I am sorry you are going through this but this is a really big clue that your man is not all you thought he was. As much as I dont advocate or reject porn, (I think porn is like cigarettes, alcohol and gambling, drugs, etc). that is , if it is used occasionally it won't cause too much damage but if used carelessly or abusively, it can become a source of dependancy and denial. When you know he is looking at porn in the mornings, and he says he knows it bothers you, but continues, he is displaying signs of addiction.
When a man puts porn before his mate, he is addicted. Whether its 29 year old girls, dogs, horses, old people, shoes, etc. remove the object and keep with the facts. And that fact is you have a man that is ashamed of his sexuality which is why he tells you he won't do it, but does it anyway. He has convinced himself that it is ok, that it is good for him, that it may even be good for you, how on earth are you going to convince him that his choice is not the best one?
Which is why you have to remove the drug of choice, whether its porn, drugs, lying, cheating, neglecting, these are all forms of abuse. You have to understand that men and women really do think differently Its becomming more obvious as I mature. We are conditioned differently and this is what makes so many of our problems. But these differences is what keeps the species going. The mystery of trying to figure it out, make it work; make the impossible, possible. Its called dreams and visions of a good life.
But there are some very ugly people out there. And they DO lie, DO cheat, DO abuse. They have not grown, matured, and they suffer along with us. You need to realize that your husband is suffering as much as you are; only his suffering is different and you don't understand it. Like he doesn't understand yours.
So what to do? Look at the other people and things in your life as tools for exploration. If you are feeling threatened by your husbands porn use, you are probably a person that experienced being compared to; neglected; rejected by someone significant in your life and now this is creating you to become crippled. Your husband is doing to you probably what someone in your life did to you as a child and now as an adult, you continue to live out this need to change it; make it work. Our problems are our greatest gifts, much like beautiful things. Because they give us the opportunity to find out what it is that DOES make us happy. Without the pain, how would we know we were experiencing joy?
Your husband is going down a dark path and you are following him. He is lying. This is more damaging to a soui then any porn out there. Neither one of you are comfortable in your own skins and you are both together, so you are making each other the enemy, when the enemy is reality and it can all be fine if we remove judgements and look at our own fears and concerns about what we need to do to be the best person...not what SOMEONE else should be doing to be their best person.
It is a rough road but I hope you know that this is exactly what you need to figure out why you have difficulty in your relationships. You chose him, remember??? :)
I used to get upset because my ex looked at black women, I am white, I thought he liked black women more then white, or why would he look, right? WRong. It had nothing to do with skin color but the variety and different look of the anatomy in sexual ways. The same with beastiality. If he looked at horses or if he looked at a man and a woman, the object of his affection was not my sore spot of contention, but the fact that he would twist my emotions and my words to justify his behaviors and choices.
