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Topic : 01/04 "What I Want This Year!"

Number of Replies: 158
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Created on : Thursday, December 28, 2006, 05:01:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests are going about their New Year’s resolutions the wrong way! They each resolve to change something about their partner. Luca says it’s time his wife, Karen, started losing her baby weight now that two whole months have passed since she gave birth to their son. Karen says she just had her third cesarean section and Luca should cut her some slack! Then, Elena says her husband, Wade, has been holding onto his loud, stinky beast for far too long and 2007 is the year he needs to “send it to the factory.” Wade says he’s just an “old country boy” and there’s no way he’s getting rid of his favorite sidekick. Next, Britney says her sorority sister, Sharnetta, is chronically late everywhere she goes and has even started making Britney late! What is behind her punctuality problem, and will Sharnetta be able to get to the airport in time to be on the show? Plus, tune in for a chocoholic who can’t lick her habit, and a marriage proposal ultimatum. Join the discussion, tell us what you want this year!

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January 3, 2007, 8:23 am CST

Suggestion...

Quote From: genny2

 what i want this year is help!!! i want my stepson to face the fact that his mom is dead, and that he could not have done anything to change that. i want for him to stop using her death as an excuse to act very badly  and to realize that he still needs to do homework ,schoolwork and chores  and that life does go on. people are born they live and they die every day.  we mourn for a short time but then you have to live your life. the greatest  way to honor someone who has passed is to live your life to the fullest every day and don't waste a minute of time because that would not only be disrespectful to the dead but to your self as well it would "cheapen" yourself .  I have tried  to explain this to him and he just appears to go backwards  and is endangering his IB placement  because he has decided he does not wish to live with his dad and myself. he wants to live with his aunt. i have been through this situation before with my own niece and it ends extraordinarily bad!!! and i can't get that through her head either she thinks that we should just turn him over to her and everything would be just dandy. except that  she's on the road for months on end. like I said what I really want this year is help and I really need a lot of support that I'm not getting from anywhere!!!!!!  DR. PHIL PLEASE HELP!!!!

This is just a suggestion, so take it or leave it.  I think your stepson is still grieving for his mom.  You can't put a time limit on grieving.  It's not a good idea to discipline him for his bad behavior-leave that to his dad.  You have to understand that he just experienced a major loss in his life and doesn't know how to cope with it.  Since he's a minor, it makes it even harder for him to accept.

The more you harp on how he should "get over it", the more he's going to resent you.  Stand back, let him grieve, and listen to him if he wants to talk to you.  Try to get his aunt to visit as much as she can (when she's not on the road).  Also, it wouldn't be a bad idea to get him some counseling and let his dad take him to visit his mom's grave when he wants, and encourage talk about his mom.  Just a thought.

 
January 3, 2007, 10:02 am CST

Relpy

Quote From: macauleys

What I want for this year is to get out of the situation I am in. 2006 was not one of my best years. I went through a lot of abuse. Now I live in a one room apartment. I don't have money for a bed so I sleep on a cement floor. I have one job but it does not pay the bills. I am looking for another job. But I don't hold out a lot of hope. There are not a lot of jobs in Havre, MT. I feel like I am in jail for something I did not do.  New Years Eve I actually counted out how many pain pills it would take to kill me.  I did not take them. I don't ask for handouts I work hard. Montana can be a very unforgiving place. The small towns here have among the highest suicide rates in the country. I injured my leg last week and I can't afford to go to a Doctor. Jobs don't offer health insurance. So Dr. Phil what do I do now.
You are right, MT is a tough place. The wages are low and the cost of living is high. I am in Bozeman. So, are you in the small apartment because you left an abusive situation? Is it just you, or are there kids involved? Just wondering. I know one thing, where ever you are is better than being treated less than you deserve. I promise you I am praying for you. Your message really hit my heart. I recently saw the movie, Persuit of Happyness and he spent the night in a subway bathroom on the floor with his son. You can rise above this and it sounds like you have taken the first step. You are not alone! There have been many others that have gone before you and have survived. You will as well!! Email me if you want. Either way, I will be praying for you.
 
January 3, 2007, 10:37 am CST

what I want this year...

Quote From: heren44

 I AM REPLYING TO THE LETTER FROM GENNY2.  YOU WANT YOUR STEPSON TO FACE THE FACT HIS MOM IS DEAD-THAT HE CAN'T CHANGE THAT?  YOU WANT HIM TO STOP USING HER DEATH AS AN EXCUSE TO ACT BADLY; "PEOPLE ARE BORN, THEY LIVE AND THEY DIE EVERY DAY. WE MOURN FOR A SHORT TIME BUT THEN HAVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE."  YOU FAILED TO SAY HOW OLD YOUR STEPSON WAS......WAS HIS AGE LEFT OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION INTENTIONALLY?
PERHAPS; HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH HIS FATHER AND YOU BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT LET HIM GRIEVE IN THE WAY HE HAS TO FOR HIS MOTHER?????  YOU ALSO NEVER MENTIONED; IS THIS AUNT HE WANTS TO LIVE WITH HIS MOTHERS SISTER?  IF SO, THAT WOULD MAKE ALOT OF SENSE ALSO-THAT WOULD MAKE HIM FEEL CLOSER TO HIS MOTHER!
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, I WAS 13 WHEN MY MOTHER DIED.  I WAS IN THE 9TH GRADE; SHE PASSED IN FEBRARY AND I DID NOT ATTEND SCHOOL EXCEPT FOR MAYBE A MONTH AFTER THAT FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!  CONSEQUENTLY, I FAILED THAT YEAR OF COURSE-BUT BY 10TH GRADE; THEY ALLOWED ME TO DOUBLE UP ON THE 2 COURSES THAT I FAILED, AND WAS BACK UP IN THE CLASS I BELONGED IN.  BOTTOM LINE IS, I CARRIED MY MOTHERS DEATH AROUND WITH ME UNTIL 2000; UNTIL I FINALLY GOT COUNSELING FOR IT!!!  MY MOTHER DIED IN 1970-I CARRIED THAT FOR 30 YEARS!  BECAUSE NOBODY BOTHERED TO GET ANY HELP FOR ME; NOBODY THOUGHT ENOUGH OF WHAT I MAY BE GOING THRU!!!
I JUST THINK YOU ARE SO WRONG IN WHAT YOU ARE DOING, AND HOW YOU ARE HANDLING THIS POOR KID-GROW UP; AND THINK OF HIM FOR A CHANGE-INSTEAD OF HOW YOU CAN CHANGE HIM!!!     INSTEAD; HELP HIM!

Yes, you go girl!! 

I want to respond to Genny2 also… You want to sit there and complain about your stepson… this is awful.  This should really not be your problem.  Perhaps he does not want to be raised by a feeling less overweight smoker who doesn’t want to believe anyone could possibly have it worse than yourself.  You seem to be resentful of this boy for whatever reason; I would have to agree with your HUSBANDS CHILD on this, I would not want to live with you either.  You say your little girl is the light of your life??  Ok, I get that but why is the other 2 your grown child and your HUSBANDS child not in that equation.  I have 2 step children, they are wonderful, I have 3 of my own and I love them differently yes, but in no way would I choose one over the other... that is just wrong. 

I think you should have some empathy here for this young man. YOU HAVE BEEN THERE YOURSELF, perhaps you are just as I said too stuck in your own pain to recognize that this child HAS THE RIGHT TO HURT FOR HIS MOTHER who I am sure loved him very much and would never allow anyone to blame him for bad behaviors due to a PAINFUL DEATH.  I am so angry with your statements AND YOUR BEHAVIOR WHAT CAN YOUR HUSBAND CHILD BLAME THAT ON?… YOU NEED TO GROW UP AND REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THIS CHILD THE LAST THING HE NEEDS IN HIS LIFE AT THIS POINT IS A SELF SERVING, NEGATIVE, HATEFUL, RESENTFUL ( I can go on)  STEP PERSON (I don’t even want to use the term step parent… you have not earned it in my book!!)  I HOPE HE CAN GET WHAT HE NEEDS FROM HIS AUNT!! CLEARLY YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF GIVING HIM ANYTHING WORTH WHILE AT THIS TIME….Dr. Phil needs to kick your butt!!  You ought to be ashamed of yourself for pouting and whining about your pitiful life you have made choices and they have landed you right where you are!!  On a kinder note… I think it is good you are asking for help, although it should be for YOU not your HUSBANDS CHILD.

 
January 3, 2007, 11:43 am CST

for my husband to get help so we can be a family

 all i want this year is for my husband to get help on his addictions so we can be a family.  because i had to leave him because of his problems .and our son does not to be around that.our son is 16 months old and the last time he seen his daddy was 8 months ago. me and my son live in different states then his daddy.
 
January 3, 2007, 12:12 pm CST

what I NEED this year

 

Some How I need to find a way to help my self and my boys to deal witht he school issues in North Dakota.  I need to find someone that will handle and file a Lawsuit against the School there.   I need to also learn to let what happen to them there not effect there school and teachers here.  I need to learn to trust teachers again.  They need to learn to trust Teachers again.  But I don't feel like that will ever happen until the techers and that School is held accountable for what happened.   Since North Dakpta Law is the way it is it looks like that will never happen so we are in a perpetual cycle of agony. 

I also have things happen to us that do not happen to normal people.  I call it Drama and Trauma it seems to fallow us around and happen in waves and cycles.  The harder I try to avoid it  the worse it is.  I have been in therapy and sometimes wonder if some how I am doing something to create these rediculous things? Because sometimes when you say them out loud they are just so stupid you can not believe that they reallly happened , if you had not just watched it happen, or experienced it.  For example.  I had a speeding ticket my 2nd one in my life.  I thought I was not gooing as fast as the Officer said I was.  I had new tires put on my Subrban the night before.  I had my cruise control set at 65.  My speedometer was fauly and was always running 5 mph behind the speed limit.  So when he told me I was going 72 but he was only giving me a ticked for 70?  I was suspicios.  But I still was questioning it and I wanted to go to court over it.  SO I went to court the first day.  That day they set up the court day.  Well I did not know that my son would start having migrains and would be missing a lot of School.  I had to take him to the Dcotor the day of the court date I called a day before hand to see if I could reschedule it.   They were not happy about it.  I understand.  It was also the week before Christmas.  So it was rescheduled for the 3rd of January Fine great I was all set for it.  Ready to leave the house when I walked out the door and I had no keys.  My son took them to school they were in his jacket pocket.  I had worn it yesterday. 

I have no way to get to court.  I called to see if I could reschedule and they told me no.  The Judge wanted my address so they could issuse a warrant for my arrest.??   Yes  MY first speeding ticket on my record ever!  And I will be arrested because my son took my keys to school with him!  I was freaked out!  I almost hung up.  Some how I managed to ask if I could just pay the ticket?  Oh yeah you could still plea guilty.  Lets see be arrested or plea guilty?  but what ever happened to getting your day in court.   I know I lost it when I was born because I have all those shitty things happen to me.  Starting with my Brother molesting me and ending probly with me some how doing myself myself in finaly, probably through food.  Hopefully I will get the kids to adults before that happens.

 
January 3, 2007, 12:28 pm CST

thanks

Quote From: newsfrommt

You are right, MT is a tough place. The wages are low and the cost of living is high. I am in Bozeman. So, are you in the small apartment because you left an abusive situation? Is it just you, or are there kids involved? Just wondering. I know one thing, where ever you are is better than being treated less than you deserve. I promise you I am praying for you. Your message really hit my heart. I recently saw the movie, Persuit of Happyness and he spent the night in a subway bathroom on the floor with his son. You can rise above this and it sounds like you have taken the first step. You are not alone! There have been many others that have gone before you and have survived. You will as well!! Email me if you want. Either way, I will be praying for you.
 Thanks for your prayers. You live in Bozeman. I live in Havre. I went for a job interview yesterday. I gave a great interview. I did not get the job. The only reason I can think of is because I am partially disabled. I walk with a limp. I get so mad sometimes because people see my disability and not me. I have a degree. I am a skilled researcher. I did research for two New Mexico state senators while I was living there on sexual assault bills. I found out things that the New Mexico state government offices could not find and I can not get a job a descent job here. Dr Phil you once put out a call about the most racist places in the United States. Well you should visit Havre. If your are poor, disabled or a minority you can not get a descent paying job here. People of color and disabled people are followed around in the stores. More than once I have been followed through kmart.  I have friends who don't dare tell anyone at the Montana State University that they are gay because  gay people are openly persecuted by the professors and staff. The campus disabled people have a hard time even getting around. Many Native American students have a hard time there. People are turned away from places that are supposed to help them. I want kids and a family. How can I have  them if I can not support myself. I am desperate. The bills are do on Friday and I have nothing. The pain is so bad in my foot and the swelling is so much that it hurts to walk. I keep fighting the urge to kill myself but I don't know how much longer I can. Try to get help here and your turned away. I am not the person I once was and I don't know how to get her back
 
January 3, 2007, 1:31 pm CST

what I want this year

Quote From: laney4fun

 

Some How I need to find a way to help my self and my boys to deal witht he school issues in North Dakota.  I need to find someone that will handle and file a Lawsuit against the School there.   I need to also learn to let what happen to them there not effect there school and teachers here.  I need to learn to trust teachers again.  They need to learn to trust Teachers again.  But I don't feel like that will ever happen until the techers and that School is held accountable for what happened.   Since North Dakpta Law is the way it is it looks like that will never happen so we are in a perpetual cycle of agony. 

I also have things happen to us that do not happen to normal people.  I call it Drama and Trauma it seems to fallow us around and happen in waves and cycles.  The harder I try to avoid it  the worse it is.  I have been in therapy and sometimes wonder if some how I am doing something to create these rediculous things? Because sometimes when you say them out loud they are just so stupid you can not believe that they reallly happened , if you had not just watched it happen, or experienced it.  For example.  I had a speeding ticket my 2nd one in my life.  I thought I was not gooing as fast as the Officer said I was.  I had new tires put on my Subrban the night before.  I had my cruise control set at 65.  My speedometer was fauly and was always running 5 mph behind the speed limit.  So when he told me I was going 72 but he was only giving me a ticked for 70?  I was suspicios.  But I still was questioning it and I wanted to go to court over it.  SO I went to court the first day.  That day they set up the court day.  Well I did not know that my son would start having migrains and would be missing a lot of School.  I had to take him to the Dcotor the day of the court date I called a day before hand to see if I could reschedule it.   They were not happy about it.  I understand.  It was also the week before Christmas.  So it was rescheduled for the 3rd of January Fine great I was all set for it.  Ready to leave the house when I walked out the door and I had no keys.  My son took them to school they were in his jacket pocket.  I had worn it yesterday. 

I have no way to get to court.  I called to see if I could reschedule and they told me no.  The Judge wanted my address so they could issuse a warrant for my arrest.??   Yes  MY first speeding ticket on my record ever!  And I will be arrested because my son took my keys to school with him!  I was freaked out!  I almost hung up.  Some how I managed to ask if I could just pay the ticket?  Oh yeah you could still plea guilty.  Lets see be arrested or plea guilty?  but what ever happened to getting your day in court.   I know I lost it when I was born because I have all those shitty things happen to me.  Starting with my Brother molesting me and ending probly with me some how doing myself myself in finaly, probably through food.  Hopefully I will get the kids to adults before that happens.

I kinda would like to know a little bit more about the schools in north dakota you see my best friend lives in nd and she has 2 sons in school....thank u
 
January 3, 2007, 2:16 pm CST

This is what I want...

For ppl to stop psychoanylyzing me on the Dr. Phil board!  HA!
 
January 3, 2007, 2:46 pm CST

01/04 "What I Want This Year!"

Quote From: meviperchic

I kinda would like to know a little bit more about the schools in north dakota you see my best friend lives in nd and she has 2 sons in school....thank u

my kids were bullied.  My friends kids were bullied .  To the point that I had to remove my kids and leave my husband and go to another state with them.  My friend sent her daughter to live with her Aunt and Uncle in anither State and she is home schooling the other 2 since now they have started in on them.  The final Straw was my then 8 yr old spending the day at school with a broken hand.  The teacher knowing he was hurt making him sit out of recess because he was hurt but feelign her was not hurt bad enough to call me or contact someone for medical xare even though he asked to come hoem sever times and he asked to call mee homeself.  He hurt his hand at 10 am recess.  He got home at 4 PM on the Bus.  When I contacted the school the teacher told me at first she did not knwo he as hurt.  I made the Principle question the students and prove she did know.  Then she said my son told tall tells.  I know some one was but not my son.  This was after almost 2 1/2 years of Physical and emotion abuse from this school district we had had enough.  I have contacted the school District state department of School, Senators, even the Governors Office.  I wrote letters across the state to news papers all that did was make more people mad.  When we went to the school board aout the bullying at one point in time we were turned int o Social services for abuse and neglect.  It just so happens that a teachers was in a Bar several weeks earlier braggin to several people "What do they want us to do about the bullying in the School?  What if their kids are throwing rocks at each other at home are we supost to call Social Sevices?"  The day I talked at the School Board I got home and had a message from Social Sevices.  Our children had been throwing rocks at each other it was reported as Abuse and Neglect.  I have to wonder who reported us? 

My son that was in the 5th grad was thrown against the wall by a Junior on 4 different occasions the young man addmitted to doing it nothing happened to him.  He played football, he went to the stateplay competition.  My son lived in fear of him.  My children were traumatized My family was traumatized.

I tried to start a PTA and was told not to.  When I had a parents meeting the next school day my son got an hour detention fot farting.  He was not rude he passed gas said he was sorry and opened a window.  This was in band class.  That teacher was not even the one that punished him.  That a whole other story.

Then there is my friend her daughter was told she would have her face bashed in and throat slit.  That was reported to social service the sherrif and the school.  Guess what nothing happened.  No one will listen.  No one will help or do anything.  We are not the first people to move to this area to be trated like this we wont be the last. 

I am going to be the first one shouting to the top of my lungs though that the governor and school and everyone else knew there was a problem when this School blows UP!  ( I mean that as kids rebell)   Because it is only a matter of time before it does.

 

 
January 3, 2007, 4:21 pm CST

01/04 "What I Want This Year!"

Quote From: laney4fun

my kids were bullied.  My friends kids were bullied .  To the point that I had to remove my kids and leave my husband and go to another state with them.  My friend sent her daughter to live with her Aunt and Uncle in anither State and she is home schooling the other 2 since now they have started in on them.  The final Straw was my then 8 yr old spending the day at school with a broken hand.  The teacher knowing he was hurt making him sit out of recess because he was hurt but feelign her was not hurt bad enough to call me or contact someone for medical xare even though he asked to come hoem sever times and he asked to call mee homeself.  He hurt his hand at 10 am recess.  He got home at 4 PM on the Bus.  When I contacted the school the teacher told me at first she did not knwo he as hurt.  I made the Principle question the students and prove she did know.  Then she said my son told tall tells.  I know some one was but not my son.  This was after almost 2 1/2 years of Physical and emotion abuse from this school district we had had enough.  I have contacted the school District state department of School, Senators, even the Governors Office.  I wrote letters across the state to news papers all that did was make more people mad.  When we went to the school board aout the bullying at one point in time we were turned int o Social services for abuse and neglect.  It just so happens that a teachers was in a Bar several weeks earlier braggin to several people "What do they want us to do about the bullying in the School?  What if their kids are throwing rocks at each other at home are we supost to call Social Sevices?"  The day I talked at the School Board I got home and had a message from Social Sevices.  Our children had been throwing rocks at each other it was reported as Abuse and Neglect.  I have to wonder who reported us? 

My son that was in the 5th grad was thrown against the wall by a Junior on 4 different occasions the young man addmitted to doing it nothing happened to him.  He played football, he went to the stateplay competition.  My son lived in fear of him.  My children were traumatized My family was traumatized.

I tried to start a PTA and was told not to.  When I had a parents meeting the next school day my son got an hour detention fot farting.  He was not rude he passed gas said he was sorry and opened a window.  This was in band class.  That teacher was not even the one that punished him.  That a whole other story.

Then there is my friend her daughter was told she would have her face bashed in and throat slit.  That was reported to social service the sherrif and the school.  Guess what nothing happened.  No one will listen.  No one will help or do anything.  We are not the first people to move to this area to be trated like this we wont be the last. 

I am going to be the first one shouting to the top of my lungs though that the governor and school and everyone else knew there was a problem when this School blows UP!  ( I mean that as kids rebell)   Because it is only a matter of time before it does.

 

This is the letter that my son wrote to the President  about the School in North Dakota.  .  He has never heard anything back yet.  He hopes to someday.  As you see We can not seem to put it behind us when we are living in it so much.  It has affected my oldest son so much that he went from being a staight A student all his life that now as a Junior in High School he has D's for the first time ever.  He wants to go to College and we can not afford.  All of this because of a School  And a town of people that do not like outsiders.  But my husband seems to love it there.  This has runed my marriage.  He has changed since moving there.  Before living there it was always the family us against the world.  Now I have kids getting sick because they are afraid of there teachers they can not talk to there teachers, I am broke because I am trying to make it on my own and I am diabled because of a back injury,  I hurt I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Some days I just wish I could give up.  But I knwo if I did my kids would be alone or worse left with only their Dad.  And stuck in ND. 

 

Dear Mr. President,

I want to tell you about the Burke Central School here in North Dakota.  At first I was really excited to move here.  Then I found out what it is like here for new kids.  New kids basically get tortured.

My brother was bullied by a 17 year old; all the school did was talk to him.  It is not fair when only kids that have been here a long time get away with something and the new kids get hurt.  My mom tried to do something about it and they would not listen.

My mom tried to start a PTA but the school did not what her to and the next day my brother got detention just for farting.  Even when he said excuse me, and he opened the window.  

My mom was talking to the school board about bullies and what needed to be done.  We needed to make it where if someone was bullied the kids would get detention at least.  The parents needed to all get together and all talk about it.  Somebody called Social Services on us and that day Mom got the phone call.  Mom and I cried.  Social Services did not do anything it just was scary to know someone called them on us.  There was no abuse or neglect according to social services.  That day I did not leave the house.

One day I was playing with a kid at school, at morning recess and I fell off the bleacher and I hurt my hand.  I asked the teacher if she would call my Mom, or if I could call my Mom.  I asked lots of times.  I got home on the bus at 4 PM.  I yelled at my Mom why didn’t you come and pick me up?  And then she told me she did not receive a phone call from the school.  I didn’t feel well.  We went to the Doctors to get it checked.  We found out it was broken but the bone was still in place.  It was to swollen so they put on a brace. 

That was the final straw; my Mom said we were going to move to Kansas to go to school.  One that cares about its students.  I yelled Hurray! 

I liked my school in New York very much!  I wish I had a time machine to make it so only my Dad moved to North Dakota.  My brothers have gone to a lot of different schools before and never had any troubles before.  We are not the only people having trouble here,this place needs help.  Please Mr. President help the new kids in the Lignite school.  I know they are not safe. 

Sincerely

********** 8yrs old

 
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