Topic : 03/23 Homework Hell

I have to let the mother know that I was very, very proud of her sincere concern for her son's homework dilemma, and for her ability to stand up for herself.  When my son was in the 8th grade, we began having the same kinds of difficulties.  And, even when he did his homework, he refused to turn it in.  I was totally baffled and helpless in finding a solution.  I hope I never said anything that would have caused him stress, but I do agree, just like Angela agreed to, that when we are frustrated, we just might say something that we don't mean - - or, it can be heard differently. 

It was obvious to me that Angela truly believed she would never have used that kind of language with her own children, particularly considering her own professional background.  But, like Dr. Phil said, to others sometimes we seem pretty big (authoratative) and scary and our words could very well come out bigger and scarier than we might intend.

Anyway, my purpose for taking the time to write is to encourage Angela, who I saw as a humble but courageous Mom who sincerely wanted to solve a problem that had her stimied. Angela, I felt as if Dr. Phil really skewed the dialogue in order to make you look pretty bad and I agree with you that it was simply for the sake of ratings.

No question, in the end, he had all the right answers - the exact answers that solved my problems with my son those many years ago.  I trust you are finding it (self empowerment and personal accountability on the part of your son) is working effectively and you are elated at having found a solution before it was too late.

But, you did really get raked over the coals in order to get you to that point. 

I was also a bit surprised that your Mom would have said that you had the ability to intimidate even the adults in your family.  I only saw you for an hour, but found you to be polite, humble, genuine in your love, concern and commitment to finding a resolution, and overall a strong, yet gentle woman and Mother.

I do believe our society still has difficulty in allowing women to stand up for themselves and that is why your Mom probably thought you might be intimidating.  I just want you to know that from the perspective of another Mom, who had experienced the exact same problem, you appeared to be a strong, self-confident, articulate and loving young woman.  Don't let the rest of the world try to weaken you.  You were great - - - and you were right about taking some flack in order to make good TV.

Dr. Phil can be extremely arrogant and condescending sometimes - usually for the sake of drama.  But, usually in the end, he does have a great and generous solution.

Hope this will help you allay any feelings of guilt or insecurity you might have experienced in your effort to help your son. 

Sincerely,

Mom in Tacoma

I hope Angela has learned something about herself since the show first aired.  It was hard watching it the first time and I thought that perhaps it would be easier this time, but it wasn't.    I know someone exactly like Angela and they just don't "get it".  It's not that there are "two Angelas", as was discussed on the show (I think her family and Dr. Phil were trying to be kind because she was obviously shutting down).  It is that she has an inflated opinion of her parenting skills.  It doesn't matter that she is abusive or that her methods have been grossly ineffective (perhaps even damaging) - she has a fixed image of herself that is, frankly, a lie. 

She came on the show to learn techniques to "fix" her son.  When she realized that she was being targeted as part of the problem, she became defensive and slipped into her "I'm a good Mom" role.  She didn't care nearly as much about her son as she cared about everyone's perception of her.  Instead of being horrified at the images captured in the pre-show videos, she complained they were out of context.  Instead of saying "Oh my goodness, how could I be doing that to my son?", she went into attack mode.  Nothing is her responsibility.  She isn't the problem.  She's perfect.  Poor Masen just didn't get the memo about that.

The woman I know who is very much like Angela talks ALOT about how much she loves her kids - how much she does for them - how much she sacrifices for them.  But the reality is she treats them like dirt.  She yells at them, calls them names, humiliates them in front of family and friends.  She doesn't "hear" her own voice.  She doesn't hear the volume, the sarcasm, the childish taunts.   

I truly hope there is a follow-up with Angela and Masen.   IMO, she needs some serious counseling because she can't connect the dots.  She can't accept who she is.  I can understand not wanting to believe that you are out of control, but if she really cares about her son, she needs to do more than just "back off" the homework.  I think there's alot more going on in that household than meets the eye.

the mother in this show.

I agree with you, I was one that struggled in school, did not get it.  something I never want my children to have to deal with.  But it happens, even if you are trying to help your child learn in everyway possible. I try every waking hour to be a good parent, be there to explain how the problem works and how to look at it in a different way because there is not one type of learning.  That is why I would not have called my child retared or lazy, because I myself struggle.  Even today look @ my spelling!