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Topic : 01/11 In Search Of …

Number of Replies: 189
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Created on : Friday, January 05, 2007, 10:51:22 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Our parents are among the most pivotal people in our life. They literally shape our minds and our personalities, teach us morals, values, and right from wrong. So when a parent disappears from a child’s world, the loss can result in a life-long quest. Dr. Phil meets two women whose child/parent bond was broken under two separate sets of devastating circumstances. Erica is in search of the man who murdered her mother when Erica was just a toddler. Erica says he tortured her mother, then shot her on the front lawn where she finally died. The man who committed this horrifying crime is Erica's own father! Then, Cressi has a daughter whom she hasn’t seen in nearly 20 years. She says her ex-husband snatched the girl from her home when she was just 8 months old. Did Cressi do everything she could to find her missing child, or does her daughter, Darby, have a right to feel abandoned? You will be amazed at what Dr. Phil finds as he goes in search of these missing loved ones. Talk about the show here.

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January 11, 2007, 2:12 pm CST

Any news info...

Does anyone know where I can get news info about the story of Mark murdering his wife?  I missed most of the show and would like to read a history behind the case.  Thanks!
 
January 11, 2007, 2:13 pm CST

01/11 In Search Of …

Quote From: jaimie1974

I wanted to believe Cressie so much, but it was just too odd that she had NO emotion at all! As a mother, hearing that my child didn't believe that I was looking for her all those years would have ripped me apart. It was just very, very fishy.
yes, she seems very emotionally detached. i sensed that it is something that she wishes she could get passed, but is just too detached or something....or maybe just in denial.
 
January 11, 2007, 2:16 pm CST

THANK YOU Dr. Phil!

Thank you Dr.Phil for nailing Darby's mom today. She seems like a nice person, but you are right about her mistakes and she needs to FACE THEM and quit being in denial and lazy about this situation!
 
January 11, 2007, 2:18 pm CST

Darby and Cressi

Dr. Phil,

 

   While I do agree I would have had detectives etc locating my child, I dont think you showed how intimidating family members can be in with holding information on a child is being kept.    I have a friend whose two children were taken from her by the father.   The family did have information  on where they were.   Untill another relative passed away and a large inheritance was eminate did they reveal where the children were.    This cat and mouse game went on for 15 years.    My question is where did the grandmother feel she had the right to with hold where the child was.   My son is divorced and I would love for him to have custody, but believe  me no matter how I feel about the mother she is still the childs mother and has every right to be his mother.   As a grandmother who loves her grandchild more than anything I work with my son to share some wisdom to make the exchange of his visits as secure as possible.   He is very young and even when things come up that  Iam concerned about we talk it over and I encourage him to discuss the situation with his ex wife.   The child does not get divorced  and has the right to be loved by many family members.   We all need to be a team to make him feel loved and secure.

 

    Anyway I feel the grandmother should have been made more accountable to give information on where the child was.

 

Judy

 

 
January 11, 2007, 2:19 pm CST

Displaced Anger?

I think Dr. Phil really missed the mark regarding the girl kidnapped from her mother. He should be aware that the girl cannot bear to hold her father, his girlfriend and his family for taking her mother away from her. They are the only family she knows and it is too painful for her to hold them responsible for her abduction and for keeping her away from her mom and sisters. Is she angry at her dad for the abduction? At the court for not looking for her mother but instead placing her with her aunt and uncle? Does she also blame her older sister for breaking away from her father during the kidnapping and not taking her? Get real. You know what's going on. Surely it would make good television to have the girl on alone and see how out of control you can spin it.
 
January 11, 2007, 2:20 pm CST

Seriously

Quote From: familymatters1

Hello.  I happened to watch the show today and was very moved by both stories.  However, i felt the need to comment on the story regarding Darby and her mother.  My position is to advocate for not only Darby but her mother as well.  Why?  Because this mother seems to be taking alot of blame/heat for her daughter's disappearence regarding her search methods or lack thereof.  Personally, i find this argument to be a highly emotional response in a sitution that addresses motherhood and the unrealistic expectations that i feel can be placed on the role at times.

 

I'll begin by stating that my perception on society and how it views motherhood is frustrating to me at times.  On one end, it can be perceived as a very beautiful and fullfilling role but there's the other extreme.  I think we tend to forget that mothers are human beings not mini-gods.  They don't always have the answers and sometimes situations are out of their control when it concerns their children.  They DON'T have the power to prevent or protect their children from everything.   I think Darby's situation is one of these examples.

 

Darby's mother is human.  Is it possible that she could have done more in her search for her daughter?  Yes, it is likely.  However, let's air on the side of logic for a moment and not emotion or the "IDEAL" that a mother is suppose to always know what to do when it comes to her child/children.  I think it's perfectly logical to assume that Darby's mother went through bouts of depression, periods of doubt, and times she put more of her energy into raising her other children and making a living to support herself and her family.  The logical reality is that people need to work to make a living and put energy into spending time with the family in their lives.  They can not realisticlly be expected to drop everything in their lives and go on a non-stop search because of an IDEAL (A Mother should do whatever it takes)!  While this ideal holds value, it has to be done within realistic boundries not hot-headed emotion.  Because sadly, ideals may help to motivate but ideals don't pay the bills, they don't make sure your other children are being cared for in your absence, and they don't guarantee success in any search.  Also, was this single mother capable of paying the price of a Private Investigator?  Did she know how to search and more importantly did she have any assistance?  Because there are authorities/FBI searches that continue on for years that deal with parental abductions and the children remain uncovered for long periods.  And they have access to way more resources to conduct searches!  Therefore, short of a miracle and being in the right place at the right time how was this mother suppose to conduct the "perfect" search that would have led to the recovery of her daughter?

 

(continued in next post)............. 

 

 

I am a mother myself and let me say this.  I would march my @$$ up to his mother's house with a weapon of any sort to force her to tell me where my child is.  I would never stop, it would never be enough.  You gave birth to that child and someone ripped them from your arms, just a baby.  I love my daughter more then I love my very next breath.  It wouldn't be that simple to me.  I believe Darby.

 
January 11, 2007, 2:24 pm CST

take everything with a grain of salt

Quote From: halfpintclown

Thank you for sharing this... my Mom has told me for years that if I had had the opportunity to know my father, that he would have broken my heart. I didn't believe her for years... but as I age, I realize that she is probably right.... we live thinking that we are the only people in the world who have gone through something like this... so thank you for sharing and letting me know that Mom was probably right. 
My half-sister had been told that for years about our father by her mother.  Her mother did it just to get back at our father and make his daughter (I don't consider her my sister because I never really got to know here) not want anything to do with him.  Sometimes children are used in harmful ways against adults.  She (the ex) had even apologized to my father for it last year, but that was because she saw how much the daughter's wedding was going to cost.  We always get calls when money is needed.  My father had given up his rights when the ex got re-married and the new husband wanted my dad out of the picture completely.  So, yes, sometimes it is for the best to not meet a lost parent, and sometimes they are cut out for a good reason.  But at the same time, sometimes it's done out of spite.  Although he's a nuissance at times, my dad would do anything for me and for her, if she would have anything to do with us. 
 
January 11, 2007, 2:29 pm CST

Cressie

Quote From: ksueditz

I don't understand why dr. phil is blaming Cressi?? She wasn't the one who kidnapped Darby. And how does he know that Darby's father didn't tell her the things that she believes?? His family could be telling her for years that her mom abondoned her. Maybe Cressi didn't try as hard as dr phil believes she should've but that doesn't give him the right to attack her. He should be pressing the pt. that Darby's dad took her away f/ her mother and never attempted to forge a bond between them.

I agree with ye 100%,I posted earlier on this topic and forgot to mention that my own sperm donor did the same thing with me,my mum lost me when i was 5 yrs old,she didn't find me again until I was 12,even the military would not help my mum,he was Air Force....my sperm donor told me many horrible things about my mum and I BELIEVED him,then I come to find out yrs later so many bad things about him but that is a whole new show!
 
January 11, 2007, 2:30 pm CST

Cold Case Files on A&E

Quote From: wildheart4vr

I was three years old when my father died from a supposed suicide. The day we were taken away from my parents by CPS was the same day he SUPOSSEDLY killed himself. Only two days after his death and our removal we were taken to his funeral by social workers and then taken back to our foster homes. We spent about 2 years in foster homes while my grandfather and grandmother negotiated with the courts to get all of us together and returned to their home. In 1976 we were finally reunited and I started preschool soon after.

 

My grandparents meaning well tried to lie about why he died and told us he died from a heart attack. My mom lived with us for a short time but ditched us when I was 7 when she figured out my grandparents had a handle on the situation. We never saw her or heard from her for five years. My grandfather started molesting me when I was 10 and at the age of 15 I had the confrontation to end all confrontations with him, he trashed my room and called me a whore out in the back yard while I was hanging laundry up. I had no choice but to run away that day and took drastic measures to make sure that was the last time I saw my grandfather. I did the unthinkable and threatened to kill myself in front of my HS counselor who was out for a walk that evening when I found her.

 

Between the time I was 12 and 15 my mom had been talking to us sporadically and I thought she was going to finally be responsible. NOT. When I was 16 I talked to a social worker who knew the case when I was three and he told me that my dad did kill himself.

 

I started to pursue my own unofficial investigation and found some unsettling things that to this day lead me tobelieve that there was foul play involved. To this day I honestly believe my mom killed my father. My grandfather at that time ordered everything with my dads blood on it to be burned, and there was a half written suicide note found in his pocket.

 

Last year I found a scrap book of my fathers haphazardly left somewhere in my grandfathers house and took it home. I called my mom and asked her why she never told me about this or if she knew about it why she knowingly and willfully withheld this vital piece of my father from me. All she could do is say 'Your father wasn't the saint you think he is,' I asked her why she said that and she said he kept wanting more kids and I didnt want any and didnt even want the four I had. She mentioned certain things about making her act a certain way in front of the customers and my fathers sister attacking her one day. When I talked with my aunts they all say that it never happened. They were all there on the day in question.

 

She also mentioned something about having to go into a mental hospital after his death. I would like to find out which one and see if she is telling the truth on that.

 

Pardon my language for a moment but I got the ulitmate mind **** early on in my childhood. I lost my father and my brothers and my home all in the course of one day. We were removed from the home because of my moms negligent abuse.

 

If you or your staff or Robin read this I ask that you please consider taking this case on even though it is a cold case. I want to find out what really happened while my grandfather and mom are still alive and can be put to a lie detector test. If it turns out they are innocent no harm no foul if not then I will have them prosecuted. I need to know what happened so I can finally put my fathers memory to rest.

 

Thank you for reading this.

 

Joe C* in Topeka Ks 

Joe,

Just wanted to let you know that you can check out the web site "Cold Case Files" on the A&E Channel. Simply submit all of the information that you have including names, dates and people involved. Include all contact information for yourself. All police reports are a matter of public record. The investigative files will probably not be included. Witnesses should include family, friends, and even neighbors. It is very seldom that law enforcement detectives forget such a case. And generally, they appreciate the opportunity to make a difference on National TV. A&E is your best bet. In addition, I am so sorry that you were victimized twice by being subjected to the Child Welfare/Protective services. Good luck in the pursuit of the truth.

Kim in SA

 
January 11, 2007, 2:32 pm CST

It's Erica from the show

Quote From: preraph

Erica's case is a great illustration of why I believe murderers should never be allowed to communicate with family ever again.  It should be taken out of the hands of the family and be the law.  That avoids a lot of guilt placed on family members.  More importantly it sends a strong message that this person is too wrong and too toxic to be allowed ANY influence over others, and any communication is influence.  Children are ALWAYS idealistic and they always tend to place the missing parent on a pedestal of sorts, hoping they are really just unjustly villified, hoping they have remorse when most do not.  All they let themselves in for is disappointment and heartbreak.  I'm glad he wants nothing to do with it.  Why should she even be allowed to let him into her life, at which time she then has to come up with some conviction and justification for why he did what he did so that she can forgive herself for befriending him.  He will likely only manipulate and corrupt her, and that should NOT be her choice.  We need to lock murderers up and keep them away from as many folks as possible.
First of all i would like to say my father is really not suppose to be with in 100 yards of me due to his parole stipulation. We had to go though allot to make this happen. Second of all i don't have to justify anything i do or fill guilty for anything i want out of him. No matter what he did he still id my father and i cant change that. I grew up with out a father or a mother I know ill never see my mother again but what about my father. Just stay tuned for the show when we actually met face to face.
 
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