Quote From: tjones1968After watching the show tonight I'm so afraid that I'm going to wind up like those parents if I don't stop this cycle with my 18 year old son. He was kicked out of school at age 16 while living with my mother. Then once his violent temper and lack of respect for anyone else got him kicked out of there, he moved out to my grandmothers house and she spent more than 30K in one year on replacing engines in his truck, paying off his hot checks, debts and fines. He totalled her pick up, wrecked and ruined her car while his was getting the second and third motor put in, all at her expense. I couldn't get her to break the cycle until February of this year. She gave him $500 and told him to leave (like she'd done a thousand times before) but this time she finally let me help her. I'll be damned if he wasn't out of money and sleeping in his truck within a week. Then he wound up calling me wanting to come stay with me (which I knew it was coming) so he could get a fresh start and get on his feeet. He avoided coming to me for as long as he could because he knew that out of the three of us (mom, me and grandma) I was the toughest. I tried to be strong and strict so I wrote out a contract with him that stated the house rules and how long he was going to be here. The child has never held a job for more than 3 months but I thought that he really wanted to change. WRONG! He just wanted to CHANGE LOCATIONS! Different town, same bull!. Smoking pot, finding jobs only to see how fast he can lose them and then making excuses as to why he can't find or keep a job. He was diagnosed in January with Bi-polar disorder but insists that the doctor was a "quack" and he only went to satisfy my grandmother(and stay in the house). He can't even get into the service because of open warrants for hot checks that my grandmother didn't pay off in time. He has a temper that is plain SCARY! Puts his fist through walls, breaks things, loves to fight, yells and curses. He steals, cheats and lies but then he can turn around and be the sweetest person you've ever met. He has a personality that is fabulous when the beast is under control. Believe it or not, NOTHING IS EVER HIS FAULT! How's that for rational? He wants to be a model but he doesn't want to work for it. He's determined that he will win the lottery. He thinks he should get a job that will make him thousands of dollars a week but feels he shouldn't have to work his way up or earn it. He has NO CONTROL over money. If he has it, he spends it! If he doesn't have it, he steals it...and then spends it. He then exclaims that this is "Just the way I am". Oh, and did I mention he's apparently from Missouri (the show me state) He doesn't believe it unless he sees it and will tell you straight up that he has to learn the hard way, his way! I have no idea what to do with him other than put him out on the streets and pray he lives through it. BTW, he tells me that he isn't afraid to sleep in his truck as if this is a threat to me. WHAT CAN I DO? How can I get through that thick stubborn, disrespectful, thieving, lying self absorbed brain of his?
As mean as it sounds, Let him sleep in his truck, and don't keep any money around for him to take, and if he "Has to learn the hard way " then let him.
As a Mom I feel for you, I really do, but there comes a time where we have to let them fly on their own, whether we like it or not, and eventually they have to grow up and assume responsibility for themselves and their actions, NONE of us want to see our kids on the streets, or doing things that are illegal, and we do want to help them, but sometimes we just can't, they have to find out for themselves.
We parents aren't the "Innocents" in these situations. Many times we look back and say "OMG, I coddled him way too much ", or "I let them get away with too much ", or I didn't teach them to be self sufficient, " As parents our primary responsibility is to raise them to be productive, but we want them to have everything we didn't, and we are way too protective now, Failure is a teacher.
But, if he's getting violent, that's a Deal Breaker, and really why should you have to put up with his tantrums ? Really though has he been assesed by a professional ? Has he always been this way or is it a recent thing ? I don't want you to feel guilty, but this could go deeper, it may not, that could be used for barganing, he has to seek medical attention because you think there might be something more going on, or he leaves until he is WILLING to get help. All of us can be sweet and charming when its good for us, and if we've learned we'll get what we want, and we can all be absolutly HORRID if we think that people will be intimidated enough to give in.
Look, you obviously love him, and you want him to be successful, that's what I think we all want for our kids, but you have to stop giving into his threats, and as for destrying things, well he should be paying for the damages or fixing them himself otherwise, let him attend "The School of Hard Knocks " for awhile, for some that's the only way they can get it together.
(Original Air Date: 1/10/07) Dr. Phil takes on a different kind of moocher … the Mega Moocher! Not only do these extreme freeloaders refuse to work -- decades at a time -- but they expect you to support them and their entire family forever! Connie says her 33-year-old son, Richard, is so lazy and selfish that he actually found a way to put her out of her own home, so he could move his family of five in. Connie and her husband, Rick, say they have paid over $30,000 in the last 18 months to support Richard, and they have had enough. Is an eviction the only way to get him out? And can Connie live with the guilt, knowing it could leave her three grandchildren homeless as well? Then, Janelle wants her brother, Jeff, to stop mooching off their 91-year-old grandfather, who has been supporting him for 18 years. Jeff says he has no need to work because he doesn’t have kids. Will this be the day these guests put an end to their family members’ freeloading ways? Tell us what you think!
