Quote From: jandj5996It's great that you are taking steps to make yourself self-sufficient in the event you leave him (or kick him out) -- BUT, waiting until those things are in place is putting you and your kids in more danger. Even though you have made up with your own father, you know from experience that growing up with an alcoholic parent (abusive or not) is not a good example or environment. Based on the fact that you said he is abusive verbally and physically is a recipe for disaster -- you need to kick him out now. Do not enable or tolerate his continued behavior. No matter what, you and your kids are already being affected by your husband's drinking -- and your kids need and deserve to have a home environment where they feel safe and aren't always in survival mode, or wondering what's going to happen next. And, your kids need to see you being strong for yourself and for them -- they are relying on you now more than ever -- lead by example. What will happen if you try to stick it out? Unpredictability of the abuse could leave them without a mother. What will happen to them then? Believe me -- they don't want to be put in that situation because of the lame or bad choices you make now. If you can't do it for yourself -- do it for your kids. You need to quit believing all the promises -- actions speak much louder than words. Those promises are just a method to pacify you and get you to quit nagging for a while. Until you see a sober husband for a significant length of time, do not live in the same house with him -- for your sake and for your kids sake. A few weeks here and there is simply not enough. Through all the nagging, arguing, yelling, crying, dragging him to counseling -- whatever -- you cannot fix him. It is not your fault. He needs to recognize his problem, and do whatever is necessary to bring himself to back to sobriety -- especially if he wants to get back to living in the same house with his family. Support him emotionally in his recovery. His chosen actions will eventually make or break him. In the meantime, you and the kids will be safe. Both of my parents were alcoholics and I very much wish that a sober and responsible adult had stood up for me when I was a kid -- acting like they cared and/or had an interest in me, my sanity and my safety. Your first priority is protecting yourself and your kids -- now. Good luck to you.
GET OUT NOW!!! No matter what you do - your kids know that something is going on - THEY ARE BEING AFFECTED BY IT AND SO ARE YOU! Go to a friend's house, move in with family, take all the money and you're stuff and move now. You are not to blame for any of this but YOU ARE ALLOWING IT TO CONTINUE! Get help from the Government, church, friends, family - get a restraining order if you have too - but make a change before he does something deadly and drags the rest of you down with him. You can't save him anymore - he is the only one that can save himself. This is now something you have to do for yourself and your children, if you really love yourself and love your kids you will act now.
I was married to an Alcoholic and didn't find out that he had this problem until after we had a child. I stayed with him for another 2 1/2 years before I said enough. I moved 1,700 miles across country and moved back in with my mom taking my daughter with me. I put myself back through college, divorced him, got a teaching degree, and made a life for us. While all of this was happening - my ex kept wanting me back, said he went into rehab, but I couldn't trust his lies anymore. I stuck to my guns and I am an independent mom and a teacher now. My ex did get clean and later remarried a very nice woman he met in rehab. My 13 yr. old daughter is now in counseling for depression and has talked about wanting to drink - she has even drank a beer without me knowing about it - left in my Mom's fridge from a New Year's Eve party. She was only 2 1/2 yr. old when we left but this disease is GENETIC!!! and now I'm afraid that she will end up like her Dad and some of his family.
Robin and Dr. Phil both grew up in unstable family environments due to an alcoholic parent. In her new book, Inside My Heart, Robin explains the choices she made to become the best woman, wife and mother she could be, and the circumstance behind those choices. See how her biggest struggle helped her make a choice about the type of man she would marry. Then, Jill says her husband, James, used to be adored as the mayor of their community, but now he’s the town drunk, an embarrassment to the family and the neighborhood. She says he’s a horrible influence to their 15-year-old son, Robert, and is spending their life savings on booze. James has been sober for six weeks since being arrested and ordered to wear an ankle bracelet that will detect alcohol in his system. He thinks he must know why he drinks in order to stop drinking for good. Dr. Phil and Robin have an important message for Robert, who has only recently seen his father sober. Next, a daughter’s words send her famous father into rehab. Known as the voice of the NFL, Pat Summerall has a message to anyone who struggles with alcoholism. Join the discussion.
