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Topic : 06/19 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

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Created on : Friday, December 01, 2006, 03:21:00 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 12/05/06) Dr. Phil and Robin answer viewer questions! Melissa wrote in because her boyfriend, Destin, believes gambling is his right because he’s the man of the house. But Destin’s hobby caused them to lose their home, and Melissa fears that their son will grow up without basic necessities. Robin shares her own personal experience with a father who had a gambling problem and offers hope for this family’s future. Then, meet a couple at odds over whether giving their children “kiddie cocktails” will promote underage drinking and glorify alcoholic behavior. Plus, a young woman who thinks affection is “gross,” a woman who needs more romance, and a special surprise for an inspirational woman devoted to changing the lives of young burn victims. Join the discussion!

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rjjacks

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December 5, 2006, 9:20 pm PST

Where do you live?

Quote From: fotoman1133406

O.K. Guys,

Here's what's what...25 Apr.,'06 lost my wife of thirteen yrs, to kidney disease. Now I'm out , having to start over, and hate it...alone. Alone is toture...alone is hell.

What I need help...finding my new life(life partner).

HELP>

I'll gladly be a pen pal if you'd like to talk.

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afraid

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Happy

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chillin'

December 5, 2006, 9:22 pm PST

yeah in your case you would not want to allow kiddie cocktails unless you as well could drink them with out it being a trigger for you

Quote From: arambu74

I seen the show today and honestly was pretty surprised with Dr. Phil and Robins answer to Mike about his kids having "Kiddie Cocktails", I too am in recovery and thought about what was said and watched it again and thought maybe for a person that doesn' t have alcoholism in their genes, maybe then its ok, I don't know, I have alcoholism the disease, and went through treatment and learned in treatment that if we drink non-alcoholic beverages, in our mind we still think of it the wrong way, cause we are addicts, and thats what our head does, my kids have seen it all, I don't want them to think it is ok to drink, cause it isn't, it is dangerous if they do cause there is a chance they have that gene in them that they can turn to alcoholism, my drug of choice was crack but did other drugs and boyfriend drank, and girls dad drinks, and lots of drugs and alcohol in my family and both sides of all my kids famiies. Maybe with families that don't have alcoholism its different, I dont know?

I too had kiddie drinks when I was young, Grandma had a bar in her kitchen and she and others would make us kids kiddie drinks with no alcohol in it and when they turned their back we added alcohol to our drinks, and we were very young, like 9, 10 years old some of us. We felt it wasnt fair and what was the difference that the adults can do it why couldnt we? So we did. They still probably dont know we did that to this day.

Janie

but if your in treatment or fresh out of treatment, no way would i even go near any think that made me think about a drink of alcohol it wouldnt be in your best interest at this point and time for sure, good luck at staying sober you can and will do it one day at a time,10 years and still counting here so i know it can be done<>

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rlwitham

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Happy

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December 5, 2006, 9:32 pm PST

12/05 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Quote From: dottyofoz

i do not know if i can make it on ;my own.

i am willing to try.

i am so so scared.

i have been so lost and abused that i really do not know how to think clear.

i am weak and want to be strong

i know that he is smarter then me and will take every advantage possable

i also know that i am the one who got myself into this i should get myself out of this,

it is fear..

it is easier to be abused then be lost

i know how wrong that is.

i am so lost and want to find myself again

i think god is working hard to have me make my right decscions

i feel guilty because of marriage vows

i am somewhat relieved that he is calling it quits

i can find peace and not walk on eggshells

does any of this make sence?

I really need to make it and i really want to do right in life

I feel so upset that all i can do is cry and sleep

I need to wake up and take care of business but i just do not

have the strength i know that sounds dumb and hard to understand

but it is true.

sorry

i am truly trying

thanks

dotty

OK.. Dotty, I am going to say this.... EXACTLY 2 years ago I was going through the EXACT same thing..... and it was HELL.... but now I have a GREAT man I am getting ready to marry in Norway... I am moving it 2 weeks to be with him... so REALLY IT CAN GET BETTER.... and WILL GET BETTER.... BUT... GET SOME HELP NOW!!!!.... RIGHT AWAY..... and good luck...

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mizviz

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Angry

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December 5, 2006, 10:05 pm PST

Compulsive Gambling is SERIOUS!!

I am the ex-wife of a compulsive gambler as of today! 34 years of marriage over because of this addiction. Our retirement money was gambled away. The savings is gone. I'm 55 years old and have to start over again. I lived w/a man with this addiction for 14 years. TOO LONG! My home is up for sale. My life has been on hold for so long. This is an insidious addiction. The wife & kids do not matter. His career can be in jepardy(it was) and it still won't matter. The young lady on the show today show pack her bags , grab her kids and get the heck out of that relationship. It will be hard at first but she needs to do it!!. I looked the other way for so long. I covered for him to family and friends. I was so embarrassed by what he did and at other times in denial.Yet, I paid off the mounting debts so many times. We mortaged to house four times to pay off the debts. It always escalated and always continued to get worse.

Dr Phil needs to devote an entire show to gambling addiction. It has destroyed many families and lives. I am finally out but will bare the scars for a long, long time. Getting back on my feet will take some time but it is better to be on my own than to live in a 'threesome' (me, him, gambling) anymore. He did finally stop after 13 years of compulsive gambling (I'll really never know 100% if that is really true) but this last year (that he has allegedly stopped )has not brought us any closer.He has not had a character change which needs to happen or followed the 12 step program which is a must for combating any addiction including addictive gambling. I cannot trust him..EVER again. He does not make good choices/decisions. He has wanted to be on his own for awhile now and so be it. He has a stack of unpaid bills to deal with but that is his problem now. He does not want to pay spousal support but we'll just see about that.

I stayed w/ him and supported him for so long but that had beat me down. Compulsive Gambling and relationships will not work. The gambler thinks only of himself. I just cannot be a part of his life anymore. Our family has been so damaged by all of this. I just wanted to be on the show today and talk to that young lady and tell her to stand firm w/ her boyfriend. Do not be fooled by anything he says. And when Robin talked about how the men came to her door as a child for the furniture I cried for her. I've been selling off my furniture to try and pay the bills and maintain until this house is sold. It is all so very sad..................... Lynn V.

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meanhag

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Good

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December 5, 2006, 10:16 pm PST

Just a thought

Quote From: honipunkin

To Danette: My first kiss was horrible too! I had the same thought as you, this guy was sticking his tongue in my mouth! What was that about!! It was horrible and I didn't care to do that again either and the thought of sex... yuck!! I dated a couple of guys after that and didn't feel entirely comfortable with the physical contact either. I wanted it but I felt awkward and silly. Then a few years later I met the man who is now my husband and I felt comfortable from day one. You will find the right one and when you do, you will know and it will be great! Hang in there!!

Has it at all occurred to anyone that the reason this poor girl doesn't enjoy physical interaction with men may be because it isn't men she's attracted to? Granted I didn't catch today's show but I did check out the website and the message board. Isn't it possible that this girl - or others who feel similarly - may just be gay? I have many friends who had the same feelings that she had before they came out. It's not a bad thing. It's not wrong...but couldn't it be a possibility? Rather than seeking out man after man after man to have awkward and scary physical experiences with, would it be such an awful idea to think, even if just for a moment, that it might be a woman who makes her feel comfortable in this physical capacity? I am aware that there is an epidemic of homophobia in both the U.S. and Canada so it tends to even today be a less than openly discussed topic on television (unless you're a designer or on Oprah talking about the "down-low") but maybe it's something worth considering. At least talking about right?

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dheidrick

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Stressed

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frustrated

December 5, 2006, 10:17 pm PST

affection???

I missed todays show and really wanted to see the part about someone feeling that affection and kissing is "gross". I live with someone who does not touch, kiss, have sex, avoids all intimacy including even speaking the words "I love you". We are nothing more than roommates. I have tried to have a relationship with him but it just won't work. I am loving and affectionate and expect the same from my partner. When I have tried to talk to him about what I want and need, he gives me every excuse imaginable as to why he can not meet my needs. The cat gets all kinds of love and affection from him. When I point out to him that is what I want, he looks at me like I'm crazy and says "It's a cat - not a person!". Figure that one out....??? We tried to go to professional counseling and that turned to a disaster. My request for him to hold my hand was to much to ask. The counselor told him he knew what to do to be affectionate and romantic and he just needed to try and do it. (make an effort) The counselor told me to back off and see what happens. So, I did and guess what - nothing!!!!!!!! After two weeks, I moved into a different bedroom. That was months ago. (We have not had sex in over a year) I was expecting an honest, healthy, loving, adult relationship when I got involved with him and I was very picky about who I was willing to give my love to and he knew it absolutely. He also knows that I am very frustrated about this and have all but given up on him. We both have been married before. We are not children, we are in our 50's!!!! I think he needs serious help but he will only accept what Dr. Phil says as "right" , not me. He watched todays show and I could tell something sank in - the tinest fraction of difference in his attitude, but no changes in his actions yet. I don't expect any. I believe he has avoidant personality disorder but I can't tell him that or I'd scare him away. Dr. Phil, you're my only hope.

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mizviz

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Angry

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December 5, 2006, 10:34 pm PST

12/05 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Quote From: dottyofoz

HELP i AM AT A LOSS,

MY HUSBAND OF 10 YEARS GAMBLED EVERYTHING AWAY.

HE SAID HE WAS HUNTING AND WENT AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND. NEXT I KNEW BOOM IT WAS GONE. HE DOES NOT DRINK OR USE DRUGS.

HE IS JUST SO DIFFERENT SINCE I MET HIM. HE IS A MIDLIFE MESS!

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

HE PUTS ME DOWN AND BLAMES ME FOR ALL HIS PROBLEMS AND HE SAYS THAT HE DOES NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE.

I LIVE IN FEAR ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO.

HE NEEDS COUNCELING BUT WONT .

THANKYOU FOR ROBIN SHARING HER STORY TODAY i AM WATCHING IT CRYING KNOWING EXACTLY THE PAIN AND HURT.

WHAT DO I DO - I AM SO EMBARRASED AND FEEL SO UNWORTHY.

WHAT DO I DO-

DOTTYOF OZ.

Get out Dotty. He does not love you. You are not special to him. Gambling is ALL that is important. I'm 55 years old. My marriage of 34 years is over effective ,today. I just could not go on any longer.My retirement was gambled away. Gone. All the savings. Gone! My house is up for sale and I'm selling my furniture to pay bills. This is what living with a gambler for so many years has come to!! I feel for you I really do but you have to do what is best for you. SEE A LAWYER ASAP!!! Protect your financial affairs if you still have any finances to protect. You do have rights. I am in the process of a career move to better support myself. As long as you are in the 'poor me victim mode' you will not be able to move forward in to anything positive. There are things you can do to protect yourself. If he is abusive to you you must get out and away from him. Take a stand. And just why can't you get in touch with your grown children?? Do they know how bad it is for you? Do they care?? Do you have a minister you can get to? You are not alone. But you have to get some backbone. It took me awhile but I will not back down. Hang in there Dotty...but do do something and not wait on someone else to solve this terrible problem in your life. You can be the victor here. Believe in yourself and stop being the victim! Lynn V.

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lullyd

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Happy

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December 5, 2006, 10:36 pm PST

Dangers of Kiddie Cocktails, Candy Cigarettes, Etc

I can hardly believe Dr Phil did not recognize the validity of the opinion of today's (12/05/06) guest regarding Kiddie Cocktails, etc. Kiddie Cocktails are a vehicle to train a child to want to drink just like candy cigarettes trained kids to want to smoke (you better believe the cigarette companies loved those candy cigarettes!). Kids are easily influenced. Pretending is a teaching tool. Acting "as if" is the first step to doing. It is desensitizing. Of course, most of our parents didn't think about these things way back when and, yes, most of us turned out OK. But when you know better, you do better. In this day and age we should know better than to teach children how to drink, or smoke, or to point play weapons at people! I'm not saying that every child that does these things turns into an alcoholic with lung cancer in jail for murder! But can't we be more responsible? I don't see that it would be so restrictive to simply not buy Kiddie Cocktails, or toy guns, for that matter. I wish Dr Phil (or at least Robin) would have given a little more thought to this subject. Just because they may have approved of Kiddie Cocktails when Jay was young does not mean it was the best idea they ever had! They should know better!

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mtmom7628

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Happy

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happy

December 5, 2006, 11:40 pm PST

Kiddie Cocktails and other "Evils"

Quote From: lullyd

I can hardly believe Dr Phil did not recognize the validity of the opinion of today's (12/05/06) guest regarding Kiddie Cocktails, etc. Kiddie Cocktails are a vehicle to train a child to want to drink just like candy cigarettes trained kids to want to smoke (you better believe the cigarette companies loved those candy cigarettes!). Kids are easily influenced. Pretending is a teaching tool. Acting "as if" is the first step to doing. It is desensitizing. Of course, most of our parents didn't think about these things way back when and, yes, most of us turned out OK. But when you know better, you do better. In this day and age we should know better than to teach children how to drink, or smoke, or to point play weapons at people! I'm not saying that every child that does these things turns into an alcoholic with lung cancer in jail for murder! But can't we be more responsible? I don't see that it would be so restrictive to simply not buy Kiddie Cocktails, or toy guns, for that matter. I wish Dr Phil (or at least Robin) would have given a little more thought to this subject. Just because they may have approved of Kiddie Cocktails when Jay was young does not mean it was the best idea they ever had! They should know better!

For those of you who believe that the parents who allow their children to have "kiddie cocktails", candy cigarettes, or squirt guns are "unfit parents", I pitty you. Yes, my children have sparkeling cider at New Years. Yes, my children have had the candy cigarettes (as did I when I was a child and I don't smoke); and Yes, playing with squirt guns in the back yard has been wonderful! My children also like to eat the gummy candy shaped like geckos... does that mean I should be concerned that they are going to eat a real gecko? Give me a break! They are kids.... let them enjoy their childhood, afterall they don't get a second chance. If you want to be the "responsible" parent that you claim you are, try talking to your children... it works. My children know the effects and problems that alcohol can cause when abused. They are aware of the health problems that smoking can cause. They also know about sex and the dangers it can possess these days....I can't help but wonder why you didn't suggest that we also ban daytime television, commercials, or even being in public without a blindfold on? My children are very well adjusted, straight A students; and I'm not concerned that they will try to hold up the local convenience store with their squirt gun while puffing away on a candy cigarette. If your children know they can talk with you about these things, and they know they are loved, they will make good choices on their own. And remember, if you don't talk to your children openly about these things, their friends at school will. Wouldn't you rather the decisions they make are intelligently informed ones? And as far as your "stab" at the way Dr. Phil and Robin raised Jay, take a look at all he has accomplished at such a young age.... doesn't look like they screwed up to me.

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rlwitham

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Happy

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December 6, 2006, 12:15 am PST

12/05 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

Quote From: dheidrick

I missed todays show and really wanted to see the part about someone feeling that affection and kissing is "gross". I live with someone who does not touch, kiss, have sex, avoids all intimacy including even speaking the words "I love you". We are nothing more than roommates. I have tried to have a relationship with him but it just won't work. I am loving and affectionate and expect the same from my partner. When I have tried to talk to him about what I want and need, he gives me every excuse imaginable as to why he can not meet my needs. The cat gets all kinds of love and affection from him. When I point out to him that is what I want, he looks at me like I'm crazy and says "It's a cat - not a person!". Figure that one out....??? We tried to go to professional counseling and that turned to a disaster. My request for him to hold my hand was to much to ask. The counselor told him he knew what to do to be affectionate and romantic and he just needed to try and do it. (make an effort) The counselor told me to back off and see what happens. So, I did and guess what - nothing!!!!!!!! After two weeks, I moved into a different bedroom. That was months ago. (We have not had sex in over a year) I was expecting an honest, healthy, loving, adult relationship when I got involved with him and I was very picky about who I was willing to give my love to and he knew it absolutely. He also knows that I am very frustrated about this and have all but given up on him. We both have been married before. We are not children, we are in our 50's!!!! I think he needs serious help but he will only accept what Dr. Phil says as "right" , not me. He watched todays show and I could tell something sank in - the tinest fraction of difference in his attitude, but no changes in his actions yet. I don't expect any. I believe he has avoidant personality disorder but I can't tell him that or I'd scare him away. Dr. Phil, you're my only hope.

I was with a man like that for 5 years.... and it is REALLY hard.... it makes you feel unattractive.... BUT.. one day I figured out that even if I was Cindy Crawford... he would still be that same way.... I finally left him because we were NOT having sex.... and NO MATTER what I did or what I said... it would NOT change.... now I am in a LOVING healthy relationship.... and I am good friends with that ex.... the fact is... You can't change or control what a person does or does NOT do... You can only control how you react to it.... Good Luck....

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