accomplishments are far beyond that.  And...yes...if you CHOOSE to remain in an abusive relationship...you deserve what you get.  The children OTOH...certainly do not!

Dana.

How sad is your negative attitude. We are all dealt our hands and it is how we play our cards. No one individual is perfect, nor is their lives but it is the responsibility that we take that builds our strengths. You may not have gotten into drugs but, you definetly are on a bitter road. Everybody handles their pains differently, some people are resilient and some are not. I wish you and you daughter the best, abusive relationships are not easy. I was there also so I empathize. I also wish the twins the best of luck. I am following the story and my heart is with you both! :)

I am 42, mother of an 18 and 22 year old. I am married and he is the father of my 2 children. My life before I was married was very very tough.. I am adopted, my father cheated on my mother, my mother was an alcoholic, my Dad ignored all of us as he was to busy with his own life. My brother was and still is addicted to crack, and I never know from day to day when he will fall down in that deep hole again. My mother would have alcoholic ceasures, and I would ride alone in the ambulance to the hospital with her, and call a neighbor at 12,13, 14 and on for a ride home to an empty house, until someone would come stay with me. This went on for years....My point is- Nobody has the perfect life,  blaming a stepfather who adopted you has some merit,

but not fully. Everyone, no mater what age, can blame someone else for why they make terrible mistakes in thier lives. The day you own your own mistakes, and look yourself in the mirror and own yourself and your actions is the day you can begin to move on. For me, all those terible things in my life, gave me so much strength to want so much more for myself and the children I have. There life is great, and I have a wonderful husband, but never once have I hidden the truth from them. I know that knowing , hearing, and seeing for themselves the destruction in my family can make them learn to accept that people are human, and not to follow down one of those dark dark roads. I can only hope for my kids that they never encounter the pain that myself and all of those who have addicts in thier lives will never feel that pain.I wish the twins healing and day to day hope to make the right choices and own them. They deserve a good new life and a future. Do not put all of the blame on the stepfather, on the Mom, where is thier real Dad? Abandonment and rejection does cause alot of pain, and these girls are lucky that a stranger cared more for them to make the right call over their own family. Good luck to Sarah and Tecoa and to a new better future. Each day is about making choices, good or bad, and only that girl in the mirror can make the choices for you now. I hope that they will be strong and get the knowledge and tools to make better choices everyday.

Dr. Phil is a wonderful person to put these type of stories on his show, real people with real problems. He follows through with his words, and help, and not just a story to make a buck.

If we had more shows and people like Dr. Phil, this world would be a better place.

Tragically, there is nothing Perry could have done to stop these twins.  When your mother supplies you with alcohol and allows you to experiment ("all teenagers do") then the horse is out of the barn.  If I had been in his shoes, I would have done the same thing. 

 

Frankly, the financial toll of trying to reverse custody when the children would prefer to stay with an enabling parent would have driven him into bankruptcy and the twins would have stayed with their mother. 

 

Emotionally, why would any parent subject themselves to the pain and heartache of seeing two young girls head down a horrible path when there isn't a thing you can do about it? 

 

I have a stepdaughter that makes horrible decisions (she's 27) and I refuse to be wrapped up along with her.  I state my peace, make my point, and if she still can't see the obvious, well then, let me know how you are after this little self-inflicted drama is over. 

 

Please.... where is it written that you have to destroy your life or you're not a dutiful, loving or caring parent!  Yeah, you need a reality check. 

 WOW that is the story of my life. That is a beautiful and strong poem, thank you for sharing that......

I did not like the fact that the Dr. Phil show allowed the twins to make fun of the gifts that Rene gave them.  Maybe the stuffed animals were a little juvenile, but she gave them to the girls with a good heart.  I think that part could have been left out of the show .  I also think that the twins are bullies and would have been extremely difficult to deal with when they were together. 

I don't think that Perry should have cut off all contact with them, although I can understand why he did it.  I do understand Perry and Rene's concern for their child.  As I said, these girls are bullies and would have found ways to aggravate or hurt the child to get back at their father.

I don't understand why Dr. Phil has been so considerate of Cindy's feelings.  She is a neglectant parent and there is no way she could not know what was going on with these girls.  She did not intervene to stop it or get help from the many agencies that could have given it.  She tries to put the blame on the father and not own her part in this problem.  I really think that Sarah, Tecoa and Cindy are all pretending to be nice and cooperative at this point, but we will see what they are made of  when they are separated to go to rehab.

 You are very right....But it happens alot more than people think, the sad thing is you can't make them be apart of your life if they don't want to

I also read your entire post.  Thanks for writing.  I liked your story so much I forwarded it to my teenage son.  I love the analogy the story presents.  We can all use a bit of guidance from time to time.  Thanks for your input;  I live in Maryland. and have followed the twins story in our local paper (The Capital, in Annapolis), since last summer.  I hope they will continue to get well and move on with their lives in a positve way.  I don't want to participate in the blame game that other's are writing about.  We all have our reasons for making decisions in life; good and bad.  We all have our demons, and angels.  How we choose to go forward and make each day better is more important to me than placing blame.  As long as there is growth on the part of the mom, Cindy and no more co-dependence, she too can heal and be a positive support for the twins.  I hope she will get some guidance from Dr. Phil to deal with her own personal issues so that she can succeed in the most important after-care portion of the twins intervention. 

Take care and God Bless you for sharing your time and thoughts.  It was refreshing to see a positive ending to a tragic story. 

I don't blame the step dad at all. I know that many people believe that others owe them something but these girls were liabilities to the step father once he remarried. At that point, they needed to tow the line or be excluded from his life. I think the biological father is to blame for abandoning his seed. I was a step parent and let go of my step child once I found that their values were diametrically opposed to mine.  I am saying that once I found that a lack of integrity was more important to the child than being someone I could trust, as painful as it was, I had to get him out of my life. No blood ties, no obligation. Even with blood ties, forget it. If divorce is okay then so is eliminating those people from your life that will bring you and your life down. They were headed for heroin and they are manipulating the situation with this step dad. They made choices and they paid the consequences. Guilt is not enough to change the fact that he did the best he could for himself and that is always, in my opinion, the best for all involved. If he'd stayed his life would be toxic and poisoned. That's life.