Quote From: monetluvrRight now I really have trouble believing my husband on anything. If he is telling the truth, he started looking at porn when I was pregnant a little over five years ago. He claims that the secret email account, which I was able to find my way into and ultimately destroy, started about a year ago. He says that things really started to get out of hand within the last six months. When I did my research, I found postings on various sites as far back as September 2006.
You ask about our intimate life. All I can say that I noticed was maybe two or three months ago. I was undergoing some medical tests to rule out any potential health issues, which turned out, thank G-d, to be completely normal. When our son hit three years old, we decided that we would love another child but didn't want the stress of "trying" as we did with the first baby so although we didn't track every cycle, we didn't use protection either. That night I was thinking about the potential for problems should the medical tests come back negatively. I asked him to use protection. He reacted with a level of anger and disgust at the mere suggestion that I've never seen from him before. Needless to say, I told him he was acting ridiculous and wouldn't have relations with him that night. At some point we discussed the issue. He made claims that the protection didn't offer the same experience for him. It hadn't been a problem for all the years before we tried to get pregnant. I told him that he was being unreasonable. He agreed and that was that.
I think you're right in gathering as much information as I can before going to the psychologist. I've been doing just that. Where I'm having trouble is in how this all happened. There's no question that my husband has been through a lot. When we started dating ten years ago, he was a successful businessman. Five months after we got married, he was diagnosed with leukemia, the aggressive chemotherapy leaving him with chronic health problems and permanent disabilities. The subsequent demise of his career that took him from rubbing elbows with people like Bill Gates and Donald Trump deteriorated to him selling appliances in a local retail establishment. No matter how much I tell him how proud I am of him for everything, including fighting the illness, working as hard as he is at his current job just for the benefit of his family, etc, it's not enough for him. It's been a long road but after everything that's happened, we finally have the child the doctors said would never be born. Our finances are finally under control as my career has advanced combined with a fair life insurance settlement that's put us in the house we always wanted. I thought everything had turned around. We finally made it. Like I said when I started this thread, it's almost surreal.
Have I been perfect? I would never say that I have been but there is nothing I ever could have possibly done that would have given my husband justification to do what he did. Although there were moments when I thought Dr. Phil was sensationalizing subjects like this, I am now so thankful that his enterprise exists. I really wouldn't know where to turn for support otherwise.
Well, I think that nothing any wife ever does would justify something like this. But I think that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel for you. If he is willing to admit to having a problem and go to psychologist appointments with you, then he isn't the type to totally blow this off and shut you out. Which is a very good thing. You can have hope there.
I'm no expert, but judging by what you've said I think his addiction spurred from fear. There was tension and worry about your tests, whether or not they would come back okay. There was fear when he was diagnosed with his disease, and the over reaction to asking him to use protection may also have been a product of the same fears. However unreasonable his reaction was.
Any fears he may have had are no excuse though, but it's my speculation as to what's at the bottom of this. It's not anything about you, but the situations around you and your husband that are beyond your control, like him being diagnosed with leukemia.
I hope you can gain strength and courage in knowing that he is willing to work out of this by going to appointments. I wish you the best of luck.
