Topic : Ask The Opposite Sex

Dee, I want to say, I think you are a sweet person, I always have. I get a real warmth from you even though we disagree on a lot of things and even though our personalities are probably night and day....

But you have one issue, and the reason I am telling you this is to help you. You stereo type people TOO MUCH. Not all men are one way and not all women are one way. Men are not all carbon copies of each other. And the same with women.

Every situation and every person comes with a million nuances....and they all need to be recognized.


Now, on to the specifics of your situation,  what do you consider "respect" or "disrespect" with reference to this guy's ex?

You can't hold this guy responsible for the things his ex says. He cannot control her, he cannot dictate how she talks, or what she says. Does he have a child with her? Is that why he needs to continue a relationship with her? If he DOESN'T have a child, tell him to take a hike and he can take his ex with. If he DOES have a child, well, the child comes first, way before you do, and that means he has to deal with the child's mother, whether you like it or not.

yes, maybe we don't agree on some things...and we may be just the opposites..but, I think that's good...I mean, since coming to these boards, I have learned a lot...and think I'm a lot more open about things, and yet still holding true to who I am...and I think that's what makes these boards interesting, because we are ALL different...I wasn't aware I was sterotyping, sorry IF I gave anyone the wrong impression..and I certainly will, be more careful about that...I try my best to always put, MY FEELINGS OR MY OPINIONS OR THOUGHTS...and from life's experiences...and from what I SEE...but, I definately will look more closely how that....  Dee

If it ain't feeling right for ANY reason then it just ain't RIGHT!!!! Maybe it's a learning experience, maybe the time isn't right because their are so many things that need to be learned about ourselves? Who knows? I believe everything happens for a reason, whether you recognize that reason or not. Your emotions tell you what is right and what's not, no matter how hard you try to talk yourself out of it OR into it for that matter. Pay attention to your EMOTIONS!!!! When it's right, it feels good, when it's not, it feels bad, it's that simple. We are all meant to feel GOOD!! Learn from your negative!!! You are feeling negative for a reason!!!! Why are you feeling negative? Cuz something ain't right! Listen to your insides! Do what you are inspired to do to make yourself feel better! It's all about being happy! Don't you just wanna be happy?

I fully agree with you! I do want to be happy, & sometimes it's hard to be happy & people become bitter when people keep betraying them, using them, etc (just like it happened to me throughout my life when lots of people did that). I just feel that people like myself need to work on themselves to do whatever is necessary to have a happy life & meet the right people.

 Hey Penny. Just snooping around the boards before I have to get ready to go.  Still level headed I see.

and wanted to comment on this post...Penny, what I consider disrespect from ANYONE no matter  who they are...is someone saying to me..or a COUPLE...that OUR relationship IS disrespectful...(not appropriate because of being intiamate BEFORE marriage)...and also, when someone tells us, me, or him...that he's focusing on ME too much, and not GOD...and telling ME, that she won't correspond with ME, because I'm NOT the spouse...even though, I spent lots of time with THEIR daughter...and more things like this...  Dee

I just found it last night, and have read the whole thing.  Very entertaining, and then some good discussion too.  Do you even remember that you started this whole thing with a question about makeup?  My husband thinks any noticeable amount of lipstick or lip gloss is yucky.  When he watches chick shows with me they always have makeup commercials, and you know in lipstick commercials thay wear LOADS of very red, very shiny lipstick... it never fails to draw a negative comment from him.  I don't always wear makeup, but when I do I do include some on my lips, b/c I really like the way it looks.  But if I have it on and go to kiss him, he leans away because he doesn't want me to get it on his skin.  Sometimes I laugh and kiss him anyway, then if I got any on him I wipe it off.

My husband likes to play with my breasts.  It usually doesn't turn me on or turn me off, but I like him to enjoy himself, so it's good.  But once in a while, I don't know why, but the skin of my nipples is extra extra sensitive that day, then when he does it is such an intense sensation that it is unpleasant.  When I was younger, I was too self conscious to put this into words, so I'd say something like "I'm ready."  I meant that as a hint for him to move to another area of my body, and if he didn't take the hint and move, then I would feel annoyed.  Annoyance is something you guys REALLY don't want your woman to experience for long in the middle of sex, b/c it drains the arousal right out of us.  My advice would be ANY time your partner even seems to be hinting that you shift your weight or move to a different area, cheerfully make the switch and don't even worry about it.  Believe me, if the switch isn't what she wants she'll probably exclaim "Wait! come back!" and then you will know she was into what you were doing and you can go back.  On the other hand, she might have a reason she doesn't feel like announcing, for reasons of not spoiling the mood.  If you take the hint and move, then you are being a great lover and she will appreciate it.  You can ask her later or the next day whether it's always she doesn't prefer that, or just that time or what.  That way she will know you care to understand her better and we gals just LOVE that.

 Haven't seen anyone on this board for a while.  Took a break from the Dr. Phil, but I have a question.  Ok, but maybe it's not exactly ask the opposite sex..but, a question anyway.  How long do you think one should or could be upset/hurt, (without talking things out) when that other person, really hurt you?  I don't men those little things, but something bigger...You always hear that statement 'never go to bed mad'...but, recently I read where that's just a 'myth'...that, sometimes it's unavoidable.. because, I tend to (when I get really hurt or upset) I go into my shell.  I might show him how upset/hurt I am..then, I go into the room..and even want to lock the door, to be alone..and sometimes, it's the whole evening?  Is this right?  I just close up, when certain things come up and I'm SO hurt..any ideas?  thanks  dee

 I just wondering why is it, when I tell a 'man' what hurts me, over and over..why is it they do the same things over and over???  this really confuses me???  I mean, you just come straight out and tell them this is what hurts me..then, when returning back to life...they do the very thing that hurts you??  and then, they seem to 'forget' or was confused and not thinking??  Can any man/or woman tell me why THEY THINK this happens??  I know 'communication' is one of the hardest thing for a human being to understand and conquer...

I think what would help 'both sexes' is if they BOTH know what hurts the other..and works on that area, that they do..and show their mate that they realize what they're doing..and is working on not doing it, or at least not as much..for example, my problem is probably when I feel someone hurt me..I close up..instead of speaking to that person..I go into my room, lock the door..and have to stay there..and depending on how badly I FEEL I've been hurt...I might stay there a long, long time..I'm trying to work on that though..

But, sometimes there's just SOME things that another person does, that I don't recover from that well..I mean, perhaps it just means..the relationship is over???  especially, if you feel it happens over and over?  I'm confused on this..Anyone have any ideas??

Dee