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Topic : 12/13 Holiday Horror Stories

Number of Replies: 461
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Created on : Friday, December 08, 2006, 02:32:23 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The holidays are here, but some households never experience “peace on earth.” Dr. Phil’s guests refuse to embrace the spirit of the season, and say Christmas is the worst time of the year! Joyce has been married to Rick for 27 years, and has hated the holidays for 26 of those years. She refuses to put up a tree, decorate her house or listen to Christmas carols. Rick says Joyce even flipped out when he tried to dangle some mistletoe over her head!  Joyce has succeeded in ruining her family’s joy, but is she about to destroy her marriage? Then, Val has 11 kids, but says her three daughters stop at nothing to wreck the holidays. One daughter even resorted to breaking her sister’s finger on Christmas day! The constant fighting has pushed Val to consider something drastic. And, find out what special event Robin and Dr. Phil hosted to help celebrate the true holiday spirit! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More December 2006 Show Boards.

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December 10, 2006, 2:55 pm CST

How I Got over the Holiday Horrors

 

When my husband and I first got together our holidays were the most stressful time!  We both had children from our previous marriages.  My husband's ex (who had left him for someone else) had to have control.  We were supposed to have the kids Christmas day as her family celebrated on Christmas Eve.  She would keep changing the times (if we said 9 am she would say 9:15) and then said that she wanted them home early and that we were to take them to where ever it was she was partying at.  My husband would do what she said because if he didn't he wouldn't see the kids for a couple of months.  My ex would have my daughter Christmas Eve and then say that he wanted to watch her open her presents so he wouldn't bring her home.  It just got to be a mess with everyone trying to tell us what to do!

 

Well, we had a child of our own.  When Katie was a year old I said that I refused to put her through this for Christmas.  We told everyone we were going away to my family for Christmas and that kids could come with us or stay with the ex's.  The kids didn't believe in Santa anymore, they just wanted the gifts.  So every Christmas for the last 14 years we would put up a tree in a hotel room.  Part of the fun was trying to find a tree on Christmas Eve to put up.  Then we would go to church with my father and his wife.  Christmas Day we would go to my sister's, where my mother would be and have Christmas there.  You would think that it would be more stressful, but it was great.  Katie believed in Santa for the longest time (I can't tell you how old or she would get  embarassed!).  She swears she say Santa's and the reindeers' footprints on the hotel roof!  She would get everything that she asked Santa for (thankfully it was a small list), and he would even leave some presents at home under the tree.  She never did figure it out until last year when I broke down and told her how I did it!  Even the Christmas' when someone was sick, which someone always was! from cancer to just the common cold, we would have a great time.  We would go back to the hotel when we needed to relax, but everyone was happy because we got to spend time together!  As long as my parents are alive we will continue to do Christmas this way. 

 

My husband and I both had bad memories of Christmas growing up.  His father threw a Christmas tree one year and my father left us on Christmas Eve one year!  My kids memory of Christmas will be of going to church on Christmas Eve and having a fun, relaxing Christmas day with people that love them.

 

Hopefully everyone will be able to find their peace at Christmas.  Life is just too short not to enjoy it!

 

Merry Christmas to everyone!

 
December 10, 2006, 4:12 pm CST

Holiday Scrooge

I think if  a spouse wants to play games and be a Scrooge at Christmas, then she should be ignored.   She's just wallowing in the attention she gets for being anti-social.   I wouldn't give her that power to ruin my holiday.
 
December 10, 2006, 5:05 pm CST

12/13 Holiday Horror Stories

Quote From: bear_ta

If you can't find enough love for your family to just behave because hate the holidays then go on a vacation by yourself . There are things one does whether you like it or not when you love people.

Thankfully I didn't get that defective selfish gene. I hate shopping; my husband loves shopping. I go shopping on a regular basis, with a smile. I love Christmas. To me it's about my family, food, decorations and music. I love the smells in the house. I love the food I've had from childhood. My mother is German, and I grew up with amazing German food and traditions. My father is Irish, and always made Christmas fun. None of us believe in god, but we grew up in a Christian societies, so it's our culture, and our traditions stem from that. I've never stressed out at the holidays. I don't go overboard with presents. Being with the people I love and giving them something they wanted is nice, but to me it's all about the family dinner, and the warmth we have for each other.

Why do you assume those who don't make huge deals out the holidays are the ones that need to behave?  I've gone along with it for years; shopping, dinners, school functions and such (FI done the same with his family) and have been polite but it is never enough. You get accused of not caring about family and that is not fair and very hurtful which prepetuates the negative feelings even more. Holidays can bring the best out in some, the worst and selfish behavior in others.


 
December 10, 2006, 6:46 pm CST

12/13 Holiday Horror Stories

Okay, this seems petty but I NEED advice....

My BIL likes to come across the country ( he's in BC and I am on the East Coast of Canada), and surprise us.

I HATE SURPRISE VISITORS, I truly do, and I have explained this to him, calmly and rationaly, and so has my husband, but he dosen't get it.

Everyone has told me, " he knows it bothers you, that's why he does it ."

So can someone explain what kind of sick plesure it give a person to do this ?  Even AFTER it has been explained  ?  He figures the rest don't mind, so I have to get over it,ARGHHH.

He also likes to tell us how are kids should be raised, church ( my husband and I are agnostic at best), school ( one is a straight A student the other dyslexic but pulling B's), and everything else, he's childless.

I DREAD the holidays because of him, I know I shouldn't let him have that power over me, but it really hurts to know he has ZERO respect for me or my feelings.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

 
December 11, 2006, 3:54 am CST

12/13 Holiday Horror Stories

Quote From: ceildh1

Okay, this seems petty but I NEED advice....

My BIL likes to come across the country ( he's in BC and I am on the East Coast of Canada), and surprise us.

I HATE SURPRISE VISITORS, I truly do, and I have explained this to him, calmly and rationaly, and so has my husband, but he dosen't get it.

Everyone has told me, " he knows it bothers you, that's why he does it ."

So can someone explain what kind of sick plesure it give a person to do this ?  Even AFTER it has been explained  ?  He figures the rest don't mind, so I have to get over it,ARGHHH.

He also likes to tell us how are kids should be raised, church ( my husband and I are agnostic at best), school ( one is a straight A student the other dyslexic but pulling B's), and everything else, he's childless.

I DREAD the holidays because of him, I know I shouldn't let him have that power over me, but it really hurts to know he has ZERO respect for me or my feelings.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

I think you and your husband should come up with a plan before the possible surprise visit.  You all should agree that if BIL decides to try another drop in stay the answer is "No, so sorry, weve made other plans,(which doesent have to be a lie~ you just made plans which dont include him  ;) its too bad you didnt call first."  If you all keep allowing him to stay with no prior warnings I dont see why he would stop.  Perhaps a night or two at the Motel 6, or another relatives house, will work far better then you and your husband trying to explain the situation.

 

As far as his advice with your kids, well, people ALWAYS have advice for others children.  Especially those with no children themselves.  lol  It kinda goes with the territory of being a parent.  There is a couple ways you could handle this.  Personally, I would smile and nod and say something like," Thats a good point,  blah blah blah", just so I wouldnt end up engaging in some battle during the holiday.  Keep telling yourself its real easy for him to make comments about how you raise your children especially when he doesent have children of his own.    If he has managed to get under your skin too much to play that game, then just politley remove yourself from the situation saying you have things you need to attend to and let hubby deal with him.

 

I also think you should make crystal clear to your husband your feelings of dread because of his brother.  Be sure to let him know you dont believe its HIS fault how his brother acts, but you DO expect some support.  Perhaps you could tell him the only thing you want for a holiday gift is for him to stand behind you when it comes to telling BIL "No".  Sounds to me like that would just be the perfect gift for you!    :)

 

Good luck! 

 
December 11, 2006, 8:19 am CST

Naughty advice

Quote From: ceildh1

Okay, this seems petty but I NEED advice....

My BIL likes to come across the country ( he's in BC and I am on the East Coast of Canada), and surprise us.

I HATE SURPRISE VISITORS, I truly do, and I have explained this to him, calmly and rationaly, and so has my husband, but he dosen't get it.

Everyone has told me, " he knows it bothers you, that's why he does it ."

So can someone explain what kind of sick plesure it give a person to do this ?  Even AFTER it has been explained  ?  He figures the rest don't mind, so I have to get over it,ARGHHH.

He also likes to tell us how are kids should be raised, church ( my husband and I are agnostic at best), school ( one is a straight A student the other dyslexic but pulling B's), and everything else, he's childless.

I DREAD the holidays because of him, I know I shouldn't let him have that power over me, but it really hurts to know he has ZERO respect for me or my feelings.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

 

Make your BIL as uncomfortable as possible!  Make him sleep on the couch, or better yet, the floor with dirty sheets (b/c your washing machine is broken!), and leave out ads for hotels where he can see them.  You don't have to respect HIS feelings either in conversation.  Tell him he needs to get a wife, (something like "You're not gay or anything, get out there! (If that's okay w/your husband)).

 

Get some S & M stuff/ devil worship stuff and put it around where he can see and tell him youre into that kind of thing, just offend the heck out of him.  Or tell him that God wants him to stop mooching off everyone else during the holidays and start his own family.

 

Also, tell him that what he's wearing is inappropriate for your household, and have rules he should follow while he's at YOUR house.  ITA w/ your husband, if he breaks a rule, out he goes!  He's a typical Alpha male, thinking he can dominate your house, but don't let him!!!

 

 

 
December 11, 2006, 9:45 am CST

advice4u

Quote From: ceildh1

Okay, this seems petty but I NEED advice....

My BIL likes to come across the country ( he's in BC and I am on the East Coast of Canada), and surprise us.

I HATE SURPRISE VISITORS, I truly do, and I have explained this to him, calmly and rationaly, and so has my husband, but he dosen't get it.

Everyone has told me, " he knows it bothers you, that's why he does it ."

So can someone explain what kind of sick plesure it give a person to do this ?  Even AFTER it has been explained  ?  He figures the rest don't mind, so I have to get over it,ARGHHH.

He also likes to tell us how are kids should be raised, church ( my husband and I are agnostic at best), school ( one is a straight A student the other dyslexic but pulling B's), and everything else, he's childless.

I DREAD the holidays because of him, I know I shouldn't let him have that power over me, but it really hurts to know he has ZERO respect for me or my feelings.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

 

Seriously, my Dad has an Alpha male complex and tries to dominate a lot of things.  But being the first-born female, if i just stood up to him half the time he would back down.  Just let him know that youre not going to tolerate his behavior.  If he acts uncivil, put him on a leash!  YOU control the situation, HE's the guest.  If he doesn't like it, he can bother some other relative, and youre off the hook!

 
December 11, 2006, 9:48 am CST

I won't be able to make it home for Christmas

Quote From: bear_ta

If you can't find enough love for your family to just behave because hate the holidays then go on a vacation by yourself . There are things one does whether you like it or not when you love people.

Thankfully I didn't get that defective selfish gene. I hate shopping; my husband loves shopping. I go shopping on a regular basis, with a smile. I love Christmas. To me it's about my family, food, decorations and music. I love the smells in the house. I love the food I've had from childhood. My mother is German, and I grew up with amazing German food and traditions. My father is Irish, and always made Christmas fun. None of us believe in god, but we grew up in a Christian societies, so it's our culture, and our traditions stem from that. I've never stressed out at the holidays. I don't go overboard with presents. Being with the people I love and giving them something they wanted is nice, but to me it's all about the family dinner, and the warmth we have for each other.

I won't be able to make it home for Christmas this year. Most of my family lives in Maryland and I am in Montana. I am so depressed. I am working but very poor. I can't afford gifts or even food. All of this hurts so badly because Christmas was a big deal at our home. Even though all of this is going on. I still plan to go to church on Christmas Eve.Something tells me not go give up hope or faith.I don't know what happend in people's lives that they don't want to celebrate the holidays. Maybe it is a lack of faith or hope. Perhaps a disappointment. However we are not guarnteed tomorrow so today is gift for God. I haven't given up. So your guests should not either. Life changes in a heart beat sometimes for the better.
 
December 11, 2006, 11:37 am CST

12/13 Holiday Horror Stories

Quote From: ceildh1

Okay, this seems petty but I NEED advice....

My BIL likes to come across the country ( he's in BC and I am on the East Coast of Canada), and surprise us.

I HATE SURPRISE VISITORS, I truly do, and I have explained this to him, calmly and rationaly, and so has my husband, but he dosen't get it.

Everyone has told me, " he knows it bothers you, that's why he does it ."

So can someone explain what kind of sick plesure it give a person to do this ?  Even AFTER it has been explained  ?  He figures the rest don't mind, so I have to get over it,ARGHHH.

He also likes to tell us how are kids should be raised, church ( my husband and I are agnostic at best), school ( one is a straight A student the other dyslexic but pulling B's), and everything else, he's childless.

I DREAD the holidays because of him, I know I shouldn't let him have that power over me, but it really hurts to know he has ZERO respect for me or my feelings.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

 you could invite some of your children's friends over (as soon as you find out he's there, maybe pre-arrange this w/ their parents, Then, you can tell him sorry my kids are having a slumber party...so sorry you didn' let us know further in advance
 
December 11, 2006, 1:32 pm CST

before he gets there

Quote From: faeryedark

 you could invite some of your children's friends over (as soon as you find out he's there, maybe pre-arrange this w/ their parents, Then, you can tell him sorry my kids are having a slumber party...so sorry you didn' let us know further in advance
Before he leaves bc either call him or email him a list of the local hotels and tell him that he will be staying at one of those. If he tries to stay Tell him hey we sent a list of hotels and we have plans to spend time with the children.  When he brings up the topic of church and your kids. Tell him that it is none of his business. As my Mama would This is my house and I make the rules.  Don't like it leave.
 
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