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Topic : 12/15 Children of Addicts

Number of Replies: 354
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Created on : Friday, December 08, 2006, 02:44:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Robin and Dr. Phil both grew up in unstable family environments due to an alcoholic parent. In her new book, Inside My Heart, Robin explains the choices she made to become the best woman, wife and mother she could be, and the circumstance behind those choices. See how her biggest struggle helped her make a choice about the type of man she would marry. Then, Jill says her husband, James, used to be adored as the mayor of their community, but now he’s the town drunk, an embarrassment to the family and the neighborhood. She says he’s a horrible influence to their 15-year-old son, Robert, and is spending their life savings on booze. James has been sober for six weeks since being arrested and ordered to wear an ankle bracelet that will detect alcohol in his system. He thinks he must know why he drinks in order to stop drinking for good. Dr. Phil and Robin have an important message for Robert, who has only recently seen his father sober. Next, a daughter’s words send her famous father into rehab. Known as the voice of the NFL, Pat Summerall has a message to anyone who struggles with alcoholism. Join the discussion.

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December 10, 2006, 6:12 am CST

NO ONE LEFT BEHIND

Quote From: mesherri

I too am an adult child of an alcoholic.  I wish I could remember a time when my father didn't drink but I can't, it has been a problem that long.  My father's problem has gotten worse since my mother died of cancer in March of 2002, he has steadily started drinking earlier and earlier everyday.  Thanksgiving Day my father told me he thinks his drinking is killing him, what do you say to that???  I was so shocked, so dumbfounded, I didn't know what to say.  I know I can't make him stop drinking, he has to want it but I am afraid I am going to loose him at a young age just like I did my mother.  It is during the holidays that I wish I could just escape, leave everything behind and not look back but I can't do it, I am too caring like my mother so I will stay by my dad and the rest of the family to support them as I fall to pieces inside.

IT SEEMS THAT ADDICTION IS A ,ALL THE WAY SELFISH SICKNESS. I AM GLAD THAT DR. PHIL AND MANY OTHERS ARE FOCUSING ON THE CHILDREN WHO'S LIVES GET RUIN IN THE MIST OF THEIR PARENTS ADDICTION. CHILDREN ALWAYS THINK EVERYTHING IS THERE FAULT.  ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG. THERE IS NOTHING THEY CAN DO, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT,  IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOUR HOUSEHOLD, WAS NOT LIKE  YOUR FRIENDS. BUT REMEMBER YOU HAVE THE CHOICE TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER, LET GO OF ANY BITTERNESS, IT WILL KEEP YOU FROM MOVING FORWARD. SOME TIME YOU MUST LOVE PEOPLE FROM A DISTANCE.  JUST DO NOT LET THEM BRING YOU DOWN.

YOU CAN NOT BE BOTH PITIFUL AND POWERFUL. ITS YOUR CHOICE WHICH ONE WILL YOU PICK?         YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS WITH CHRIST. 

                ESTHER MINISTRIES

 
December 10, 2006, 7:31 am CST

Going Down Fast

My girlfriend's husband Tom was a smoker and heavy drinker for 35 years and now at 51 has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Stage 4. The last 5 years he denied having a problem with alcohol even though he was passed out every night at 9pm.  How do you have an intervention with someone who doesn't think he has a problem with alcohol?  And now it's too late. And, to really sadden the situation, there are 2 teen-age children and no life insurance.
 
December 10, 2006, 8:46 am CST

Children of Alcoholics

I was married to an alcoholic and didn't realize that he had a problem until after we had a daughter.  I only stayed with him for 2 1/2 more years and then moved half way across country to be with my family and raise my daughter.  She has not been around people who are alcoholics but now that she is 13 she is having problems at school, depression, and admitting to me that she thinks about drinking - she even drank 1/2 a beer that she found at my mom's house ( it had been left over from New Year's Eve the year before!).  I am really worried that she will turn in to an alcoholic like her Dad and his side of the family.  She is seeing a counselor for her depression and taking meds....what else can I do for her?  This really has me scared!

 

Mom in need of help

 
December 10, 2006, 8:54 am CST

Children living with an alcoholic parent

Friday December 15th show.

This is a must see show for me. Dr. Phil I know that this will give me some insight to living and dealing with and alcoholic parent. M father was an alcoholic and was the type who was a verbally abusive alcoholic. I was the one who took all the verbal abuse from my father and also the physical abuse too. I dont know how many times when I was a teenager that I caught him with a booze bottle in his hand and he would physically grab me and force me into a wall and threaten to kill me if I ever told anyone about it. In the home where I grew up I dont know where in the basement that he kept is booze stashed but in the house where I live now I know where he kept it stashed. I am now 48 years old and my father has been dead since I was 20. I have had to deal with alot of things through my life because of the things he did to me as a teenager and not having my mom try to make any type of attempt to stop his verbal, physical, mental and emotional abuse of me.

Dr. Phil thank you ahead of time for doing a show about this. 

Just plain Jane

 
December 10, 2006, 9:07 am CST

12/15 Children of Addicts

Quote From: jandj5996

It's great that you are taking steps to make yourself self-sufficient in the event you leave him (or kick him out) -- BUT, waiting until those things are in place is putting you and your kids in more danger.  Even though you have made up with your own father, you know from experience that growing up with an alcoholic parent (abusive or not) is not a good example or environment.  Based on the fact that you said he is abusive verbally and physically is a recipe for disaster -- you need to kick him out now.  Do not enable or tolerate his continued behavior.  No matter what, you and your kids are already being affected by your husband's drinking -- and your kids need and deserve to have a home environment where they feel safe and aren't always in survival mode, or wondering what's going to happen next.  And, your kids need to see you being strong for yourself and for them -- they are relying on you now more than ever -- lead by example.  What will happen if you try to stick it out?  Unpredictability of the abuse could leave them without a mother.  What will happen to them then? Believe me -- they don't want to be put in that situation because of the lame or bad choices you make now.  If you can't do it for yourself -- do it for your kids. You need to quit believing all the promises -- actions speak much louder than words.  Those promises are just a method to pacify you and get you to quit nagging for a while.  Until you see a sober husband for a significant length of time, do not live in the same house with him -- for your sake and for your kids sake.  A few weeks here and there is simply not enough.  Through all the nagging, arguing, yelling, crying, dragging him to counseling -- whatever -- you cannot fix him.  It is not your fault.  He needs to recognize his problem, and do whatever is necessary to bring himself to back to sobriety -- especially if he wants to get back to living in the same house with his family.  Support him emotionally in his recovery.  His chosen actions will eventually make or break him.  In the meantime, you and the kids will be safe.  Both of my parents were alcoholics and I very much wish that a sober and responsible adult had stood up for me when I was a kid -- acting like they cared and/or had an interest in me, my sanity and my safety.  Your first priority is protecting yourself and your kids -- now.  Good luck to you.

GET OUT NOW!!! No matter what you do - your kids know that something is going on - THEY ARE BEING AFFECTED BY IT AND SO ARE YOU!  Go to a friend's house, move in with family, take all the money and you're stuff and move now.  You are not to blame for any of this but YOU ARE ALLOWING IT TO CONTINUE!  Get help from the Government, church, friends, family - get a restraining order if you have too - but make a change before he does something deadly and drags the rest of you down with him.  You can't save him anymore - he is the only one that can save himself.  This is now something you have to do for yourself and your children, if you really love yourself and love your kids you will act now.

 

I was married to an Alcoholic and didn't find out that he had this problem until after we had a child.  I stayed with him for another 2 1/2 years before I said enough.  I moved 1,700 miles across country and moved back in with my mom taking my daughter with me.  I put myself back through college, divorced him, got a teaching degree, and made a life for us.  While all of this was happening - my ex kept wanting me back, said he went into rehab, but I couldn't trust his lies anymore.  I stuck to my guns and I am an independent mom and a teacher now.  My ex did get clean and later remarried a very nice woman he met in rehab.   My 13 yr. old daughter is now in counseling for depression and has talked about wanting to drink - she has even drank a beer without me knowing about it - left in my Mom's fridge from a New Year's Eve party.  She was only 2 1/2 yr. old when we left but this disease is GENETIC!!! and now I'm afraid that she will end up like her Dad and some of his family. 

 
December 10, 2006, 10:04 am CST

recovering alcoholic

HI DR PHIL

I AM A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC OF SOME 16YRS. I HAVE ALSO JUST CELEBRATED MY  75TH BIRTHDAY.  I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THE UPCOMING SHOW AS I BELIEVE WE NEED  TO HAVE MORE HELP FOR SENIORS WHO ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY WITH ALCOHOL AND BELIEVE NO ONE CARES. DOCTORS CONTINUE TO GIVE OUT PRESCRIPTIONS TO SENIORS MANY TIMES WITHOUT TAKING TIME TO LOOK INTO THE LIVING HABITS AND THESE SENIORS TAKE THE PRESCRIPTION WITH ALCOHOL.

THKS  MEL CAMERON

 

 
December 10, 2006, 10:43 am CST

12/15 Children of Addicts

I am an adult child of an alcoholic father and I divorced an alcoholic husband.    I believe this show will be very enlightening for myself and for the viewers.  It is especially important at this time of year... the holidays.  I say this because the holidays are a time for parties and drinking.  This tends to make it especially hard for all of us.  Perhaps this show will help us all to cope a little better with our situations, whatever they may be. 
 
December 10, 2006, 12:01 pm CST

my husband is a addict

 my husband has a drinking problem and a drug problem .we have a 15 month old son and i had to leave him because i didn't want our son to grow up and to see his father like that everyday. the other reason is he tried to kill me and i had to leave for our safety. my husband grew with drinking in the household and i didn't want our son to be that way.
 
December 10, 2006, 12:41 pm CST

child of alcoholic parent

At first I wasn't aware that my mother was an alcoholic; when I reached my early teens, I finally realized that I couldn't get into my house after school because my mother was passed out on the sofa with the door locked. My father found reasons to stay away from home, including working a separate job, leaving me to deal with my mother. Eventually, after I ran away and got married, my mother finally drank herself to death.  Back then, alcoholism was considered a weakniess, not a medical problem.

Thank God there are solutions out there now for alcoholics.  The biggest problem is getting these people to admit that they have a problem.

 
December 10, 2006, 2:27 pm CST

God grant me the serenity.... etc.

Quote From: gmelcam

HI DR PHIL

I AM A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC OF SOME 16YRS. I HAVE ALSO JUST CELEBRATED MY  75TH BIRTHDAY.  I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THE UPCOMING SHOW AS I BELIEVE WE NEED  TO HAVE MORE HELP FOR SENIORS WHO ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY WITH ALCOHOL AND BELIEVE NO ONE CARES. DOCTORS CONTINUE TO GIVE OUT PRESCRIPTIONS TO SENIORS MANY TIMES WITHOUT TAKING TIME TO LOOK INTO THE LIVING HABITS AND THESE SENIORS TAKE THE PRESCRIPTION WITH ALCOHOL.

THKS  MEL CAMERON

 

Hi. am a recovering alcoholic as well. Have caused my children a lot of grief, however they have stood by me with support and love, guess I am one of the lucky ones.Now that I am near 70 yrs of age, I have something to drink about twice a month, and I know once an alcoholic, the amount of alcohol doesnt matter , I drink like an alcoholic still. Its the  lack of contact with others that is so hard. am having a tough time to make friends, am a loner. which is also through lack of socializing behaviour. And what I believe to be a form of A.D.D, attention defecid syndrome. All in all life is not bad, at least I am aware of my shortcomings, and also of a certain amount of selfworth now. sounds confusing. but am really doing not so bad. there are always pros and cons and I keep my drinking self away from others.So that they dont affect others, and the serenity prayer does keep me away from eventhat occasional  drinking more and more.I did enjoy Your input. thnx ............................  Ann
 
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