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Topic : 12/15 Children of Addicts

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Created on : Friday, December 08, 2006, 02:44:03 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Robin and Dr. Phil both grew up in unstable family environments due to an alcoholic parent. In her new book, Inside My Heart, Robin explains the choices she made to become the best woman, wife and mother she could be, and the circumstance behind those choices. See how her biggest struggle helped her make a choice about the type of man she would marry. Then, Jill says her husband, James, used to be adored as the mayor of their community, but now he’s the town drunk, an embarrassment to the family and the neighborhood. She says he’s a horrible influence to their 15-year-old son, Robert, and is spending their life savings on booze. James has been sober for six weeks since being arrested and ordered to wear an ankle bracelet that will detect alcohol in his system. He thinks he must know why he drinks in order to stop drinking for good. Dr. Phil and Robin have an important message for Robert, who has only recently seen his father sober. Next, a daughter’s words send her famous father into rehab. Known as the voice of the NFL, Pat Summerall has a message to anyone who struggles with alcoholism. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More December 2006 Show Boards.

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carkey06

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January 6, 2007, 10:53 pm PST

not sure why I shared

Quote From: princess1

Your mother's choice to drink is not your fault. Your father's choice to leave you is also not your choice. It is their fault for making the choices they have made in life. You did not ask to be born; and it seems like your parents failed miserably in their parenting skills. Just because someone has the biological ability to reproduce does not qualify them to be parents. I am so sorry for the things you have had to go through because of the choices your parents made. You did not ask to be born, so there should be no "price for being born". You are not alone, there are many of us who suffer depression and other daily struggles due to our parents choice to drink or do drugs. God may be using you in ways you can't see. Remember you can do ALL things through Christ who stregnthens you.

Thanks so much for all of the quotes but agian no help. When did this turn into a battle of faith or not faith. i have gone to AA and you know what I learned. Your family is not to be first no matter what you believe your faith to be and when I was commanded of that I learned that the one thing that would get me through this was my husband. To tell you the truth not sure why he is still around. It was not until after that when faith came in. I live this life every day and everyday I find some feel good method entering into my life but I was still left and am left every time I speak to my father. I am still thrown away like trash every day but yet people still every opportunity to use someone else's pain and conflict for thier own personal soap box for whatever fight or cause. It's America that is what we do. Not real sure why I even shared in the first place.

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shetypes

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January 9, 2007, 4:41 am PST

12/15 Children of Addicts

Quote From: mrsportpsych

JUST SAY KNOW by Dr. Sheila Blume; psychiatrist, addiction specialist

Is a wonderful program that has 3 components:

First : It helps you to valuate your own drinking and/or use of mood-changing chemicals:

You chart your own chemical use; Identify high risk patterns and circumstances; Spot the beginnings of a problem; Take steps to avoid chemical dependency

Second

Learning to relax without the use of chemicals:

Control of stress through relaxation; Chart your own patterns of tension; Using a relaxation tape, with or without biofeedback; Integrating relaxation into your daily life

Third

If you have a chemical dependency problem and are receiving help, learning to relax as an adjunct to recovery: Relaxation as an aid in recovery; Charting your patterns of tension; Using a relaxation tape, with or without biofeedback; Relaxing with thoughts helpful in early recovery:

Relaxing with thoughts helpful in continuing recovery

Just Say Know, you are already concerned about:

Preventing chemical dependency; if possible

Recognizing and correcting unhealthful patterns of alcohol/drug use

Identifying a chemical dependency if one exists and the program will address these concerns and do more. It will offer you instruction in relaxation, either with relaxation tapes alone or with tapes plus biofeedback. It will help you integrate regular relaxation into your normal pattern of activities, instead of using alcohol or other chemicals. Furthermore, if you find that you do have a problem with chemical dependency and enter treatment, this program will help you learn to relax as an adjunct to you program of recovery.

http://www.mindgrowth.com/store/index.php?cPath=25

Good job: thank you for posting that :)

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shetypes

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January 9, 2007, 4:49 am PST

12/15 Children of Addicts

Quote From: carkey06

Thanks so much for all of the quotes but agian no help. When did this turn into a battle of faith or not faith. i have gone to AA and you know what I learned. Your family is not to be first no matter what you believe your faith to be and when I was commanded of that I learned that the one thing that would get me through this was my husband. To tell you the truth not sure why he is still around. It was not until after that when faith came in. I live this life every day and everyday I find some feel good method entering into my life but I was still left and am left every time I speak to my father. I am still thrown away like trash every day but yet people still every opportunity to use someone else's pain and conflict for thier own personal soap box for whatever fight or cause. It's America that is what we do. Not real sure why I even shared in the first place.

I'm glad you shared. Your right everyone is an individual and should be respected for that.

The best thing we do for ourselves is listen and learn. It gets frustrating when problems become a contest but it happens, heck I get my posts faught and debated alot on this site,

I don't mind as long as the someone is actively learning something good not just the debating.

Please understand some people treat others like trash because they are so full of negative. I know it hurts, been there. Some in society can't stand letting a person have thier own pain, thoughts, opinions and history. Many abusers have the mentality to tell others how they feel instead of accepting what they say they feel? people find power in hurting or trying to hurt others, as if it makes them feel any less an idiot of an abuser?

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shetypes

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January 9, 2007, 5:04 am PST

12/15 Children of Addicts

Quote From: carkey06

A daughter of an alcoholic may never recover even after she has been away, on her own and with her own children. My mother was sick but I did not know that until I was 32. I am now 37 and still struggle. If you have ever read the book "Mommie Dearest" that was me. Atleast the beatings. It is my fault she was and still is sick. It is my fault my dad walked away and to this day can not have a face to face conversation with me because I look like her. My mother beat me so bad that the doctors think I was in a severe car accident and eventually I will loose muscal control diapers and a wheel chair will be my calling. I fight it every day that it is my fault but really have no facts to support this. She grew up in Germany with the camps and her step father was very mean. But I just couldn't get things right the first time. My father left me there when I was 12 and to this day still with throw me away like a piece of old trash. I found God when I was 28 and my husband I have all the support you could ever ask for so why is it my fault. My husband says that my thinking is a lot like Dr. Phil and at times I sound like him. I take his advise and do a lot of prayer but maybe Dr. phil and God can help me. Depression is a daiy struggle and why people stay around me I still don't know. My husband says God uses me to help others through what I have been through but if that was true I would not feel so alone. i guess this is just the price you pay for being born.

It may seem you are alone because as a child you was actually alone with yourself becaues of the abusers? you are not alone though, I understand what you are saying. We become wise to many things because of abuse? It's like 'street smarts'.

My Mother did not hit or beat but the emotional abuse and neglect caused alot of the feelings I get between your lines, I had for a long time and still a little bit. either way they treat you like a burden to thier life as if your a growth on thier nose? They are the bad guys, not you. I am glad you have the positive space left to share and help what and when you can. your husband is right! the price of being born is to start aging, with that so many things can happen, we got so unlucky to get the addicted parents but it could be worse? Good thing we don't have to stay living with them after we grow up? Now if we convince our mind of that?

I deliberately searched out your post, thank you for sharing!

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luckyones01

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January 16, 2007, 1:12 pm PST

DEAR DAD

TO ALL WHO STRUGGLE WITH THIS DISEASE, OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS. I LOST THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD TO THIS DISEASE. STILL DEALING WITH THE LOSS OF HIM, I DECIDED TO WRITE A LETTER TO HIM, WHEN I THINK OF HIM ,ON THIS WEBSITE.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/adult-children-addicted-alcoholic-parents/100580-dear-dad.html

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spldrtn78

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March 18, 2007, 8:06 am PDT

update on wife of alcoholic

I first wanted to say thanks for the feedback from my previous post(back a few months ago). Things were ok (yet again) for a short time. I finished my course in getting my certificate for a nursing assistant and will be taking my state test on April 19. Big defeat for me and couldn't believe I made it through. Towards the end of my class, my father in law, whom I was very very close to, passed away. That was a really tough time, but his words to me prior gave me the strength and will power to continue on with my schooling and to make the best of myself. My husband was very close to his father, but my husband didn't listen to a word his father said to him. His drinking has begun to get worse again and I have told him he needs to move out of our home. I will be speaking with an attorney to get a legal seperation, because he will not leave willingly. I have refused to continue living this way. Just yesterday I came home and he was drunk and making wild accusations that I was cheating on him and how his father told him that I was when he was alive and sooo on. I had no response to him, because this is simply not true and I refuse to become weak again. I have had alot of support from friends and family with my decisions and will continue to push forward with my life. My children are doing well and we will begin therapy this week with our pastor. I'm living now to make my kids future better and my own. I will not live in his shadow anymore. I know the road ahead will be long and rough, but I know we can get through this. Thanks for all the support I've received and I will keep in touch with my progress

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betazed

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April 30, 2007, 5:58 am PDT

children of alcoholics

I was a daughter of an alcoholic father until he died when I was 10 - and that was the best thing that has happened in my life so far. Sounds cruel but when you have been verbally abused and told you are worthless and watched your mother being beat up all over the house you say things like that. Actually I would 35 years after his death say I HATE my father - no love whatsoever. I could never love someone who mistreated my mother so badly - what he did to me and my mother will probably never be known but he affected the rest of my life I feel - and as it is what I feel I also feel I will hate him till I die. People never think about their dependants when they drink - and after they drink they often abuse - my Dad ALWAYS abused drunk or sober - many nights I was outside the back door of scottish pubs being looked after by barmaids. Men are mostly abusive pigs - the word I wished to use would be censored but sure people understand- people who suffer from this disease please get help!