Topic : How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship

I like it because it's exictment. It's an escape from the real world. It gives me a moment to think "what would I do in this situation?" "How scary would that be in real life?" or even "Damn...that's not even physically possible." But there are some things that just satisfy me in the movies when they happen, because I know that they won't ever happen in real life, and if they did, I know I wouldn't be so happy about them as I am when I watch the movie. Like in the re-make of House of Wax (horrible re-make by the way...Vincent Price would shoot himself if he weren't already dead) when Paris Hilton get's stabbed through the head with a pole. Who doesn't want to see Paris Hilton get what she deserves? I'm not saying she actually deserves to be run through the head with a pole, that's one of those things that I wouldn't be so satisfied about considering how really terrible that would be for her family, but in the movie it happens, and I can feel okay about it knowing that it didn't really happen, and she's still alive and okay. ....on a side note...I would have been just as satisfied if she had actually served her time in jail like she was supposed to...

 

 

And like I said, draw a line between real and fake. Even with love movies. Like Atonement for example. Natalie Portman and James McCavoy. They are supposed to be in love, and want to be together more than anything in the world. They portray that on the screen very well, as they are both great actors.

 

But in real life, James McCavoy is married, and not to Natalie Portman, so yes, there is an element of fakeness in the film.

 

Or when I was in high school, I was in a play that involved my character kissing another at the end. Fortunately, my boyfriend landed the character that I was supposed to kiss. But what if he hadn't? By your logic, my kissing another person would have to be real for it to be believable, because it was supposed to portray love. Essentially, I would have to cheat on my boyfriend for the sake of the play, as James McCavoy would have to cheat on his wife. Once again, real and fake here.

It's mimicking something that could be real, but it's not actually happening. We can all relate to what we see in films sometimes, mark I said SOMETIMES before you go asking me "What part of violence can you relate to, you sick twisted person that I'm making assumptions about?" that's the point of theatre, the point of acting. BUT not all of it can be related to by EVERYONE. And still, movies are not real. That's what we learn when we are younger, that movies are not real. They are fun to watch, fun to enjoy, but they are not real. I'm going to reiterate myself, considering I don't really feel like anyone is listening when I say it, line between real and fake people. Fantasy and reality. Don't scew those lines.

 

 

If a persons' intent is to go to a horror movie and be entertained or at least distracted for a time being, then this is a healthy line. Its really what the intent of that person is, and the mindset they have as they walk into the theatre. It has much less to do with the "contents" of the film, as the person viewing it. If the person is a sicko, they were a sicko before they walked into the theatre! If a person is struggling with reality and fantasy in one form, they most likely struggle with it in other areas of their life as well.

 

I happen to like the House of Wax (vincent price) movie; even though I was pretty young when it first came out. Rosemary's Baby was also out around that time and I had a somewhat fasicnation with the occult and sacrificial offerings (because of this movie - I was influenced by Rosemary's baby) I found that movie to be somewhat sexually charged as well.............I believe it is the maturity of the person looking at the movie that is the  crucial element to how they will v iew it.  I am honestly more fearful of the person that can lie to your face, cheat you when you are not looking, and deface your character, then the person that enjoys horror or war movies.

 

Reality and fantasy. Can't all fantasy become reality? And with the flip of a switc, our realities can become only a fantasy? I don't think its so much as being able to dicipher the differences between the two but seeing how close they both are to being parts of ourselves that make us who we are; I don't think horror movies make a person cabable of canabalism; or a porn movie doesn't make a person a good lover, but it does temporarily allow that person to go into a fantasy (even if consciously they know it is only a movie) and I wonder how that works on the mind that is fragile.

 

I don't think liking bloody and murderous movies is a bad thing, its only bad if I choose to see it this way. I guess I am just one of those people that don't like to be startled. :)

 

is feeding a need or else it wouldn't be a part of our days. On the other hand, what we choose to do with our time is our freedom

 

 

 

I just found out yesterday that my fiancee had contacted someone (a female that does porn movies) a couple months ago regarding advise on how to get into starring in porn movies.  He claims that he was never in a movie and that he was just "curious"  I am devastated.  I dont know if I can believe him that he didnt actually do anything and that he didnt meet up with this porn star girl that he posed to question to.   He is begging for fogiveness & keeps saying nothing happened & that he never planned on doing anything. 

I am just curious...tell me exactly what your issue is.

I mean, I get it...but I am always curious why women have to ask about things like this.

If this was my husband (let alone boyfriend) I would leave. He's not just watching porn (that is something I personally don't have a problem with) but he's contacting porn actors and inquiring about how to get started in porn? Then he just flat out lies about it...

I am wondering, what is stopping you from finding someone else who isn't this deceitful about who he is?

He is more hooked into this porn thing then you, even him, want to admit. No one asks about making a porn movie, from a porn actor, (I don't think "star" is an accurate symbol for a sex addict) but an actor is more like it......without having a strong desire to get involved in one. There are many people that make a lot of money on amature videos, never needing to go professional (for lack of a better word). So maybe he thinks he is that good? that he could make money selling his wonderful and exquisite body for all to see?

 

I know I sound hard but if you think about it, and reverse it, and he found out that you were just casually, just interested in talking to and meeting some guy from Greece, just out of cruiousity, what do you think he would say to that? YOu have to be very careful....he is manipulating you into doubting yourself and you are falling for it, hook, line and sinker. Don't believe he is sorry. He is sorry ....but only because he got caught. Remember this one little piece......its holds all your answers. Good luck.

He is more hooked into this porn thing then you, even him, want to admit. No one asks about making a porn movie, from a porn actor, (I don't think "star" is an accurate symbol for a sex addict) but an actor is more like it......without having a strong desire to get involved in one. There are many people that make a lot of money on amature videos, never needing to go professional (for lack of a better word). So maybe he thinks he is that good? that he could make money selling his wonderful and exquisite body for all to see?

 

I know I sound hard but if you think about it, and reverse it, and he found out that you were just casually, just interested in talking to and meeting some guy from Greece, just out of cruiousity, what do you think he would say to that? YOu have to be very careful....he is manipulating you into doubting yourself and you are falling for it, hook, line and sinker. Don't believe he is sorry. He is sorry ....but only because he got caught. Remember this one little piece......its holds all your answers. Good luck.

 
Yep, I've seen a reaction to a similar event, and although it was anger at the thought of being swept away by someone else, it wasn't exactly a look as if his heart had been broken. Like I imagine i would have felt if told the same thing. It isn't all that way either, they can be hurt and cry about the same event.....but I still dont think its in the same way that we would feel about it. Maybe this has something to do with a guys feeling about rejection. Maybe in some cases women are the givers of love and the men the receivers.

I advocate her setting up such an encounter with a Greek interest. Why shouldn't she! lol. It really isnt the marriage that she's looking for, and she's not ready to leave. Well, actually I'm confusing her story with the one about the guy having a myspace page pretending to be a single. So...he wants some tantalising information about how he can actually star in these videos and get to be with these women. Not much different.....but initially you could excuse him for getting caught up in the action of looking at his porn and emailing someone. Anyway, he was hurt by the prospect of her leaving...but does he really want the life that she wants?.

I am almost definate that rejection feels the same, whether you are a male or a female. But I would think men have more experience of being turned down by more women, which makes them less sensitive to when they are doing it to someone else. On the flip side , women have had to fight off men's advances for the longest time and never know when they are just horney vs. when they are in love. If someone says they love you, you don't expect them to do things that they know will hurt you, whether you find out, or not.  If men are the receivers of love, and women the givers, then that would make for a very unsatisfying relationship, ultimately. I think men have been the non givers because women were so strong in a sense of putting their needs aside, for those of others. Whereas men have been strong in the workforce...risking their lives and their health all the good of the family and/or community.

 

But in all of this is the capacity for compassion and understanding that even though we are different in a few aspects, maybe many :)  there is still something innately misconstrued when a person says they love you then reaches out to other people for sexual satisfaction and then not be able to see how something so personal and intimate with someone other then their s/o can create a disturbance, at best.  If he said to her he was curious to see what it takes to make a porn movie and together they explored it, from the male and female side of it, he probably would get a much better reaction.

 

He is not the kind of guy she wants.....probably not too many women want a guy like that on a full time basis....but he can be fun to play with....because that is what he is doing...he is playing.....her.

 

People look at intimacy in many different ways. I don't think men take sex more casually then women, the difference is in the amount of material and exposure that has been geared toward men sexually; and they are kind of innocent because society and the media have exploited men with porn as much as it has exploited women. Only the men are the buying customers, and the women have been on the receiving end. But both are equally as vulnerable to its temptations; both have great potential to mess up their lives royally if they don't know when enough is enough.

 

He was hurt by the prospect of her leaving.....hmmmm..wonder why?  I know. Its because he hopes to find someone that will love him, despite his raunchy and lying ways.....he thinks he found a sucker. I hope he is wrong....please tell me he is wrong???

 

 

You have left me with much to think about...we are going to another therapist tonight so we will see what he has to say as the last one dropped us after she found out what his problem was..I think she was scared of it. she told us we both need individual therapist, individual psychiatrists and a diffeernt couples counselor as well and she could not be that couples counselor. So now we have to start all over again..