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Topic : 01/04 "What I Want This Year!"

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Created on : Thursday, December 28, 2006, 05:01:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests are going about their New Year’s resolutions the wrong way! They each resolve to change something about their partner. Luca says it’s time his wife, Karen, started losing her baby weight now that two whole months have passed since she gave birth to their son. Karen says she just had her third cesarean section and Luca should cut her some slack! Then, Elena says her husband, Wade, has been holding onto his loud, stinky beast for far too long and 2007 is the year he needs to “send it to the factory.” Wade says he’s just an “old country boy” and there’s no way he’s getting rid of his favorite sidekick. Next, Britney says her sorority sister, Sharnetta, is chronically late everywhere she goes and has even started making Britney late! What is behind her punctuality problem, and will Sharnetta be able to get to the airport in time to be on the show? Plus, tune in for a chocoholic who can’t lick her habit, and a marriage proposal ultimatum. Join the discussion, tell us what you want this year!

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January 6, 2007, 8:08 pm CST

You were right on track with your advice!

Hey Dr. Phil! You were right on track when you suggested that the man with the truck just keep his and maybe get another one to satisfy his wife and children.  (and carry a cell phone when he's out in it!) Where we live, this would be a NEW truck. ( Did you know, the taxi services in NYC are painting their cabs to look like cows for an upcoming function. This guy's truck would fit right in!) In our area of the US, truck are yard ornaments. They are up on cinder blocks and have their engines out or hanging over the truck on a chain with some guy promising to fix it, when he has time.  ( I can't say much because I drive a '73 VW superbeetle, I love it! ) Tell the wife to take a chill pill, buy some Zero Odor off the internet (it works- I have 3 cats), put the coffee cups in the dishwasher, take out some life insurance against possible food poisoning, and let it go! There are so many things in this world to be mad or worried about. Why waste her time and energy on a truck???? They appear to have a nice home, good health and plenty of love to go around. A truck is a truck. It can be replaced. A family can't. Thanks!
 
January 7, 2007, 7:09 am CST

01/04 "What I Want This Year!"

Quote From: leilani222

I just wanted to say on Sharnetta's behalf that I had a really difficult time teaching myself to be on time.  I remember with my ex-husband and children we were always late.  And it was that racing at the last minute and I would be a wreck inside.  I would think if we'd just left five to ten minutes earlier.  And it may sound crazy, but trying to figure out how to be on time was comical when I look back on it.  I'll be 64 next month.

 

It seemed to have to do with not being able to figure out when to go back to get ready.  I didn't know how to give myself enough time and would then have to rush to get it together.  I was the fifth of six children with a mother who was always late, and yet it never seemed to bother her.

 

When I finally decided it was time with the help of some things I had read, I determined that I would go back an hour ahead of time to get ready.  And again it may sound silly, but it was always hard for me to know what to do with myself once I was ready.  It was like this unwritten rule that when I was ready to go, it was time to go. 

 

I had to decide that even if I just had to sit there until it was time that would have to be okay.  So with church, I determined to leave ten minutes before as it was only five minutes away.  Another biggie for me was that my ex-husband refused to cooperate.  If I suggested that he might want to head back to get ready (cause he was always late also), he would say something like don't tell me what to do.

 

I finally realized I could say...okay, but I want you to know that I'll be leaving at X time and if you want to go with me, you'll need to be ready.  If you're not, that's okay as you can meet us there. The sad thing was in the beginning, he would wait till I was leaving with the kids and then race back to get dressed and try to beat us to church.  It was nuts, but again I determined it would have to be okay.

 

It took a lot of effort on my part, but I finally conquered it and learned to always be on time or early if I chose.  I was probably in my early forties.  It felt so good, because when I was late I was always racing inside and had a lot of anxiety.  I did not like being late at all.  It simply took me a long time to figure out how to do it differently. 

 

It may sound unbelievable, but I was bright and yet I found it really difficult to figure out how to make it work for me. I love that I did find the way as my life was so much more peaceful not having that stress to deal with.  I don't know if this will ring true in any way for Sharnetta, but I wanted to put it out there just in case. I found myself wondering if maybe she might relate to it.

I really appreciated this post - I was beginning to think I was the only person who wanted to pitch in on Sharnetta's behalf. It seemed like Dr. Phil was very out of character in this segment, in that he seemed to just be generalizing, instead of really looking at the person in front of him.

 

Sharnetta didn't seem arrogant in the slightest. Arrogant people get prickly when they're called arrogant. Sharnetta smiled, looked slightly confused, and said, "Ok."

 

And how exactly does "I got lost," or "I need to check and double-check to make sure that I have everything I need" translate to, "I believe the entire world will make way for me and let me through?"

 

It actually seems to me like one of the following two things are the case:

  1. She just never learned proper time-management skills. Time-management is a skill, and people who have that skill shouldn't just assume that people who don't are uncaring.
  2. There's something subconscious that's actively keeping her from being on time. This is actually what I think is more likely - I'm very surprised that "I got lost" and "I need to double-check that I have everything" was just ignored like that (again, very out-of-character for Dr. Phil). To me (and I may very well be overidentifying here), these seem like anxiety symptoms, and they imply that the reason she's late to things is that she doesn't want to go in the first place! So she's stalling, subconsciously.

She admits that it's a problem, she wants to fix it, which means that she feels guilty about it... which kind of negates the whole "arrogance" theory.

 

I don't know. Again, I'm probably overidentifying here (I'm chronically late too. Not to everything... just to work. Not when there's a meeting scheduled that I have to go to, but pretty much every other day. And I can see a little where the arrogance theory comes in, although the expectation isn't that the world is going to revolve around me - it's just that it really doesn't matter one way or another).

 

But, totally aside from my own issues, Sharnetta just seemed like too nice a person to be passed off as callous and arrogant.

 
January 7, 2007, 10:40 am CST

Dark....

Quote From: mama_l

It has been 26 days since my last chocolate---this seems like a confessional----I have started losing weight.

andrea

Dark chocolate can be good for you...the flavanoids that dilate your vessels decrease the heart attack risk.
 
January 7, 2007, 1:40 pm CST

01/04 "What I Want This Year!"

Quote From: gwarrior6

Dark chocolate can be good for you...the flavanoids that dilate your vessels decrease the heart attack risk.
Yes, but this is in serious moderation. Most people who have issues with weight or have issues with chocolate are eating much too much for any benefit of dark chocolate to not be out weighed by the dangers.
 
January 7, 2007, 5:00 pm CST

Late Out The Door Arrogance or Is It Something Else..

Quote From: katerine

I really appreciated this post - I was beginning to think I was the only person who wanted to pitch in on Sharnetta's behalf. It seemed like Dr. Phil was very out of character in this segment, in that he seemed to just be generalizing, instead of really looking at the person in front of him.

 

Sharnetta didn't seem arrogant in the slightest. Arrogant people get prickly when they're called arrogant. Sharnetta smiled, looked slightly confused, and said, "Ok."

 

And how exactly does "I got lost," or "I need to check and double-check to make sure that I have everything I need" translate to, "I believe the entire world will make way for me and let me through?"

 

It actually seems to me like one of the following two things are the case:

  1. She just never learned proper time-management skills. Time-management is a skill, and people who have that skill shouldn't just assume that people who don't are uncaring.
  2. There's something subconscious that's actively keeping her from being on time. This is actually what I think is more likely - I'm very surprised that "I got lost" and "I need to double-check that I have everything" was just ignored like that (again, very out-of-character for Dr. Phil). To me (and I may very well be overidentifying here), these seem like anxiety symptoms, and they imply that the reason she's late to things is that she doesn't want to go in the first place! So she's stalling, subconsciously.

She admits that it's a problem, she wants to fix it, which means that she feels guilty about it... which kind of negates the whole "arrogance" theory.

 

I don't know. Again, I'm probably overidentifying here (I'm chronically late too. Not to everything... just to work. Not when there's a meeting scheduled that I have to go to, but pretty much every other day. And I can see a little where the arrogance theory comes in, although the expectation isn't that the world is going to revolve around me - it's just that it really doesn't matter one way or another).

 

But, totally aside from my own issues, Sharnetta just seemed like too nice a person to be passed off as callous and arrogant.

Hi all,

 

I think the one factor eveyone left out for why a person is late and it has nothing to do with arrogance; is that the person really does not want to do what it is they are late to but feels the need to out of love, friendship or the fact that it is a job you are going to and are expected to be on time!  How did I come up with this conclussion?  Years of looking at myself and actions and why I did some of what I did that was unpleasing to others. 

 

Some of it I changed and some remains, just depends on how much it matters and who for. The who for is based out of, I got tired of always being the expected to do it all "the right way" while everyone else gave themselves and others slack.  If slack is good for one then it is good for all.  I never did and still do not like one sidedness or favoritism and therefore the allowance of one to do as they please and others as they "should"?????, still does not set well with me.  My answer to much of life that does not change and I am expected to on behalf of others actions is to drop these people from my life because they are more toxicity than I need to carry in my life and their drama to boot.

 

I am not arrogant, uncaring, unthoughtful, incompassionate or any other number of inconsiderate feelings.  Quite the opposite, so my kindess is mistaken for stupidness and or it is OK to walk all over me, when it is not and I no longer allow this in my life.  If we want respect we have to expect it and give it.  I do.  I am careful to weigh others feelings and look at life from all sides and give the benefit of the doubt to others until I see I am a doormat and then it ends on my part.  It is not fare that some think it is OK to act this way to others.  If you do not like it change the way you deal with the people you are not happy with and change the levels on which you are willing to deal with them too.  Avoid what you do not like and keep what you do and if it cannot work out then move on. 

 

It is not your fault when others choose to have blinders on to what they do. I feel this is a more complex situation than just "arrogance" and such as Dr. Phil suggested. This is one of the few times I disagree with his response for the situation.   And sometimes underlying health issues play a part that is not overtly made aware to the afflicted or outsiders either.  Just my two cents and opinion. 

 

I do not think Sharnetta was arrogant or rude, just seemed like she followed what anyone said and was maybe afraid to just say "no" if she did not want to really do it.  This took me years to be able to say no to people, I felt "I had to", it was the nice thing to do even if it disrupted my life and schedule or stopped me from getting my suff done and some of it was time line based.  Mine went by the wayside and theirs got done and then I was always behind the eightball.  Sometimes helping others means more being overwhelmed if one is already having a hard time with things in their own life.  Not everyone makes others aware of how difficult their life may be, so it looks great on the outside, no whining here, and they are dying on the inside.  I have had to learn to put my life and needs first if I expected to be able to do anything for others otherwise there is the flip side too, resentment that you do for everyone, do not get your deeds done and do not do enough for your self which is your own responsibility. 

 

My conclussion is that most of what I was late to was; I really just did not want to go to or do.  Period!!!

 
January 7, 2007, 11:09 pm CST

kids in school

Quote From: laney4fun

my kids were bullied.  My friends kids were bullied .  To the point that I had to remove my kids and leave my husband and go to another state with them.  My friend sent her daughter to live with her Aunt and Uncle in anither State and she is home schooling the other 2 since now they have started in on them.  The final Straw was my then 8 yr old spending the day at school with a broken hand.  The teacher knowing he was hurt making him sit out of recess because he was hurt but feelign her was not hurt bad enough to call me or contact someone for medical xare even though he asked to come hoem sever times and he asked to call mee homeself.  He hurt his hand at 10 am recess.  He got home at 4 PM on the Bus.  When I contacted the school the teacher told me at first she did not knwo he as hurt.  I made the Principle question the students and prove she did know.  Then she said my son told tall tells.  I know some one was but not my son.  This was after almost 2 1/2 years of Physical and emotion abuse from this school district we had had enough.  I have contacted the school District state department of School, Senators, even the Governors Office.  I wrote letters across the state to news papers all that did was make more people mad.  When we went to the school board aout the bullying at one point in time we were turned int o Social services for abuse and neglect.  It just so happens that a teachers was in a Bar several weeks earlier braggin to several people "What do they want us to do about the bullying in the School?  What if their kids are throwing rocks at each other at home are we supost to call Social Sevices?"  The day I talked at the School Board I got home and had a message from Social Sevices.  Our children had been throwing rocks at each other it was reported as Abuse and Neglect.  I have to wonder who reported us? 

My son that was in the 5th grad was thrown against the wall by a Junior on 4 different occasions the young man addmitted to doing it nothing happened to him.  He played football, he went to the stateplay competition.  My son lived in fear of him.  My children were traumatized My family was traumatized.

I tried to start a PTA and was told not to.  When I had a parents meeting the next school day my son got an hour detention fot farting.  He was not rude he passed gas said he was sorry and opened a window.  This was in band class.  That teacher was not even the one that punished him.  That a whole other story.

Then there is my friend her daughter was told she would have her face bashed in and throat slit.  That was reported to social service the sherrif and the school.  Guess what nothing happened.  No one will listen.  No one will help or do anything.  We are not the first people to move to this area to be trated like this we wont be the last. 

I am going to be the first one shouting to the top of my lungs though that the governor and school and everyone else knew there was a problem when this School blows UP!  ( I mean that as kids rebell)   Because it is only a matter of time before it does.

 

 Thank u so much for letting me know about this I am going to let my friend know and to watch out for things..again thank u
 
January 8, 2007, 4:40 am CST

01/04 "What I Want This Year!"

Quote From: purplepenny

I know what you are saying....I think it was a bad choice for Dr Phil and his staff to choose this topic for a light hearted episode.  His main viewers are women. SAHM's...women who have had babies and who are in charge of raising them.  I have never dealt with this, as in after I had my daughter my husband was LITERALLY happy that I was alive and would never hound me about the weight I gained from her.

It's very good of you to recognize that, as a male, it is something you haven't and can't deal with or know. I used to think "Hey, having a baby is natural! What are all the complaints about?"...then I got pregnant, got ill, nearly died and had about 5 other serious issues after she was born...it's a huge sacrifice for many women and your body doesn't feel "normal" for at least a year after wards....depending on how luck you are.

I certainly wouldn't want them to divorce or something, but if he really thinks she should have to drag 3 kids to the gym everyday just to lose weight then he's an ass and it's HIS problem, not hers.  LOL...I have ONE kid and getting her dressed so I can go get the mail sometimes is a pain in the butt!!! LOL
Ok.  Now I've had my morning laugh.  Thanks!
 
January 8, 2007, 4:49 am CST

01/04 "What I Want This Year!"

Quote From: purplepenny

Yeah, but she later got on this board claiming that he is just joking and it doesn't bother her...what a waste of everyone's time...her time, Dr. Phil's time, the views time....it's just a dumb waste...someone else could have been on the show.
You have a point, but I think also she saw the overwhelming way in which her husband was being trashed on the boards and decided to let people know it wasn't THATserious.  I still go back to the fact that Dr. Phil and his staff chose her for the show. Ultimately the responsibility lies with them.  (I also suspect it does bother her, but not to the point of being a major issue.) 
 
January 8, 2007, 5:52 am CST

also...

Quote From: purplepenny

Yes, but this is in serious moderation. Most people who have issues with weight or have issues with chocolate are eating much too much for any benefit of dark chocolate to not be out weighed by the dangers.
Yeah, all about moderation...AND...the flavonoids (antioxidants) in dark chocolate are also found in fruits and vegetables, so if you have a choice, go with the fruits and vegetables, also a good source of fiber.
 
January 8, 2007, 6:40 pm CST

Always something to talk about...

Quote From: gwarrior6

Then i'd have nothing to say.
My Irish DNA makes talking a genetic imperative.
 
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