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Topic : 06/11 Mega Moochers

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Created on : Friday, January 05, 2007, 10:50:16 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 1/10/07) Dr. Phil takes on a different kind of moocher … the Mega Moocher! Not only do these extreme freeloaders refuse to work -- decades at a time -- but they expect you to support them and their entire family forever! Connie says her 33-year-old son, Richard, is so lazy and selfish that he actually found a way to put her out of her own home, so he could move his family of five in. Connie and her husband, Rick, say they have paid over $30,000 in the last 18 months to support Richard, and they have had enough. Is an eviction the only way to get him out? And can Connie live with the guilt, knowing it could leave her three grandchildren homeless as well? Then, Janelle wants her brother, Jeff, to stop mooching off their 91-year-old grandfather, who has been supporting him for 18 years. Jeff says he has no need to work because he doesn’t have kids. Will this be the day these guests put an end to their family members’ freeloading ways? Tell us what you think!

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June 11, 2007, 10:45 pm CDT

This is scary!

After watching the show tonight I'm so afraid that I'm going to wind up like those parents if I don't stop this cycle with my 18 year old son. He was kicked out of school at age 16 while living with my mother. Then once his violent temper and lack of respect for anyone else got him kicked out of there, he moved out to my grandmothers house and she spent more than 30K in one year on replacing engines in his truck, paying off his hot checks, debts and fines. He totalled her pick up, wrecked and ruined her car while his was getting the second and third motor put in, all at her expense. I couldn't get her to break the cycle until February of this year. She gave him $500 and told him to leave (like she'd done a thousand times before) but this time she finally let me help her. I'll be damned if he wasn't out of money and sleeping in his truck within a week. Then he wound up calling me wanting to come stay with me (which I knew it was coming) so he could get a fresh start and get on his feeet. He avoided coming to me for as long as he could because he knew that out of the three of us (mom, me and grandma) I was the toughest. I tried to be strong and strict so I wrote out a contract with him that stated the house rules and how long he was going to be here. The child has never held a job for more than 3 months but I thought that he really wanted to change. WRONG! He just wanted to CHANGE LOCATIONS! Different town, same bull!. Smoking pot, finding jobs only to see how fast he can lose them and then making excuses as to why he can't find or keep a job. He was diagnosed in January with Bi-polar disorder but insists that the doctor was a "quack" and he only went to satisfy my grandmother(and stay in the house).  He can't even get into the service because of open warrants for hot checks that my grandmother didn't pay off in time. He has a temper that is plain SCARY! Puts his fist through walls, breaks things, loves to fight, yells and curses. He steals, cheats and lies but then he can turn around and be the sweetest person you've ever met. He has a personality that is fabulous when the beast is under control. Believe it or not, NOTHING IS EVER HIS FAULT!  How's that for rational? He wants to be a model but he doesn't want to work for it. He's determined that he will win the lottery. He thinks he should get a job that will make him thousands of dollars a week but feels he shouldn't have to work his way up or earn it. He has NO CONTROL over money. If he has it, he spends it! If he doesn't have it, he steals it...and then spends it. He then exclaims that this is "Just the way I am". Oh, and did I mention he's apparently from Missouri (the show me state) He doesn't believe it unless he sees it and will tell you straight up that he has to learn the hard way, his way!  I have no idea what to do with him other than put him out on the streets and pray he lives through it. BTW, he tells me that he isn't afraid to sleep in his truck as if this is a threat to me. WHAT CAN I DO? How can I get through that thick stubborn, disrespectful, thieving, lying self absorbed brain of his?
 
June 12, 2007, 10:00 am CDT

06/11 Mega Moochers

OH MY LORD~~

 In watching the show yesterday entitled, "Mega-Moochers", I just could not believe the nerve of that 33-year old man!!  My heart goes out to his poor Mother, I just felt so sorry for her, and what he has put her through!!  How dare him!!  If he only knew exactly how ridiculous he looked and sounded on "National Television", giving all of those "LAME EXCUSES" for his actions!!  Yes, I certainly do feel very sorry for the children, but from what understood, if him nor his wife could work, then why don't they try and go to a local shelter?  I fell on hard times, once in my life, a very long time ago, and had to go to one of our local shelters...which of course no one wants to do, BUT....sometimes we can't always do what we want to do, we have to do, what is necessary!  I did not feel not one ounce of sympathy for that punk!!  I'm sorry but in listening to him, come on, that man is a "LAZY" pitiful, poor excuse of a man!!  And how dare him try and have his Mother put out of her "OWN HOUSE"!!  Like I said, he's got some nerve!!  You know Dr. Phil, you can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves!!   Well guess, I've said enough, but I am truly hoping that you will have a follow-up show on this and us informed as to what has happened!! ( I'm sure that you will)

 

Thank-You So Very Much...Dr. Phil & Robin~ I think that you are both very "AMAZING" people!!

You seem to always know the right thing to do for all of your guests, and I for one, absolutely "LOVE" watching each and every single show that you do!!  We love ya'll, take care & most importantly ... "God Bless"~~

 
June 12, 2007, 10:32 am CDT

Daughter of a Moocher

Yes, I am the adult daughter of a moocher. Growing up with my mom bleeding my grandma's nest egg dry was depressing. My Grandma would pay our rent, buy us food, and put the clothes on her grandchildren backs. My grandma is a saint, she would rather work everyday and provide for her grandchildren than see us struggle. She has spent all of her retirement savings, sold her home and cottage, and last year given up her vehicle because she can't afford it with my mom's hand out. My mother has made it a business to have children. The more children she has, the more money she can weasel out of the government and my Gran. My Gran paid to have her sterilized so she wouldn't have anymore kids. I feel as if me and my 3 siblings were simply a meal ticket for her. We had to learn at a young age to take care of ourselves, because she would leave us alone for days on end when the money came in. She has been kicked off welfare a few years back because she actually claimed to have another kid! My mother even stole from my sister on more than one occasion when we were living with her.

This show has brought up so many emotions for me. I hate my mother for what she has done to my grandma. My siblings and I were used as pawns in my greedy mothers sick games, and I am very resentful of her. I have worked steady since I turned 18, and am returning to School next year.

I myself find it extremely hard to ask anyone for help, even to pass the salt!  My youngest brother is 13, and when he is out of the house, my Gran is planning on selling it! (its in my Gran's name) My mother has said on more than one occasion she wants her sterile operation reversed. But if there is some justice in this world, it will never happen!

If there are any moochers out there reading this, stop what you're doing! It's so shameful for a child to be dangled in the face of relatives for money. It made me feel like a burden, angry and lowered my self-esteem as a child. 

 
June 12, 2007, 2:17 pm CDT

Dr. Phil, you missed the forest for the trees

I'm not standing up for moochers, I empathize with the many who have written in, but I think the particular men who were featured were bad candidates for representative villains, and their real issues were never brought into play.
Their mooching was clearly just one symptom of the deep depression from which they both obviously suffer. The first guy said it outright at one point, but Dr. Phil chose not to pick up on it. The second refused Dr. Phil's cryptic offer of help, which I believe was because he feels too defensive with his family involved, or becuase his depression is too deep to allow him to reach out for help. (Or he's a pothead, which would also explain a lot)
For me, the debilitating effects of depression on these men, the bigger issue beneath their mooching {which would, btw, make a good topic for another show} overshadowed and thwarted the intended theme and was never directly addressed by Dr. Phil.
 
June 12, 2007, 3:00 pm CDT

moochers

i have a 20 year  daughter who droped out of school and is not trying to go back has been in trouble with the law and is on probation. likes to drink and smoke. she has no children thank god. i told her she needs to get a job. i will not be around forever. i did too much for her because  MY PARENTS did nothijg for me. my parent's needs and wants came first. my mother did not work for most of our childhood. she wanted other people to take care of her. she thought my dad would do it but he was not going for it. she was a single mother and my dad did not take care of use. we missed holidays , birthdays and even went to bed hungry and we were evicted from a few places. i did not want my children to ever have to go through that so i did too much for all of them and now they act like i own them something. like i have to do for them. you try to keep your kids from suffering like you did but it backfires in your face. my dad has the nerve to blame everything on me. i say if he was the parent he should of been all this may have not happened.my daughter is at her boyfriends house now. in which she is all but living there. he has no job either. he lives with his dad. my daughter only comes home when she needs something or when her and her boyfriend break-up. i told her she will not bring any babies in my house i refuse to raise her kids she  better keep a hat on it. strap up. i keep telling her go back to school and get your education no man  is worth it.it is a shame we try to do right by our children and they do not appreciate it. my whole family has mooched off me. they have all lived in my house rent free. not paying any bills. no food being brought in the house. i never lived with them i was not welcomed. my family, siblings and parents all act like i own them and check this out i am the baby of the family but the most responsible one. my mom even brought her man to my house. ain't that a blip. my family had the nerve to talk trash to me  my in my house. now if i did that i would be put out. my family would expect me to pay them. we all need to practice tough love with all this moochers.  i hope my daughter gets her head on straight before its too late. i do not want her to wake up a 40 year old woman one day living in a roach invested rooming house or sleeping on someone's couch.
 
June 12, 2007, 4:07 pm CDT

I doubt that you CAN get through.

Quote From: tjones1968

After watching the show tonight I'm so afraid that I'm going to wind up like those parents if I don't stop this cycle with my 18 year old son. He was kicked out of school at age 16 while living with my mother. Then once his violent temper and lack of respect for anyone else got him kicked out of there, he moved out to my grandmothers house and she spent more than 30K in one year on replacing engines in his truck, paying off his hot checks, debts and fines. He totalled her pick up, wrecked and ruined her car while his was getting the second and third motor put in, all at her expense. I couldn't get her to break the cycle until February of this year. She gave him $500 and told him to leave (like she'd done a thousand times before) but this time she finally let me help her. I'll be damned if he wasn't out of money and sleeping in his truck within a week. Then he wound up calling me wanting to come stay with me (which I knew it was coming) so he could get a fresh start and get on his feeet. He avoided coming to me for as long as he could because he knew that out of the three of us (mom, me and grandma) I was the toughest. I tried to be strong and strict so I wrote out a contract with him that stated the house rules and how long he was going to be here. The child has never held a job for more than 3 months but I thought that he really wanted to change. WRONG! He just wanted to CHANGE LOCATIONS! Different town, same bull!. Smoking pot, finding jobs only to see how fast he can lose them and then making excuses as to why he can't find or keep a job. He was diagnosed in January with Bi-polar disorder but insists that the doctor was a "quack" and he only went to satisfy my grandmother(and stay in the house).  He can't even get into the service because of open warrants for hot checks that my grandmother didn't pay off in time. He has a temper that is plain SCARY! Puts his fist through walls, breaks things, loves to fight, yells and curses. He steals, cheats and lies but then he can turn around and be the sweetest person you've ever met. He has a personality that is fabulous when the beast is under control. Believe it or not, NOTHING IS EVER HIS FAULT!  How's that for rational? He wants to be a model but he doesn't want to work for it. He's determined that he will win the lottery. He thinks he should get a job that will make him thousands of dollars a week but feels he shouldn't have to work his way up or earn it. He has NO CONTROL over money. If he has it, he spends it! If he doesn't have it, he steals it...and then spends it. He then exclaims that this is "Just the way I am". Oh, and did I mention he's apparently from Missouri (the show me state) He doesn't believe it unless he sees it and will tell you straight up that he has to learn the hard way, his way!  I have no idea what to do with him other than put him out on the streets and pray he lives through it. BTW, he tells me that he isn't afraid to sleep in his truck as if this is a threat to me. WHAT CAN I DO? How can I get through that thick stubborn, disrespectful, thieving, lying self absorbed brain of his?
My son and his girlfriend split up and he has come back home. He has matured a lot since he's been gone. He works and is respectful which we expect. IF things should change, I don't think I'd have the strength to kick him out. But I believe that my husband would.(My husband IS his biological father) I think men can be tougher about these things than women. I hope it never comes to that. From having a brother like your son (he has changed from the person he was years ago. He got his GED, stopped drugs and alchohol and works steady. This has happened within the last 7 years.) He is 47. It has taken years for this change and he wanted to change. So with your son, maybe some day he will choose to be different. My parents wouldn't kick my brother out. He finally moved out on his own -in with a friend about 22 years ago. I know it would be very difficult to throw your son out-good luck. (I can't tell you that you should because I'm not sure I could.)
 
June 12, 2007, 4:22 pm CDT

No ma'am, you're not wrong.

Quote From: dcerrito

I can relate to the mega moocher complaint.  I January, my son and his girlfriend had the misfortune, of the house, they were renting burn down.  I, trying to be a good Mom, sympathetic and understanding, let them move in with me. 

 

It is now the middle of June and they are just now getting ready to move into an apartment.  However, during this time, they have not helped with one thing, except to buy their own groceries.  After watching today's show, I guess, I should be glad they did that.

 

But.....During the course of this time, my son quit his job and so far has not found another one.  In the beginning, after quitting, he did go out and look for work, but now he just stays home and does nothing.  When I ask him, how he thinks, he is going to pay for all his little luxuries, he says, "That's what I have you for."  Well.....needless to say, I blew my stack. 

 

I feel that I have done enough, with providing them with a place to tive for the last six months. I thought I was doing the right thing to help them out, but now I'm not so sure.

 

However, I did tell him, just this morning, that if things don't work out or something happens that should need a place to go, it will not be here.  They can do what other adults do, in tough times.  I am tired of being a Mommy.  I told him I was no longer his Mommy, I was his Mother and should be treated accordingly.  It is no longer my job to provide for him, he is an adult and it is time to fend for himself.

 

Am I wrong?

 

 

I admire your strength. I hope if I'm ever in your shoes, I'll be half as strong.
 
June 12, 2007, 9:59 pm CDT

06/11 Mega Moochers

Quote From: godiva35

My brother in law (26) is also a big moocher.  He mooches not only off of my husband an I but his  other sibling's.  My mother in law is ill with emphasyma and can no longer work (not that she really ever did anyway)  My husband and his sibling's have supported her for 15+ year's.  She also collect's Social Security and a check from welfare along w/ food stamps.   My BIL resides with my MIL.  He will not work and sleeps most of his life away when he is not sleeping he is drugged up on my MIL sleeping pill's and beer.  Yes, he is also an addict!  MIL gives BIL every dime of her check for drug's and alcohol leaving her penniless for the month and unable to buy her medicine let alone any other neccesities (beer) they may need for the month.  So, needless to say MIL feel's that we should pay for her meds.  and all of their neccesities(beer).  We already pay the house payment all of the bill's and maintain yard ect.  My husband has started to drag my BIL to work with him so we can get something out of him.  Husband is fortunate enough to have his own biz. so that is not an issue.  If my husband didnt literally drag my BIL to work he wouldnt function at all.  My husband says he has to completly retrain him on every job because he is so whacked out on narcotics he cant seem to remember how to do his job efficiently.    He is more of a burden to say the least and does not deserve a job with my husband.  I believe that my BIL should go get a 9-5 like a normal person and not just expect a job and a paycheck (which no doubt goes on more pills ect.) .  I tell my husband he is not helping him but hindering him as does his mother whom refuses to boot the bil out of the house.  She says if he goes, so does she.  She has no where to go and not a dime to her name.  Not to mention , she is also sick and on oxygen.  I say (screaming) emotional blackmail, verbal manipulation? something is def. wrong with that picture.  She know's we will not put her out on the street because of her med. issues.  Don't think I dont want to though!  She has recently informed us our children- her grandchildren are not welcome there.  They help us maintain the yard, garden,  and take care of our animal's (we own exotic bird's).  If they didnt it would never get done although BIL is quite capable of cutting the grass or pulling weed's or just simply picking up his beer can's.  Did I mention we own this house and the 8 acres it sits on and we also pay all of the bill's.  I go to the house daily to take care of my bird's and my BIL comes around the corner and asked what I was doing to his bird's!!!!! on many occasion he has asked my children what they are doing on his property....  Talk about a sense of self- entitlement!  I just want him to leave- move out, go to the ymca or something he is 26 year's old and he is totally useless.  My children and I despise both their grandma and their uncle.  They are good kid's and dont deserve to be treated the way they have treated them.  It really makes me sick and is really becoming a burden in my marriage.  My husband's sibling's have finally stopped supporting my MIL because they were sickened by  the drug abuse, alcoholism, and  self serving issues.  The electric or water could be shut off and the bil would sleep while everyone is counting their pennies, and putting in extra hours to get her utilities turned back on.  It's not right!!!! I could go on and on with more example's but Im afraid I may bore you all to death...any suggestions for a peaceful resolution would be wonderful!!!! Thanks, God Bless, GoDiVa35
i feel bad for your family hon. i can't believe your kids are not welcomed to the house that you pay for. even though they take care of the yard work. the bil is a piece of work. acting like it is his property and he and mil pay no bills. by now i would have flipped my lid and the bil and mil also hubby would get cussed out so bad they would be speechless after hearing me act like a sailor. my husband knows i do not particularly care for his siblings. my husband was raised in forster care system and he has had his ups and downs and just stopped drinking. his family thinks they are better than him and talk to him terrible as if it was his fault the parents had kids they could not take care of. my husband knows his siblings will catch a bad one from me. as for his mama if she was to act like your mil she would not be above catching a bad one also. keep your head up hon and you may have to talk to hubby a little more. these people mean you and your husband no good. this kind of behavior is sick, selfish, and self centered. these people have no pride or morals.
 
June 13, 2007, 6:31 am CDT

06/11 Mega Moochers

Quote From: tjones1968

After watching the show tonight I'm so afraid that I'm going to wind up like those parents if I don't stop this cycle with my 18 year old son. He was kicked out of school at age 16 while living with my mother. Then once his violent temper and lack of respect for anyone else got him kicked out of there, he moved out to my grandmothers house and she spent more than 30K in one year on replacing engines in his truck, paying off his hot checks, debts and fines. He totalled her pick up, wrecked and ruined her car while his was getting the second and third motor put in, all at her expense. I couldn't get her to break the cycle until February of this year. She gave him $500 and told him to leave (like she'd done a thousand times before) but this time she finally let me help her. I'll be damned if he wasn't out of money and sleeping in his truck within a week. Then he wound up calling me wanting to come stay with me (which I knew it was coming) so he could get a fresh start and get on his feeet. He avoided coming to me for as long as he could because he knew that out of the three of us (mom, me and grandma) I was the toughest. I tried to be strong and strict so I wrote out a contract with him that stated the house rules and how long he was going to be here. The child has never held a job for more than 3 months but I thought that he really wanted to change. WRONG! He just wanted to CHANGE LOCATIONS! Different town, same bull!. Smoking pot, finding jobs only to see how fast he can lose them and then making excuses as to why he can't find or keep a job. He was diagnosed in January with Bi-polar disorder but insists that the doctor was a "quack" and he only went to satisfy my grandmother(and stay in the house).  He can't even get into the service because of open warrants for hot checks that my grandmother didn't pay off in time. He has a temper that is plain SCARY! Puts his fist through walls, breaks things, loves to fight, yells and curses. He steals, cheats and lies but then he can turn around and be the sweetest person you've ever met. He has a personality that is fabulous when the beast is under control. Believe it or not, NOTHING IS EVER HIS FAULT!  How's that for rational? He wants to be a model but he doesn't want to work for it. He's determined that he will win the lottery. He thinks he should get a job that will make him thousands of dollars a week but feels he shouldn't have to work his way up or earn it. He has NO CONTROL over money. If he has it, he spends it! If he doesn't have it, he steals it...and then spends it. He then exclaims that this is "Just the way I am". Oh, and did I mention he's apparently from Missouri (the show me state) He doesn't believe it unless he sees it and will tell you straight up that he has to learn the hard way, his way!  I have no idea what to do with him other than put him out on the streets and pray he lives through it. BTW, he tells me that he isn't afraid to sleep in his truck as if this is a threat to me. WHAT CAN I DO? How can I get through that thick stubborn, disrespectful, thieving, lying self absorbed brain of his?

As mean as it sounds, Let him sleep in his truck, and don't keep any money around for him to take, and if he "Has to learn the hard way " then let him.

As a Mom I feel for you, I really do, but there comes a time where we have to let them fly on their own, whether we like it or not, and eventually they have to grow up and assume responsibility for themselves and their actions, NONE of us want to see our kids on the streets, or doing things that are illegal, and we do want to help them, but sometimes we just can't, they have to find out for themselves.

We parents aren't the "Innocents" in these situations.  Many times we look back and say "OMG, I coddled him way too much ", or "I let them get away with too much ", or I didn't teach them to be self sufficient, " As parents our primary responsibility is to raise them to be productive, but we want them to have everything we didn't, and we are way too protective now, Failure is a teacher.

But, if he's getting violent, that's a Deal Breaker, and really why should you have to put up with his tantrums ? Really though has he been assesed by a professional ? Has he always been this way or is it a recent thing ?  I don't want you to feel guilty, but this could go deeper, it may not, that could be used for barganing, he has to seek medical attention because you think there might be something more going on, or he leaves until he is WILLING to get help.  All of us can be sweet and charming when its good for us, and if we've learned we'll get what we want, and we can all be absolutly HORRID if we think that people will be intimidated enough to give in.

Look, you obviously love him, and you want him to be successful, that's what I think we all want for our kids, but you have to stop giving into his threats, and as for destrying things, well he should be paying for the damages or fixing them himself otherwise, let him attend "The School of Hard Knocks " for awhile, for some that's the only way they can get it together.

 
June 13, 2007, 9:12 am CDT

The granddaughter had every right...

I was surprised when Dr. Phil asked the sister why it was any of her business what her brother was doing to his 90 something grandfather. We have laws against elder abuse and she has every right to want to protect her grandfather. If some lazy mooch was bleeding my grandfather dry, I would speak up, too.

 

 I used to work for the Department of Health and Welfare. We had a case where an elderly man's druggie son was robbing him blind and no one noticed. He had his father have a garage sale because he said his father would be moving in with  him so he could take care of him. His father had played in a well-known movie and had a lot of memorabilia from that movie. The son sold it. He stole his grandfather's camping trailer and disappeared. Now, the man is homeless. His sister took him in. Finally, they put him in a nursing home. His son returned and took all the man's personal belongings. This is when the man's sister-in-law called elder abuse. When the social workers questioned him as to why he let this poor excuse for a human being rob him, he said he was afraid of him.

 

God bless the granddaughter for caring about her grandfather's well-being and shame on you, Dr. Phil, for questioning her motives.

 
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