Topic : 12/08 Out-of-Control Husbands

I saw Maggies story the other night and I was so glad for her that she was able to get herself and her daughter out of that situation. I have been in two abusive relationships and they both ended very badly, but I was so glad to see that she got herself and her daughter out of there before it got much worse. My oldest daughter was 2 1/2 when I got out of an abusive marriage and it has been the best thing for us. We now have a much better life today and even though I sometimes feel bad that she can't have both of her parents together I think of what could have happened to us if I did stay with him and know today I made the right choice to get us out of there when I did. I would like to congratulate Maggie for being so brave and doing the right thing for her and her daughter and wish them a Very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Stay safe and do what is best for you and your daughter.

I agree with this statement.

You said in your statement "I have personaly witnesses a man CHANGE" and HE is wonderful"

"HE really did make the effort to change".

"My sister left her husband for two years."

Why in this situation is it up to the Woman being abused to attempt to change?

Why is it she can not leave an abusive situation, without being supported and encouraged?

I do believe people can change, however, I also know that they can only change themselves, no one can do this for them. Even if this woman did go to counselling "if he refuses to go" it is not going to change his behavior.

I do encourage her to go to counselling, but not for the reasons presented, but rather for herself.

I don't understand your how you came to the conclusion that Dr.Phil would apply what you said to this woman.

Abuse in any shape and form is wrong, and from what I can tell from the woman's statements that she made, that she is more than ready to move on and try to make a positive, healthy, happy life for herself and her children, without her abuser.

I agree with this statement too!

To those that are still on the inside, the inside of your own prison, start with a plan and take action there are women out here that are just waiting for you to make that break, seek them out Thur local organizations, and don't wait. Stick to your plan and take action, you will be so proud of yourself don't wait till its to late and you are so injured that the only way your getting out is in a ambulance or or coroners wagon..  And to the ladies that ran and didn't look back, BRAVO!! I have always said that 'my first husband made me track star'!! You know what I mean dint ya..

 

Blaze

I am so proud of Maggie stepping up and making the decision to leave her husband.  I left my abusive husband 1 1/2 years ago after he was arrested 3 times.  Her husband was exactly like mine. Abusing alcohol and promising to get help..never following thru.  Although he never hit me..just like her husband his words and actions were extremely abusive.

She has a long hard road ahead of her now but I believe this is the best decision and safest for her and her child.  I wish her the best of luck! Stay strong Maggie..in the end it will be worth it!

Hello Maggie and I wish you well - you certainly did the right thing and that takes courage - one thing I may ask you and it was not discussed on the show - what is your ownership in this

relationship??  That was a bit of your way or no way in your voice and expressions on your

face.  By no means am I blaming you but in situations like this, it is a great time for all

concerned to check themselves ..

Best Wishes to you ......

 i spent over two years with a man who was initially romantic and always buying me flowers and expensive gifts.  He was a totally different person when he drank (a binge drinker).  HE would leave vulger nasty messages on my phone accusing me of all kinds of things (I was always faithful to him).  He would tear apart my drawers and closets looking for signs of infidelity).  He would accuse me of being too friendly with a waiter, etc. Afterwards, he would be SO apologetic, begging me to give him another chance.  It was never his fault, I was also always told I pushed his buttons.  Last August he was out four nights in a row drinking.  One morning I woke up to notes taped up all over my kitchen calling me the C word among other things, telling me to shove a broom up (you know where) and he had ripped up a  hat into hundreds of  straw pieces that I had bought him on a trip.  Mind you, I have a 16 yr old son who had also witnessed him so drunk he couldn't talk many times.  Oh, he also put a hole in my bedroom wall.  I changed my locks, changed my home phone and ihe has only recently stopped harrassing me on the phone..  He doesn't think he has a drinking problem and he consistently stated none of the above meant anything, just words, etc. and he would never physically hurt me.  The worst part is I actually married this guy and now have 8 more months til I can divorce him.  I own my own "stuff"  I had no health boundaries of what is tolerable behavior coming from my own alcoholic
birth family life.  It wasn't until I read Dr. Phils "Deal Breakers" in his latest book that I GOT IT andgot rid of him..  He will never change what he does not acknowledge.  My son and I and you and your child deserve better.  

I can closely relate to this story, because I have been a "Gretchen" myself for over 18 years and have loved a man to the detriment of myself and my children who was even more out of control and addicted than Danny.  He was a very famous pro-athlete in professional wrestling for a long time and has totally lost everything because of it.  I married my ex twice, giving him chances he did not deserve nor earn... believing words and not actions, holding onto a dream that could never be for a really long time.  My ex was unfaithful at least a hundred times, and has been in rehab also 3 times, and arrested more times than I can even count, and has spent much time in jail,killed someone, almost died in accidents several times, etc.  -but all of this has still to this day never "broken" him as I feel Danny is.  That is where there is a difference and I feel Gretchen at least has "hope", -as her husband has no problem admitting his fault on television, and will do whatever it takes to make this up to her...my husband has never and would never do that, so I know I made the right decision in giving up on him and walking away finally.  It was killing me and our children and no one should have to live that way.  It sucks the life out of you.  I do believe if Gretchen gives him this last chance though and he can't stay sober that she should walk away as you can see how much it has taken out of her and drained her over the years... if Danny loves them and can't keep his promises he should be the one to walk away ,- it would be the kindest thing to do for her and his kids.  That is what I have asked mine to do, -just give us some peace.  He is pretty much dead to us even though he lives 10 miles away.  My children have no positive father role model in their life and have been left a legacy which they do not deserve.  Their father still is not sober and has not changed in his heart and is a very selfish, horrible person who doesn't even pay his child support on time, and resents that he has to pay it all, and lets me and the kids struggle and go without even though he has the finaces to make our life easier, which I feel is the least he could do.   He is not even trying to make up for what he has done to his family and that is the big difference in our situations.  As long as Danny is trying -there is hope, -but you can only hold onto a dream for so long I would tell Gretchen.  It is very hard to trust again but if she loves him and wants this marriage she needs to try to do that, -at least he is willing to humble himself and do what is required.  I hope they can survive this, I know my marriage and family did not and because I didn't try or give him the chances to do so...I think Danny is a good guy underneath all of his pain, as I did my husband, but I was wrong in his case,- he wants to stay the "bad guy", and have seen no changes in his heart, his life, his words, his actions,... .as their seem to be in Danny.  I feel Gretchen should give him this ONE last chance. I am thankful for  their show and completely understand her pain and see so much of my ex in Danny's behavior.  I thank them for sharing their story, and only wish mine could have ended better.   I will pray for them.

I watched the show and regarding Maggie and Michael I believe she did the right thing on leaving.  My father was that way to my mother for years (emotional abuse).  He was also that way to us.  Although he was not an alcoholic it was still very painful to endure the type of torture we endured on a daily basis.  I use to have panic attacks just to ask him a simple question (IE: Can I go to my friends house?).  I use to pray that my father would die or that my mom would leave him.  I would have preferred to be homeless than to live that way.  She never did leave him but he left her long after I became an adult and married.  Long story short they received counseling and he changed for the better after finding God.  Their relationship is great but I still have the scars of his abuse.  I definitely have my power back.  He definitely does not intimidate me anymore and he doesn't act like he did before and actually asked for my forgiveness.  This being said, even if not for your safety but the safety of your daughter that you get out now!  You will save her from having issues with other people in her future by saving her from the exposure of the abuse you are enduring now.  May God Bless you!  You seem like a strong woman and that you have no doubts about your decision.  Praise to you for sticking to your guns.

 

Michelle