Topic : 01/05 No More Jerks!

Get rid of him and get yourself a new life! Get those kids out now!

He just doesn't get it!!!!!! He has no accountability at all......

No expression on his face the whole time.......whatever whatever, he says....he's 10 years old for pete's sake!

Those kids need much much more and therapy on top of that......you need therapy.

What a hopeless task, trying to get women to give up jerks.  They love `em!  That's what women want.  It's hardly fair to then blame the men for obliging.

I mean, look at daytime TV, which has a 90+% female viewership: the soaps have nothing but jerks in them, the court shows parade a steady stream of them before the viewer, and the talk/celebrity shows do the same.  Didn't Brad Pitt initially rise to stardome for ripping off Thelma and Louise?  Women love the excitement and intense drama.  The storybook heroes of women's "romance" novels are all unscrupulous scoundrels.

Every man knows, or has seen in action, that the more he mistreats and abuses women, the more successful he will be in attracting them; and the nicer he is, the more likely he will wind up as "just friends" or alone.

I recall the Valentine's Day show almost two years ago, where you served up a total prince of a guy - wasn't he a doctor who spoke seven languages and did volunteer work? - and the gal you fixed him up with was totally uninterested.  If you'd given her a jerk instead she would have been ecstatic.

There are very good reasons for the phrase "nice guys finish last".

Dr. Phil, I think you make a big mistake listening to what women say rather than observing their actual behavior.

   Dr.Phil

 

   I feel that maybe this family need a church going relationship if they are not going to church. I feel that PRAYER changes things and God can work it out. So I suggest that the couple put God in their relationship and he can help mend everything that is broken.

 

 

                                                                                                                   Domineke Mackey

                                                                                                                   Tx

My always angry father defined us.  My brother believed dad's definition.  It killed him.  He took his own life.  The things you do to your children can set the course of their lives.  If you are that angry person get help or leave.  If you are a mother who stays in that situation GET OUT.  It isn't just about you.  My brother's suicide was directly linked to growing up believing he didn't have any worth.

I was sitting at my desk this afternoon searching to find something to watch while I did some work, and stumbled across Dr. Phil.  (I don't usually watch him at this time of day, I usually watch the later show, but I put the show on and was paying attention to it while I was working.)

 

I realized in a VERY short amount of time that the couple on there was my ex-husband and myself while we were married.  While it scared the living heck out of me to realize it was not just us that lived a marriage like that, it made me feel much better at the same time as I realized it was not just us.

 

While my ex-husband chose to find comfort and attention in a girlfriend outside of our marriage, I continued to raise our two young sons on my own as he was out making himself happy.

 

While we have been divorced for over a year now, I see no change in him, and he's just told me this past weekend he'll be remarrying for the THIRD time in September of this coming year.  I feel sorry for him, and for his future wife, who incidentally happens to be the one he cheated on me with, but I feel much better about myself knowing that the fall of the marriage was not all my fault, as he's so often pointed out, and that I'm not the only one in the world that lived through this.

 

Thank you, Dr. Phil, for having this couple on your show today, and thank you even more to them for airing their "dirty laundry" as it's helped me out as well.  I hope and pray they are able to fix this through the counseling you have offered them!

This couple is so much like my husband & me ...I not sure of the anger well not at least from my husband.   I just realized I am the angry one but I believe I have reasons.  I too came from a painful past and never realized how much baggage I have!  I am so afraid of being alone/lonely, poor, unloved, hurt and abandoned etc.

I love my husband and I believe he loves me however we treat each other horribly!!! There are things he does that I know no other woman would but up with.   I don't know what his income is,  He income is about  $4600. a month and he gives me $200.00 a week & that I have to beg for, He occasionally stays out all night,  I found out from our son, he used drugs but says he has stopped,  I don't know where he is and when I ask he says out, when he's home he lays on the couch or in the bed for hours, days!!! 

As I write this I feel stupid, which he tries to make me feel along with crazy!  Please someone give me some insight!

 It would be wise to ask a few questions of the wife on this show-

Why did you marry someone who forbid you to invite all of your family to your special day because his family was not as large as yours? (What a miserable, sad day you gave him permission to treat you to)

Why did you bring children into an unstable marriage?

Why do you wake up and go to sleep with someone who abuses you and and your children and makes you miserable for 20 years?

This message comes from someone who stayed married to a narcissist for 11 years:
A man can only make you unhappy if you stick around for repeated abuse
Rule # 1 from Dr. Phil's relationship advice  --  SET BOUNDARIES (write it down if you have to)
and act swiftly when they are violated! Let you head rule your emotions as soon as you realize
you are becoming tolerant.
AM

    The reason why she allowed herself to be treated that way for 20 years is she has come from a place of NO self esteem. I don't believe that when she married him , he was all that different. Just toned down a little to put a nicer facade on his behavior. I know from experience the thought processes of a woman with no self esteem. She was grateful for any attention anyone was willing to show her. She settled for the crumbs, because she didn't know that she deserved to be treated so much better. And the reason why she didn't leave is because of her negligible

self esteem , therefore thinking , " I don't deserve or I can't get any better ".  Dr Phil should know that when a person with no self identity, no self esteem is verbally abused and isolated from friends and family, that's all the reality she knows. THAT"s why she doesn't leave , until [ and sometimes never ] she's had enough of the pain. The only difference between verbal abuse and

physical abuse is that the wounds and scars are all on the inside with verbal abuse.

Dr. Phil, maybe you have different statistics than what I've read about, but most abusers [ that includes verbal] are unable to be rehabilitated. There really IS no excuse or reason in this world to allow yourself to be subjected to abuse. Noone should stay and allow someone to demean you, to diminish you , to criticize you in any way.  Being with anyone who does anything but make you feel like a better person, like a beautiful, intelligent person, is totally unecessary and

toxic in your life.

I agree that they both need help - professional help. She needs to learn to love herself and he needs help with his anger problem. But, the bottom line is that she needs to leave him and fast !!! And then work on her esteem issues , so that she doesn't repeat the scenario.

An abuser is an abuser.........

This is hard to watch....I feel so terrible for this woman and for their children....but I also feel for the husband as well.  I used to be an incredibly angry person.....until I met my wife, and much to everyone's surprise I made a complete 180 degree turn around!  I still occasionaly get angry at other people, but 99% of the time it is "road rage."   In all honesty, getting married matured me quickly, and without realizing it was happening.  I couldn't imagine making my wife hurt the way this man makes his wife and children hurt.  I can understand that he isn't doing in intentionally, or for the sake of just hirting them......anger is a disease in my opinion.  This man needs to want to change, but it doesn't seem as if he is going to...at least not with this woman, not with this family.  I agree with the comments above "this guest needs to get out of this marriage.  I can see the resistance in her husband.  He may cooperate for a little while but he will only go for so long and than it will be that she owes him because he has "changed."  Trust me.  Relationships are not about what one person owes another.  That is a business transaction not a relationship.  He should be doing what she has already been doing for years, trying to make her happy.   In raw, real terms...this guy needs an ass whoopin' thrown on him that will wake his rear-end up and realize he can't treat anyone the way he does, no matter what "issues" he claims are the cause!  Last thought.....I used to be a police officer in a large city...and I used to just explode at people...and I hurt someone really bad and caused permanent damage to this person....physically and mentally.  I was found to be justified in my use of force, but I know in my heart that I went too far because of my temper.  I resigned from the force at 33 years of age, knwoing full well I would have to start a whole new life and career.  It has been tough, but I am getting there.   All of this because of an explosive temper!  I got a large payout from my pension and some other things, and I gave 90% of that to the man I injured.  Him and I are still in close contact...he is in school to be a psychologist.  This man, last year, paid for me to attend anger management sessions, which I just recently completed.  Hopefully this man on the show will read my story here, and maybe it will help him make the chnages he so depserately needs to make.  God Bless you Dr. Phil, and your staff....you do a wonderful thing for us out here that really listen to and learn from your advice. THANK YOU!