Topic : 12/08 Out-of-Control Husbands

You have probably helped many women with your post, this would be a great list to have, because when you leave in a hurry like many of these women have to, there are things one might forget.

The BEST point was a separate savings account, even if you have to save the emties and cash them in, DO IT,Sorry ladies, but I do NOT belive any woman should be COMPLETELY DEPENDANT ON ANYONE, in an abusive relationship or NOT.

But one point I would like to make to single women,  TRUST your GUT, if this guy seems way to charming, HE IS, many of these guys start out as PRINCE CHARMING , but turn into a TOAD as soon as the ring is firmly attached, they HAVE YOU.

If he drinks way too much, or becomes a jerk after a couple of drinks, RUN

How does he treat people he perceives as below him eg. wait staff cashiers

Does he RESPECT YOU, that means no nasty names, no slapping, or pushing, no yelling when you "PRESS HIS BUTTONS"

There is much more to it, but you get my drift, YOUR HEART CAN STEER YOU WRONG, and YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HIM, Please ladies , USE YOUR HEADS< GUT whatever you choose to call it, if it dosen't feel right , then it probably isn't and ALL of us are worth much more than a LIFETIME of torture at the hands of someone who CLAIMS to love you, LOVE DOES NOT HURT!!!

Hello firstly! I want to say this Cross logo is "SO BEAUTIFUL" an enlightening too.I am an artists of sorts,I found this so beautiful,Thanks for shareing it...

 "I am a fallen Angel" as is David B. I want to say secondily that "I am only here to share--just like everyone else is! I am NOT here to judge, or critise, or to be judge, or critised, THANK YOU!

I am NOT here offend anyone either! with my thoughts an feeling!" I am just shareing my thoughts an feelings like all of you are. Also for me this is a place I choose to share my life expierences in the hope of >"helping myself an others? in some way.<" Now lets move on.

I Was "UNFORTUNEATELY born into a family of,(Criminal outlaws,Runnagades and alcoholics!With legal an illegal drug users, as well as haveing at least 7,Pediphiles, yeah child rapeists,an Physical abusers in my family! even a few drug pushers an so on...>( MY LIFES JOURNEY HAS BEEN TRAGIC, AND A LONG HORRIBLE,and Mostly---A SCAREY RAOD FOR ME! to say the LEAST<!) It Is "FULL OF MONSTERS!, AND EVIL PEOLPES CONSTANTILY!"

 MY LIFES STORIES "WOULD CURL  YOUR TOW NAILS!" No I AM NOT PROUD ABOUT THIS FACT)<... For me, Liveing with all the "NIGHTMARES on a daily basis!" is to say the least                >> a BIG CHALLENGE to accomplish at times.There are days when "Sometimes it minute by minute". However I am doing "my very best to get threw ( WITHOUT ANY HELP!)FROM ANYONE! Save this website,Doctor Phil,and fineally, my prayers...

 I have many, a many, a time "reached out for help threw the years" many a times " >>Only to be thrown to the wolfs AGAIN!"<< Then I too ( I began seeking help threw variouse agencies by myself--at 13,years old, Why? because "I KNEW----------things were SO MANY WRONG THINGS GOING ON AT HOME<an In my LIFE as it is.)However of the group counsers,of the one to one theraphists, an even the psychologists,None seemed to fit,or even qualify! All because they all had HIDDEN AGENDS of there own,Some were agendas to get down my 13 year old pants!O yeah they were MANY to. Yeah they seem to come a dime a dozen! From  my scholl,to my church to my Rehabs an counslers! rehabs of both kinds! You Know--- the ones were (boys an girls are put together) or where (they are seperate), Well it did not matter (I seemed to end up with theses creep! In  my path of life??? Weather they were "MALE OR FEMALE didnt matter" they were THERE!goinmg after me with there hidden agends! Once after coming out of jail, (Remember I DID NOT CHOOSES MY PARENTS! Thank you.) I had choose to go to rehab,( I new I wanted some help) This time, I was only 18, well after about aweek of entery work,(The third floor program) was the name of the rehab, After only a week one of entery level work there was this black counsler,who came into my room to verbally, an physically assult me!YES HE DID! an he did!" He did it by busting threw the door! to my shared room (The male counslers were NOT SUPPOSE TO BE IN THE FEMALES WING WITHOUT PERMISSION!) yet he came to our wing,then to our door! the he busted down our door (from what I gathered form his heated rage an angery words were this ("it was because of his FALSE ego trip he was on! he spit out something like this (Why are'nt you in my gestalt group!"SPIT" no one miss's my group!Spit, all the while he was >"throwing my body across the room! from the tremendouse amount of pressure he had pushed against our door!a door (Which I just happenned to be standing very near)as he blew threw it! without warninig into our room! (ALso you need to know, I was told I did by my counsler at this time too( That I WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO ATTEND THESE GESTALT GROUP SESSIONS) because (my counseler thought they would do more harm then good to me.)  Yet this huge, black counsler "busted threw the door an assulted me!" Yeah I was devastated! an he was fired by the end of the day, so now FEAR had entered my life again in the form of yet another 'STRAGER". Of course that evening "I ran far,and fast!"  from this rehab. One of many "I had TRIED TO GAIN HELP AN SUPPORT FROM". >>>To my dismay! this act would end up "Costing me a three year sentence! in two! of Californias WORST PRISONS!

 "Yet AGAIN I WAS THROWN TO THE WOLFS, throwen to the CORRUPTION OF THE PRISON SYSTEMS!" >>>NOT EVEN YOUR FRIENDILY TELEVISION CAN EXSPRESS LIFE IN PRISON<<<( I NEVER SAW THIS ONE COMING EITHER!,"GOD WAS IT HARD!!!!" (Just so your informed correctily about ME! I WAS A GREAT KID! (ALL THINGS CONSIDERED!) I was A student, a great friend,a faithful daughter too! and now even at this time in my life I had >>>NO Criminal RECORDS OF ANY SORTS!<<<.  I HAD NO! JUVINILE OR CHILDHOOD INCIDENTS WITH THE LAW either,or ANYONE! for that matter either.  I WAS A GOOD GIRL! Who was a child,a young adult who UNFORTUNEATLY, "FORCED INTO BEING SEXUALLY ASSUALTED by thoses 7,FAMILY members" a HARD START INTO THIS LIFE of mine.. Then again I was forced from home at 13,(THANK YOU CPS!)You CREEPS!)From here I was "FORCED into POVERTY AN HAD TO LIVE ON THE STREETS AT THE TENDER AGE OF 15,threw to about 18!)" Leearning FAST WHAT LIFE AN SURVIVEAL  MEANT to  such a young lady.  YES! "IT IS ALL TO TRAGIC too AWFUL! too HEART an SPIRIT WRENCHING! to HAVE TO OF LIVED THIS! Yet its VERY REAL<AN My story. I know for all you outthere in siberspace as well as (For MOST PEOPLE TO EVEN BELIEVE! Such things could happen is unreal to you!) Even so---- "ITS MY LIFE! My STORY! MY AWFUL REALITY!)" I have hade to bear, "I SUFFERED SOME OF THE MOST HORRIBLE TIMES,during an even AFTER THESES YOUNG TENDER YEARS of mY LIFE,Somehow?" I have MADE IT TO TODAY???? I want to mention again the "third floor program and the fact that I had choose to run,Because "I am here today to say >(ITS NOT AT ALL EASY!--NOt AT ALL EASY as SOME OF YOU BELIEVE LIFE IS! ITS NOT AT ALL EASY TO FIND A MATCH OR EVEN TO GET THE PROPER HELP one is seeking to gain for them slef, ITS HARD,HARD,HARD!) I KNOW THIS AS FACT. I HAVE BEEN AN STILL AM THERE! Always finding the "right Person,or persons" is hard. "So--- my Friend" >>>TRY TO REMEMBER<<( >>"Its NOT ALWAYS EASY<OR A SWEET JOURNEY TO GAIN WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS!) its NOT always easy either! >>to FIND THE RIGHT PROGRAM ,Theraphists, counslers, or even friends,TO HELP EITHER! WHY? BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE! THEY FAIL US AT TIMES, plus (THERE ARE A LOT OF FALSE,SICK INDIVIDULES OUTTHERE!DOIN MORE HURT THE HELP to peoples seeking a better way! They are DECIETFUL,CREEPY People in theses rehabs too,and all over these self help and legal business,and rehabs too,whichare SUPPOSE TO BE LEGAL AND JUST AND LOVEING AND KING AN SUPPORTIVE,THEY ARE FRAUDS,RAPEISTS,AND MEAN PEOPLES! WITH HIDDEN AGENDA!  "WHOM ONLY AGENDA IS THERE OWN!" ITS SAD. Yeah I just had to say this.. I to have been seeking help for the "Scars I have from my childhood,from my youth,and even form parts of my present life" Its VERY,VERY HARD LONG ROAD,to get to where we WANT TO GET" TO GET THREW WHAT WE MUST TO GAIN>WHAT WE FEEL IS OUR,HAPPINESS,OUR PEACE OR SILENT VITORIES FOR OUR FAMILY FOR OUR SELFS! "ITS A HARD THIN RAOD alright"..

Just like >>>HAPPINESS TURELY IS<<<its something we WORK HARD FOR..

 I guess I am done now. NOTHING WORTH HAVEING IS FREE. I give CREDIT TO DAVID, HAPPINESS IS ALSO WORKED FOR in our lifes,May we all find the "Proper person or persons to help aid us all in our quests for the better,good life,free of what ever our demons are,May we all LEARN THAT WE ARE NOT HERE TO BE ABUSED BY ANYONE!EVER IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM <MAY WE ALL FIND THE LIGHT AT THE ENDS OF EACH OF  OUR JOURNEYS TOO."Sincerly still struggleing the Northern Lady.Good day,HAppy Holidays too...

Maggie made the absolute right choice to remove herself and her child from a volatile situation. Individuals who choose to use abuse others have an extremely difficult time changing, mostly because positive change demands that they confront and accept themselves and their behaviors in its totality. It is much easier to point the finger at someone perceived as weaker or less powerful, that to point the finger at self and say what I am doing is so wrong on so many levels.

Getting help for a serious problem in a bid to get back what they lost, would be laughable if it wasn't so dang sad. Mike you really have to do the counseling and whatever other help you can get your hands on for yourself. Yourself, not your family or friends or community, If you don't do it for yourself, then you are doing it for all the wrong reasons.

Family, friends, community, and the law can hold you accountable for your actions, but the bottom line is you still have to choose what your actions are going to be.

Honestly, ask yourself, Honestly, if the situation was reversed, or you became involved in a relationship were you were being victimized and you had the courage and sensibility to remove yourself form the situation, would you in all honesty say this person that hurt me on so many levels deserves a second chance? Come on be brutally honest with yourself.

As a father you should be saying to yourself I am very lucky that my daughter has the mother she does. Be thankful that your daughter will probably grow up to be a daughter with the self esteem, sensibility, and courage to remove herself from an abusive relationship too, thanks to her having a mother that modeled the right actions.

You said that Maggie pushed your buttons, fine, could have taken a walk, called a friend, had a support group and sponsor to talk to, called a crisis line; just a few suggestions.

I believe at heart you are a good person that made some dreadfully wrong choices.

I  believe that both you and Maggie deserve the chance to live a happy, joyous life, separately.

I don't think it fair to her or yourself to harbor an hopes that you may be able to have a intimate relationship with her. I think if you hope to have any kind of friendship or amicable relationship with Maggie and your daughter you have a  long road ahead of you, but I really do encourage you to travel it, because in the end all you will have is yourself, and if you don't like yourself your life is going to be a very sad, lonely and empty one.

Gretchen, I can understand your need to constantly supervise Danny's recovery progress. I have to say though it's really not necessary. If an alcoholic/drug addict is going to use they will no matter how much we fervently pray or wish they won't. I would say instead of investing that time into monitoring Danny, I would use it to get support and help for myself to cope with the future changes and the past pain. Easier said than done, I realize that, and have no illusions that saying it is easier than actually doing it.

Danny, needs to take full responsibility of his own recovery, and that means he needs to monitor himself, and take the appropriate action if he is on thin ice.

Sadly the same holds true of the spouse on the other side of the door of alcoholism/drug addiction. Some say that the family of the alcoholic/drug addict is sometimes sicker than the addict. The reason being is they have no buffer whatsoever, against the behaviors and actions of the addict. When Danny felt remorse, guilt, shame, anger whatever emotion he didn't want to deal with he could get drunk or high. What could you and your children do but internalize the feeling you were feeling,and just let your spirit protect itself by shutting down.

Living with and addict is like living in a POW camp. The addict is the task master and the family is their prisoner's. By constantly living in fear that Danny will use again your are still a prisoner.

7months is wonderful Danny, and I do congratulate you on living clean and sober for those seven months. It is my hopes that you are in a program of recovery or speaking with someone knowledgeable about addictions, because, Addicts can't recover alone. I use the word recover loosely, due to the fact that once an addict always an addict.  Pretty much all we recover is our Dignity, integrity, spirituality, and hopefully some measure of happiness and security. Danny don't know if you have ever tried to con another addict  that is in recovery but if you have tried I am having a chuckle. Like a very dear friend of mine said once, you cant con a con, lol.

Get together with some addicts in recovery, don't miss the opportunity to be yourself in totality, "The good, the bad and the ugly!"

To you and your family I wish you all the best.

Heya, was reading your post and I remembered that 30 day period statement form  the show. Either I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have or I just didn't get it, lol. Can any one tell me what he meant by the 30 day comment to his child?

I sure the heck hope he didn't mean he was going to be a good father for 30 days or something like that.

If any one can clarify this for me I sure would appreciate it, thanks.

I have some real concerns about Danny's mental health.   He definately has a self-destructive element to his character as well as wanting to be center stage.  It seems like he really doesn't know who he is at times and just tries so hard to fit into something for the time being.  I think extensive therapy for him would do wonders.  Something is not right there.  As far as Gretchen, she has put up with far too much.  If it were me, I would not put my children through that.  I wonder if her real reason for staying isn't just statis and financial.  What an example for your children to grow up with.  I wonder what kind of spouses they will choose as a result.