Topic : 12/08 Out-of-Control Husbands

Maggie;

Thank you for having the strength to leave a man who was abusive, and not using the word "LOVE" to excuse his behavior, it was a refreshing change, you were making no apologies for your actions, and no excuses for his.

You left BEFORE he had the chance to convince you you were worthless and could NOT live without him, and your daughter will not have to grow up thinking that that's the way Mommies and Daddies are supposed to act with one another.  Your daughter will grow up knowing that as a woman she is STRONG and in charge of her own life, and No one can take that from her, because as her primary role model, you KEPT YOURS and gave her a chance at an abuse free life.

Again

Thank you

 I really hope the Danny will get it this time..... I live with the consequences of a husband who did not. I had the job of looking in the eyes of my two boys who were 6 & 5 at the time and some how finding the strength to tell them the truth about their fathers  drug overdoes death. The problem is that the pain does not stop there. The anger still shows up  years latter. After a great deal of help for all of us we are living a life that I could not imagined. I still do not have the answers to the many painful questions my children have.

It is too bad that you do not understand why you do  drugs and drink, it is because you are an addict. I hope that you can get through this. I know you can. I know that you can find recovery. I did and 15 years latter I am still taking it one day at a time.

I too was with a drinker that verbally abused me far too often.   We had an off again, on again relationship for about 5 years and it was pure hell at times.

A co-worker told me about a book that really opened my eyes, my mind, then my heart.  There was one chapter that made me think there were cameras hidden in my living room.

The book: Getting Them Sober -you can help!  by Toby Rice Drews.

I feel you made the right decision in leaving with your daughter Maggie.   The 'problem' is his and he needs to own it an fix it for himself.   In the meantime, you and your child have the right to a life that is without his 'stuff'.      

Good going lady!!!!   My best wishes are with you!!!!! 

Here's the thing. Danny has made "Danny Bonaduce" into a character. The Danny that he knows is lost in the shuffle. He said it himself. He CAN BE either the maniac Bonaduce or the CSI actor Bonaduce, it just depends on who is paying him.  Most people get to be themselves act a part get paid and go home. Danny is stuck within these two characters if he is at home or not and thinks that he can only get paid being one of the two.

Listen, Money is a powerful thing. In order for the real Danny  to find himself again, he must let go of the powerful hold that he has allowed the "Money" to have over him. Right now he is acting in the way that "money" wants him to act. He must allow the real Danny to take back that control by not getting paid on the two characters that he has created but getting paid on the individual "roles" he has been hired to play.

Danny, What you said about being both the pro and the maniac is a lie that has somewhere been planted within your being. You, Danny are loved by so many! You have friends you have the strongest wife I have ever known, your children that you love and the LORD Jesus who created the you that YOU lost.

It is a big bad world out there, but it is OK to be you. It is OK to show the ugly world the real Danny. You MUST stop believing the lie that,  those two characters you think you are, are in fact you because I can see it in your eyes the real Danny begging inside for some one to call their bluff. The only person that can do just that is the real Danny.

In the words of Marshall Mathers, Will the real Danny please stand up?"    

As a young adult who recently left a mentally and physically abusive relationship, I can not agree more with Maggie deciding to leave her fiancée. As I have learned, the abuse will only escalate, and the blame is constantly on the one getting abused because “you pushed their buttons”. Only until I was threatened to be killed did I finally realize that I could no longer stay in the relationship I was in. Her story reminded me so much of the situation I was in; dealing with an alcoholic, dealing with someone who constantly demeans you, etc. This behavior is not acceptable to someone you claim to care about and love. My decision to leave has been hard on me, as I’m sure it was for her and her daughter. I am no longer in denial for not seeing the way he was treating me was wrong. I see it now, and am still having emotional problems having been through all of this, and I’ve learned a lot. My advice to any woman in an abusive relationship: get out! They are not going to change unless they want to change. The sooner you get out, the easier it will be to get your life back on track. The longer you stay in, the longer you will get brainwashed into thinking “he’s right,  I shouldn’t talk to my friends or mom. I shouldn’t go to the gym. I shouldn’t yell at him for his excessive drinking. I should stop criticizing him for his lying.” These acts of behavior are wrong—and no woman, anywhere should ever be treated like this. Your happiness should be put before his, and if you're not happy and he's alright with it, that's going to end up being your life.