Quote From: daylily43This isn't directly related to the show, but if anybody has any suggestions, I would certainly appreciate them.
My mother died in June, and my father died back in 1989. So this is the first Christmas that I don't have any parents. The family home has been sold, and with it, I feel like my connections to the place I grew up, and the people I grew up with, have evaporated.
I always liked Christmas. In my family, there were quite a few traditions around food, music, decorations, etc., as well as a strong religious component. I miss those things enormously; it's just not the same without my mother.
My husband and I are going to spend Christmas with his family. They're not bad people, but they're totally different from my family. There's a lot of hostility and repressed anger, and this sometimes erupts at Christmas (I know this from past years). There are no real family traditions and no religious dimension to the holiday at all. Truthfully, I'm not really sure what they're celebrating, and nobody seems very happy about it. This year, there was a big family fight around Thanksgiving which may still be simmering at Christmas.
And the fact is, they don't like me much. I believe I've tried to be gracious and friendly, to go with the flow, to adapt to their way of doing things. But their way of being together is totally different from my family's way of being together. Please don't think I hate them; they're part of my husband, and so I don't. But it's very hard. I don't fit there, and everybody knows it. Much of my favorite Christmas music was written before 1800; they're strictly Elvis and The Chipmunks' Christmas. We're about as far apart as we can get.
I'm a little scared of this. I just don't feel that I have the emotional resources this year to spend Christmas in the middle of their drama. I really want to go to church and listen to the old music, to have a lovely dinner with my husband, maybe even contact The Salvation Army and see if we can help out. I want to do something quiet and meaningful and different. But I also want to be respectful of my husband. They're his family, and though he sees what's wrong, he loves them. I'm just very, very sad this year that this is all I have left of a "family" Christmas. (I don't have children due to medical reasons, and I spent several years helping my mother through cancer, which kind of put adoption out of my mind for a long while--though the possibility has certainly re-emerged in my mind).
I want to be charitable and gracious. I want to be responsive to my husband's desire to spend time with his family. Any ideas on how to get through this? Thanks, and sorry for the rambling post. I just need to put this somewhere.
I don't know your age but my advise is to create your own Christmas traditions. Let go of his family and let go of your mothers traditions. What is meaningful to your heart and your husbands heart not someone else's. I don't have children, I am 58 years old, we are having 25 people for dinner none of which are from either of our biological families. We are handing out gifts to street people Christmas day before we will go home and have our turkey. Reach out and you will be surprised how many people will reach back. If we continue to listen to what is real for us and not past generations we can create a great world. If we continue to carry on old traditions we will be wearing veils before we know it.
The holidays are here, but some households never experience “peace on earth.” Dr. Phil’s guests refuse to embrace the spirit of the season, and say Christmas is the worst time of the year! Joyce has been married to Rick for 27 years, and has hated the holidays for 26 of those years. She refuses to put up a tree, decorate her house or listen to Christmas carols. Rick says Joyce even flipped out when he tried to dangle some mistletoe over her head! Joyce has succeeded in ruining her family’s joy, but is she about to destroy her marriage? Then, Val has 11 kids, but says her three daughters stop at nothing to wreck the holidays. One daughter even resorted to breaking her sister’s finger on Christmas day! The constant fighting has pushed Val to consider something drastic. And, find out what special event Robin and Dr. Phil hosted to help celebrate the true holiday spirit! Talk about the show here.
