Topic : How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

I am almost definate that rejection feels the same, whether you are a male or a female. But I would think men have more experience of being turned down by more women, which makes them less sensitive to when they are doing it to someone else. On the flip side , women have had to fight off men's advances for the longest time and never know when they are just horney vs. when they are in love. If someone says they love you, you don't expect them to do things that they know will hurt you, whether you find out, or not.  If men are the receivers of love, and women the givers, then that would make for a very unsatisfying relationship, ultimately. I think men have been the non givers because women were so strong in a sense of putting their needs aside, for those of others. Whereas men have been strong in the workforce...risking their lives and their health all the good of the family and/or community.

But in all of this is the capacity for compassion and understanding that even though we are different in a few aspects, maybe many :)  there is still something innately misconstrued when a person says they love you then reaches out to other people for sexual satisfaction and then not be able to see how something so personal and intimate with someone other then their s/o can create a disturbance, at best.  If he said to her he was curious to see what it takes to make a porn movie and together they explored it, from the male and female side of it, he probably would get a much better reaction.

He is not the kind of guy she wants.....probably not too many women want a guy like that on a full time basis....but he can be fun to play with....because that is what he is doing...he is playing.....her.

People look at intimacy in many different ways. I don't think men take sex more casually then women, the difference is in the amount of material and exposure that has been geared toward men sexually; and they are kind of innocent because society and the media have exploited men with porn as much as it has exploited women. Only the men are the buying customers, and the women have been on the receiving end. But both are equally as vulnerable to its temptations; both have great potential to mess up their lives royally if they don't know when enough is enough.

He was hurt by the prospect of her leaving.....hmmmm..wonder why?  I know. Its because he hopes to find someone that will love him, despite his raunchy and lying ways.....he thinks he found a sucker. I hope he is wrong....please tell me he is wrong???

I watched Rosemary's baby, the Omen and some of those movies.  I really wasn't thrilled with them and figured the writers were of warped mind.  Stranger in the House was a bad movie for me to watch because I babysat a lot around that time and it made it a bit scary.  Prom Night was the last horror show I watched and thought whoever even writes that has to have a big screw loose, those shows aren't for me.

On the other hand, when I was 13, I watched a movie called Go Ask Alice about a girl who moved to a new school, got into a bad crowd and got involved in drugs.  This scared me pretty much into staying away from drugs and alchol throughout my teen years.  I related myself to it since we had just moved to a new town and a lot of the feeling she was showing with missing old friends and having to start over, I was also feeling.  When the crowd I hung with started drinking, I found different friends rather then join in.  I may not have did that had I not seen that show.

We know that kids are influnced by things they watch on TV and in the movies.  I believe they are more likely to act out on the sexual issues in the movies instead of the horror parts, but watching the nightly news and seeing so many younger kids are committing horrible crimes, I think it is cause to limit what they watch.  

I worry more about the negitive Rap music then the horror shows because the beat and the music itself makes a body uptight and moods go sour.  I have seen this with the teens at work when they listen to that music compared to the times they are listening to easy listening.  I think it because while with movies you are watching it, giving it to your conscience mind but with listening to music, you are using your unconscience mind and so it sinks in so much more.  They have proved this with new borns who listen to classical music compared to rap or other negitive music. 

I have a relative who married a young woman who's goal in life was to be a porn star.  He thought that was great and was proudly telling his cousins about it and such.  He was shocked and hurt terriably when she cheated on him to the point of almost going to jail for an altercation with the man. 

My question is, what makes a person think that someone who wants to be a porn star would have a clue about honesty and fidelity?  If you expect that in a relationship, then you have to look at the morals of the person you chose to be involved with.  I know that even a very moralistic person can find themselves in an affair, but it isn't as much of a given as someone who shows bad morals from the beginning.

Watching porn or looking at mags doesn't mean you are going to go out and find someone.  Wanting to be with someone on film, that isn't your partner, pretty means they will be cheating.  I know some say it isn't real that it is just acting, but if they are doing the deed, they are taking chances, it isn't just pretend.  The actors in horror shows don't have to actually kill the people to make it a good movie.

If he is really just "curious" then he would be asking to tape you both together for a private viewing of just the two of you and then willing to destroy the tape after.

My advice would be RUN... don't walk to the door.

You deserve kudos for being able to stay away from danger when it is especially tantalizing as when we are young and immature to make good decisions. I was not so smart. :) But its ok...I am here, right? I remember being scared crapless after watching 'house of wax". I was impressionable even then to movies. LOL Some people are effected strongly, others it kind of rolls off. I don't remember too much crime shows as a kid, maybe Perry Mason.....the music even scared me.

Rap music has a bad rap. It says a lot really. A lot of it is very possitive but the beat takes some getting used to. Young people are pissed, and they should be, that so many adults have set such horrible examples of parenting.

I know what you mean about music and the unborn; there might be a barrier to the baby, the moms abdomen, but even behind closed doors, we can hear whats going on in the room next door. Maybe they ought to pipe music all over the world that everyone relates to and be done wit h it already.

Watching porn or looking at mags doesn't mean you are going to go out and find someone. 

How do you know what a person thinks about when they're watching porn or looking at porn mags? Doing so may not mean they're going to actually go and find someone else to have sex with - but it DOES mean that they want to.  A person who is in a MONOGAMOUS relationship with another person should NOT want to have sex with someone else nor should they be fantasizing about it.

"I have a relative who married a young woman who's goal in life was to be a porn star.  He thought that was great and was proudly telling his cousins about it and such.  He was shocked and hurt terriably when she cheated on him to the point of almost going to jail for an altercation with the man. 

My question is, what makes a person think that someone who wants to be a porn star would have a clue about honesty and fidelity?  If you expect that in a relationship, then you have to look at the morals of the person you chose to be involved with.  I know that even a very moralistic person can find themselves in an affair, but it isn't as much of a given as someone who shows bad morals from the beginning.

Watching porn or looking at mags doesn't mean you are going to go out and find someone.  Wanting to be with someone on film, that isn't your partner, pretty means they will be cheating.  I know some say it isn't real that it is just acting, but if they are doing the deed, they are taking chances, it isn't just pretend.  The actors in horror shows don't have to actually kill the people to make it a good movie.

If he is really just "curious" then he would be asking to tape you both together for a private viewing of just the two of you and then willing to destroy the tape after.

My advice would be RUN... don't walk to the door."

I agree with that. I wouldn't want to be involved with someone who was thinking about going into the porn industry. That would be an automatic deal-breaker. End of story. That has bad results written all over it.

If you even have the slightest doubt about his honesty involving this, then here's what I would do, search his name on the internet. Don't use content filter. More than likely, if he actually has done some pornographic material, you'll find him. If you do, get away from him. There's just too much bad stuff that can happen with that.

I wrote that post for the one who said her fiance wanted to be a porn star and met with a lady who was in porn movies asking her about it.

I know what a person thinks about when they are watching porn...lol, I have have watched it with my husband.

I am not talking the Will Smith kind of rap music... I am talking about the ones which degrades women and people so much.  You could see the difference in the moods of the people working around that music.  I could feel my body getting stressed out and see how the cooks seemed to be so angry over small stuff. 

Perry Mason didn't scare me but Koshak the Night stalker (not sure how to spell koshak) had me running down the stairs to the family room and the comfort of sitting with my dad for the rest of the show.... and i was around 15 or 16 at the time..lol.