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Topic : 01/03 Meet Your Match

Number of Replies: 277
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Created on : Thursday, December 28, 2006, 04:59:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Are you in search of Mr. or Miss Right? Internet dating is the number one way couples meet these days, and Match.com is leading the way with 15 million members. But is there a right way to do it? Meredith says while her friends have found "the one," all she's found is the hairiest one, the baldest one and the shortest one! Her friend, Lauren, says Meredith's just too darn picky. Will Meredith throw out her list of pet peeves and give men more of a chance? Then, Lynette has never tried online dating because she's scared of who might show up. With the help of Match.com, she learns to create a winning profile, and quickly racks up a list of interested men. See the surprise Dr. Phil has for her to ensure that she will actually meet some of these guys. And, Brett says he's tired of playing games and is ready to settle down. His perfect mate, chosen by Match.com, is sitting in the audience, but will he be able to pick her out of the crowd? Share your own online dating stories and talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 2, 2007, 5:30 pm CST

01/03 Meet Your Match

Quote From: carlsnet

From a mans perspective, ( I seem a little out numbered here), I too have found the "on-line dating" thing a little disheartening.  I write clever little personal ads and find my in-box filled, only to have to filter out the psycho's and women that are looking for a little (or a lot) more than I can give, monetarily.  I'm a middle aged guy who cleans up well, minds his manners, is definitely not looking for a little fling or "tail", but I have had no success either.

Dr. Phil, I honestly think the "love for profit" game is as disappointing as the women who have posted here do.

Come on brother, give us some real help here. Remember what you said? "Get Real"

From a womans perspective, I agree with you. 
 
January 2, 2007, 5:36 pm CST

Where do baby boomer ladies go to meet men

My experience in Western Australia, ie, paradise, is very much the same as many here. I’m a 57-year-old baby boomer, although a large part of the Dr Phil audience, but not a group that gets to feature much, and certainly not in the lover relationship game.

 

Traditionally ladies have not given their age, but online, (rsvp.com.au is the most popular site here, match.com much less so) you have to be honest and many are not. Likewise their photos are from times past. People who class themselves as average when they are actually obese are not only kidding themselves but heading for disappointment when the first meeting occurs. Although many ladies say one thing on their profiles their decision making seems contrary, eg, “its what’s on the inside that counts”, but they are after high earners; we don’t have to have similar hobbies and interests so long as you are a great dancer, why is dancing the number one requirement of most ladies? I am not after one thing, in fact its an urban myth that men are more sex driven than women, like Madonna 3 times/week is fine by me. I’m looking for someone of my own era, not 20 years younger. I hope you have opinions, intelligence, wit, values; I am tall, active and slim and am attracted to similar ladies; I don’t see why I or others should be lambasted about not liking obesity in themselves or their lovers, but neither am I a skinny model with a six pack, and expect some things to have gone south, wrinkles and some aches and pains!

 

Dr Phil has said that that you need to go to target rich places to find a lover. For baby boomers, that isn’t as obvious as for say late teens and early 20s. For a start most ladies who have had children and looked after the family home are often most comfortable at home, or when out, like to be with a group of other ladies. How does a single guy get to make contact in such scenarios? Men hunt as solos, women in groups! Men aren’t in bars because they are the best place to be, but where else can you go any day of the week, no entry fee, where at least there might be someone to pass the time of day, some music to listen too, etc. Where do baby boomer women go any day of the week, no entry fee, just to say ‘Hi’? Men are visual, not by choice, women apparently sort out the men by smell, it’s all about breeding, although that’s not what I seek!

 

I don’t think it is smart to try to have an online love affair. If you make contact with someone too far away, ie, that you can’t meet easily and quickly, then it is a highly risky. It is my believe that you can only see if there is any magic, by face to face contact, and like it or not that is an important component of selecting a mate. So don’t spend too much time falling in love online, rather find out enough to know you want to meet, then just do that. I prefer a walk in a popular park or beach, rather than a coffee, drink or dinner. Men tend to be much more open with unfamiliar people when walking side by side than face to face. Make the first meeting really brief, to put a real face to the name and hopefully have a proper date a little later. For the attraction aspect of relationships, speed dating is very informative, you’d be amazed at how quickly you can filter people out, and that women do it in milliseconds by smell is staggering!

 

It isn't a perfect way of finding someone to meet. How can we make it better and more suitable for the wide variety of age groups?

 

 
January 2, 2007, 5:47 pm CST

online dating is something else....

ok so..heres my take on online dating...my boyfriend and I met like 7 years ago..thru AOL instant messenger..just out of the blue he IMed me..after that day we talked almost everyday and built a friendly relationship, sharing secrets and stuff about our lives. I don't know how it developed into a more serious relationship but it did..we found ourselves thinking of each other every minute of the day and always making time in our busy day to talk on the phone for hours..Finally we realized that we should just be together so over the course of  3 years of us being together since (december of `03) we never got to even meet each other..with difficult situations that arose themselves he took a bus ALL the way up here to maine from georgia to live with me..we lived difficult at first, he had nowhere to really stay..but..now we're living together doing wonderful and hes proposed to me as well!! It depends on the people && the situation on what you think will work best for you..im so glad he came into my life..

 

well i just wanted to share my story with you all!! :)

 
January 2, 2007, 6:03 pm CST

I Feel So Much Better!

Quote From: shc1950

I joined match and  only got a couple of response. I am an average 50+ year old divorced woman, own my own home, car, children grown,  go to work every day. etc. I am not needy nor am I wanting to be a care giver . To old to be some mans jewelry.  Would enjoy a dinner companion ,a theater  date, a good conversation  once in a while. Where is that man ? Not on match.

 

Okay over 40 ladies, you've made me feel so much better.  I was beginning to think it was me! Now I realize it's those silly men out there - you know the ones.  The ones that say they are "athletic", "fit", 60 and looking for someone between 25-35! LOL  I know so many of these men that actually find these "Barbie" dolls as one of you said, and then are surprised that the dolls only want their money.  I guess the goofs thought those "dolls" were attracted to their "athletic" and "fit" 60 yr. old bodies! 

I do miss not having someone in my life, and I too, have spent money on the dating services -  per orders of my two daughters.  Oh well, I sit here satisfied in the knowledge that, unlike our silly counterparts, I still have a few dollars left in my pocket to go out to dinner with my wonderful women friends. 

 
January 2, 2007, 6:45 pm CST

01/03 Meet Your Match

I'm glad I read through these messages...I was considering signing up on match. or eharmony.   Now I know to save my money!!  My story is I'm 38 years old and been  single since birth.  I used to believe that God had someone special for me and that vice versa, I would be someone special for "him".  So many nights of crying myself  to sleep -- lonely -- disappointed -- angry even.  It's been a hard dream to let go of, especially the hope of ever becoming a mother.  But there just seem to be NO SINGLE CHRISTIAN MEN out there.  If there are, they are hiding.  My advice to us all is to stop hiding.  Be bold, be who you are, be your own best friend.  I have found in my corner of the world, there are so many other lonely people, (some who ARE married--how miserable is that!?)  It has been worth my while to be a friend to others, find stuff in common, and find happiness in those connections.  Maybe that is true love. 
 
January 2, 2007, 6:46 pm CST

What about ...

Quote From: wintterose

Ok Dr Phil how about giving some help to us mature ladies who have been on their own for 30 yrs or more like me?  I am 58, single, a little over weihgt but not bad looking I hope.  I really would like to find a man to share life  together.  Men my age are looking for small, trim, fit, younger etc.  I have tried broadening my search only to find men who want to be taken care of,don't need that,  angry men, men who just want a casual fling or bootie call, yes even at this age.  I have worked for many years, have my own home not paid for or a mansion but it's a home.  I would just like to meeta nice man who REALLY wants a relationship with a nice lady, me.  Match.com got a little expensive for me and the guys I met fit in the above category.  Are there any great guys out there my age or around there give or take a couple years who really want to have a relationship or am I just kidding myself? 

You are definitely an attractive lady. Don't give up. When I was single, I must have dated at least 25 guys in one year. I had a real blast. Yes, some wanted sex but they weren't getting it from me. I chalked it all up to experience. I learned so much. Particularly learned how to say NO and how to never give out my home phone #. And how to listen and watch for red flags.

 

I finally found my husband on ChristianCafe.com. I also had a Jewish friend find his wife on Jewishcafe.com.  I think sometimes you just have to decide  you aren't going to be serious about dating and just want to have some fun with it and it happens. These sites have a 10 day free period and I met my husband before I had to pay a fee.

 

But honestly, sometimes just letting things go, and letting God handle putting the right person in your life, is the best way to let things happen. Yes, great guys are out there but maybe this isn't your timing yet. I just began to pray for God's timing and in the meantime I learned to enjoy being single.

 
January 2, 2007, 6:48 pm CST

What about ...

Quote From: wintterose

Ok Dr Phil how about giving some help to us mature ladies who have been on their own for 30 yrs or more like me?  I am 58, single, a little over weihgt but not bad looking I hope.  I really would like to find a man to share life  together.  Men my age are looking for small, trim, fit, younger etc.  I have tried broadening my search only to find men who want to be taken care of,don't need that,  angry men, men who just want a casual fling or bootie call, yes even at this age.  I have worked for many years, have my own home not paid for or a mansion but it's a home.  I would just like to meeta nice man who REALLY wants a relationship with a nice lady, me.  Match.com got a little expensive for me and the guys I met fit in the above category.  Are there any great guys out there my age or around there give or take a couple years who really want to have a relationship or am I just kidding myself? 

You are definitely an attractive lady. Don't give up. When I was single, I must have dated at least 25 guys in one year. I had a real blast. Yes, some wanted sex but they weren't getting it from me. I chalked it all up to experience. I learned so much. Particularly learned how to say NO and how to never give out my home phone #. And how to listen and watch for red flags.

 

I finally found my husband on ChristianCafe.com. I also had a Jewish friend find his wife on Jewishcafe.com.  I think sometimes you just have to decide  you aren't going to be serious about dating and just want to have some fun with it and it happens. These sites have a 10 day free period and I met my husband before I had to pay a fee.

 

But honestly, sometimes just letting things go, and letting God handle putting the right person in your life, is the best way to let things happen. Yes, great guys are out there but maybe this isn't your timing yet. I just began to pray for God's timing and in the meantime I learned to enjoy being single.

 
January 2, 2007, 7:50 pm CST

01/03 Meet Your Match

Quote From: pierce123

 

...most definitely, I agree...the internet dating sites are nothing but glorified casual sex connections...I swore I would never participate in ANY of them...but then decided to try after much failed luck otherwise...Match.com was a joke with losers galore...and EHarmony was equally disappointing...it was nothing but old men who were balding and desperate...it just seems so silly that there are so many [seemingly good, solid single people out there sitting at home frustrated and wondering how to meet other singles without it being "cheesy" or cheap...I'm not sure there is...maybe the grocery store is a better way (??)...

Bald men are the best!!!!
 
January 2, 2007, 8:00 pm CST

01/03 Meet Your Match

Quote From: idive4u

Greetings

I too have tried several Internet sites.  Match.com, Yahoo, and yes even SugarDaddy.

I had many "hits" (emails) but most from women chastising me for wanting someone "young and thin" ...  even the Smokers and Wine Drinkers sent nasty notes because I stated in my profile "if you smoke or NEED a drink to relax, please do not reply".

 

My profile was very, very clear, straight forward.  I am looking for some young, fit and outdoorsy.  I was amazed at how many women posted photos that were NOT of themselves or they where of themselves 80 lbs thinner.  It's pretty sad and embarrassing when you meet them at a restaurant and find out they weight 180 lbs NOT 135 that they said in their emails.  I could go on and on about the Lies and stories I was told ... but I'm sure many of you have found the same thing.

 

Me, I'm not perfect by a long shot.  But I don't lie, cheat or play head games.  I just want to meet someone who is Happy on the inside, fit (NOT Arm Candy), easy going and can laugh out loud and Dance like no one is watching ...  Is that so much to ask for ?

 

I live in the Bay Area (San Francisco Bay Area) and don't have problems finding a date.  That said, the women I usually meet are either "playing the filed" or looking at 30 and seem desperate to get married yesterdday OR simly can't stop complaining about how porrly thier X treated them !

 

So .. if any of you knows a nice, happy, fit woman (non smoke-non partier) and prefferably without kids ...let me know

 

From your picture, I don't imagine you do have trouble finding a date ( not a come on, I'm married, but it's just the truth ).

Unfortunately, and I've heard this from single men I work with, and my husband's single friends, it seems they are damned if they do and damned if they don't.  Many have said the same thing, if they're honest ( no smoking, no drinking, no kids ), women get really nasty about it, and as a woman, I get tired of hearing about Exes as well from both male and female friends.

And I have witnessed single women posting these nasty notes, I asked one, "why ?" her reply was, "how dare he state no kids, he's a child hater!" That's not necessarily true, but there are men who don't want to be a step parent just like there are women who don't, and there are people out there who "gasp" don't want children.

I do want you to know though, there are some of us out there who do appreciate honesty, don't give up on the whole gender, eighteen years ago I was happily single, not looking, and it fell in my lap, we aren't perfect by any means, but we are compatible in the ways that matter most.

But reading these posts makes me grateful that I am NOT single.

Good Luck to you.

 
January 2, 2007, 8:15 pm CST

Internet dating

Quote From: shc1950

I joined match and  only got a couple of response. I am an average 50+ year old divorced woman, own my own home, car, children grown,  go to work every day. etc. I am not needy nor am I wanting to be a care giver . To old to be some mans jewelry.  Would enjoy a dinner companion ,a theater  date, a good conversation  once in a while. Where is that man ? Not on match.

 

I've been playing this mind game on the Internet for about 12 years and it is truly a mind game.  I've used match.com, Yahoo, eHarmony and several others.  There are many match finder sites out there now.    Over that time span I've met many prospective female mates.  The biggest problem I've seen is the gross deception in what is shown and written.  Many out there are pretentious.  In many cases what you see and read on the Internet is not what you actually see or get.   I guess these women write what they want men to hear.  I'm sure men do the same.  Many women say they have an average figure or build.  Seems the definition of average has gotten larger in recent times.  My top criteria has been to find a lady and not just a woman.  One night stands just don't fall in the catagory of being a true lady.  I've dated divorcees as well as widows.  Divorcees seem to carry more baggage with higher walls to protect themselves from the possibility of being hurt again.  I can understand this because the mother of my 3 children left us for a married man.   

Yes, it's hard for us baby boomers to go out and find a respectful person of the opposite sex.  In this area of a fairly spread out population there are very few places for us baby boomers to meet.   So based on trying with no luck locally we try the Internet.

I think I've finally found that special lady I want in my life.  We sent emails as somewhat penpals to each other for 5 years before we met.  Needless to say there are quite a few miles between the two of us.  We've been together several times.  We both agreed we would see each other with no expectations as this could be stressful. We also both agreed how so important good communication is.   So far it is working beautifully.  I definitely think we will have a future together.   

With this, I say, guys and gals, don't give up.  He are she is out there somewhere and you might have to sort through quite a few to find that soul mate.

 

 
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