Topic : How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

you out there? just bouncin your way to say hey and wondering how everythings going with you. hope you and your lil baby are having a cool day so far- its almost the weekend!! woohoo......you deserve to go out tomorrow night and have an awesome time at the clubs or where you usually go to chill. do you have a chics night out there sometimes? if ya do, then leave lil bambino with the hub and go out & have you some serious fun. one of my friends, chanita, is a new mom and it seem she always tired and stressed out and so thats why sometimes i gotta pull her by her hair lol and drag her out to the clubs while her boy stays at home with there babies . sometimes i'll take her to the beach and we'll just sit there watching the ocean waves talking about all kinds of stuff .

anyways just wanted to chirp at ya but now i gotta do some cleaning up around our apt, been putting it off because i been so busy but now that i'm on break theres no excuse now :((

 bless ya and stay strong girl!  with God, ALL things are possible!!!  <3

When you say you have proof he has used child porn - do you mean actual children are depicted or is it of the 'barely legal' type?  If it is actual child porn, you need to separate yourself and your children from this man as soon as you possibly can.  Stay away until you know he has received extensive counseling.  I almost never counsel someone to leave a marriage - but if he is looking at child porn, I don't know what else you can do.  I know that someone who looks at child porn won't necessarily molest children who are available to him - but honestly I just don't think you can take the chance that he won't. 

If the porn is of the 'barely legal' kind, well that IMO is a bad sign also.  I personally find those kinds of images disturbing and repugnant. 

Either way, from the little you said I believe he has a problem.  Don't let it become a problem for your children.  If you have that proof you need to save it somewhere to use it so that when you get away from him, you can restrict his visits with the children to where they are supervised.  I know it is easy for me to say "leave", and in the real world that is sometimes hard to do.  I hope you will hear me when I tell you that you are really playing with fire though to stay in a home with someone who looks at child porn.  If, God forbid, it did come to pass that he molests one of your children, you are going to feel guilty for the rest of your life that you didn't leave.  If you aren't able financially to live on your own now, I hope you have family/friends who could help y'all get on your feet.  If not, there are women's shelters in almost every community. 

Please write back here - I am going to be worried about you.  I don't know how to help, other than to reassure you that he DOES have a problem and let you know we'll all be here to help support you as you face this problem.  Take care, Roxy

i don't know if you live here in the U.S. or not, but did you know that child pornography is ILLEGAL?????!!!!!!!!!  and you have KIDS around someone like that ???? 

if you dont want to turn your husband in to the police, i think you should take yourself AND your kids and go somewhere else SAFE until he gets HELP for his addiction. and DONT go back into that house UNTIL you have PROOF that he's getting HELP for his Child Porn addiction!!!!! 

 if you stay, your putting your kids innocense and SAFETY AT RISK. so, now you dont have to be confused anymore because i just gave you the lowdown on whats up with your husbands ILLEGAL and DANGEROUS addiction .

if you DO decide to turn him in to the authorities (which i think you SHOULD DO before he starts molesting children FOR REAL instead of just in his mind ) then you should bring the police ALL the proof you have of him looking at Child Porn online so they could get him the HELP that he obvously needs!!

bless you and your kids and remember what i said......take your kids and GET OUT of that house!!

this advice might sound extreme to other people but its not !!! i mean, porn is one thing, but a man (especially a dad with KIDS of his own!! ) using Child Porn is not only BREAKING THE LAW and the very MORALITY that most people live by- but its THE most horrific disgusting and abominable thing a human being can do!!

You don't need to apologize for the length of your post - you should always use as many words as you need to get your thoughts out.  I have written several 'books' on these boards lol.  Anyway - glad you found the board and I hope we can help.

I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel inadequate and hate the way you look and you feel disgusting.  I used to feel those very things.  I thought he was looking at porn because he was dissatisfied with my body and needed to have those images in mind in order to be able to have sex with me.  It took a while, but he finally convinced me that was completely untrue.  It took alot of reassurance - I cannot even tell you how many times he would say things like "I LOVE your body, every bit of it".  He showed that he did too, he didn't just say it.  It sounds like your husband is also doing all he can to reassure you.  You are simply going to have to accept that he didn't choose to look at porn because you weren't pretty/good enough for him.  You are.  Look him right in the eye and let him tell you how he feels about your body - really feel him when he does, let it soak in and accept it.  When those feelings of inadequacy start to intrude again, just say NO, and concentrate on the moment of him telling you how he feels about your body.  Start talking to yourself differently - when you start to cringe or feel ugly - say something like "He loves my body and I am pretty/good enough and I am going to relax and enjoy this!".  I know that seems kind of silly, but you have to start talking to yourself in a positive way, or all the positive things he says are never going to make a difference. 

I also believe sex is a big part of a successful marriage.   I hope you can let go of the feelings of inadequacy, because it is possible that if you continue to hang onto them you will create what you fear most - your marriage could become very damaged.  I'm not saying it is easy to let go of those feelings, I struggled with it as well.  It's important to do it though.  It sounds like y'all have a wonderful relationship and I hope you are able to work this out and start to feel about sex the way you used to.  We're here for support any time.  Take care, Roxy