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Topic : 12/15 Children of Addicts

Number of Replies: 354
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Created on : Friday, December 08, 2006, 02:44:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Robin and Dr. Phil both grew up in unstable family environments due to an alcoholic parent. In her new book, Inside My Heart, Robin explains the choices she made to become the best woman, wife and mother she could be, and the circumstance behind those choices. See how her biggest struggle helped her make a choice about the type of man she would marry. Then, Jill says her husband, James, used to be adored as the mayor of their community, but now he’s the town drunk, an embarrassment to the family and the neighborhood. She says he’s a horrible influence to their 15-year-old son, Robert, and is spending their life savings on booze. James has been sober for six weeks since being arrested and ordered to wear an ankle bracelet that will detect alcohol in his system. He thinks he must know why he drinks in order to stop drinking for good. Dr. Phil and Robin have an important message for Robert, who has only recently seen his father sober. Next, a daughter’s words send her famous father into rehab. Known as the voice of the NFL, Pat Summerall has a message to anyone who struggles with alcoholism. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 10, 2006, 2:52 pm CST

devestating

 I have seen the deveasting affects of alcholism in my family. My aunt died at 39. Her life was an example to me.
 
December 10, 2006, 5:23 pm CST

46 year old daughter Addict

Quote From: gmelcam

HI DR PHIL

I AM A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC OF SOME 16YRS. I HAVE ALSO JUST CELEBRATED MY  75TH BIRTHDAY.  I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THE UPCOMING SHOW AS I BELIEVE WE NEED  TO HAVE MORE HELP FOR SENIORS WHO ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY WITH ALCOHOL AND BELIEVE NO ONE CARES. DOCTORS CONTINUE TO GIVE OUT PRESCRIPTIONS TO SENIORS MANY TIMES WITHOUT TAKING TIME TO LOOK INTO THE LIVING HABITS AND THESE SENIORS TAKE THE PRESCRIPTION WITH ALCOHOL.

THKS  MEL CAMERON

 

My daughter has done drugs and alcohol until sometimes I believe it has stunned her growth.  She is the mother of 3 beautiful grown children and a grandmother.  She has been in treatment 3 differents times.  At this time she has admitted herself into a  6 months recovery center, only problem she has no funds to continue the stay.  I, the mother paid the initial fee and 1st month, hoping she would have a job by now to be able to continue the course.  She always comes up with excuses about finding a job.  I really wish there was a way for her to get the help she needs.  She is a very lovely  person, and loved by many.  PLEASE HELP, DR. PHIL

 MOTHER OF RUBY

 
December 10, 2006, 6:13 pm CST

12/15 Children of Addicts

Quote From: popinoz

 I have had a long association with all kinds of drinkers. Out of that experience I believe there is an error of judgement right across the board on alcoholism.
I've found that there is two types of "Alcoholics" One that has steadily drank himself into an addiction (The abuser) & the other who has an overwhelming intolerance to the actual substance of alcohol or part of it's compounds. The allergic drinker.
The distinction can be made virtually from the first 3 or 4 drinks.
The abuser has little reaction other than a slow deterioration into incoherance etc.
The allergic drinker has a major mood swing. They become illogical & out of charactor.
I am closely associated with one family, the mother & the 2 adult offsping, who virtually switch off after a couple of drinks. One turns into a pathological liar after just one or two small glasses of Sherry. They constantly strive to feel like "normal" people who can have a social drink, but it is metabolically impossible. Sadly, the condition is not acknowledged or "humanised"
I don't think enough work is done to explain to these people that they are not misfits or social subordinates because of this allergy.
It is no different from all the common allergies & it ought to be addressed with the same medical warnings & advise, & it needs public acknowledgement so that these symptoms become common knowledge before the unwinnable fight has deteriorated into a constant struggle of both the reliance & the allergy.
They should not be bundled into "Victims' of the disease of alcoholism" which results purely from over indulgence.

Your post was very interesting, I think it can explain alot, especially about those who "cannot hold their liquor".

But how do we explain people like myself, I'm not trying to sound awful really.  Let me explain,

I can drink Beer and ONLY Beer, Canadian, American European, just Beer.

Wine makes me black out , and Hard Liquor ( whiskey, Rum Gin etc.), makes me almost psychotic, needless to say I stay FAR AWAY from those.

I have always been curious as to why, yes Alcholism is RAMPENT through my family, but honestly, I am ONLY a social drinker, and as long as I stick to beer, I can drink maybe three, and be fine ( wouldn't drive for sure, but I still have my wits about me enough to keep myself out of trouble). 

I have always been curious about this little fact about myself, and WHY the changes are so radical from one type of liquor to another, any thoughts ? I'd be happy to hear them.

 

 
December 10, 2006, 6:20 pm CST

12/15 Children of Addicts

Quote From: stef729

My girlfriend's husband Tom was a smoker and heavy drinker for 35 years and now at 51 has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Stage 4. The last 5 years he denied having a problem with alcohol even though he was passed out every night at 9pm.  How do you have an intervention with someone who doesn't think he has a problem with alcohol?  And now it's too late. And, to really sadden the situation, there are 2 teen-age children and no life insurance.

Unfortunately, unless he wants help, YOU CAN'T!!!!

That's the bottom line, and stage four lung cancer, well the damage is done.

Hopefully the kids will recover, and if their Mother is a strong woman, and has been all their lives, they'll get through it.

No life insurance, that's ROUGH, can the community raly to their aid maybe ?  You sound like a really great friend, can you organize an auction or something for her and the kids ?

All you can really do, is continue to be there and help where you can.  But if He dosen't think he has a problem, then there's nothing really anyone can do to convince him.

Wish I could be more positive for you.

 
December 10, 2006, 8:03 pm CST

adopted only child of an alcoholic and woman abuser

Unfortunatelly when I was adopted over 50 years ago there was no or limited evaluations of the parents who were potential parents.  I should never have been adopted by my parents.  My father was a weekend drunk who spent all of his time either at the bar (most of the time I would be with him) or he would be in his bedroom all weekend after getting his alcohol.  He would have me dance for the drunks in the bar and they would pay me to dance at a very young age.  I anted to spend time with him and could only if I went to the bars with him, until I got into adolescence and then I stopped going.  There are many years that I do not remember of my childhood for whatever reason. Of course the most of the men I chose to spend time drank heavily and were physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to me.  I do not drink.  It has been a very tough life filled with counseling and trying to feel good about myself and not make the same bad choices again, choosing to be alone for over 10 years.  I am thrilled about this show and hopefully it will open up the eyes of people who have never walked in the shoes of myself and many other, including Dr. Phil and Robin.  I like who I have become and the person that I am in spite of the house in which I was raised.   My mother was not an alcoholic but she tolerated the abuse and the alcohol for a period of the time and then send me away when I was a 9 year old to another state with my grandmother for a period of 2 years and she brought me back home after I missed my father and begged to come home.  Things did not change and of course got worse with him and her as I got older.  Not being able to bring people to the house wanting to stay out as often as possible, you all know that story.  It isn't a life I would wish on anyone, not all bad all the time, just very lonely most of the time. 
 
December 10, 2006, 8:48 pm CST

recovery

 Hi Dr . Phil, I'm a parent and have 6yrs clean off drugs. I have three children two I had on meth. My oldest daugther watch me go though the drug usage for 10yrs. and it was no fun day at the park. I could'nt stop using. And i believe today if it wasn't for my second child i would be still useing today. It was hard to go on feeling the pain of withdrawal but i did it and for anyone that say they can't tell them to talk to me it can be done. I'm proof of that. GOD bless the sick and suffering addicts in and out of the rooms .
 
December 10, 2006, 10:11 pm CST

Sounds like me

Quote From: spldrtn78

I'm looking forward to seeing this show.  I am the daughter of an alcoholic and have now been married to an alcoholic for 10 years.  My father is now a big part of my life, but never was there when I was growing up.  He has told me he never wanted a daughter and that's why he rejected me for so long.  I have been able to get past that with him and he is helping me with dealing with my husband who is an alcoholic.  I am a very good wife to this man and a very good mom.  I have been at home for 10 years now.  My husband is very mentally abusive when he is drunk and has over the past few years gotten physical with me.  His last stint, I finally had the courage to call the police, but a few weeks later, we were back together.  Again promise after promise was made and he did good for a short time, but he's heading back down that dreadful road again.  I love this man with all my heart and just can't seem to break away.  I'm depressed all the time and worry constantly about where he is and if he's going to come home drunk again now.  He's been the bread winner, if that's what you want to call barely making it month by month and in debt up to or ears.  He's always got an excuse as to why I can't work and when I did get a part time job at one point,  he would make sure he wasn't home in time to take care of the kids.  I ended up quitting the job.  After our last fight I finally told him I wouldn't go through with this again.  I have enrolled in my local college for a course in CNA training so that I can get a decent job and be able to support our kids and myself.  I have gone to counseling and we had been going to see our Pastor at church, but that stopped because he was tired of being told that his drinking was what our marriage problems were all about.  He has manipulated me into believing that our problems are not because of his drinking and that I'm to blame for most of them.  I know in my heart that that is not true.  I would have made him leave for good but I couldn't find a job and was afraid of not being able to support our kids and myself.  I have decided that I will start going back to church and would like to get Robins book.  This man tells me he loves me about 100 times a day and that we'll be together forever, but why does he keep hurting me???  I'm very confused and unsure where to go at this point.  Any insight would be nice.  Sorry so long....Thanks for listening.

Wow, alot of what you wrote sounds like my life. My husband of 26 years is a son of a alcoholic,  which I did not learn until after we were married. I never ever noticed a drinking problem until we moved away from family and friends across the U.S to the south. My older brother actually pointed it out to me. Finally, I began to look closely and monitor his behavior.  In the last 6 years, his drinking has escaluated.  His moods change and is very verbally abusive. Several times he even has gotten physical and finally found the courage to call the police. He blames me for everything and our 2 kids believe him. I feel so alone, not knowing who to speak to.

We have gone to counseling, and the counselor wanted him to go to Anger Management classes, but he refused to go and said why should he go when he knows what the problem is. Me!  Our counselor suggested I speak to his mother about this, but she basically told me she couldn't /wouldn't help, that I should not get a divorce because of the children.  I have been very open to all the suggestions my counselor has provided, but I told her it's too difficult to do it one sided.  She told me that "you chose him." That really hurt me.  I didn't know how to respond,  I know that, but I came for you for help.

 

My husband is not a great father at all, my 15 yr old son is actively smoking marijuana and my husband thinks it's my fault he's smoking. He basically has taken a back seat to the whole thing. He will do anything for the kids, not making them into responsible individuals.  He lets them do whatever. He would never ask who they would hang out with, what time they are coming home, etc., all the normal things a parent does. When I step in, I am labeled the Bitch and causing trouble.  He says I am being selfish and a bitch. When the kids talk back to me or call me horrible horrible names, he does nothing about it. Mute to the whole situation. I really can't take it anymore.  I have lost everything that I love. My husband has ruined my relationship with my two kids, 20 and 15. I have been laid off from a couple of jobs and cannot find anything because I do not speak spanish. I feel so captive to my husband and his abuse. All this talk about what to do is so scary.  I want to start to expose my husband's behavior to his co-workers, friends and his extended family. Should I do this, or am I heading into MORE TROUBLE?  We all can't go on the Dr. PHil show, but I need some help.  I am so sorry for the rampling on and on. But, this is the first time I have had the chance to talk about this where someone will understand. Thanks,

 
December 11, 2006, 6:50 am CST

i can relate

i grew up with a father that was and still is addicted to alcohol and used to try and hide the bottles from us and it never worked you could tell by the way he acted that he was drinking. And cause if his drinking eather my mother or I never my older sister, or little sister would have to put up with him. He would start yelling and screaming and hitting and cussing and you name it and he did it.

looking back i feel sorry that i didn't understand anything about what was going on cause i thought that it was me cause they always told me that he didn't start drinking until i was born and that because i was born in my fifth month that that was the only one of the reasons they told me that the other was the fact that i needed so much care when i went home from the hospital, cause i was on a heart and lung machine.

and jsut within the last couple of years have i came to understand that it had nothing to do with me. but when you are in the middle of it you don't know.

i just hope that every kid thats in the spot will do reasearch and find out how to get out of it or get help for the family.

 

 
December 11, 2006, 8:35 am CST

I can relate.....

Unfortunately, i can say that I know how it feels to have addictive parent(s).  Yeah, both of my parents are addicts.  My father is an alcoholic and my mother has been addicted to prescription pills.  Growing up and even now as an adult I can deal with my dad's alcohol addiction much better than my mom's pill addiction.  With me being a nurse my mom always called me wanting me to get her "something".  Her drugs of choice are Ativan, Xanax, Soma, Lortab, Darvocet and any other meds she can get that will give her that high.  She claims she "needs" them because her "nerves" are bad and that she has osteoarthritis and hurts all the time.  Maybe I'm being a little harsh but I think not.  I myself have MS and work a parttime job which I am on my feet for about 9hrs of my 12 hour shift.  I still work in the nursing field so I'm always walking up and down the halls and standing at the med cart.  For this reason, I don't feel sorry for her.  I have other friends and have even worked with people that are far worse off than her and they still have a fulltime job.  It also makes me less compassionate toward people that complain of pain because of knowing how my mom has always complained.

 

I am married with two children and have distanced myself from her because I get tired of having her call me everyday to tell me about her aches and pains and ask me to get her something.  I have informed her that even though I'm a nurse I have NO way of getting her anything.  She usually gets mad at me at that point and yells at me and then hangs up on me.  So, I quit being that person she calls to have someone to yell at and complain to.  It is sad and hard to live with and have to deal with someone that has an addiction.

 

 
December 11, 2006, 10:13 am CST

Divine Intervention, my friend.

Quote From: stef729

My girlfriend's husband Tom was a smoker and heavy drinker for 35 years and now at 51 has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Stage 4. The last 5 years he denied having a problem with alcohol even though he was passed out every night at 9pm.  How do you have an intervention with someone who doesn't think he has a problem with alcohol?  And now it's too late. And, to really sadden the situation, there are 2 teen-age children and no life insurance.

My drinking habits touched on five decades: the 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's and the first three years of 2000. I didn't know I was an alcoholic until I was 53 years old. Thank God, I never smoked cigarettes. Oh, my apologies. Yes I did. During my teens I would light up when I drank. Never got hooked.

 

Boy, that denial just gets heavier and heavier and just when you thought you hit "rock-bottom", guess what? There's a trap door at the bottom that flips wide open. Than, you continue your downward dig.

 

You ask how you have intervention with a heavy smoker, alcoholic? Divine intervention: Plenty of prayers to soften the excruciating, emotional pain.

 

Death, insanity, imprisonment or recovery.

 
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