Topic : How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

whats wrong with masterbaton?  does this mean that even if a man never uses porno but masterbates when his wife wont give it up that its evil and bad ?  hell i though every body masterbates even women too but i guess im wrong about that

I also think porn is vile and disgusting (I didn't use to feel this way, but I do now). But...I don't see anything wrong with masturbation. It's healthy and normal for both men and women to do. In fact, I think it's odd if someone doesn't masturbate, even if it's only sporadically. There's nothing wrong with people making themselves feel good sexually; especially if they're not sexually active or don't have a regular partner to do it with.

Well, I don't see anything wrong with masturbation either, it is healthy and natural for men and women. However, when it starts taking presidence over more important things in life, i.e, relationships, work, responsibilities, then it's a problem.

I don't hate porn entirely, but there are lines I draw when it comes to porn. I don't mind watching it with my boyfriend. We both get enjoyment out of watching it together, and when we watch it together that means we are about to have sex shortly after it starts XD. I sometimes even draw porn for my boyfriend to look at. I'm cool with him looking at that because I know it was something I created specifically for him, and it's nothing out of my comfort zone. I'm okay with a single person using porn, as long as it doesn't skew the lines between realistic ideals for a woman or man, and it doesn't block out the desire to have a real relationship.

I am not okay with my boyfriend looking at it by himself. I can't really pinpoint why it makes me feel as uncomfortable as it does, but it really makes me upset. Maybe it's the fact that he's being sexually aroused by pictures and videos of other women, or the fact that some of them are better-looking than me, but I'm just not cool with it. Luckily, my boyfriend is the understanding type, and since he and I now watch it together, and chose what we want to look at together, he doesn't look at it alone. Which makes me feel a

a lot better.

I am not okay with it when it becomes an addiction, and everything else goes out the window so the addicted person can get their fix.

I am not okay when someone uses porn to set standards for real people. Like, for example, when a man expects a woman to constantly look and perform like a porn star. (this would fall under skewing the lines of realistic standards for relationships).

I am not okay with porn when someone is hurt by it. Like the women on this thread. They've been hurt by their husbands or boyfriend's porn use, and that's just not okay. When someone starts getting hurt, then there's a problem.

I do also think there's some pretty raunchy porn out there that just makes you feel like you need a shower after you've seen it. Ugh...

But for me, I don't hate it altogether, I just have boundaries when it comes to porn. There are times when I just wish none of it existed entirely, like when I come downstairs and catch my dad looking at it with the door open, but there are also times when I enjoy it, like when my boyfriend and I are watching it together. I think that self-control plays a big part in porn usage. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who just don't seem to know what that is.

Answering your questions..

1. yes, he could be addicted to porn or he could just enjoy it a lot.  Don't feel that you aren't good enough for him because he likes porn.  It doesn't mean you aren't giving him enough or that you are doing anything wrong.  Some people like horror movies but yet don't go out and want to kill someone.  It is working his imagination and yes, it probably does excite him but not for wanting that woman, but for how he can excite you using some of the techiques. 

My husband of 25 years, use to like to watch porn movies.  I use to rent them from the video store his cousin owned and watch them with him.  I wasn't as crazy about them because most seemed to be really into the women with women and that just didn't seem all that exciting to me..lol.  He also liked the magazines and would try to tell me that he read them for the articles.  I just handled this with a sense of humor and read those articles to him which embarrassed him greatly.  I never let this ruin our sex life, but enhance it.  Some of the articles and letters gave me some pretty different but fun ideas that I would surprise him with.  I never felt threatened by them.  I have read erotic romance novels for years, so to me his liking the movies or the magazines were not a lot different then my romance novels, but beings men are more visual, they had pictures, I had imagination.  After coming online, I picked up a new hobby.  I started writing poetry and then got to be in challenges for writing short stories.  I know romances from the reading them for so long so I like writing erotic romances on demand.  Someone gives me a short story line or a title and I write a story about it.  I am told they are very good and my husband loves reading them (although he tells me I should sell them to Penthouse...lol)

Now for the second question

The fact that it bothers you is enough that he should be willing to cut back or cut it out.  Be realistic when you come up with a compromise.  Instead of saying that he could watch it one day a week, agree to what kind he can watch.  Online there is so much out there, videos clips, cams and some really weird crazy stuff.  Online is also really bad for viruses and spyware so it is dangerous to go to porn sites on a computer that you have personal info for banking or credit cards on.  For this I would tell him that no online porn... maybe a movie or two, rented, not owned.  He might find it is not worth his trouble if he has to go rent them.

Good luck and remember, he loves you, not those women on the shows.  There are women who men respects and marry and women who they don't... you are one they respect and marry. 

He is one you can't trust, I am sorry, but he lied about where he was going and he took sex toys for men.  Trust your instints on this one.  He is either meeting a kinky woman or another man, if he was going to just go and watch the movies and play with himself, he wouldn't have had to lie about where he was going. 

The fact that he is being abusive is enough to get the kids and get out of that marriage.  NO woman should ever put up with abuse, physical or verbal.  Yes it would devastate your children but it won't harm them as much as hearing him verbally abuse you... not as much as it would be if you are always fighting and not solving anything. 

Good luck.

In this world of disease it is probably one of the safest ways of being sexual without risking your life.  Its also a way to get release without having to have a partner and its a way to explore fantasies and get ideas on what one may want to explore with a partner/s.  Porn was not invented to make women feel inferior, if anything, it has given women power to be sexual animals, like men have been for hundreds of years. The problems now come into play when there are drugs, abuse, misrepresentation, underage porn actors, physical pain , etc. The other problem with porn now is it is so available that it will either make a person bored with it or make them addicted to it. It depends on the person.

I don't believe porn, phone sex, strip  clubs are cheating but I do think when in a loving? relationship, it cheapens the intimacy between the two people; devalues the preciousness of intimacy; creates a wedge between seeking gratification from one another whereby giving an outlet for sexual release without the company of the other person. Porn is used by a lot of people because they are bored and horney and don't want to pursue a sexual relationship with a person.

Now, if a person is single and uses porn, I would say that is ok because we all need to sexually relase our pent up sexual energies. I always feel better after an orgasm :) (similar to a good cry - if you know what I mean LOL) but needing to orgasm every day or cry everyday, well anything done every day, except eating, sleeping and drinking water, can become a form of addiction.

My husband was addicted to porn. At least I believe he was. I feel sorry for him because he is not one to be able to sexually ask for what he wanted, so he sought it out in his fantasy world. He made it very clear that as long as I give him affection (sex) he won't look at it as much. My feeling on that was he was using me to curtail his porn usage, so in fact, he was using me like he used porn. There was no real connection with him, he already passed over the fine line between being able to see me as a person, not a live porn video.

I was in the emergency room hospital one time (thank goodness it wasn't anything horrible) :) well, when I got home that evening due to his past history, I checked the cable bill....guess what? While I lie in the hospital bed he was renting big black babes! What I am trying to get at here is there are people, men and women, that have little control over their sexual anatomies. They need to feel and they are seeking the endorphine release that comes from masturbating. It is an addiction like anything else. You need to realize that his porn use is no indicator of your looks, personality, or character flaw. It is his addiction and he is the one that needs to seek help-----------------------------------------------if he wants it.

He does fantasize about other women, maybe even other men. That is normal. What is not normal is his fantasies are getting in the way of your relationship and the opportunity to build a stronghold together. He is using porn as a barrier. He does not want to get "too" close to you. This is obvious with most porn users. They want to love you from afar.

This can work for a lot of people. Especially those that are more independant and like to feel sexual freedom. But freedom and independance come with a price and that price might be the demise of a good love affair or marriage or friendship. He has lied to you. That doesn't make him a bad person but it does make him a liar. Can  you be sure he doesn't lie to you about other things?

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I have since left my marriage of 7 years, and I am separated now for 8 months. I am really happy and very relaxed with my decision. I no longer have to think about his lying or looking at porn while I am making my self all pretty for who??????  it use to be partially for him, now its for myself and the only person that can judge me is, me.  Porn users tend to judge their women very harshly. They want them to dress a certain way. Clothes are very important. Appearance is very important. Hygiene is very important. You get the gist. ? But if you were to put up a mirror and let it reflect back to them, what do you think they would see? They would see someone they do n't know, they don't even like. So don't feel like the victim here. You are the healthy one and be careful not to let his addictions and sexual phobias interfere with your growth and sexual health. A man can fancy a women tremendously, but also fancy 25 others. Thats just the nature of the beast. It doesn't mean you are not good enough, it just means that he is not emotionally mature to know a good thing when he sees it.

Good luck with this. :)

In this world of disease it is probably one of the safest ways of being sexual without risking your life.  Its also a way to get release without having to have a partner and its a way to explore fantasies and get ideas on what one may want to explore with a partner/s.  Porn was not invented to make women feel inferior, if anything, it has given women power to be sexual animals, like men have been for hundreds of years. The problems now come into play when there are drugs, abuse, misrepresentation, underage porn actors, physical pain , etc. The other problem with porn now is it is so available that it will either make a person bored with it or make them addicted to it. It depends on the person.

I don't believe porn, phone sex, strip  clubs are cheating but I do think when in a loving? relationship, it cheapens the intimacy between the two people; devalues the preciousness of intimacy; creates a wedge between seeking gratification from one another whereby giving an outlet for sexual release without the company of the other person. Porn is used by a lot of people because they are bored and horney and don't want to pursue a sexual relationship with a person.

Now, if a person is single and uses porn, I would say that is ok because we all need to sexually relase our pent up sexual energies. I always feel better after an orgasm :) (similar to a good cry - if you know what I mean LOL) but needing to orgasm every day or cry everyday, well anything done every day, except eating, sleeping and drinking water, can become a form of addiction.

My husband was addicted to porn. At least I believe he was. I feel sorry for him because he is not one to be able to sexually ask for what he wanted, so he sought it out in his fantasy world. He made it very clear that as long as I give him affection (sex) he won't look at it as much. My feeling on that was he was using me to curtail his porn usage, so in fact, he was using me like he used porn. There was no real connection with him, he already passed over the fine line between being able to see me as a person, not a live porn video.

I was in the emergency room hospital one time (thank goodness it wasn't anything horrible) :) well, when I got home that evening due to his past history, I checked the cable bill....guess what? While I lie in the hospital bed he was renting big black babes! What I am trying to get at here is there are people, men and women, that have little control over their sexual anatomies. They need to feel and they are seeking the endorphine release that comes from masturbating. It is an addiction like anything else. You need to realize that his porn use is no indicator of your looks, personality, or character flaw. It is his addiction and he is the one that needs to seek help-----------------------------------------------if he wants it.

He does fantasize about other women, maybe even other men. That is normal. What is not normal is his fantasies are getting in the way of your relationship and the opportunity to build a stronghold together. He is using porn as a barrier. He does not want to get "too" close to you. This is obvious with most porn users. They want to love you from afar.

This can work for a lot of people. Especially those that are more independant and like to feel sexual freedom. But freedom and independance come with a price and that price might be the demise of a good love affair or marriage or friendship. He has lied to you. That doesn't make him a bad person but it does make him a liar. Can  you be sure he doesn't lie to you about other things?

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I have since left my marriage of 7 years, and I am separated now for 8 months. I am really happy and very relaxed with my decision. I no longer have to think about his lying or looking at porn while I am making my self all pretty for who??????  it use to be partially for him, now its for myself and the only person that can judge me is, me.  Porn users tend to judge their women very harshly. They want them to dress a certain way. Clothes are very important. Appearance is very important. Hygiene is very important. You get the gist. ? But if you were to put up a mirror and let it reflect back to them, what do you think they would see? They would see someone they do n't know, they don't even like. So don't feel like the victim here. You are the healthy one and be careful not to let his addictions and sexual phobias interfere with your growth and sexual health. A man can fancy a women tremendously, but also fancy 25 others. Thats just the nature of the beast. It doesn't mean you are not good enough, it just means that he is not emotionally mature to know a good thing when he sees it.

Good luck with this. :)