Topic : How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

Hi. My first gut feeling is a person may "happen" upon such nonsense by accident, take a peek, maybe even get a little involved, but in the course of it, realize how sick it its. I think as humans we get caught up in things then need to take a few steps back. Cartoons are not real people, itls like watching the flintstones thinking fred really sits on the the top of a head of a dinosaur! If it were real people.........I would call the police on him.....kidding but not, if you know what I mean.

 

Computers have opened up a whole can of worms and creativity is exploding in the graphics area. Yet, despite all these reasonings, I would be concerned why it is only 1- women that are being tortured and 2-are they sexual in nature or only violent? He may be experiening some hate towards people or he may be angry or he may just be immature. I don't know how old your guy is. Some people like going to scarey movies (because they like to feel they skirted death) and some people like war movies, because they like to feel powerful and in control and some people like porn, because they want to feel control over their sexuality.  The point is, whether he thinks there is nothing wrong or not, is not the issue here. You are very uncomfortable with this and him telling you its "nothing" does not show respect for your concern and discomfort. Ask him to go into detail why it is that he likes that stuff and ask him how it makes him feel when he is watching it or designing it. Most likely he wil retort (pull away) because he knows it is something that is not healthy. If he wants to share it with you, then he may be right, it may be nothing but a passing technological curiousity.

 

Anytime a person can't talk about something, its because they are lying.

 

Anytime a person can be honest, despite the outcome, good or bad, shows character and a willingness to want compromise and resolution. I hope this helps. The most important thing here is that you are concerned. Don't discount your gut and your intuition.

Try going into archives and put her name. You should be able to get all his/her posts. GL.

  
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 They are an alternative to snuff films, but because they are drawings rather than real images, they somehow escape the taboo under the label or guise of 'art.' IMO, they are misogynistic at best and perverted and sick at worst. I vote for worst. It affirms my assertion that men who 'like' this garbage are so full of hatred and fear of women that they need this sick little outlet to feel a sense of equalization and remediation. Women who like it are full of hatred of themselves and their gender. And the human race. It wouldn't matter if the images were of men, animals, or broccoli. It is a statement of self-loathing, of hatred, of fear in its worst possible presentation. If I found out my partner was into this crap, I would RUN, not walk, out of their lives as fast as my feet could carry me. God almighty, what the hell is wrong with us as a species?

I am not disagreeing with anything anybody has said here. I would like though to add that my boyfriend has never shown anything but kindness to me, my kids and animals he has and the ones I have..He has never been physical with me at all, and never mentioned or asked for me to act these scenes out in any manner at all.. I wish a professional would let me know what they think about all this..Dr. Phil can you hear me??? I have never seen any kind of program, such as 20/20 or like programs do any kind of a story on this and I think it would be a good thing to do as there is not alot of information out there about it..You can see a lot of it on the net but no one is talking about it, there reasons for it and if it is something I should be afraid of..

thanks I did just that, thanks for the help

Most people are successful at reining in their dark sides, and do not show it to others. Those with a disorder of some kind, be it narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy, etc., have a more difficult time and tend to reveal their dark sides to others, and are able to defend their actions and behaviors when that side comes out. Your boyfriend has a dark side, I have one, you have one, we all have one. However, there are triggers that can bring that dark side out, and your boyfriend seems to have found one. Will he become abusive, cruel or disordered because he is viewing this stuff? Well, he may not, BUT, he seems to be mighty interested in it, not just curious. If he was just curious he would have looked at it and that would have been the end of it. He is more than just curious about it. His continuing to look at it proves that. Perhaps, just perhaps, he secretly has issues that he has not brought to the forefront, ones that you are not aware of, or that he may not be fully aware of (yet.) If I get you correctly, he is a 'great guy', good with kids and animals, a good boyfriend, you love him, he loves you, but there's this new, scary, little 'thing' going on that you don't know what to do with. I don't know, but I would be concerned about this. It's not like you just found out he has a secret fetish about women's stockings or stiletto heels or whipped cream. This one is alarming. I would be alarmed and concerned about what's going to occur next. I have said before that we can never really know what's going on in another's heart or mind. And, if you need to ask a professional about this, why don't you? Do some research and get together with a professional with experience in this.. Don't be ashamed or afraid. I think it behooves you to do so. Good luck.

But the question I have to ask, is, why do YOU feel YOU need to know about this? Do you think you are somewhat involved or a contributor? What is it that you are going to ask a professional that would be different then what you are asking here? I believe you are not ready to see the truth yet, so you will pursue enough material, and opinions, to make a decision? What is your gut telling you? Is it telling you that it is something you want to work on; maybe you are uncomfortable with your sexuality so you don't feel confident to assert yourself with him?  When we don't understand something, it is good to learn it - what is it exactly you are trying to learn by asking a professional or Dr. Phil? What is it you want them to tell you? That it is ok?

 

There is obviously something about this that is bothering you. Is it the material or is it the fact that he is looking at other women? Lots of questions ;)  When a person shows us a side to them, we have to believe that that is who they are..........and we may not like it........then again, maybe you are at a stump in your marriage and he is looking for some kind of excitement. Maybe you have been feeling neglected or not paid enough attention to and you are looking for some kind of excitement?  Maybe your finding his obsession? you are using it as an object to put in the place of what the real problem(s) are/is?

 

Anyway, the first thing to do would be to ask him what he gets out it. Then take his anwer from there.

Woah, hey, slow down there. Think about what you just said.

 

I'm a woman, and guess what? I LOVE bloody, violent, slasher horror films. Blood, gore, limbs being severed, heads rolling. (I'm a fan of Kill Bill and the Saw series), but I don't hate myself as a woman. I don't hate men either. I just like the movies. I also like violent, bloody video games. Silent HIll is one I enjoy, as well as Smash Brothers Brawl. (That's one where several game characters fight eachother). I'm not hateful, I'm not angry, and I'm not resentful or bitter.

 

I'm not a violent person, I don't have hatred locked up inside me, and I certainly don't want to ever enact the things I see on real people. That never even crosses my mind. Sure, I don't get sexual excitement out of all of it, but you bet your boots I'll be saying "YEAH! Pluck out her other eye!" While watching Kill Bill vol. 2. That doesn't mean I hate anyone. It just means I enjoy the movie.

 

It's not a manifestation of self-loathing either. I don't hate myself. I think I'm just fine. I wouldn't want to be anyone else but myself. I'm happy being me.

 

I don't hate humanity, I don't hate myself, I don't hate men, and I don't hate women. I just like gore.

 

You can't just assume that because someone enjoys fake gore, that they are sick and twisted people and are prone to snapping at any moment. That's not fair and it's a generalization. She did say that her boyfriend has shown nothing but kindness to her, her children, and her animals.  I think she should only be truely concerned if he does start harming her or anyone else. Thusfar, he has not. He's not harming himself either.

 

I think that concern should only rise if he started turning the fake gore into something real. Doing it to her or another real person.

 

And I'd appreciate it if you didn't make that kind of geralized assumption.

Do you masturbate to those movies and video games?