Topic : How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

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Created on : Monday, December 11, 2006, 09:00:32 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are you in a relationship that has been negatively affected by porn? Has pornography destroyed, or about to destroy your marriage? Is there hope for a relationship when one partner is addicted to porn? Share your advice and support here with others.

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July 3, 2008, 5:46 am PDT

How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

Quote From: kimikomine

Try going into archives and put her name. You should be able to get all his/her posts. GL.

"Search Boards" button

Enter ...... morbidhobbyist

Click Find

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j_quantz

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July 3, 2008, 11:51 am PDT

what I found out...wish I hadn't....

Quote From: dorothygreen

I would like to know if anyone out there has heard of these. They are cartoon and 3-d pictures of women being hung, drowned, boiled, and even put on skewers to barbecue. sometimes they are burned on a cross and most of them are having sex while being hung or after..I am not kidding about this. It is not real women but drawings and computer graphic depictions. I recently found out that my boyfriend is into this, goes to many web sites that show these pictures and even makes up the computer graphic ones as well. he says it is just a fantasy and has nothing to do with me but I am not sure about this as I have no one to talk to about it and I can't even find a therapist who knows anything about it either..Please someone talk to me about this as it has ruined our relationship and he thinks there is noting wrong with it..thanks

They are an alternative to snuff films, but because they are drawings rather than real images, they somehow escape the taboo under the label or guise of 'art.' IMO, they are misogynistic at best and perverted and sick at worst. I vote for worst. It affirms my assertion that men who 'like' this garbage are so full of hatred and fear of women that they need this sick little outlet to feel a sense of equalization and remediation. Women who like it are full of hatred of themselves and their gender. And the human race. It wouldn't matter if the images were of men, animals, or broccoli. It is a statement of self-loathing, of hatred, of fear in its worst possible presentation. If I found out my partner was into this crap, I would RUN, not walk, out of their lives as fast as my feet could carry me. God almighty, what the hell is wrong with us as a species?

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July 3, 2008, 1:27 pm PDT

A lot to think about..

Quote From: j_quantz

They are an alternative to snuff films, but because they are drawings rather than real images, they somehow escape the taboo under the label or guise of 'art.' IMO, they are misogynistic at best and perverted and sick at worst. I vote for worst. It affirms my assertion that men who 'like' this garbage are so full of hatred and fear of women that they need this sick little outlet to feel a sense of equalization and remediation. Women who like it are full of hatred of themselves and their gender. And the human race. It wouldn't matter if the images were of men, animals, or broccoli. It is a statement of self-loathing, of hatred, of fear in its worst possible presentation. If I found out my partner was into this crap, I would RUN, not walk, out of their lives as fast as my feet could carry me. God almighty, what the hell is wrong with us as a species?

I am not disagreeing with anything anybody has said here. I would like though to add that my boyfriend has never shown anything but kindness to me, my kids and animals he has and the ones I have..He has never been physical with me at all, and never mentioned or asked for me to act these scenes out in any manner at all.. I wish a professional would let me know what they think about all this..Dr. Phil can you hear me??? I have never seen any kind of program, such as 20/20 or like programs do any kind of a story on this and I think it would be a good thing to do as there is not alot of information out there about it..You can see a lot of it on the net but no one is talking about it, there reasons for it and if it is something I should be afraid of..

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July 3, 2008, 1:28 pm PDT

thanks

Quote From: kimikomine

Try going into archives and put her name. You should be able to get all his/her posts. GL.

thanks I did just that, thanks for the help

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j_quantz

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July 3, 2008, 2:46 pm PDT

revealing our "dark sides".....

Quote From: dorothygreen

I am not disagreeing with anything anybody has said here. I would like though to add that my boyfriend has never shown anything but kindness to me, my kids and animals he has and the ones I have..He has never been physical with me at all, and never mentioned or asked for me to act these scenes out in any manner at all.. I wish a professional would let me know what they think about all this..Dr. Phil can you hear me??? I have never seen any kind of program, such as 20/20 or like programs do any kind of a story on this and I think it would be a good thing to do as there is not alot of information out there about it..You can see a lot of it on the net but no one is talking about it, there reasons for it and if it is something I should be afraid of..

Most people are successful at reining in their dark sides, and do not show it to others. Those with a disorder of some kind, be it narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy, etc., have a more difficult time and tend to reveal their dark sides to others, and are able to defend their actions and behaviors when that side comes out. Your boyfriend has a dark side, I have one, you have one, we all have one. However, there are triggers that can bring that dark side out, and your boyfriend seems to have found one. Will he become abusive, cruel or disordered because he is viewing this stuff? Well, he may not, BUT, he seems to be mighty interested in it, not just curious. If he was just curious he would have looked at it and that would have been the end of it. He is more than just curious about it. His continuing to look at it proves that. Perhaps, just perhaps, he secretly has issues that he has not brought to the forefront, ones that you are not aware of, or that he may not be fully aware of (yet.) If I get you correctly, he is a 'great guy', good with kids and animals, a good boyfriend, you love him, he loves you, but there's this new, scary, little 'thing' going on that you don't know what to do with. I don't know, but I would be concerned about this. It's not like you just found out he has a secret fetish about women's stockings or stiletto heels or whipped cream. This one is alarming. I would be alarmed and concerned about what's going to occur next. I have said before that we can never really know what's going on in another's heart or mind. And, if you need to ask a professional about this, why don't you? Do some research and get together with a professional with experience in this.. Don't be ashamed or afraid. I think it behooves you to do so. Good luck.

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July 3, 2008, 2:53 pm PDT

You are right. There are professionals that can help.

Quote From: dorothygreen

I am not disagreeing with anything anybody has said here. I would like though to add that my boyfriend has never shown anything but kindness to me, my kids and animals he has and the ones I have..He has never been physical with me at all, and never mentioned or asked for me to act these scenes out in any manner at all.. I wish a professional would let me know what they think about all this..Dr. Phil can you hear me??? I have never seen any kind of program, such as 20/20 or like programs do any kind of a story on this and I think it would be a good thing to do as there is not alot of information out there about it..You can see a lot of it on the net but no one is talking about it, there reasons for it and if it is something I should be afraid of..

But the question I have to ask, is, why do YOU feel YOU need to know about this? Do you think you are somewhat involved or a contributor? What is it that you are going to ask a professional that would be different then what you are asking here? I believe you are not ready to see the truth yet, so you will pursue enough material, and opinions, to make a decision? What is your gut telling you? Is it telling you that it is something you want to work on; maybe you are uncomfortable with your sexuality so you don't feel confident to assert yourself with him? When we don't understand something, it is good to learn it - what is it exactly you are trying to learn by asking a professional or Dr. Phil? What is it you want them to tell you? That it is ok?

There is obviously something about this that is bothering you. Is it the material or is it the fact that he is looking at other women? Lots of questions ;) When a person shows us a side to them, we have to believe that that is who they are..........and we may not like it........then again, maybe you are at a stump in your marriage and he is looking for some kind of excitement. Maybe you have been feeling neglected or not paid enough attention to and you are looking for some kind of excitement? Maybe your finding his obsession? you are using it as an object to put in the place of what the real problem(s) are/is?

Anyway, the first thing to do would be to ask him what he gets out it. Then take his anwer from there.

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July 3, 2008, 4:39 pm PDT

How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

Quote From: j_quantz

They are an alternative to snuff films, but because they are drawings rather than real images, they somehow escape the taboo under the label or guise of 'art.' IMO, they are misogynistic at best and perverted and sick at worst. I vote for worst. It affirms my assertion that men who 'like' this garbage are so full of hatred and fear of women that they need this sick little outlet to feel a sense of equalization and remediation. Women who like it are full of hatred of themselves and their gender. And the human race. It wouldn't matter if the images were of men, animals, or broccoli. It is a statement of self-loathing, of hatred, of fear in its worst possible presentation. If I found out my partner was into this crap, I would RUN, not walk, out of their lives as fast as my feet could carry me. God almighty, what the hell is wrong with us as a species?

Woah, hey, slow down there. Think about what you just said.

I'm a woman, and guess what? I LOVE bloody, violent, slasher horror films. Blood, gore, limbs being severed, heads rolling. (I'm a fan of Kill Bill and the Saw series), but I don't hate myself as a woman. I don't hate men either. I just like the movies. I also like violent, bloody video games. Silent HIll is one I enjoy, as well as Smash Brothers Brawl. (That's one where several game characters fight eachother). I'm not hateful, I'm not angry, and I'm not resentful or bitter.

I'm not a violent person, I don't have hatred locked up inside me, and I certainly don't want to ever enact the things I see on real people. That never even crosses my mind. Sure, I don't get sexual excitement out of all of it, but you bet your boots I'll be saying "YEAH! Pluck out her other eye!" While watching Kill Bill vol. 2. That doesn't mean I hate anyone. It just means I enjoy the movie.

It's not a manifestation of self-loathing either. I don't hate myself. I think I'm just fine. I wouldn't want to be anyone else but myself. I'm happy being me.

I don't hate humanity, I don't hate myself, I don't hate men, and I don't hate women. I just like gore.

You can't just assume that because someone enjoys fake gore, that they are sick and twisted people and are prone to snapping at any moment. That's not fair and it's a generalization. She did say that her boyfriend has shown nothing but kindness to her, her children, and her animals. I think she should only be truely concerned if he does start harming her or anyone else. Thusfar, he has not. He's not harming himself either.

I think that concern should only rise if he started turning the fake gore into something real. Doing it to her or another real person.

And I'd appreciate it if you didn't make that kind of geralized assumption.

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July 3, 2008, 5:53 pm PDT

How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

Quote From: redfeathers

Woah, hey, slow down there. Think about what you just said.

I'm a woman, and guess what? I LOVE bloody, violent, slasher horror films. Blood, gore, limbs being severed, heads rolling. (I'm a fan of Kill Bill and the Saw series), but I don't hate myself as a woman. I don't hate men either. I just like the movies. I also like violent, bloody video games. Silent HIll is one I enjoy, as well as Smash Brothers Brawl. (That's one where several game characters fight eachother). I'm not hateful, I'm not angry, and I'm not resentful or bitter.

I'm not a violent person, I don't have hatred locked up inside me, and I certainly don't want to ever enact the things I see on real people. That never even crosses my mind. Sure, I don't get sexual excitement out of all of it, but you bet your boots I'll be saying "YEAH! Pluck out her other eye!" While watching Kill Bill vol. 2. That doesn't mean I hate anyone. It just means I enjoy the movie.

It's not a manifestation of self-loathing either. I don't hate myself. I think I'm just fine. I wouldn't want to be anyone else but myself. I'm happy being me.

I don't hate humanity, I don't hate myself, I don't hate men, and I don't hate women. I just like gore.

You can't just assume that because someone enjoys fake gore, that they are sick and twisted people and are prone to snapping at any moment. That's not fair and it's a generalization. She did say that her boyfriend has shown nothing but kindness to her, her children, and her animals. I think she should only be truely concerned if he does start harming her or anyone else. Thusfar, he has not. He's not harming himself either.

I think that concern should only rise if he started turning the fake gore into something real. Doing it to her or another real person.

And I'd appreciate it if you didn't make that kind of geralized assumption.

Do you masturbate to those movies and video games?

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j_quantz

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July 3, 2008, 7:54 pm PDT

not talking about what you described...at all...

Quote From: redfeathers

Woah, hey, slow down there. Think about what you just said.

I'm a woman, and guess what? I LOVE bloody, violent, slasher horror films. Blood, gore, limbs being severed, heads rolling. (I'm a fan of Kill Bill and the Saw series), but I don't hate myself as a woman. I don't hate men either. I just like the movies. I also like violent, bloody video games. Silent HIll is one I enjoy, as well as Smash Brothers Brawl. (That's one where several game characters fight eachother). I'm not hateful, I'm not angry, and I'm not resentful or bitter.

I'm not a violent person, I don't have hatred locked up inside me, and I certainly don't want to ever enact the things I see on real people. That never even crosses my mind. Sure, I don't get sexual excitement out of all of it, but you bet your boots I'll be saying "YEAH! Pluck out her other eye!" While watching Kill Bill vol. 2. That doesn't mean I hate anyone. It just means I enjoy the movie.

It's not a manifestation of self-loathing either. I don't hate myself. I think I'm just fine. I wouldn't want to be anyone else but myself. I'm happy being me.

I don't hate humanity, I don't hate myself, I don't hate men, and I don't hate women. I just like gore.

You can't just assume that because someone enjoys fake gore, that they are sick and twisted people and are prone to snapping at any moment. That's not fair and it's a generalization. She did say that her boyfriend has shown nothing but kindness to her, her children, and her animals. I think she should only be truely concerned if he does start harming her or anyone else. Thusfar, he has not. He's not harming himself either.

I think that concern should only rise if he started turning the fake gore into something real. Doing it to her or another real person.

And I'd appreciate it if you didn't make that kind of geralized assumption.

Look, I like horror films too, not the ultra-violent ones (too much of that in real life to allow me to enjoy the 'fake kind.') My daughter loves violent horror films, in fact she works for a company that makes them. What you are describing is NOT, repeat, NOT what I am talking about at all. And I am not making judgments about those who do enjoy horror and violent video games. My 23 yr old son and his girlfriend love bloody, violent stuff too. I am talking about something else, and if you don't understand what I am getting at here then you don't. It doesn't apply to you anyway. What you call an 'unfair generalization' I call a red flag, something to pay attention to and think about and approach in a pro-active way. It may be nothing, or it may be something. Besides, if the original poster was okay with her partner viewing this stuff (in secret, behind her back) she sure as hell wouldn't be on this board asking about it, now would she. Perhaps that it what is most important here anyway. The fact that who she knows him to be may not be all of who he is. And if he isn't and she isn't okay with that, then she needs to think about that. I would appreciate you not making 'unfair generalizations' about what I wrote either. My take on what the poster described is my take, not yours or anybody else's. My opinion regarding the stuff the poster's boyfriend is viewing is my opinion. It can be accepted or rejected, as you like.

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July 3, 2008, 7:59 pm PDT

How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

Quote From: j_quantz

Look, I like horror films too, not the ultra-violent ones (too much of that in real life to allow me to enjoy the 'fake kind.') My daughter loves violent horror films, in fact she works for a company that makes them. What you are describing is NOT, repeat, NOT what I am talking about at all. And I am not making judgments about those who do enjoy horror and violent video games. My 23 yr old son and his girlfriend love bloody, violent stuff too. I am talking about something else, and if you don't understand what I am getting at here then you don't. It doesn't apply to you anyway. What you call an 'unfair generalization' I call a red flag, something to pay attention to and think about and approach in a pro-active way. It may be nothing, or it may be something. Besides, if the original poster was okay with her partner viewing this stuff (in secret, behind her back) she sure as hell wouldn't be on this board asking about it, now would she. Perhaps that it what is most important here anyway. The fact that who she knows him to be may not be all of who he is. And if he isn't and she isn't okay with that, then she needs to think about that. I would appreciate you not making 'unfair generalizations' about what I wrote either. My take on what the poster described is my take, not yours or anybody else's. My opinion regarding the stuff the poster's boyfriend is viewing is my opinion. It can be accepted or rejected, as you like.

I know exactly what you mean...there is a difference, when people get a sexual thrill from these things...that is a red flag and it's not an unfair generalization to point it out!

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