Topic : How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

15....15....15!!!

I remember being 15 years old. Much of who I was at 15....still had very much child like behaviors. Having a son at 14 years old...I absolutely if someone (an adult) was looking to seek him out sexually...I would be horfide. And when my daughters were this age...I would have felt the same way.

If my son were to have his friends over...boys and girls and my husband showed interest in these girls.....I would absolutely show him the door and call the police. No doubt in my mind.

a link to this new thread on the front home page for a few days? So many out there don't yet know about our new place and it would be great to let others know they now can come here and be free from being hassled and can get support like they need.

Thanks!

  Hi Pumkin

I am assuming you are fairly young as you have a young family. Even tho I am anti-porn I can see why young, single people might use it very occasionally. However once one is in a committed relationship, with responsibilities and a family I can also see why porn would lose its attraction. Its all part of growing and maturing. By spending the last of his money on porn your husband seems to have missed the point of having a family and responsibilities.

Can you have a calm discussion with him and let him know how you feel? If you love him leaving should not be your first option. If he is addicted he needs some help. Most if not all addictions are very hard to quit without some kind of help and support. Does he think he has a problem? Does he think it is interfering in your marriage and family life?

As far as ''dealing'' with it this is your marriage and family too and you should tell him how you feel and what your boundaries are.  Use this board and any other resources you can to vent, ask questions and learn. There is nothing unreasonable about not wanting porn around your child either.  Let us know how things are if you like. Take care.     jljs

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Other then the child 10 and below is definately going to be psychologically scarred for life? Don't you think the teen will also? Young people are nieve period. They don't have the experiences at life to give the flags when something is not right and a lot of times its a first time for many different things and anytime we are approached with something for the first time, our reactions are different then when they based on experience and memory Yet, the memory of these individuals now consist of sex acts and requests, demands, put downs, criticisms, lies and pain but they now have that memory that they will carry around all their lives.

Maybe the reason porn hurts in relationships is because sex hurts in relationships!!? It does seem women have a more lower tolerance to it and have no need for it more! Maybe its because growing up a girl vs a boy, sex had different meanings and different results!? A girl could get pregnant and have to become a parent or have an abortion. The guy used to get off the hook and still guys think pregnancy is the womans problem alone and a lot of women feel abondaned, scared, and confused when they get pregnant before they are mature enough to take on that responsibility, even if they are happy about it.

Maybe sex to girls has been competitive. It starts very early on that society will dictate who is cute, sexy or going to be successful based on how you look and what you are willing to do to get what you want. Men have used women for sex because women needed what men had. Power and control. But they didn't realize that giving yourself sexually to a man for approval and love is like giving a pen to someone and when it runs out, get a new one. Women have been very disposable.

Even though sexuality is wonderful and awsome, it is never rauncy as some people call it but that is something they are conditioned to need in thier lives, so they seek out something they are told is better then what they have! Porn turned the world of sex into a game, a sport, a hobby and men being more inclined to hunt and seek, contributed to this industry because it brought with it a goal to strive for (the fantasy) but women were still doing the giving to men because men had what they wanted. Power and money!

How has porn hurt my relationship? The fact that it exists. It hurt my relationship and will continue to hurt my relationships because it is not real and so many people want to keep believing it is. Living in denial and lying to themselves. So I will suffer with porn and dominance and rejection for this whole lifetime. There really is no difference between porn of children and porn of adults other then the adult is that child now, grown.

We create our worlds every minute, an adult don't just suddenly want to become a sex star one day. It was planted there a long time ago and this is the end result . Some people will say they love sex and getting paid to have it like a dream come true! But I can't imagine having someone touch my body that I don't like and yet that is what occurs in porn movies.  Then that is where we start needing to separate ourselves from the situation and that is never good and good decisions will not be made.

There are a lot of people that have been hurt by sex and I am enviour of the people that have not. But what difference does it make why we hurt? The big difference is because we hold onto to it like a teddy bear. Our society tells us it is perverse to lust after children but its ok to lust after adults. I think it is painful to know that who we want to accept us has other plans and then the job comes in to love them anyway.

A lot of our problems comes from fear. And that fear is not being able to make the right decisions. The right decision is based on the fact that we have one shot at this life and it is important not to get caught up in what other people are caught up in. Porn is one of them.

that what looked good to us at 20 may not look so great later in life. And it about maturity. We learn that life gives us what we give to it.

We also start to look at the bigger picture beyond ourselves. We see how porn is degrading to women. That when we are 20 may not make much sense to us (although there are many very mature 20 year olds out there).

5.....5......5!!!!

I remember when I was 15 years old.  I was no virgin, and I thought about sex on a regular basis.  I'm not saying that teens have any place in the porn industry.  However, I think there are varying degrees of perversion.  And, if I was in her situation, I'd rather her husband had been looking at 15 year olds rather 5 year olds.  Well, it might not be a whole lot different, but its still enough to warrant a distinction between the 2.  Remember, this was mostly in response to someone saying that adult porn is the same as child porn. 

Well, I respect your opinion, but I disagree.  I think child porn is much worse than adult porn.  You make some good points, but there is no telling why most porn stars do what they do.  Some probably think it is worth the money.  Some were struggling actors that fall into it out of desperation.  The difference is that they are fully capable of making that decision.  If they choose to sell pictures of their body, than that is their choice.  A kid should never be offered that kind of choice, and many times they aren't really given much of one.