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Topic : 03/23 Homework Hell

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Created on : Friday, December 01, 2006, 03:23:49 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 12/07/06) When it comes to helping kids with school assignments, some parents just don’t make the grade. Angela says her 12-year-old son, Masen, takes up to six hours to finish his homework, and she says she can’t stop nitpicking. Her mother, Gayle, says Angela acts like a drill sergeant, and has called Masen "lazy and useless." What’s behind Angela’s frustration? Then, tempers rise as Angela feels her parenting skills are being criticized. Find out the conversation Dr. Phil has with her during the break. Plus, Dr. Phil gives Angela a test of his own, and Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of The IQ Answer, weighs in. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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whatever2345

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December 7, 2006, 1:30 pm PST

Testing??

Quote From: mustbecrazy

Testing IS necessary...read my previous post, plus my posts about 17 messages ago, then I won't have to repeat myself. In addition to the sleep study and vision testing, we also had neurophycholigical testing done. Our son is VERY intelligent, but the vision problem causes a slow processing speed in the brain.

KEEP AFTER THE DOCTORS UNTIL YOU GET YOUR WAY...INSIST ON HAVING THE TESTING DONE. Our son's doctor thought the testing was unneccessary too, but at our insistence, we got it done. We also had to fight to get the genetic testing done, which revealed the heart arrhythmia, which about half of my siblings and their offspring have...it is rare, about 1 in 7000 people have it, so doctors are not well informed. DOCTORS ARE ALSO NOT ALWAYS WELL-INFORMED on what testing should be done for students who are failing in school...usually it is NOT because they are lazy...there can be underlying problems, which must be addressed.

AGAIN, CHECK OUT MY PREVIOUS POSTINGS FOR MORE SUGGESTIONS...I AM NOT AN EXPERT, BUT OUR METHODS ARE PAYING OFF.

People need to also realize that testing stays with a person for the rest of their lives....any results and diagnoses that a child receives are placed on that child for life, so think twice before looking for a diagnosis to quick fix a child. If they want to work in law enforcement, medical, or any other field that can look into any diagnosis they have had in order to qualify for these jobs or to get insurance, these diagnoses can prevent that.

Also, have you gone to any therapy WITH your child to figure out the issues?? Way too many parents bring their children to doctors so they can fix them, and they are not finding the answers because the child may not have the issue.

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rmc3092

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December 7, 2006, 1:31 pm PST

Wish we could get SOMEWHERE today on this show

I wish that Angela could quit worrying about herself right now so that I can learn something TODAY. I am very much the "drill sergeant" mom also, and would love to hear what Dr. Phil has to say, but all she's done for the first 30 minutes of this show is argue about how SHE looks!!! Please, let's move on.

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momof3goodkids

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December 7, 2006, 1:33 pm PST

I understand

Unfortunately I understand her frustration about her son taking so long to get homework done. My step son is in second grade and not only does he have problems with his work in school but it is as if he refuses to do it at home as well. It is very frustrating to have your child spending so much time on school work instead of spending time relaxing and playing with friends. Not to mention he is in tutoring on tuesdays and thursdays. I can see myself in this mother because I catch myself as well getting mad at my son for taking too long. I am not saying none of it is her fault but why can't they learn together (her son and herself) how to work together to get his work done. Or is there away.

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justmythoughts

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December 7, 2006, 1:36 pm PST

12/07 Homework Hell

Quote From: mumstheword717

you know it is true, people blame parents too much. Sometimes I do too, then these situations come up and I think of my own daughter. She is doing the same as yours. After trying to be patient for a while you sometimes say things you don't want to. I also have other children to interact with. I wonder if they just sometimes think that they are the only ones when they shut down. I don't always have these problems with my daughter which tells me she does know better and she can do well at times. It is just the manipulating thing. She acts just as you stated, that is it is going to hurt or kill her. I am not sure what the TSS worker is though.

I so agree with you! My 10 year old often takes 5 or 6 hours to do homework that could easily be done in an hour or maybe less. He is a very smart child, yet he procrastinates and daydreams. I don't stand over his shoulder and nag, either, but I do check in on him every 15 minutes or so and sometimes he hasn't done anything in that time period. It can be very frustrating AND I'M A TEACHER!!! I think Dr. Phil was very hard on this mom and was not really interested in hearing what she had to say. Every time she said she agrees she needs help he would harp on her until she became defensive--isn't that what he was trying to stop HER from doing with her son??

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purplepenny

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December 7, 2006, 1:37 pm PST

12/07 Homework Hell

Quote From: moteasuh

thy name is DR PHIL!!!

What is the point of this post?

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12helpme

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angry

December 7, 2006, 1:39 pm PST

Mom from Hell

Hi, Dr.Phil I 'm a mother of three and I agree with what you are saying about removeing the parent from the homework table . I'm one of these parents that have controll issues as well. But this parent is in denial all the way. not only should you work with the child but, the parent needs help as well. I wish i had half the help these people get from you maybe i could get better with me.

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ndvolk

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worried

December 7, 2006, 1:42 pm PST

12/7 homework hell

i am already half way through the show and i am already so irritated with angela. she keeps saying she wants to help her son, but everytime she says something to dr. phil, all she keeps saying is "I, I, I etc." shes got her mouth open just waiting for dr.phil to finish speaking so she can say what she wants to say. her sitting there with her mouth hanging open says to me she is not even hearing what he is saying, she is just waiting for his mouth to stop moving so she can talk about herself some more. she is not concerned about her son as she is about how she looks to everyone. angela, the stress you are putting your son under is exactly why he takes so long on his homework. oh, if he dosent finish, that takes out of his family time? why would he want to have family time when he is constantly being made to feel that he is not good enough. im sure he knows as well as i do that if he does finish his homework, you will be on to the next thing to nit pick at him about. i had a mother just like you when i was growing up and trust me, the only thing you are doing to your son is giving him low self-esteem. my proof: when i went to community college and my mother was no longer lingering over my shoulder, i exceled in all of my studies. i became a straight A student, (compared to mostly D's when i was in high school) and it was on my own merit, not bcuz someone was yelling at me constantly. i feel sorry for your son. leave him alone or let your husband deal with it. you obviously cannot handle the situation without becoming irrational.

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olemiss419

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December 7, 2006, 1:42 pm PST

Denial

This mother still believes this is all her son's fault. She is still in total DENIAL that she is one of the major problems! Unbelievable. This will not change until SHE does!!!!!!!

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tlc2225

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December 7, 2006, 1:47 pm PST

No Wonder !

Quote From: exjerseygirl

You know what; it is not always the parent's fault. My oldest child, Julia, has many issues. Whenever there is a challenge presented to her, she whines and cries, throws temper tantrums and shuts down. I am not a drill sergeant, but I do expect her homework completed within a reasonable amount of time. I do my best to keep patience. Homework has become such a problem at home; it sometimes can take her up to 6 hours to complete her homework too She manipulates people well, sometimes a little to well, so she does not have to complete her tasks.

I have gotten a TSS worker to help with this situation for both home and school. (So, I am not the only one that is having the problem) The problem is, the TSS work is temporary, usually for a few months. I have been there, and still there, so I am not judging anyone. I have found myself saying the same things to my daughter after a few hours of temper tantrums.

What do you do in instances where the child refuses to complete his/.her homework? I make her sit at the table until it is done. Sometimes she goes to bed and her homework is still not completed. I do not stand over her and say complete your homework, I check in on her every half hour or so. I should not have to fight with her to start or finish writing her spelling words 10 times each, or to complete a simple addition work sheet. She is 11 years old. She knows that she is supposed to put her coat away and start her homework as soon as she gets home; she has been doing that since she has been five years old. Nothing has changed. In addition, the homework she comes home with, she should be done within 20 minutes. So, why does she make it out to be this horrible task she has to complete? Why does she act as if completing her homework will hurt or kill her? I have offered her reward options if she completes her homework, but she is not interested in them. She would much rather sit at the table and whine or shut down.

People just do not understand and are too quick to judge others without knowing the whole story.

I've gone through some of the same problems with my kids. It has taken them much longer than it should have to complete their homework...the thing is they are just plain sick of it. Why do we expect these young , young children to put in 40 plus hour work weeks?! My kids are in school 35 hours a week. Kids who ride a bus have even more time consumed by school..THEN we expect them to come home and do more work! NO WONDER they resist! They are fed up. Teachers are overworked ....ha! Look what we are doing to our children! The U.S. Dept. of Labor only allows a 40 hour work week for a 14- 15 year old during a non school week. But we have 5 and 6 year old kids putting that much time in. It is crazy! Then we have the problem of obesity among children... they sit in school day after day , often wih no recess and phys. ed. once a week, nd we wonder why they are overweight. Maybe if kids could play outside when they get home like kids should then we wouldn't have this problem either.

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kathyjohn63

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December 7, 2006, 1:49 pm PST

12/07 Homework Hell

Quote From: rmc3092

Watching this show is like watching someone I know just like this. A lot of times it's not what you say but the tone of voice one uses . Sounds like it's more abut what she wants than what is good for the child. I can tell you for 100% accurancy,(as Dr. Phil says) that this child will have big problems with self-esteem as he gets into his later years. I even heard her mother say tha she uses this same tone of voice with her, and I have had the same problem with one very dear to me, and still do, and am completely helpless to help in any way, to help her or her children, because it all gets back to how she is feeling. There's just no end, and no way to help, and it hurts like the dickens. Wish I knew how to reach the mother I know, and then I believe the rest would fall into place. We are the grandparents of this child, and another one too. Absolutely, torn apart, my husband and I. It's the worst feeling in the world.

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