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Topic : 06/12 Marriage Deal-Breakers

Number of Replies: 379
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Created on : Friday, January 12, 2007, 02:21:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 1/16/07) Rules, stipulations, conditions and ultimatums -- not exactly romantic pillow talk, but when it comes to marriage, what qualifies as a deal-breaker? Shane and Nikki got married four months ago. Nikki says that three days into their honeymoon, Shane told her that he wasn't sure he loved her enough to be married. He says he will give the marriage a six- to 12-month trial, and if it doesn't work, he's out. Nikki says there is no way she will stay in a trial marriage. Why did Shane marry Nikki in the first place? And, should Nikki wait for him to make a decision, or should she cut her losses and get out now? Then, Daniel and Debra are engaged and planning to get married in October, but Daniel says he's ready to call off the wedding if Debra doesn't stop asking him, "Do I look fat?" A recovering bulimic now weighing 100 pounds, Debra says she wants Daniel to support her recovery, and he is wrong to postpone the wedding. When Dr. Phil shows them a video of a previous anorexic guest, will Daniel and Debra change their outlook? Is there hope for this couple to make it down the aisle? Tell us!

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 15, 2007, 12:05 pm CST

Trial marriage -- what?!

These two are obviously very immature, no matter what their ages. I think they should get the marriage annuled now! or get a lot of counseling.  I wonder if she thinks that once her "trial period" is over, everything will be okay. Guess what? I think, if they stay married, their whole life will be one trial after another; and she'll just keep thinking that when "this one is over" things will be okay. Wake up sweetie! You deserve better than a lifetime of "trial periods".  I spent 30 years of my life waiting for things to get better before he left me for another woman.
 
January 15, 2007, 12:14 pm CST

smile someone loves ya

Quote From: our4sons

"Real love is easy, simple, pure, and lasts forever. "

 

Again, not realistic. A sweet notion but certainly not a fact.

It is realistic, absolutely true, and a fact. If it isn't it's not love. If I am wrong why don't people fall out of love with their children? Because it's real love, not some hormone driven delusion.
 
January 15, 2007, 12:14 pm CST

That's right

Quote From: bear_ta

Don't whine about it do something!

Kick him out.

Leave.

Have a bonfire with is pot.

Get angry.

Fight for your life; no one else will.

There are no chains on you.   

You stay because you want to.

I agree with you. It might be hard, but this woman needs to get a backbone and get the heck out of that hell. She's not being a good mom by keeping those kids with that man! That's abuse and neglect, just as bad as if she were beating them! She has a responsibility as the mother to get those kids into a better situation. GET HELP, LADY!!! And get evidence first. Get some tape and video recordings of what goes on in that house. Keep a good diary of his actions. You want something more than just your word against his when it comes time for court. Go out and collect pop cans and save the money where he won't find it; clean house for cash; take charge!
 
January 15, 2007, 12:20 pm CST

01/16 Marriage Deal-Breakers

Quote From: our4sons

"Real love is easy, simple, pure, and lasts forever. "

 

Again, not realistic. A sweet notion but certainly not a fact.

I agree with you totally. The deeper you get into someone else's life, and the deeper that commitment gets the less "simple" it is.

I've been with my husband for 8 years now, and our love is not easy, simple, pure and we don't know if it will last forever...we want it to, we hope it does, but we aren't so arrogant as to assume we know our love will last forever.

Our love is as complicated as the two of us are...


 
January 15, 2007, 12:21 pm CST

01/16 Marriage Deal-Breakers

Quote From: bear_ta

It is realistic, absolutely true, and a fact. If it isn't it's not love. If I am wrong why don't people fall out of love with their children? Because it's real love, not some hormone driven delusion.
LOL, you cannot compare love with your children to love with a spouse...talk about apples and oranges!
 
January 15, 2007, 12:22 pm CST

It's always us...

Quote From: our4sons

I you find that loving someone is "simple", you're likely not doing enough. It takes work to get to know, respect & choose to honor someone while being there for them though the thick & thin, diapers & in-laws, layoffs & successes.

 

It shouldn't be so hard you doubt yourself or your spouse so much you want to leave but it's an unrealistic dream to think it's "simple" to truly love someone.

Not doing enough? I don't understand that. It takes no work at all to respect and honour my husband. I am happily married, and in love with my husband. It's always been simple and easy to love him. I'm sorry for anyone that has to work at something that is supposed to be so joyful. It's the one thing in life you shouldn't have to work at. Work is a four letter word, and usually isn't any fun at all.
 
January 15, 2007, 12:32 pm CST

why complicate a simple thing

Quote From: mclemley

Love may be simple, but marriage centainly is not!  Whoever thinks so is fooling him or her self. I can see a LOT of breakups/divorces ahead for this person. LOL.

Love is so simple, so is marriage. I feel sorry for people that don't get it. I feel sorry for people that are unable to feel happy for others because they are not. Maybe if marriage is difficult for you you're not with the right person. My parents are still in love and happily married too. They never worked at marriage either. They were meant for each other and that is all there is too it.

 
January 15, 2007, 12:54 pm CST

01/16 Marriage Deal-Breakers

Quote From: bear_ta

Not doing enough? I don't understand that. It takes no work at all to respect and honour my husband. I am happily married, and in love with my husband. It's always been simple and easy to love him. I'm sorry for anyone that has to work at something that is supposed to be so joyful. It's the one thing in life you shouldn't have to work at. Work is a four letter word, and usually isn't any fun at all.
Well, maybe this is just a big old semantics debate then. Consider yourself lucky. The rest of us in the world do have to work at relationships...even the happy ones like mine.

My relationship is very deep, and very intense...happy, but yes, there is work. That work is part of the joy as the two of us get to understand each other fully.

Maybe your relationship isn't that deep? Maybe?
 
January 15, 2007, 12:57 pm CST

01/16 Marriage Deal-Breakers

Quote From: bear_ta

Love is so simple, so is marriage. I feel sorry for people that don't get it. I feel sorry for people that are unable to feel happy for others because they are not. Maybe if marriage is difficult for you you're not with the right person. My parents are still in love and happily married too. They never worked at marriage either. They were meant for each other and that is all there is too it.

Well this is your opinion and your opinion is not fact. I find BEAUTY in the work..I am happy in it because it means that neither one of us is compromising WHO WE ARE in order to be in a relationship.

Like I said before, maybe you are LUCKY...so consider that and quit judging every other marriage against your perfect one.
 
January 15, 2007, 2:13 pm CST

01/16 Marriage Deal-Breakers

Quote From: bear_ta

Not doing enough? I don't understand that. It takes no work at all to respect and honour my husband. I am happily married, and in love with my husband. It's always been simple and easy to love him. I'm sorry for anyone that has to work at something that is supposed to be so joyful. It's the one thing in life you shouldn't have to work at. Work is a four letter word, and usually isn't any fun at all.

Work can be fun if you choose properly :)

 

True love includes respect for your mate, understanding & cooperation as well as compromise. It takes effort to compromise sometimes, it takes effort to understand sometimes & it takes effort to cooperate soemtimes. With that effort you are likely to build the real respect that is needed for true love. It's nice & "fun" to be "in love" but real love, the one that will take you through the rough times as well as the good, can & does take effort. Effort is a good thing when it is done for the right reasons.

 

I believe I understand the point you are attempting to make but it is a far too general one that doesn't take real life situations that will & do happen into account. Real love isn't just sweet & fun, it's work at times. But it is the best work you can get if you are blessed enough to be graced with it .

 
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