Topic : Ask The Opposite Sex

Ok, yep, I remember that! Hope I didn't embarrass myself too bad, I had expected you earlier, so I started a little early on the partying! LOL!!

I read that on the internet, and it made alot of sense to me. One reason is because I had read a Dr. Phil book and there was something in there about trying to find out how things from your past have affected your life and when you get close you will know because you will get emotional. Something to that effect anyway. But it was true, so I thought that article about finding your life's purpose and your passion made alot of sense. I have thought of all kinds of things that I would love to volunteer for. Nursing homes, dog shelters, children's hospitals. But I don't know how much good I would do walking around bawling my eyes out all the time! I get really emotional about all of those things, don't know if I'd be doing more bad than good. I remember I saw a little old man limping down the road one day when I was driving, and I just started crying, I'm real sensitive about old people, children, and dogs, don't know why, but I am. I think that's a great idea for Steven, he seems like a really good kid, and he likes the same music as me! So we had something in common. All your kids are great, and a whole hell-uv-alot of fun! Wish you would just move to Oklahoma!

Yeah, he can't quit talking about the look on your face when he said that! LOL!!! I told him that you had to know that he wasn't serious, but he said it didn't matter, the look on your face was priceless! LOL!!

Can't wait to do it again!!!! Hopefully dee will join us next time. Would really be good to meet turk too. Well once I became a famous artist, then I will just pay for all of us to fly up to your place and we can party by the pool! Wouldn't that be a hoot?

Eww, you like man boobs, disgusting!

I don't mean ones that look like women boobs! LOL!

I like the fact that you are so deep for such a young soul. When I listen to what you say, I feel like I am talking to someone much older with much more life experience. You are a wise old soul. The question is, why do I feel selfish when I help others? This question also goes to anyone else out there who has an opinion, I just felt like this one might be right up turks alley! LOL!

So what do you guys think?

Are you saying that you feel selfish when you help others or even though you help others?  Maybe you are helping others for the wrong reasons.    It's not just about being or not being selfish.  This kind of thing works in layers.  Some people are selfless, some people just aren't selfish, and others are just so self centered they can't help but to be selfish.  Here's a story to show what I mean.  Say you buy some chips from the vending machine, but the bag gets stuck.  You give it a little shake, but you accidentally free a candy bar as well.  Now let's take a look at your options, we'll start with the most selfish layer.  One could recognize the machine's flaw in holding a candy bar flat enough to be shaken out, then visit the machines on the other floors and shake out the candy bars in those machines as well.  Next, a nonselfish person could feel guilty about taking something they didn't pay for, so they call the number on the machine and ask them what they should do.  They tell them to consider it their lucky day and enjoy the candy bar.  No harm no foul right? However, the selfless person might understand that the problem isn't resolved.  There is still an empty slot in the machine.  What if the next person just so happened to want that candy bar.  They might not realize the first slot is empty, and attempt to buy that candy bar.  So they decide to be selfless and buy that empty slot even though they might not even eat the candy bar.  You think it could stop there but it can go even further.  This person might decide to give the candy bar to someone who would enjoy it.  As they offer the candy bar, they might be tempted to tell the story to show how great of a person they are.  But, that could call into question why they do it in the first place.  Do they help others for the gratitude and the appreciation for it?  Are you doing it because of how it makes you feel, or are you helping others because they need help and you empathize with their situation?  A truly selfless person would act anonymously to avoid making that person feel obligated to show gratitude.  A truly selfless person would sacrifice looking good for the sake of doing good.  If you talk about how good you are, how does it make the person you're talking to feel?  As you can see, it gets pretty difficult to be a selfless person.  I don't know if I am capable of being that kind of person, but I would like to be.  I certainly respect those who are.  I feel as long as someone is try the best they can, then they are definitely on the right track.  To me, it doesn't matter why a person does a good deed for the sake of another as long as that good deed is done.  If you feel selfish, maybe you're just recognizing the potential to be more selfless.  There will always be potential to do more.  So, I suggest you try stepping it up a notch if you aren't satisfied with your level of selflessness.

DAMN!!! You're good! I am saying that I sometimes feel selfish when I help others. It feels good to help others, although that is not the only reason that I do it. I think it has something to do with my childhood, and when I needed someone, noone was there, so now I feel this drive to help others, especially the underdogs. If there is someone that can't stand up for themselves or just won't, then I feel the need to do it for them. If there is someone in need and noone else is there for them, then I do everything in my power to help. I know I am a good person, so why should I feel guilty that it makes me feel good to help others? I mean if I were really selfish, then I probably wouldn't help them in the first place because I would put myself first. Selfish people wouldn't bother to go out of their way to help someone. I'm thinking that ANYONE that helps someone is going to feel good about it otherwise they wouldn't even bother with it. It's kinda like what Dr. Phil says, you must be getting some kind of pay-off or you wouldn't do it in the first place. I get what you are saying about selflessness, but my deal is, when I help someone, I don't have time to think about WHY I'm doing it, or in what spirit I'm doing it, I just do it. It's like I don't even think about having a choice in the matter, it's something that I just have to do, and it never even crosses my mind to question it. It's afterwards that I feel selfish, and by that time, it's too late to go back and try to analyze what my true intentions were when I did it. Does that make sense? LOL! I love the candy bar analogy! If the truth be told, I would probably take the candy bar, and think that it was my lucky day, and wouldn't think anything else about it, although, I don't eat alot of candy, so I would have probably given it to the next person I saw that might want it. But if it were something more than just a candy bar, then I would have contacted someone, and tried to make it right. I can remember one time at a volleyball tournament at this club that I frequented, I saw a $20 bill laying on the floor and I picked it up and immediately asked if someone had lost a 20. Everyone started laughing at me, because it was connected to a string that this guy had been tricking people with all night. I was kinda embarrassed, but I was so glad that I didn't just pick it up and try to stick it in my pocket! LOL!! Thanks for your reply turk, you always make me think about things, I like that.

Well, I do have to admit that it's not alway convenient for me to help others. I think you might have kinda sorta hit on something there. I already know that I don't help others out of guilt, but I may be feeling guilty about having the thoughts before hand about how inconvenient it would be for me. So basically I think that I don't feel guilty because I don't want to help someone, but I feel guilty for thinking of how it would affect me when I do help them. Yep! That feels right, I think that's what's happening here. It makes me feel guilty that I even considered the thought of how helping them might affect me. Thanks turk, I love it when you make me think! You should start your own collumn or something. I don't always agree with you, but you do make good points and you think of things that  wouldn't ordinarily cross my mind, and that gets my brain going. I think there might be a demand for someone like you. You should think about that, it's like a gift or something! Turk's Brain-Tapping! LOL!!

Thank you.  It's a good thing my head can't get any bigger than it already is, hehe.  Seriously, though, I still have plenty to learn.  I'm nowhere near where I want to be as far as my educational background goes.  Furthermore, there are tens of thousands of people just like me.

well, I've been around for 43 yrs and I've yet to meet someone like you. So there may be 10's of thousands, but they must be spread out thin!