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Topic : 01/11 In Search Of …

Number of Replies: 189
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Created on : Friday, January 05, 2007, 10:51:22 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Our parents are among the most pivotal people in our life. They literally shape our minds and our personalities, teach us morals, values, and right from wrong. So when a parent disappears from a child’s world, the loss can result in a life-long quest. Dr. Phil meets two women whose child/parent bond was broken under two separate sets of devastating circumstances. Erica is in search of the man who murdered her mother when Erica was just a toddler. Erica says he tortured her mother, then shot her on the front lawn where she finally died. The man who committed this horrifying crime is Erica's own father! Then, Cressi has a daughter whom she hasn’t seen in nearly 20 years. She says her ex-husband snatched the girl from her home when she was just 8 months old. Did Cressi do everything she could to find her missing child, or does her daughter, Darby, have a right to feel abandoned? You will be amazed at what Dr. Phil finds as he goes in search of these missing loved ones. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 11, 2007, 1:29 pm CST

Bad Advice

Dr. Phil,

 

I had a similar situation in my family. How can you believe the father's side of the family and discount everything that the mother said.

 

I don't believe that the grandmother was telling the truth at all!

 

My brother had his child kidnapped and he searched for over a year befor he found him. He hired a private detective. Fortunately, our family had the money to spend on a private detective.

 

I didn't think that it was fair of you to ask women who had been through this woman's experience what they would have done. It's very easy to sit in the audience and judge this woman, but who among us has been through what she's gone through?

 

It's very easy to change a child's name and cover the father's tracks. I do believe that the grandmother witheld information. You should have pressed her a little harder and not have been so hard on Darby's mother.

 

I think that you generally give good advice, but I think that you made things worse for everyone involved.

 

You should have pressed the grandmother harder (e.g. why didn't you give Darby's mom a phone number to contact the father?).

 

I believe that there is more to the story than you've been told by the grandmother.

 

Respectfully,

 

Mark E.

 
January 11, 2007, 1:36 pm CST

Murderers should not be allowed contact with family

Erica's case is a great illustration of why I believe murderers should never be allowed to communicate with family ever again.  It should be taken out of the hands of the family and be the law.  That avoids a lot of guilt placed on family members.  More importantly it sends a strong message that this person is too wrong and too toxic to be allowed ANY influence over others, and any communication is influence.  Children are ALWAYS idealistic and they always tend to place the missing parent on a pedestal of sorts, hoping they are really just unjustly villified, hoping they have remorse when most do not.  All they let themselves in for is disappointment and heartbreak.  I'm glad he wants nothing to do with it.  Why should she even be allowed to let him into her life, at which time she then has to come up with some conviction and justification for why he did what he did so that she can forgive herself for befriending him.  He will likely only manipulate and corrupt her, and that should NOT be her choice.  We need to lock murderers up and keep them away from as many folks as possible.
 
January 11, 2007, 1:46 pm CST

Cressie and daughter Darby

For the 2nd time since Dr.Phil has been on the telly I disagree with some of the things he said and also I disagree with wot the lot of ye are saying as well and if ye want to have a go at me then bloody well bring it on cuz I'm one mick who can hold her own...

!8 yrs ago they did not have the resources that they have today to find a missing loved one,I know this from personal experience,first I tried to find my brother and sister back in 1986 and they were finally located in 2000,then again I tried to find another sibling and that took me another 10 yrs and surprisingly I found her through www.zaba-search.com....now for my own children,I lost custody of my 3 youngest due to the ICWA which I have mentioned on this board before because I am a white parent and they are 1/2 Native American Indian,when I left the rez in 1993 I made darn sure I kept in contact with my kids until their dad hooked up with another white woman,it was her and his side of the family that kept me from speaking with my kids and one day I decided they all could go to hades cuz no matter wot I was going to stay in their lives via post or phone and when I called there the phone had been disconnected so I called his mum,I asked my ex-mother in-law and  where my kids were,she would not tell me and I was beside meself wondering where on earth they had gone to,I tried to rally support from my so-called friends on the rez and they too would tell me nothing,2 yrs went by without a single call or anything to or from my kids because I did  not know where they were,even the tribal police said I had no rights to them and to let it go,yeah right...well the 3rd year I finally got ahold of his older sister and thankgoodness she told me where they were which was Anchorage,Ak,my family help pool money together to get me a airline ticket and 2 wks later I was knocking on their door,my ex mother in-law answered and the look on her face was a kodak moment for me,anyway to finish this story up I finally got to see my children and I did the best I could to explain why I had not been around to them,and I was even kind enough not to slag their father to them but then he made bloody sure that he poisoned them again't me with lies and then he sent them back to the rez,it was another few yrs before i was in contact again,today my son is 20,21 next month and he still loves me but my youngest son who is 17 will not call or anything,my daughter hates me and has made that very clear on her myspace page,so as far as Cressie not trying hard enough to find Darby well tis ye opinions and Dr.Phils,and if Darby is that bitter and hateful then I bet ye anything all those feelings came from her dads family poisening her agains't her mum,been there and now I have made the choice to stay out of my daughters life for good,so ye people who are bashing Cressie well then try being in her shoes,she may not have shown much emotion when asked certain questions or even had a response to wot Darby said about her but then I was the same way and still am but that does not mean she didn't try hard enough to find her daughter.

Tis my cuppance!

 
January 11, 2007, 1:50 pm CST

Cressie and Darby

Quote From: markse

Dr. Phil,

 

I had a similar situation in my family. How can you believe the father's side of the family and discount everything that the mother said.

 

I don't believe that the grandmother was telling the truth at all!

 

My brother had his child kidnapped and he searched for over a year befor he found him. He hired a private detective. Fortunately, our family had the money to spend on a private detective.

 

I didn't think that it was fair of you to ask women who had been through this woman's experience what they would have done. It's very easy to sit in the audience and judge this woman, but who among us has been through what she's gone through?

 

It's very easy to change a child's name and cover the father's tracks. I do believe that the grandmother witheld information. You should have pressed her a little harder and not have been so hard on Darby's mother.

 

I think that you generally give good advice, but I think that you made things worse for everyone involved.

 

You should have pressed the grandmother harder (e.g. why didn't you give Darby's mom a phone number to contact the father?).

 

I believe that there is more to the story than you've been told by the grandmother.

 

Respectfully,

 

Mark E.

Mark,am so glad that ye posted,I too have been in Cressies situation and it is not easy being the absent parent especially when it was the other parent that took the child,and like ye there is a whole lot more to this story than wot is being told!

Good on ye mate for speaking out,Cressie has my support!

 
January 11, 2007, 1:52 pm CST

Wealthy Father got away with murder

Its very difficult to say that word, "Murder" its been 31yrs ago my father killed our mother with 4 bullets to her back.  He had planned the whole ordeal simply due to money, she tried many times to divorce him, but his wealth talked more to the attorneys and judge who never convicted him of this horrible crime, not only did he kill her, he killed another man in our front yard, where us girls were raised and lived for 17 years.  This is like a big fairytale in my mind, too hard to believe,  I am 54 now, I have five children and 8 grandchildren, after my father passed away at the age of 93, I learned to cope with this the best way I knew how, and that was to not talk about it, or to be quiet.  My dad never went to jail, there was never a trial,  too many businessmen in the crocked Louisiana area to keep him out, he recieved so many good character letters for his benefit...Howard Sutton, SR. the big goffer's Dad kept things hidden from my Mom, as my father made this man who he is today. 

What saddens me or the guilt I feel from this is the letter I signed with my sisters, I truly beleive we were acknowledged from this letter and it keep daddy from serving any time..I felt a BIG pressure to sign that letter in order for us girls to be protected for our future assets or this is what we were told by the brother-in-law. There's so much to this story, it could be a movie...

We are in the Oil and Gas Business, my sisters and I own our Oil Company through the help of my brother-in-law, and probably this is the reason we have all kept so quiet....

My heart goes out to Erica, I feel her pain, but what I do see is her father served time for a crime he committed, my father served no jail time and I have issues with this....to me, at least there was consequences made for this bad crime...maybe if my father had some sort of consequences in his life, I wouldn't be feeling so guilty for the fact that my dad got away with murder!

 
January 11, 2007, 1:56 pm CST

Why is she the guilty party??

I don't understand why dr. phil is blaming Cressi?? She wasn't the one who kidnapped Darby. And how does he know that Darby's father didn't tell her the things that she believes?? His family could be telling her for years that her mom abondoned her. Maybe Cressi didn't try as hard as dr phil believes she should've but that doesn't give him the right to attack her. He should be pressing the pt. that Darby's dad took her away f/ her mother and never attempted to forge a bond between them.

 
January 11, 2007, 2:00 pm CST

A NO WIN situation for Mother/Daughter Pt.2

(this is a continuation of my first post b/c the first posting was getting too long)

 

In continuing with my discussion, i believe it is unreasonable that Darby's mother should be made to feel "guilty" b/c she wasn't able to spend every minute of every day looking for her missing daughter without outside assistance.  This does not conclude that she didn't love her daughter, that she stopped caring, or that she didn't want her found.

 

I would like to bring the issue right back to task.  And that is that Darby's father needs to be held accountable for disappearing with the child.  It was his actions, not Darby's mother, that led to this tragic saga!  Why did he feel that he was justified in keeping Darby away from her mother?  I heard no allegations of child abuse made by the grandmother!  Did the father make any abuse claims in court?  Appararently, the court found both parents to be fit at the time because they were awarded joint custody.  Therefore, i'm led to conclude both parties were capable of parenting and Darby was taken by her father and his family out of spite.  Abuse is the only justifiable reason to keep a parent away from their child and i heard no indication of that whatsoever.

 

Darby is the tragic victim in this situation.  I was so sad to hear her comments because it revealed to me just how embittered she has come to feel regarding her mother without ever hearing her mother's side of the story.  And i'm sorry, but i find it hard to believe she reached these conclusions she has regarding her mother without some help from the paternal family that helped to raise her.  If they did help to embitter that poor girl with lies and spite, they should feel ashamed of themselves.  They are morally accountable for that girl's well being... truth, lies, and all and will have to answer to a higher power one day!  I will keep Darby in my prayers and hope that she finds peace one day.  Perhaps, some day she will at least be willing to sit down and give her mother a chance to explain what happened from her end.  Hatred and Bitterness get us nowhere in life it only helps to paralyze us.  And i also think it's important to remember that Darby's mother appears to be a victim as well.  She was denied the right to be a beneficial/intergral part of her daughter's well-being and it was not of her own doing.  Her child was taken away from her she didn't abandoned her.  Unfortunately, that is Darby's perception and her loyalities remain with those who raised her even if they have been deceitful and wrong.  There would never be enough evidence in her eye's justifying why her mom wasn't there for her.  I pray for both mother/daughter!

 
January 11, 2007, 2:07 pm CST

To Darby

Hey Darby, you sound like a strong and smart girl. I don't blame you a bit for the way you feel and you sound right. My advice is to learn forgiveness for your biological mom as a person and maybe someday try to be her friend. I don't blame you for not wanting a relationship with her one bit, thought. You have to remember, as I'm sure you probably do, that your bio mom has serious issues of her own to be the way she was to not try to find you. You must be a horribly unhappy, confused, (and lazy) person to be able to do that. She probably really does love you, but most likely has just never loved herself. I could be wrong, who knows. Stay positive. I'll try to find you on Myspace incase you are not reading this!!! Oh, it looks as though your sis is just kindof ignorant to this situation and seems to not really understand abandonment. She seems sweet though.
 
January 11, 2007, 2:11 pm CST

01/11 In Search Of …

Quote From: markse

Dr. Phil,

 

I had a similar situation in my family. How can you believe the father's side of the family and discount everything that the mother said.

 

I don't believe that the grandmother was telling the truth at all!

 

My brother had his child kidnapped and he searched for over a year befor he found him. He hired a private detective. Fortunately, our family had the money to spend on a private detective.

 

I didn't think that it was fair of you to ask women who had been through this woman's experience what they would have done. It's very easy to sit in the audience and judge this woman, but who among us has been through what she's gone through?

 

It's very easy to change a child's name and cover the father's tracks. I do believe that the grandmother witheld information. You should have pressed her a little harder and not have been so hard on Darby's mother.

 

I think that you generally give good advice, but I think that you made things worse for everyone involved.

 

You should have pressed the grandmother harder (e.g. why didn't you give Darby's mom a phone number to contact the father?).

 

I believe that there is more to the story than you've been told by the grandmother.

 

Respectfully,

 

Mark E.

there may be more to the story, there usually is ...but, the bottom line is that a mother CAN find her child if this is as difficult as it was. it really didn't sound that hard...and if it seemed too hard to her then she was too darn lazy and wasn't thinking of how the child would someday feel thinking that he or she was abandoned. that is a HUGE deal to just blow it off after a few discouraging phone calls, ect. she didn't say anything about continuously having the law enforcement involved, ect. when you love someone you give YOUR ALL.
 
January 11, 2007, 2:11 pm CST

I saw the show...

I think Erica needs to confront her father in order to get some kind of closure. He owes her that much. It should be in a controlled setting. He should be sober. I wonder if he has got enough sense to know that he needs to say that he's sorry? I have a feeling that she's hoping that they might some day have some sort of a relationship.( In fact, I believe she mentioned that.) Stranger things have happened. Somehow, I can't see that happening. As for the mother who claims that she has been actively searching for her daughter, I'm not buying that. I think that now , in the present she wants to have a relationship with Darby. She needs to come clean about everything and go from there.
 
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