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Topic : 01/08 The Dr. Phil House: Teen Intervention

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Created on : Friday, January 05, 2007, 10:47:53 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Almost every teenager owns a cell phone and an iPod these days, but what if your daughter bought these items with money she says she made by prostituting herself to older men? Alex, 14, has been running away from home, stealing money from her grandmother and selling her body to men nearly twice her age. Her family wrote to Dr. Phil for a desperately needed intervention. Alex’s mother, Kim, and aunt, Enza, are sisters-in-law who cannot be in the same room together without getting into a fight. Will they reunite for the sake of saving Alex? Within minutes of moving into the Dr. Phil House, Alex was trolling for men on the Internet, under the watchful eyes of Dr. Phil’s cameras. Dr. Phil meets with Kim and asks some hard questions, to find out how things got so out of control with her 14-year-old. Sparks fly when Enza joins the conversation. Find out what Enza has to say about Kim’s mothering skills and join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 8, 2007, 10:47 am CST

Or...

Quote From: flthomcat

The behaviors the teen displays didn't occur in a vacuum. It took years of pain, loneliness, sadness, anger and TOO MUCH FREEDOM for this CHILD (yes, teens are just big children) to make the choices she does.

 

We parents are ultimately responsible for our children and 99.9 percent of the time it is easy to see why the kids are doing what they are doing. We have devalued men (fathers especially) in this society, we have placed "stuff" over time w/ our kids, we have left God and His teachings and replaced them with MTV and Hollywood values, etc....and then we wonder WHY so many of our kids are mess. Hummmmmmmmmmmm...

 

This teen needs help, the mother needs help (and to acknowlege that the buck stops w/ her and the teen's father) and the aunt needs help as well. God bless them all as they try to work on their problems and heal.

TOO LITTLE FREEDOM....extremes are never good.
 
January 8, 2007, 10:49 am CST

A Tip of the Hat

Quote From: princekitten

Where to begin... the family structure is being picked apart at the core.  We are told education is more important, jobs and financial security , staying ahead and on top of the trends and trendy gadgets are most important, so we stuggle to stay on top of what the world tells us is most important.  Meanwhile the family structure is torn apart because time is irreplacable.  Fatherhood is replacable by a check.  Mothers are forced to have duel roles which hardens their demeanor and allows them to lose themselves in future relationships.  Children have lost their covering.  Innocence is more than bodily purity.  It is what we see that deteriorates our perception of happiness.  When is the last time we've seen a 14yr old girl who looks up to her father and when she looks at him, you can see her eyes glisten because she respects him.  And a 17yr old son who loves to hug and kiss his mother in front of his friends because he respects her and no one compares to her.  We parents are becoming friends so we can feel young and cool, we wanna be the cool parent.  We want our kids to feel like they can talk to us, that we can relate on the same levels.  THAT IS NOT OUR JOB!!!  Our job is to be respected as we love them and lead them into thier own lives, Respect should be demanded not requested.  As providers and heads of households, we shouldn't let our children put up privacy signs and tell us what to buy to feed them, tell us what they want to wear, we are giving them a things they need to earn.  Privacy is earned by trust.  Gifts are becoming expensive and almost impossible because everytime we turn aroud we're buying bigger, better, and more to please who, the children, or ourselves?  In all this, we are not perfect.  God gives us grace daily to not be Alex, Kim, and in their situation,  Everyone is subject to fault at one time or another and sometimes over and over and worse than someone else, and there is always an "Enza" looking over our shoulder reminding us of our mistakes and how much better they are than we.  I pray Alex seeks the truth in herself and wants to be freed from her self imprisonment.  And that anyone reading this that is going through a similar situation or any situation remembers God still exists, He still answers prayers, and He still makes a way out of no way, and turns what seems to be ugly and unbearable into a testamony to help someone else.  I beleive that is what is in store for Alex,  God bless

Having read the posts regarding this program (I will not see it until tonight), I found yours to be the most compelling.  You address key issues that affect society at large rather than confining your comments to the individuals on the program.  I have to commend you for taking the broader view. 

 

The nature of the family unit has changed in our country dramatically in the past hundred years.  There have been a number of key changes, and a large number of lesser ones.  What all of these changes have in common is their link to technological advances. 

 

At one time, the family was considered to be made up of parents, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  As the car was developed and roads improved, we became more of a mobile society.  Along with interstate highways came distance between us.  We became geographically remote.  Of course this led to other remoteness. 

 

In my youth, we had television, but spent far more time outdoors.  Our toys were not as advanced, so they required the usage of our imaginations.  Gratification was not instant and we did not expect it to be.

 

Now we have computers, cell phones and even cars that park themselves.  Is it really any wonder that the distance has grown within the nuclear family?  If we barely have time to speak to one another, how are we to communicate and prevent such crises as depicted on the program?  Children want whatever it may be NOW.  They aren't bad, they've been programmed to believe things work that way.  On the rare occasions that they turn to their parents or other mentors, how often is the parent or other mentor too busy getting their own instant gratification?  Too many parents expect the schools to handle the parental responsibilities.  Failing this, they think the child should find whatever it is on the Internet.

Parents did go through a period of trying to be friends with their children.  Now, I think, they are not even that involved.*  

 

Keep in mind though that I do not blame technology.  I do blame our inability to keep focus on things of true importance rather than the easy ways out.  When we as a society can shape the focus of our own attention to things such as the family we will begin to save our children and ourselves.  Make no mistake.  We are both at risk.

 

*This is a broad statement not meant toward all parents.

 
January 8, 2007, 12:09 pm CST

Excuse me?

Quote From: flthomcat

You say you don't believe she needs Jesus, but she needs to love herself. If you study the teachings of Christ, you will see that love, compassion and morality are a big part of His message.

 

When we CHOOSE to do as He teaches, our lives are much simplier and much more peaceful. When we CHOOSE to not do as taught, we have much sadness caused my unnecessary problems (disease, drug use, teen pregnancy, drug use, suicide, adultry, absentee fathers/mothers, divorce, etc). We all need to listen and learn more to avoid these horrendous problems. This teen child did not get to where she is now alone; she is the product of two selfish, absentee parents. HOPEFULLY, with Dr. Phil and God on her side, she won't be a lost cause.

People can CHOOSE not to have jesus in their life.  And you can certainly still love yourself after making such a choice!  My goodness! 
 
January 8, 2007, 12:56 pm CST

A little upset with everyone

I guess upset would be the wrong word , I guess i feel badly for everyone all parties included in this situation. Yes i agree the mother has a lot of issues to deal with and could have done a lot of things better than others, i agree that the mother being an "alcoholic" is a bad thing in her life, i dont NOT believe it is ok for the sister in law to sit tehre and add fuel to the fire calling her a poor excuse for a mother. My parents both were alcoholics and I feel that I  myself am doing very well. I had some hard times but i learned to deal with them. No one should be degrading anyone. The mother should not be calling her daughter a slut and a prostitue, and the sister in law should not be calling her an pathetic excuse of a mother, why does she think that its not ok for her to degrade her daughter but she has full right to degrade the mother in front of the kids even not in front of the kids. Its the example she's setting as well. Maybe thats why Alex tells everyone off becuase thats the environment shes around all the time! with everyone. Enza is trying to help but i think the things she does to "help " only makes it harder on Kim which makes it harder on Alex, which makes it harder for everyone. I dont feel its ok for Enza to sit there and yell and scream at everyone saying that she's the good person here becuase she's showing the same signs of distruction that everyone else is showing by being  so blunt and forward. and acutally mean and rude about the situation. I understand if she is upset but she needs to learn to deal with it in a better more mature fashion, versus just telling everyone they are horribe and shes great.  As for Alex walking in on her mother while "having sex" i personally can name off tons of my own personal friends and even boyfriend who as a little kid accidentally walked in on our parents in the bedroom. I do feel that doctor Phil is 100% right that she needs to get help for her drinking whether she thinks she is an alcoholic or not it will help her daughter in a lot more then i think she thinks it will if she is  to stop the drinking even if its not necessarily "out of control". Enza bothers me by adding so much fuel to the fire  by saying that "someone should have spit in your face" reacting to the fact htat Kim said she didnt spit in Alex face but on the floor. An attitude liek that only makes the situation worse NEVER BETTER. I feel so much for Alex becuase she's young and she's in a stage where things are going to be hard naturally. This just makes it harder. I hope all the best for her! she needs to understand taht no man will ever give her any respect doing what she is doing and that will only make her hurt more then she may be hurting right now. I hope she gets better i hope she learns to love herself and forgive her mother for not being "perfect" and i hope that they can be happy! thats all any family wants is to be Happy. and all familys deserve that.
 
January 8, 2007, 1:00 pm CST

Amen!

Quote From: jesusislord

I  feel sorry for the girl. shes all messed up. She needs Jesus in her life!  Also she needs the support from her mom and dad and talk to  a person that can help her. Praying for this family!!

You are SO right!  She definitely needs to feel the love that Jesus is readily offering...someone just needs to take the time to introduce her to the Master! 

 

I am praying that Dr. Phil can get her the help that she needs so that she will turn her life around.

 
January 8, 2007, 1:00 pm CST

Alcoholic?

I would of thought Dr. Phil did a little more research to see if Alexs' mother REALLY was an alcoholic.  I don't see how one sick person can help another. 

 

Chris in MD.

 
January 8, 2007, 1:14 pm CST

01/08 The Dr. Phil House: Teen Intervention

I FEEL SO SORRY FOR ALEX ,I SORTA UNDERSTAND HOW SHE FEELS .ALL SHE WANTS IS TO BE LOVED AND RESPECTED AND SHE,S NOT GETTING IT IN THE WAYS SHE NEEDS IT .ALEXS AUNT ENZA THINKS SHE IS ALL THAT !!! WELL WAKE UP LADY YOU ARE NOT ANY BETTER THEN THE MOTHER ,YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT RESPECT IS ASWELL AND HOW TO BE A PROPER AUNT AND PERSON .( DONT JUDGE UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE JUDGE URSELF) I THINK ENZA IS A SPOILED BRAT OF A PERSON AND NEEDS A GOOD WAKE UP CALL HERSELF NOT JUST THE MOTHER AND CHILD.
 
January 8, 2007, 1:15 pm CST

There is still hope for Alex

This girl reminds me so much of myself only slightly worse. I'm not going to go into detail but I knoe from  expierance that she still has a chance. With the right guidance and the correct role models she can clean up her life and go on to be a productive member of society. Her aunt needs to be a little less focused on Alex's mother and do whatever she can to get it thru to alex that she is hurting herself, but at the same time she can't be tellin Alex how much of a loser she thinks her mother is. Kim does need help, not as much as Alex but she still needs that help. I feel that after she leaves the Dr. Phil show that Alex needs to move out from her mothers house and maybe into her Aunt's or some other relative that can help her out while Kim get's the help that she needs to clean up. Kim is only having negative effects on alex, she means well but she is in no position to be trying to help her daughter when she is in the state that she is in herself. Alex's aunt is also trying to help but she is using the wrong approach. Degradering Kim in front of Alex doesn't help the situation any. Dr. Phil can help this family get their lives together, I know he can, but only if they cooperate and allow him to do so. My prayers are with Alex and her mother and I just hope that they allow Dr. Phil to help them as much as he can.
 
January 8, 2007, 1:17 pm CST

01/08 The Dr. Phil House: Teen Intervention

As a mother of 3 boys I was curious about a 14 yr old who chose to prostitue herself for money to buy things. l also have a deep concern that the child may have been sexually molested at some point, or been led to believe that she is only good for one thing, her ability to satisfy a man.  however , as  a christian I learned the hard long way that even though my father deserted me and my stepfather molested me that I have a Heavenly father who loves me no matter what. It was not an easy thing to learn, a  lot of anger and hate had to be let go and given to God. A whole lot more forgiveness on my part had to be found and given to them and myself.  I am proud to say that I am a survivor  and I am an awesome person even if only in God's eyes.  My heart and prayers goes out to this child and  i hope she finds her peace and self esteem before she ends up in a situation that she cannot handle.  I also believe the aunt needs to find her own peace and care for her own kids and not degrade the child or the mother.  People who tend to harp on others issues usually do so because there is something about that person they themselves have a problem with they dont want to admit, much easier to point out the splinter in your eye and ignore the log in your own.
 
January 8, 2007, 1:17 pm CST

This is sad

I feel realy bad for that family. Yes the mother made mistakes but every parent makes mistakes nobody can be perfect. No parent wants there kids to turn to prostitution, drugs, steeling, and acting the way alex was acting at 14 toward her mother. Your supposed to have respect for your parents, Kim, Alex's mother is trying to get help for her and her daughter. On another note I really dont think Enza is going to help anything, its obvious scince they picked her up all she has talked about is Kim and only negitive things at that. If I knew any better I would say that she has some issues, jealousy maybe because Kim is more out going. I think Enza seems a little nutzo! She is putting Kim down so much  to make her actions look better I dont think she was honest of her own mistakes, she s doing it to make her own faults look better then Kims. Anyone with that much anger has made her own mistakes. She just needs to realize she is there because of Alex not to SLAP KIM IN THE FORHEAD!!!!!!
 
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