Topic : How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

Yes, I know my husband is not going to want to talk about it and yes, he will most likely deni that he is an addict but I will find the courage in a couple of weeks to at least talk to him about some of this.  I don't think he can take all at once.

jbutara

Boy have i missed you all! well as to date . . . we are still married, I'm busy getting myself in order, saving to make some thing of my life! and so on Missed you all ! how is every one been?

Love

Joline

When a person does not want to talk, it means they are protecting something. Not being able to discuss issues can also be immaturity or a low emotional intelligence. But there is a difference between someone that pretends to be in denial and someone that actually is. The fact that he does not want to discuss this is saying to you he is aware it is a problem, but does not want to change. My husband, when approaced with the same tact, said point blank "I do not want to change or give up anything". My husband was actually bold enough to say it, is yours?

You are the one in denial. Why? Because you are trying to believe he is someone other then who he is and you are making excuses for his behaviors. Typical co dependant. But it is not a fault that you are like that, that is what happens when are in a dysfuctional relationnship, trying to make it work.

If you believe you are the problem, you will be. If you think you are right and not the maniuplative or unavailable one, then your discomfort will be because you are the one giving and not getting back in return.  Sometimes, just being able to talk about something is enough to make it ease up. Without discussion or some kind of communication, it remains a mystery and something to be feared. A lot of guys do not talk....this is why they are difficult to work with.

Nice for you to visit. WE miss ya here. Boards are rockin'. Stay well. Stay tuned. Bye. KIMI

My husband just confessed to me that he has been masturbating to naked women on line, he states he would like to have more sex with me.  Our relationship almost broke up a few years ago due to his online porn activities, which again of course he blamed me for.  This news is most disturbing to me, I feel betrayed again........................He brings up Dr. Laura a lot, stating her claims that men would not resort to such things if their wifes were more sexually active.  I feel if I were married to an honest person, one with character, this would never have happened in our marriage. Trust is very important to me in a marriage, and I guess I don't trust him like I did at one time in our marriage.  We've been married a long time, we've weathered storms, but, I'm not sure how to handle this one.  Any suggestions?

Hi Candi,

You need to ask yourself, even if you had more intimate time with him would he still MB online.  Sounds like he could be a sex addict as well. 

My issue is I wish my husband would want to have more sex with me than to MB while online.

You should feel betrayed, he is betraying you because he is spending time with someone else and putting effort into it. But I bet he does not think that he is cheating on you, does he?

My prayers go out to you.

jbutara

Is he reaching out for help? Since you know he had porn use in the past, could he be trying to tell you something? He says you don't have enough sex with him right? What is he doing besides telling you he is not getting enough sex?? My husband also would say if I showed him more affection, his porn use would lesson. So, in fact, he WAS using me as his reason for HIS porn use! Sounds like your husband is doing the same thing.

What if you said to him that you are not getting enough presents from him and started getting gifts from some guy at the office? What if they were making you happy and satisfying something in you that you needed? What if you said to him, but if you just gave me more presents, I wouldn't need to take them from Harold..or whatever name you want to insert.

He could start buying you more gifts but maybe by then, you will have already been accustomed to the other gifts? I don't think using someone as the reason we do something very durable. He chooses porn because he wants to. He m/b to it because he wants to. His saying its because you don't give him sex, is not good enough.

Now, you say you don't feel like you are in an honest relationship. If you think about it, its not. But its not because you are lying to one another, but more that you are lying to yourselves. Which brings up a lot of anger in a person. I would strongly suggest you continue to discuss it with him. If that don't work, then you will have no choice but to solve this one on your own. If you can't come up with a solution, get some outside guidance to steer you in a healthy direction. Sometimes all we need is a little shot of confidence that we can do what we really feel is the best thing.

Good luck.

When my husband and I got engaged he willing gave all of his porn away. All I did was tell him that I don't like it and I don't want it in our house there was no argument he agreed. Well 2 years have gone by he was still looking at porn behind my back I caught him about 6 months into our marriage and we worked through it and it stopped for a while then he just got better at hiding it. I confronted him on the issue over the weekend and now he is blaming me for his porn addiction. He says I am bad in bed so he looks at the porn to get his fix. I will admit I am not the most outgoing person in bed and I hate oral sex but I also feel that he came into this marriage expecting me to be as dirty and wild and crazy about sex as a porn star. I don't know what to do anymore I have tried to be more outgoing in bed but I just feel so dirty and some of the things he asks I find absolutely disgusting.