Topic : Ask The Opposite Sex

 I have a question, that perhaps both a male or female can help me with...Well, I've been just meeting/talking to several guys lately...and I was wondering, since I don't seem to be too experience in this area..lol..always, ONLY had long term relationships..I don't know how this works..with two of these men, before even meeting, we both said..'friends' only..and that's how it started..so, it was discussed beforehand..I mean, I wouldn't even let them pay for my share..which, they both agreed..something, different for me, (since I'm traditional) but, I feel more comfortable this way...then, it won't make me feel things are 'serious'...

But, I also have talked to two other guys..(younger ones) one lives in the same state as me..we share our interests in music..plus, 'toxic' parents and siblings..so, we kinda help one another..but, last night while IM, he said something that struck me oddly..He said something like, "he hasn't met the right one yet'...just out of the blue...and then he said this 'but then again, maybe I have'??  what do you think that means??  we've only talked for about 2 wks..gee, then that really scares me, when things are said like that..

This other guy, is in a wheelchair..things didn't start off very well..and I thought I'd never talk to him anymore..but, I guess, he talked the talk..lol..I mean, said all the right things..and I can't help but believe him..by the things he said..my question is...how does one stay friends or even see one another, with more than one guy??  it's nice to have different ppl, to talk to..I find it's interesting, what this person says..and that person says..

Anyway, sometimes I find it SO confusing I just want to go and hide!  and then again, it's very exciting!

Dee

 I was reading your posts, and I really liked what you said..it really helped me out so much!  I have another question, and I hope you come here to see this.  ok  here it goes..

The thing about you saying, when there's issues and then they are brought up again and perhaps again..(like I do a lot) well, what you said make sense..that FOR ME, they were never fully talked out..not resolved..ignored..that's how I feel anyway..but, it's frustrating because I've found MEN just want to make it go away..then, it leave ME as a woman, feeling bad still..then, worse because I didn't drop it...

Here's something NEW that I've been going through: any suggestion or comments??

been talking 24/7 to this man for 3 mos..very long distance!  we meet for a 2 wk vacation recently, and that spending 24/7 with this man..the vacation was AMAZING!!!!  here's a few issues that came up though..

HE SAID I WAS NOT CONSIDERATE OF HIM..AND HERE'S WHY:

1.)  We were done for the day, and headed back to our hotel..I ask him, if we could just eat in our room..(the food we had) and rest..then, a little later go for a dessert somewhere..I think he said it was ok..don't remember now what he said..but, we left..and being a 'small' town lots of places were closed..it was around 8 pm..and that Holiday weekend I believe..anyway, I could tell right off the bat he wasn't happy..which I was confused on why?  he sounded annoyed that we even had to go out, let alone search for a place to have a dessert...the town was centered around 1 street...the hotel was right around the corner..can walk..but, being late we drove..it was crowded, and we had to sit at a bar type sitting..where there was a tv..we were just hanging out, looking at 'nature' magazines..and I started noticing the ALL STAR GAME ON TV, and I'm a sports fan..I ask if it was ok to just watch the last 7 mins.., but before he answered..he just got up and walked out to the car..leaving me there..and of course, I followed..that was confusing..and yet he said I was inconsiderate?? that I'd rather watch tv then be with him???  and that being out late at night, was NOT his thing??  8pm???????

2.) then, after coming back yet another day..it was later, 11 pm..but, at that time we were in LAS VEGAS..they had a song on, I really loved! I said, can we just listen to that song...and also, I wanted to take 1 picture of a roller coaster overlooking the 'moon'..again, he didn't say anything..just walked away, and I didn't know where he was???? he said again I was inconsiderate?????  that a 'song' was more important than him??

He said that his ex g/f  WAS more considerate????  although, she cheated on him several times, and lied..and he told me SHE WAS NOT EVEN CLOSE to being caring, like I have...3 yrs. for them..to OUR 3 mos..he said had it not of been for the cheating..everything else was fine, and he'd still be with her???  and  yet, he said she HAD NO CARE AT ALL..if his back hurt..so what..that confuses me..and hurt me, that he could say something like that..comparing me to her????   cheating is the BIGGEST BETRAYAL OF ALL..and yet he could compare it with, HIS FEELING I'M inconsiderate??  by watching 7 mins. of a game..and listening to just ONE SONG..??? 

We were at the not so good area of Vegas..and I thought he should know that..I thought almost everyone in the world, knows about VEGAS?  we got to this place, were a man was playing jazz music..and I  love music!  so, I wanted to stay and listen..but, quickly he wanted to go and take pictures..and said, he'd be right back..now, I don't understand why he couldn't just listen for a few songs, then go together..but, I said 'ok''...but, he was gone like FOREVER..and I didn't want to leave the spot..but, I started getting upset..so, I left to find him..when, we finally met up...right there in front of the world..after, I said where was he.. he said "that's why we can't be a couple ever"....wow!!  why would a man say something like that???  all I said that wasn't necessary to say..that what we BOTH should say is, we need to discuss this..leaving..

I got the next shuttle back to our hotel..crying and pouring it out to a bus driver!!  lol...he must of thought I was nuts..and said 'well that man is a jerk'...anyway, I would love to hear anyone's opinion on this..so, I can learn those things I might of done wrong..so, I can correct them..

Thanks,

Dee

 Sorry I've been gone for awhile.  I'm assuming you met this man over the internet? How did you meet and how did this 2 week vacation together come about? Had you met him face to face before this vacation?
And last, was there sex involved? Sorry about that last question, I know it's nosy, but I have some ideas and need to know to be able to answer you.
I'll set your mind at ease on one question though, I don't see anything you've done that sounds inconsiderate to me.

As to your previous post, I think it's great that you are making friends with different males. There's nothing better than broadening your horizons and doing some "comparison shopping". Think of yourself as a prize catch.
 Don't take the comment by the young man too seriously, where he said maybe he HAS found the right one. He may be referring to you, he may be referring to somebody else. If he wants you to know it's you, he won't be mysterious. Otherwise, assume he means somebody else, or ask him straight up who he's talking about.

Ok why is it that men tend to be pompous and think that they know everything and are sooo much smarter than most people. Just about every guy I have talked to in the past couple of months have acted like this. It is always either I am know more than you or I am stronger than you, or I can beat you up. What is it with guys thinking like this.

Yup sounds like a jerk and you should find somebody that is considerate and caring and does not say you are worse than his ex.

 

Please Please do not let this man treat you like this.

 

You deserve better. Even if you have low self esteem and I do not know if it is the case or not do not let him get away with treating you this way.

 If all the guys you've met lately behave like jerks, I would start going somewhere else to meet them.
Or stop getting fixed up by friends that have intoduced you to these guys, or whatever.
Like Dr Phil says, if it's not working for you, try something different.
Also, consider this: bragging is a way of covering up insecurities. If they are bragging about beating you up though, it's time to run the other direction fast.

I am married and my husband does have a very high IQ and he has trained in several different styles of fighting and martial arts but he does not act this way. Its my friends guy friends and several other guys that I have met recently, even in another message board there are two guys that act like they know it all. Even my own brother acts this way. No they do not brag about being able to beat me up but they do brag about being able to beat up everybody or at least most people. I especially hate it when these guys get the nerve to disrespect my husband. This one guy that is a friend of my best friend, he is only 19 my husband is 33 and this guy acts as if he is so much smarter than my husband it makes me sick. He also insist on making claims that my husband is gay. in this case I think he is just very immature but it is still no excuse.

 Sorry, didn't know you were married.
As to the young men that disrespect your husband, this is insecurity on their part. Does your husband feel disrespected? If he doesn't, I wouldn't let it bother you.
My youngest son holds a black belt, and he also displays a quiet, calm disposition when others are bragging and wrestling and in general trying to look macho. My son doesn't feel the need to prove it to anybody.
And you might think this is a mother's bias, but I have it on authority from a confidential chat with a good friend of his. The friend told me that nobody picks a fight with my son. They all know better.

He does feel disrespected a little but it really doesn't bother him that much. I am the one that has respect issues. I can not stand disrespectful people.

 

I do think that men who have this macho and big ego thinking are insecure, but i still want to smack them for it.

 Your husband is probably being very wise. Some young men, when they find somebody that is physically capable of besting them, will find some other stronger idiot and put him up to fight the man that beat them. It can be a contest that doesn't end until the guy is beaten, sometimes badly.
Your husband may have taken the measure of this young man and decided that staying out of it is the better part of valor.
You need to find something else to focus on, like how to discourage this young man from coming around you two.