Quote From: newrn2009Hello everyone,
I have been in a relationship with my fiancee for 6 years. He has been addicted to porn for that entire time. He would watch it almost every day, sometimes multiple times per day. He would always deny looking at it. He stopped touching me, complimenting me, and seems to no longer like looking at me. Of course he SAYS he finds me attractive, and claims he just never thinks to tell me how he feels. And he simply never acts on his feelings. Which I think is complete rubbish. He used to do these things. He used to tell me he liked me, that I was beautiful. He used to touch me and make me feel desired. It used to be a natural reaction for him. Now there is nothing. I feel so disgusting most of the time. I'm overweight and I'm no idiot. I know what I look like in the mirror. It's just so much more painful to know that the things you hate most about yourself are the things he doesn't like either.
I have talked to him so many times. Talked to him about how this makes me feel, and he is in counseling. He supposedly stopped looking at porn, but I still hurt. He just doesn't seem to care how much this has negatively affected me. He seems to only care for himself and seldom puts me at the top of his priority list. I don't understand how anyone could hurt the other person so many times and simply not care. I don't know what to do.
Some people like to look at fat people, some skinny, some black, some white, some asian, some old, someyoung, some s & M, some soft core. Its does not have anything to do with who the person is with. Porn is available in so many ways, that the sky is the limit. YOu can't compare yourself to the skinny, the black if you're white, the white if your're black. Its not about you at all. It is everything about the person doing the watching of it.
Of course it is going to make your more conscious of yourself and what you look like. Because now you are comparing yourself tosomeone else. We will never be anyone other then who we are. And we better learn to love it. When we truly love ourselves in all our glories, it doesnn't matter what someone else is finnding attractive.
I have come to believe that people can watch porn, even go to strip clubs, even flirt with the co worker at the office, or the guy you met on the line in the supermarket. You can exchange picrtures, talk dirty to strangers, but the one thing that separates the person that can do these things from the person who can't ......is the person that can't have an intimate relationship with one person. As soon as intimacy is negligant, absent, shaky, uncomfortable, that is a signal that it is more then a casual moment of wanting to feel a little more alive, or more turned on, it is a sign that there is an emotional disturbance. From what I can understand, most people want itimacy.
When something interferes with the want of intimacy, that is now a psychological disturbance. You are not dealing with a man that just likes to look at porn once in while, you are with a man that looks at porn a lot, and doesn't want you.
In all of this very long post, lol, the bottom line is this: I will quote you......' he just doesn't seem to carehow much this negatively affected me. He seem to only care for himself andn seldon puts me at the top of his priortiy list.
.......' I don't understand how anyone could hurt the other person so many tiems and simply not care'.
.......so why is it that you don't know what to do??????
........you do know what to do, you just don't want to do it.
Now that you know you don't want to do what you need to do, you will continue down to spiral and this will not disappear. It took me close to 5 years to be able to accept the fact that some people are just not into intimacy.....but are into porn.
Kim
